Chapter Text
The last few races of the season went by in a blur and suddenly they were in Abu Dhabi, Steve driving a Formula One car for the last time of his career. Bucky went through the motions of the weekend, trying really hard to forget that this would be the last race he’s ever going to do with Steve as a teammate. That revealed itself to be quite a complicated endeavor, its hard to forget your teammate’s last race when it is the only thing everyone seems to talk about.
“So, James” Bucky hated when people called him by his government name. Even his parents dropped it, why were journalists and FIA officials so hellbent on still using it? “How do you feel knowing that after today you won’t be teammates with Steve Rogers anymore?”
Bucky wanted to scream. He wanted to punch the walls, wanted to show everyone how he truly felt thinking about the fact that he’ll be alone on the grid after this last race. He let his extensive media training took over instead.
“It feels weird to be honest, I’ve been racing on the same grid as this guy since our karting days, can you imagine? Even if he went through the junior Formulas way faster than me, it’s the first time I have to deal with the fact that I’ll probably never race with him again, even though I’m still on the grid you know?” he gives the journalists a small smile, hiding his pain behind it, hoping it doesn’t bleed through. “I’m still focused on the sessions ahead, and I hope this can be a beautiful last race for us. Thank you.”
He left the interview pen and headed to the motorhome to prepare the weekend ahead. The routine was easy to follow, comforting, he could throw himself into work and forget about what was about to come.
The free practices went by easily, Steve dominating them like he often did, Bucky close second and the rest of the grid varying depending on the session.
Q1. It’s the easiest part of the session, not getting to Q2 would be insanely embarrassing for a Mercedes driver in a championship winning car. Bucky didn’t take any unnecessary risks, securing a stop in the upper top ten a few seconds before checkered flag.
Q2. Things got slightly trickier, Q3 should be an easy goal to reach but incidents can arrive really easily. This thought was proven right when he saw the screens flashing red and Rhodey, his engineer, came on the radio. “Red flag, Mclaren in the wall at turn 7.
-Is everyone okay?
-Yup, all good, Parker got out of the car okay, back to the pits please.”
Bucky winced, he liked that Parker kid, he was a promising rookie and it sucked that he was the one that crashed. He slowly made his way to the pits, checking out the rankings as he went. He was pretty secure in the top ten but would probably need another lap just to be sure. Steve was at the top of the time sheet, but on second place. Sam was first. Huh.
It wasn’t all that surprising, Bucky knew Sam was one hell of a good driver, having fought with him on track a few times and seeing his performances race after race. Also, Mercedes doesn’t sign just anyone, and if Sam got chosen it meant that he was truly one of the best. However, the McLaren car of that year wasn’t a great qualifier, having much better race pace than quali pace. Sam must’ve found something in car, and that made Bucky curious to see how the race of the session would go.
He stayed in his car for the entire duration of the red flag, trying to stay focused on what was ahead. The rest of Q2 went by fast and he got into Q3.
Q3. All to play for. Maximum speed, maximum risks, minimum fuel, the car reaching its peak performance. It was Bucky’s favorite part of the weekend, trying to find the last hundredths the car could give him, pushing to the limits of what his body and his machine could do, it was exhilarating. He also happened to be quite a good qualifier, being on the front row more often than not, managing to do magical laps even when it didn’t seem possible.
That day wasn’t any different, he was focused on the task ahead. Hearing the car roar as he pushed on the throttle, the G-forces pulling him in the corners as he drove on the kerb, hitting the apex every single turn. Not a single mistake was made, that was a good one, he knew it.
“And that’s pole! Congratulations Bucky, after the cool down you can go park in front of the P1 sign.”
Bucky grinned in his helmet. That might be one of the greatest feelings ever.
“Steve P3-“ Oh. That was new.
“Who’s P2?
-You would know if you waited a few more seconds, geez.” Bucky could hear the smile in his engineer’s voice. “Wilson P2.” That was interesting.
He parked the car in front of the P1 sign and took a few seconds to take everything in before getting out. He took in a deep breath before unbuckling his harness and removing his helmet. He got out of his car and came face to face with Steve, he could see his smile reaching his eyes even with the helmet on. He went in for a quick hug before heading to the scaled to get weighed with all his gear on. When heading back to the stand to remove, he came across Sam, who gave him a pat on the shoulder, while heading to get weighed as well.
He removed his helmet and all his gear before gulping down his bottle of water. Abu Dhabi had no business being this hot in December.
