Chapter Text
There was something very, very wrong with Hayte.
Well, of course, there's always something wrong with Hayte (just look at it, really), but this was different. This was not the usual wrongness that Hayte experienced, the kind of wrongness that Hayte claimed was in fact normal and should be the standard, but instead the kind of wrongness that made Hayte feel like its skin was crawling.
It stared at itself in the reflection of its garden pond, willing the fuzzy edges and slightly monstrous features to come forward again. Ever ripple on the pond made its chest tighten with hope, only to be ripped away again as it watched for a moment longer.
Hayte sat back and sighed. It needed to accept the truth.
It was human.
The disappointment was overwhelming. Hayte had been entirely unprepared for the experience of being human, and was even more underwhelmed than it thought it was going to be. It flexed its hands, tugged at its ears, blinked its eyes. All... normal.
It stood up, dusting its legs off. There was nothing to be done about it, it decided.
"Are you going to keep narrating this whole time, even though I could do it myself?" it asked.
...
Do you want to do it yourself, Hayte? Quite frankly, I had assumed that you just didn't like narrating. You haven't given me much else to work with.
It shrugged. "I guess not."
Unsettling. Deeply and truly disturbing.
"You're telling me," Hayte grumbled.
...
I need to make a note in my files about this... Somewhere in large red pen, warning everyone to never do this again.
It's fascinating that you can still hear me, though, Hayte, seeing as most other humans cannot. Any reason for that?
"I just started listening."
Hm. Noted.
Moving on, then, as we have a schedule to keep. What would you like to do now?
Hayte thought for a moment. It had tasks to do, as usual, but the urge to do them felt a little more distant than usual. There was something about that that bothered Hayte, but it wasn't at the forefront of Hayte's mind. It thought a moment longer, and slowly, an idea formed in its mind.
Hayte glanced around at its garden, making sure that the snails didn't need anything. Something twisted in its stomach, but it couldn't place what, or why.
...
I could, though.
"What is it?"
I forgot you can hear me. We really should carry on, I don't want to distress you.
"Please, Soren."
I didn't even know you knew my name.
"Of course I know your name," it said, surprised. "I know all of my friends' names."
...
...What?
"Can you tell me what's wrong, please? It's making my stomach hurt."
Sigh. You can't hear your snails anymore.
"Oh." Hayte looked around, feeling helpless. It spotted a snail, and crept towards it slowly. "Hello," it said. The snail did not respond.
Hayte tried again, and the snail continued to monch and cronch on it's leaf. Hayte pressed the palms of its hands against its eyes, and then, very quietly, let out a.... oh. It's crying. I didn't know... it could do that. Well, I knew it could do that. I've made it cry before. I just didn't know that it could be so... normal about it.
Hayte sat in the garden for a little bit, crying, which was very awkward for me, but I digress. When it eventually ran out of tears, it stood up, slowly, shakily, and wiped its face.
"Well, Soren."
Still unsettling, to be address by name by Hayte.
"I suppose I should go see Sol."
Oh?
"I'll figure out how to get out of this mess later. Maybe... maybe it's not even that bad."
No, it really, really is.
"But I should talk to Sol first. I'm sure he'd want to see me."
...
"Maybe," Hayte said, forcing a lighter tone into it's voice, "she might like it this way. Better, you know."
Why would you think that?
"It'd be easier, wouldn't it? To like me now."
...
I don't think that's true, Hayte.
"We never know until we try." Hayte set its mouth in a determined line, and then started towards Sol's house. It took a step, and then stumbled a bit. It blinked down at the ground, and then rubbed its face. "I can't warp. Right."
And so it made its way by foot, all the way towards Sol's house. The way it moved through the forest was unsettling to, because if you know anything about Hayte at all, you would know that moving through the forest is possibly when it's at its most graceful. Its ability to move though fallen trees and overgrown stumps without making a sound is quite impressive. This time, however, it was like watching a toddler learn to walk, as if becoming human had made it forget all of its instinctive movement patterns that it had perfected over time.
And, I suppose it did.
As it made its way to Sol's house, I briefly checked in with her, curious if she had overheard any of our conversation. Well, Hayte's half, at least. Sol did not, as he had been playing his guitar at the time, and was quite distracted from any noises so far away as Hayte's house. As Hayte approached, though, Sol sat up and listened for a moment, trying to identify the footsteps.
The poor thing.
