Chapter Text
Aren't you tired of going through the motions?
Is the daily grind meant to dull the mind?
Despite the fact that Rumi hadn’t been working on anything for Huntr/x because of their three-month hiatus, she still had plenty of stuff to do. After all, moving into a new apartment was difficult, not to mention doing it alone. It was okay, though. Rumi liked the work. It was a nice distraction. She kept herself busy with the endless tasks that come with living in a house by yourself.
I sense a window somewhere closing
Somewhere in the world that I just have to find
Zoey and Mira had reached out to Rumi a good few times. Something about helping her unpack, but Rumi always refused. There was no way they actually wanted to see her after they found out she had been a half-demon the whole time. They were probably lying so that they could lure Rumi closer and then yell at her. Or worse, do what they should have done that night, and kill her.
But a part of Rumi wondered what would happen if they weren’t lying. Surely they would get tired of asking Rumi in the face of constant refusal, and shut her out entirely. It was only a matter of time before the girl who thought she had lost all chances of having friends lost the additional chance she didn’t even know she had.
The days blur together
I watch the ceiling buckle, the walls are closing in
Rumi’s brain was constantly on autopilot, not paying attention to what was going on around her. She just worked, and worked, and worked some more. Meanwhile, her life was crumbling around her. She was miserable 24/7, and she desperately wanted someone who understood her. Rumi received numerous texts from Celine, though she stopped looking at what they said after the first few. They were always something about how they might be able to convince Zoey and Mira she wasn’t actually a demon, or how there was a chance that they could kill the demon half of her. It made Rumi sick.
There's a black hole in the living room floor
I keep trying to ignore, but it's growing
She tried to ignore the loneliness she felt, loneliness at not having anyone anymore. Though Rumi had never gotten too close to Zoey and Mira, thanks to Celine’s constant reminders that she had to hide her “demon half”, the absence of their playful bickering and soft smiles left a hole in her chest. Mira and Zoey also said that she was a workaholic and didn’t know how to have fun, but Rumi disagreed.
If love is just a chemical reaction
Is there a pill to take? Something to quell this ache?
Not to mention Jinu. The only one who understood her. Gone. Rumi tried not to think about him too much, because every time she did, she started crying. Still, it was hard to forget. And the stupid looking tiger and weird bird had left too, though Rumi sometimes saw the latter glaring at her through the window. She didn’t know what it wanted, but assumed it was mad at her for letting Jinu die. That would be justified.
Is this the real thing or a distraction?
Is it worth the risk? My life would dеtonate
Late one night, she stared at her phone, blue light shining on her face. She kept reading a text from Mira.
“we miss you”
Surely Mira wasn’t being genuine. There was no way. After reading it for probably the twentieth time, trying to decide if Mira was telling the truth or not, she turned off her phone and went to sleep. Mira hated demons. It wasn’t worth the risk.
The weeks blur togethеr
I watch the ceiling buckle, the walls are closing in
Rumi didn’t know how much time had passed. She had no idea when the hiatus would end, and she would be forced to see Zoey and Mira again. And that terrified her. Rumi hated not knowing things, especially not something as important as this. She really, really wanted to text her friends, though this desire was outmatched by all the voices in her head telling her what would happen if she did. They’ll abandon you for good, she told herself, Just like Celine said they would.
There's a black hole in the living room floor
I keep trying to ignore, but it's growing
But Rumi was so, so lonely. It nagged at her every moment of every day, most of all when she was about to sleep. She even cried herself to sleep sometimes. She was grateful Celine couldn’t see. One particular night, Rumi was lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, and was imagining how her reunion with the other members of Huntr/x might go, if it went well, which it wouldn’t.
I'm on my way to your house, I can't wait anymore
I'm pulling in the driveway, I'm standing on your porch
Rumi paused. What would happen if Zoey and Mira did want to see her again? She sighed. Better not give herself false hope.
My knuckles hesitate an inch away from the door
What happens when it opens?
Everything would come crashing down once Rumi saw them again. She just knew it.
Even in my fantasy, I can't commit to believing
That I'll get what I want, I'm afraid of what I want
Rumi was sure that Zoey and Mira would hate her. That was what Celine kept telling her, and why wouldn’t they? They had been trained to hate demons, to kill demons. Sure, they had sung together, and created a new Honmoon, but that was only to save the world. Now that there weren’t any lives at stake, they would go back to hating Rumi.
As they should.