Once the media duties and strategic meetings were over, Bucky could finally take a breather. He let himself fall backwards on his bed and laid there for a few minutes, feeling the exhaustion of the day sink in. He got up to carry on his night routine when there was a knock on the door. He sighed and went to open it. Steve was on the other side.
“Hi.
-Hi?”
Bucky was extremely confused as to why Steve was there. He never came over during race weekends, preferring to keep his attention focused on the race. Neither of them said anything for a few seconds.
“Wanna come in?
-Yeah sure.”
It was awkward and wrong, neither of them knowing what to do with themselves, something that isn’t supposed to happen when they’re together. But then again, a lot of things weren’t supposed to happen between the two of them and they still did. Steve sat down on the bed while Bucky took a chair and brought it next to the bed.
“So.. What’s up?”
Steve smiled. “What, can’t I just want to hang out with my good friend Bucky?”
Bucky snorted. It felt like forever since the last time he and Steve just hung out together to hang out together. “Yeah sure, this has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that you’re retiring tomorrow and we won’t be teammates ever again.” It sounded more bitter than he meant to and Steve definitely picked up on it, judging by his frown.
“Listen Buck, you know this has nothing to do with you right? I’m doing this because I need to get away.” And this may just have been Bucky’s breaking point. He knew everything Steve was about to tell him, how he’s been on the grid for an entire decade already even though he’s only 29, how he has only known racing for the longest time and how he needs something else, to be his own person outside of “Child prodigy, America’s Golden Boy Steve Rogers”. He knew all of that, that didn’t make it easier to grieve the partnership he had with him.
“I know that Steve-
-Then why are you still acting like I’m stabbing you in the back with this move?”
Bucky sighed, he knew Steve could see right through him, he always seemed to know him better than Bucky knew himself. “I… I don’t know alright? I know why you’re doing this on a rational standpoint, it doesn’t change the fact that I feel like I’m losing you forever and I have to grieve our relationship! It’s not rational, I -know- that, I’ll probably get over it soon, but you can’t ask me to just act all happy and excited at the prospect of losing the only constant in my life.”
Steve frowned and didn’t say anything for a few seconds, which made his friend really uneasy and speak up again, to try and do some damage control. “Listen, I don’t expect you to backtrack or, like, do anything for me. That would be the exact opposite of what I want actually. You can do whatever the fuck you want Rogers, but you also have to accept the fact that I might not be entirely happy about the decision. It doesn’t mean I don’t support you or that I’m going to hate you forever and ever, it just means that I’m a human being with emotions and not a robot, no matter how much metal I got in my arm.” Bucky smiled, cringing internally at the corny robot joke but it went away as soon as his expression was mirrored on Steve’s face. Crisis effectively averted. “Damn I could’ve been fooled, it’s a miracle you can go through metal detectors without setting them off at this point.
-Can you imagine the inconvenience with our jobs? That would’ve been enough to make me retire like one month after being back.”
Steve chuckled before falling silent, seeming deep in thoughts. Bucky decided to lie back on the bed, letting the silence set in before the blonde spoke up again. “I’m glad you decided to come back.”
Bucky snorted. “Yeah, I’m like the greatest number 2 driver ever at this point, you would’ve been fucked with anyone else.
-That’s not what I-
-I know, but it doesn’t make it less true.
-I guess… But anyway, what I actually meant is that you’re actually a great driver and the grid is better with you on it.”
And that shut Bucky up. He knew he wasn’t a bad driver, you don’t get signed into one of the top 4 teams without some talent to back you up, no matter who your best friend is. However, hearing it from said best friend felt different. Like he was actually being appreciated and seen. He sighed. “Damn man way to kill the vibe.
-I don’t care, I needed to tell you that.
-You know you’re not dying right? Like phones are a thing, I know you want to move back to new York but like… I can still visit?”
Steve smiled. “You know its going to be different though. You’re going to be really busy between all the races, training and media obligations, we’re going to see each other a lot less, it’s unavoidable.
-Right. That still doesn’t mean you need to be all emotional as if we’re literally never going to see each other again. When I had my big crash a few years ago, you still managed to stay in contact with me, even though you couldn’t physically be there. I don’t know why I can’t do the same with you.
-I guess that’s true.”
But Steve didn’t seem entirely convinced, and Bucky didn’t know what to tell him to convince him, so they just stayed in silence, looking at each other for a few seconds, before Steve got up. “Its getting late, I’m going to let you rest.
-Alright.”
Steve walked towards the door and opened it. “Goodnight Buck. See you tomorrow.”
Bucky gave him a small smile. “See ya.”