Maybe I should give her some warning.
Hayte?
Yes, Soren?
If I had been corporeal, my jaw would have been on the floor. On the floor. It responded in its mind. I was stunned, to be honest. So stunned, that I forgot to narrate. What's happening.
"Good morning," Hayte said to Sol. "How are you?"
I cringed. There was no way Sol was going to have a normal reaction to this. In fact-
"Ew!?" Sol said, making a face.
Hayte frowned, hurt, and unsure as to why Sol reacted so harshly. This was what people did, wasn't it?
"What's wrong?" it asked.
"Are you okay? What's... what's wrong?"
I sighed to myself. This was going to be a disaster.
"Uh," it said, giving itself a moment to listen into what I was saying, because usually I would be giving it advice of some kind. Not now, though. I had no idea what on earth it should do at this point. "Do you mean in general, or specifically right now?"
"God. Ew. What? Why are you..." Sol trailed off, understandably freaking out.
Hayte rubbed its neck. Am I that weird? it asked me.
Yes, Hayte. Yes, you are.
Hayte sighed. "Can... I come in, or do I just have to stand here all day?"
Rude.
Hayte cringed inwardly. Rude?
Yes. She's unsettled by you enough as is.
Sol stepped back, gesturing for Hayte to come in and sit down. It did so, sitting on the couch, leaning back and relaxing. It's back was stiff, for some reason, and it felt nice to sit down after walking from its house to here. Sol sat down across from it. Hayte looked around the room, taking in some of the details it hadn't noticed before. Its eyes landed on the guitar. What's it called, again?
Her name is Mabell.
Mabell. Hayte smiled lightly to itself. There was something quite charming about Sol naming his guitar.
"Well?" Sol prompted, startling Hayte out of its thoughts.
Hayte looked at Sol, and its stomach twisted slightly. "You know, I didn't think you'd be so weirded out by this."
"What?" Sol laughed nervously. "How could I not be?"
"Well," Hayte amended, "I knew it would be weird. Just not so... bad-weird."
Sol stared at Hayte, and Hayte felt vaguely like it was messing everything up somehow, even though it didn't know what it could possibly be doing wrong. Hayte sighed. "I thought you'd be less freaked out by me being more..." It trailed off.
"Normal?"
Hayte scrunched up its nose, annoyed. The implication that this was normal, either for Hayte, or as a general standard, was infuriating. "I take offense at the idea that this is normal. More... people-y, is all."
"So..." Sol hesitated for a moment, looking Hayte up and down. "Is this like when you brought the snail? Did..." Sol frowned. "Did you do this... to yourself?"
"Oh, Creation," Hayte said, startled and horrified by the question. "Gods, no." Hayte scowled. "Why on earth would I willingly inflict this on myself?"
Sol smiled slightly, and Hayte wished it knew why, so that it could keep doing more of that, so that Sol would smile at it more. "So what happened, then?" she asked.
Hayte waved a hand dismissively. "Run-in with an asshole, that's all. I don't know if this is going to wear off on it's own." Hayte gestured to itself. "He didn't specify."
Truthfully, Hayte felt quite sure that it wasn't going to wear off at all. Nimit seemed to get off on torturing people, especially Hayte in particular, and Hayte felt sure that he was going to enjoy watching Hayte feel awful until he got bored, and if he was bored, there was no reason to turn Hayte back, was there?
"So you're just... stuck like this?" Sol asked.
Hayte shrugged, trying not to let its own worry seep into its actions. "I'm sure there's something I could do to make it stop. Wizards, probably." Hayte did not know any wizards, nor did it particularly trust Wizards to understand what it meant, if it asked. No, this was permanent. And so Hayte thought they had all better get used to it. Even though it was quite possibly the worst thing that had ever happened to Hayte.
Hayte propped its leg up on the couch, getting comfortable. Maybe Sol would like to do something together, now that Hayte was people.
Sol made a face. Hayte tilted its head at him. Something was wrong, but Hayte couldn't place what.
"Are you okay, Sol?"
"It's just... unsettling. It's like having a stranger in my house." Sol shook his head slightly.
Hayte smiled sadly. It felt like being a stranger, like something was possessing its brain, and it could do nothing but watch. Sol looked away from Hayte, and Hayte felt its heart wrench.
"Is it that bad?" it asked.