Even in my fantasy, I keep the car running
In case I need to take off
If Rumi did go and see Zoey and Mira, she would need some kind of escape plan for when they tried to kill her, or if she just needed to run away. Even if her life wasn’t in danger, she would want to be able to get away quickly.
After hours of not falling asleep, going over a potential plan to see her friends, Rumi opened her phone, and scrolled on social media until she saw the sunrise. Rumi was sick and tired of thinking.
The months blur together
The deadline for their hiatus had come and gone, but Rumi still hadn’t seen anyone. Other than a text from Zoey saying that the hiatus had been extended, thanks to Bobby’s efforts, it was radio silence from everyone, including Rumi. At least Bobby was compassionate, though. She was always grateful to have him as her manager.
I watch the ceiling buckle
I wonder when it's caving in
There was only so much more of this before Rumi completely broke down. She had gotten past the stage of crying all the time, and now she didn’t feel anything. It was almost worse. Every day was the same, doing her routines with robotic autonomy. Rumi always liked schedules and predictability, but now she was desperate for anything else.
The question was, how desperate?
There's a black hole in the living room floor
I keep standing on the edge and looking in
As the days went by, she started to picture herself actually seeing Zoey and Mira again. Nothing realistic, but pretending that everything was great was the only source of happiness Rumi had the guts to do.
And on the other side is another life
A version of me with a spark in her eyes that I don't have
In these fantasies, everyone was happy, and Rumi couldn’t help the pang in her chest at the thought. Rumi had never let herself fully be happy, because there was always a song to rehearse, demons to kill, or some other thing to worry about, on top of everything else.
And now she's laughing
And it's killing me that I cannot see what's making her laugh
From where I'm standing
Zoey and Mira were always laughing about something, but Rumi didn’t pay attention often, and only offered a half-hearted giggle before she resumed her work.
But in her dream, they would laugh, and sing, and do all sorts of joyful things together, with no one ever getting mad. Rumi wanted to know why they were laughing. She wanted to be as happy as she was in those fantasies.
And I have to know, so I'm going in
I'm going in
Rumi had enough of being lonely and miserable, and it was one day, eating the same breakfast she ate every day and not paying attention to the TV she had put on to dull the noise of her mind, that she decided the risk of her friends hating her wasn’t as bad as how she felt right then and there.
Let's try this again
Rumi turned off the TV, set down her plate on the coffee table, not bothering to put it away, and sprinted over to the nearest mirror, making sure she looked presentable. She did not.
Rumi rushed to the bathroom and applied some fairly sloppy makeup, just enough to make it look like she wasn't incapacitated by criplling sadness, and was out the door in about fifteen minutes. Her hands were too shaky to do anything intricate, and she didn’t want to chicken out of seeing Zoey and Mira.
I'm on my way to your house, guided by the stars
The city was so familiar to Rumi that she barely had to pay attention as she drove to the penthouse, instead focusing on how not terrible everything was going to go. It’ll be great, she assured herself, And if it isn’t, at least you’ll know.
Rumi liked knowing what people thought of her.
I'm pulling in the driveway, I'm turning off the car
As the car doors locked, Rumi thought, No running away this time.
I'm running to your porch, I'm sprinting up the stairs
Rumi hesitated just a little, pulling down the sleeves of her sweater before she took a deep breath, knocking on the door.
The door swings open and you're standing there
It was opened almost immediately by Zoey, who’s face, upon seeing Rumi, lit up. She turned around to shout, “Mira! Come here!”
“Coming.” Mira grumbled from the other room.
You're beaming down at me, you're reaching out for me
Mira walked over, saw Rumi, and froze. She then ran over, shoving Zoey aside, and smiled.
You pull me in your arms and I feel your heart pounding
They both hugged Rumi at the same time. Hard. She squeezed back in return, feeling all three of their hearts beating faster than she thought was possible.
I take a step back to catch my breath
Eventually, Rumi pulled away to regain her composure, though she wasn’t happy about it. She wanted to hold on to her friends and never let go again.She hadn’t realized just how much she had missed the other members of Huntr/x. Missed everything .
And we look at each other and double over
And laugh, and laugh, and laugh
Rumi looked at her friends, just a little bit nervous.
“I can’t believe you’re back.” Mira said quietly.
Rumi smiled anxiously, Zoey giggled, and soon the three of them were all laughing. Rumi smiled so much her cheeks hurt. Mira was hunched over and possibly crying. Rumi hoped it was tears of laughter.
Celine was wrong, she thought to herself, they still love me.
I guess I was wrong as well.