Chapter Text
“Alright, time to pull on the big girl panties.” Tavia mumbled to herself, head in her hands. She glanced over at the monitor and parsed the current time before letting out a defeated sigh. Her eyes burned from the lack of sleep and the light from the computer but she made no move to remedy these issues. After a few minutes of wallowing in self pity she raised her head.
“I am getting absolutely nothing accomplished. C’mon, I just need to stop avoiding the damned problem and I can either get work done or go the fuck to sleep,” She continued and pushed herself up from her chair. She glanced out towards the main library commons and after quick full body stretch walked towards the open area. After a few purposeful strides she found herself staring at the famed Edgar Arkwright portrait, his pale face and dour expression almost silently judging her. The rest of the library remained dark, the only lights being from her office and a single spotlight only a few steps from the painting. With yet another sigh, she ran her hands over her face and let out a quick curse.
“Alright Eddy, you don’t pay tuition like a freeloader so you’re gonna help me. Here’s the deal: I really like Gale. Like, really, really like him. Like, daydreaming what it would be like to be with him for a long time like him. And he seems to like me too. I mean, the way he looks at me, the smiles, all of it would point to some sort of attraction to me.” She began, pacing back and forth in front of the painting. Her posture remained hunched, her breathing erratic as she became more worked up as the words practically vomited from her mouth. Her hands followed her speech patterns, counting out the various examples.
“He’s handsome, intelligent, really good with the students. I mean, basically what I want in a partner. If I was anyone else I feel like this would be a no brainer. But,” She continued and paused to glance back at the painting in hopes it would give some sort of clarity. Unfortunately the dark eyes continued to stare back at her, as if attempting to answer her plight even though the face could not speak. Tavia waited for some sort of sign to appear before she began to explain her problems once again.
“But he was also seriously burned recently. I just be a rebound? I mean, anyone would probably be fucked up after going through what he did.”
Her feet continued their back and forth along the floor and she stared up towards the ceiling, her thoughts continuing to be a garbled mess. She felt the twinges of a headache appearing but she couldn’t bring herself to leave the current space. A vein in her neck seemed to twitch and she sucked in a sharp breath as a hand flew up towards the pain. Her pacing paused yet again and she let out a strangled growl at her ever increasingly annoying predicament.
“Gods I’m going to give myself an aneurysm at this rate. But anyway Eddy, even if he was perfectly ready to try something there’s still my bullshit. I mean, c’mon. My longest relationship was for business! And as my brain like to remind me I’m not a good person. I know before this past month or so the nightmares were pretty handled but obviously they’re still there. Oh Gods, and what if I have to… Nope, nope we aren’t going to go down that path. Dad’s not gonna find me. Not gonna happen.”
The pacing began once more and her hands moved to gesticulate with her arguments, her entire body seeming to vibrate with the ever increasing frustration. She could feel her body becoming sweaty as the stress of this one sided conversation continue to pile up for her.
“But, if things do work out between us, eventually I’ll have to tell him. ‘Star probably wouldn’t let me get serious without getting everything out there, and even then he’s going to ask about my childhood and everything. But then again shouldn’t relationships be built on trust and truth? I mean, I can’t give that. And if I don’t tell him and he finds out I’m fucked. But I can’t tell him because not only will he hate me but I’ll lose the others too.”
She looked over at Eddy once more and this time she felt condescension seem to roll off the portrait’s face. His eyes seemed to judge her babbling and Tavia couldn’t help but glare back. She huffed before continuing her tirade.
“I know, I know. I should’ve told Karlach the truth ages ago. And now it’s way too late and she’ll give me the sad puppy dog eyes to let me know how much I’ve betrayed her and that’ll just kill me straight up.”
She sighed and for the first time during the conversation she couldn’t face Eddy’s judgement. She was sure the ghost was going to crawl out of the painting and tell her every reason why she was an idiot.
“Nope, not worth thinking about. No relationship has ever gotten that far. Besides, what he probably needs right now is a friend, a friend who will be there for him and show him the world doesn’t totally suck.”
Her pacing grew until she was pacing the entire floor of the library commons. She found herself unable to stop her feet from their movement as the tirade continued.
“Maybe who knows, maybe eventually he’ll agree to be fuck buddies. I mean, yeah it’ll kill me slowly but it’s better than nothing? And if he is healing from everything maybe I can help? Gods what am I even saying? This is fucking stupid. I’m spiraling. This damn man has me spiraling as if I’m some blushing teen. Nope, fuck this. This is getting me nowhere. Focus, I need to do something at least somewhat productive or I’ll go insane.”
She kicked the nearby circulation desk before she thought better of it. After a quick glance to ensure there was no property damage she continued to spiral in front of the painting.
“Do you have any idea the whiplash I’ve been dealing with? One night I’m making out with him and the next I’m facing all my sins. And some nights if I’m really lucky I get to have both at the same time. Ten years I managed to keep all this buried deep down with only a few leaks. And of course now it all decides to vomit everywhere anytime it damn well pleases. And now here I am at five in the morning doing fuck all with my life. Eddy, what the Hells am I doing?”
She stared at the painting for several minutes, the silence stretching as she attempted to will some sort of answer to make itself known. Just as she was sure there was nothing she could do a sudden thought occurred.
“Eddy you’re a genius! See, I knew there was a reason we haven’t exorcised you yet.” She said with a smile as she ran back towards her office, her fingers itching for her keyboard.
Five hours and multiple research papers later Tavia had somehow managed to fall deeper for the history professor. She had read many of these in preparation for his arrival but now that she actually knew the man they felt different. Within many of the co-authored papers his stylization and voice permeated from so strongly she could practically hear him speaking in her mind. It was almost jarring when she came across a sentence that were clearly attributed to Ariel Manx rather than Gale.
Though it took far more digging than the rest, she eventually managed to locate an interview where Gale offhandedly mentioned a side project. Only one single sentence throughout the entire article but he mentioned his great interest.
“Karsus?” She whispered to herself, the word unfamiliar on her tongue. Her fingers arched across the keyboard, her strokes becoming rushed as she searched journal after journal for anything on the subject. The word repeated itself over and over in her head. Finally, after the third database searched she found a nearly forty year old transcript with regards to an old folklore. She read and reread the transcript, her head attempting to wrap itself around what the Hells “Karsus” could mean. Her mind whirred with theories and possible connections as she thought and soon her hands itched to dissect this information. With a sudden jolt she bolted up from her desk, gathering a few materials before exiting her office for the nearby stairwell. She passed Eddy’s portrait on the way and felt a small smile grace her features.
“Something doesn’t make sense Eddy, but I’ll crack the riddle. Mark my words and I’ll even have it done by Family Weekend.”
Once down in the Information Literacy classroom she turned her attention to the chalkboard, her hands itching to physically parse out the questions filling in her head. Two hours later the board was filled with nonsense to anyone other than herself but she beamed at her findings. She had a plan and an attack plan.
“Ariel Manx, be prepared for your worst fucking nightmare.”