"Yes!" Sol burst out, making Hayte's eyes widen. Sol gripped her knees. "Sorry." He took a deep breath.
Is it that bad? Hayte asked me.
...Yes.
Hayte stared down at its hands for a moment. Something was tugging at it, and it needed a moment to work up the courage to ask. "You don't..." it finally started. It looked at Sol. "You don't like it... me better this way?"
Oh.
Sol looked up, his expression unreadable for a moment. He swallowed, and then said, "Of course not." He moved to sit on the couch next to Hayte, facing it. Hayte blinked at him, and Sol reached and grabbed its hand. Hayte stared down at their hands, feeling... odd.
Is something wrong, Hayte?
Not at all, it replied.
It interlocked its fingers with Sol's, the corners of its mouth tugging up slightly with the motion. Sol squeezed Hayte's hand, and for a moment, everything was fine.
...From Hayte's perspective, at least.
What's that supposed to m-
Sol yanked Hayte up and off of the couch, throwing Hayte off-balance and startling it. It looked at her with wide eyes.
"Come on, Hayte," Sol said, setting her jaw. "I know where we can find a Wizard."
-
As expected, this dumbass Wizard didn't know what Hayte wanted. It had already explained, twice exactly what the problem was. Infuriating. And this loser Wizard kept flipping pages in its book, looking at Hayte, adjusting its glasses, and then looking back down at its book.
Stupid twink.
Hayte sighed to itself.
"I'm sorry," the Wizard said, adjusting the glasses on its nose- again. "What is exactly you want the Wizard to do?"
Who even talks in the third person? Hayte wondered, annoyed. It was sitting on a stool in this stupid tower, filled with a stupid orange haze that made Hayte's head spin. "I don't usually act like this. It's extremely out of character, in fact. I want to go back to normal." Hayte was already sick of being perceived as people, even though it was only the Wizard and Sol that had seen Hayte thus far.
"And when you say 'like this, what is it that you mean?"
Hayte gestured helplessly to itself. "Like a... a person!" Was that so hard to understand?
The Wizard frowned. "Are you not typically a person?"
Hayte shook its head.
"So you need a potion to transform you back into an animal of some kind? Do you know what species you were before your transformation?"
Hayte tugged on its hair, thinking, and then shook its head again. "Not an animal, not exactly. I was..." What was it? It... didn't really know. It looked back at Sol, who was standing by the cabinets and peering at the Wizard's various potions. The Wizard sniffed to get Sol's attention, and Hayte felt a twinge of annoyance. Not only was this Wizard dumb as fuck, it was also rude as hell.
Sol startled and looked back at them. "Oh," she said, flushing slightly. "What's up?"
"We were discussing... Hayte's... former state. What species were they?" the Wizard said.
"It," Hayte said, only half paying attention. It didn't feel the same sort of annoyance it usually did at being called something other than 'it', but instead more of a pained longing, which was also infuriating. Couldn't anything have stayed the same?
"Was it, then."
"Oh! I guess I'm not sure, exactly. It was... kind of just some kind of creature. It looked human a lot of the time, but also... it wasn't. Weird. I hadn't noticed just how nonhuman it looked before until now. It was a lot more..." Sol raised his hands helplessly. "Incomprehensible, to be honest."
The Wizard dropped its book. Hayte stared at it, and then frowned. This guy sucked like crazy. Couldn't it be normal about anything?
"Apologies. Incomprehensible, you say?" The Wizard leaned down to pick up the book, and Hayte was filled with the urge to leave, leave and never come back, and maybe stay in the forest forever and ever and never leave ever again. God, this being human thing was awful. Hayte rolled its eyes, and as it did so, its eye caught on a spiderweb in the corner. It watched the web, hoping to get a glimpse of the spider itself.
As a treat, and because I'm god, the spider crawled along the web, moving to secure a fly that had got stuck. Hayte kicked its feet happily, watching the spider bite and subdue the struggling fly. As the spider wrapped the fly up, Sol and the Wizard continued talking about Hayte.
"Yeah," Sol said.
"What level of incomprehensibility do you mean?"
"I don't know. I could see it just fine, understand its shape just fine. It just blurred around the edges, seemed to change shapes or sizes when I wasn't focused on it. If I tried to understand it, it gave me a headache. It showed up differently in pictures."
Hayte looked away from the spiderweb. "Did I?" It didn't remember ever having its picture taken.
Sol nodded, pulling out his phone to show the Wizard a picture. Hayte leaned over his shoulder, trying to get a good look, so Sol turned to it to show it, as well. It was a photo of Hayte holding a snail, carefully feeding it a bit of pumpkin guts from when Sol had made a jack-o-lantern. It was staring intently down at the snail, leaning on the table, a plastic skeleton in the background. It was wearing a skeleton onesie. Hayte smiled softly. It remembered that moment. "I didn't know you took a picture of me then."
Sol smiled, too. "Yeah. You looked cute."
Hayte startled slightly. Cute? It looked at Sol, surprised. Was that how Sol perceived it?
"What?" Sol asked, laughing slightly.
"No, I just..." Hayte slumped back on the stool, deflating slightly. "I guess I don't think of myself as cute, that's all."
Sol covered her mouth to hide her smile. "Well then, how would you describe yourself?"
Hayte thought for a moment. "Can I be ferocious and terrifying?" It grinned, and then watched as Sol's face shifted into something different, something unpleasant. Hayte's grin faded, and it quickly said, "I was just joking."
"I know," Sol said. She brushed her hair out of her eyes. "It was funny."
Hayte cringed inwardly again and stared at its lap. It was trying to act natural, but everything that came naturally to it now... it was wrong, somehow. Everything it was doing was bad, and worse, it was bothering Sol.
It barely paid attention as the Wizard took its measurements, talking in a cheerful voice throughout it all. Hayte was too busy rotating the conversations it and Sol had had in its mind, feeling guilty for a reason it couldn't quite explain. When it finally tuned in to the main conversation again, the Wizard was saying, "The Wizard will have your potion ready in a couple of hours."
Hayte deflated, wishing that it could just be over with this already.
The Wizard ushered them out of the its tower, and then waved. "I will notify you when your potion is ready. Go kill some time together."
When both Sol and Hayte were standing outside of the tower, Hayte watched Sol carefully for a moment. He wore a dark look, glaring at the ground and huffing. Hayte sighed to itself and put its hands into its pockets.
"Sol?"
"Hm?"
"Do you want me to go home until the Wizard's done?" Hayte asked. "I know this has been... a lot. For you. Stressful. And it's weird, and..." Hayte looked at the ground. It didn't want to go home, not yet, but if Sol was upset, it would manage.
Sol rubbed his head, and then sighed and smiled. "No, no. Come on, Hayte." He reached out for Hayte's hand, and Hayte took it, smiling slightly again. Sol look straight ahead instead of smiling back, and Hayte let the smile fade, feeling again like it had done something wrong. "Let's go get ice cream."
-
Ice cream was cold and wet, apparently. It made Hayte's head hurt whenever it took a bite of it.
But Sol had brought them here, and so Hayte dutifully ate the ice cream, sprinkles and all. It was even... tolerable. As long as Sol was happy, Hayte figured. Hayte took another bite.
Sol laughed.
Hayte looked up. "What?" Sol laughed harder. "What!"
"Nothing," Sol said after a moment, when he had stopped laughing. "You just make a funny face whenever you take a bite of that."
Hayte forced an awkward smile. "Is it that weird?" It took another bite, and it made a face before it could stop itself.
Sol put his hand over his mouth and suppressed another round of giggles. "You don't have to eat more if you don't like it," he said. "Is it the sprinkles? Do you want some without them?"
"No," Hayte said, truthfully. The sprinkles were... fine. And it definitely did not want more. It took another bite, and made another face.
Sol smiled. "Do you just not like the ice cream?" she asked.
"No, it's... it's good." Hayte wasn't exactly lying, but it wasn't being fully honest. The ice cream might have been good if it wasn't so cold.
Sol smiled. "Then what's wrong?"
"Why do you think something's wrong?" Hayte blinked at him.
Sol shook her head, and then laughed lightly. "You just look like you don't wanna eat that anymore."
Hayte took another bite, made another face, and then swallowed. "It's very cold."
Sol smiled. "It's ice cream, so yes. Have you never had ice cream before?"
Hayte shook its head. Ice cream was not readily available in the forest. It ate another couple of bites, and then pushed its bowl aside. It looked out the window of the tiny ice cream parlor as Sol finished his ice cream, thinking. Hoping that the Wizard would be in touch soon.
"You two are such a sweet looking young couple," a voice said. Hayte's head swiveled around from the window to take in the person who had spoke. It narrowed its eyes at them, confused.
Sol laughed lightly. "Oh, we're just friends," she said.
"Oh," the person said, her cheeks turning faintly pink. "I'm sorry. You just behaved so..." She shook her head, and then laughed. "Well, you know what they say about assuming things. You two have fun, then." She waved slightly, and then left the parlor, ice cream in hand. Hayte followed the person with its eyes, and then looked back at Sol.
Hayte tilted its head. "Do we behave like a couple?"
Sol shifted his empty bowl around on the table. "N-no, not usually."
"Not usually," Hayte repeated. "But we are now?"
Sol shook her head. "It's - we're friends, and friends and couples look similar sometimes. That's all."
Hayte hummed slightly, rolling that concept around in its head. It didn't really understand why someone would want to be in a relationship, to be perceived as 'coupled' with someone else. It watched Sol as he leaned back and stretched, trying to follow the logic. Perhaps Sol would know.
"Do you want that?"
Sol froze, his face an expression of panic. Hayte had no idea why the question had freaked her out, but it tried again.
"To be coupled with someone, theoretically. Anyone, I mean. Are you hoping for that sort of..." Hayte struggled with words for a moment. "Partnership?" it finally said.
Sol stared for a moment, and then opened her mouth to answer, when the door opened with a loud jingling sound, and a group of teenagers came in, laughing and talking loudly. Sol cringed at the noise, and then perked up as a letter came zipping over their heads. It settled in between Hayte and Sol, and then opened itself so that Sol could read it. She grabbed it out of the air, reading the brief message.
Hayte tilted its head again. Sol looked up and grinned. "The Wizard is ready for us."
-
"I suggest you drink it all at once, and quickly," the Wizard said, presenting Hayte with a blue potion that turned purple when the light just right. "It will not taste pleasant."
Hayte took it. "Thank you for doing this," it said.
The Wizard nodded, and then took a step back.
Hayte popped out the cork and took a whiff of the potion. "Eugh," it said, making a face. It smelled awful. "Well. Here goes nothing." It lifted the vial to its lips, and then paused. It looked at Sol. Really looked at Sol.
"What?" Sol asked. "Is something wrong?"
Hayte hesitated, looking into Sol's eyes. The emotional stress of the day had made it realize how much it appreciated Sol, how glad it was to have not had to do all of this alone. And, of course, how poorly it had communicated that before. It needed to tell her, tell her everything, while it still had the chance. The knowledge that the potion in Hayte's hands was going to close it off to all of the many things it loved about Sol weighed heavy on its chest. It opened its mouth to tell Sol that-
"No," he said, before Hayte even had a chance to start.
Hayte blinked. "No?"
"Whatever you have to say, it can wait until you've had your potion."
"But..." Hayte glanced at the potion. Was it going to say what it meant? Was being a creature going to stop it from being earnest?
Sol shook his head firmly. "After the potion. Drink up."
Hayte hesitated for a moment longer. It could just say it, and Sol wouldn't really be able to do anything about it. It looked into Sol's eyes, seeing his fiery determination, and its shoulders sagged, conceding. It chugged the potion as quickly as is could, making a gagging noise when it was done. The Wizard took the vial, checking to be sure Hayte had gotten it all.
Hayte waited, admittedly still excited to be turning back to normal, despite its worries about Sol.
"I don't really..." Hayte started, but it trailed off.
Ah, there you are, Hayte.
"Hayte?" Sol asked
"Sol," it said back.
Sol grinned, and then threw his arms around Hayte's neck, hugging it tightly. Hayte didn't react for a moment, and then it stiffly raised its arms and wrapped them around Sol's back. Sol laughed slightly. "I missed you."
Hayte let Sol hug it, and then Sol stepped back, dropping his hands. Hayte looked down at their hands, and then grabbed Sol's.
Hayte stared at Sol. Sol grinned at it.
Hayte, tell Sol what you were going to say, now.
...
Hayte?
There was a distant scratching in its chest, like some small animal was trying to get to Sol from inside its rib cage, but Hayte couldn't place the feeling, the urge, the desire. Not anymore.
Hayte leaned forward and smacked its forehead into Sol's. The animal in its chest settled slightly, disappointed, but understanding. Hayte was never going to say the words, but the headbutt was very close.
"Thank you, Sol," it said.
Sol smiled. "You're welcome, Hayte. Let's go home."