Chapter Text
Carmilla is nineteen now, and college is kicking her ass. Has been kicking her ass, really. Coffee, energy drinks and cigarettes have become her ultimate vices, and Laura swears the latter two are going to kill her every time she gets a glimpse of them during their Skype sessions.
“Ugh, you moving into your own apartment is the worst because now you smoke all the time,” Laura whines with a wrinkle of her nose, her cheeks scrunched with her face between her hands. “At least when you lived in the dorms, you were too lazy to go outside.”
A snort follows the very true statement, ashing the cigarette into an empty coke can before bringing it up to her lips and taking a slow drag. “It’s the only thing keeping me alive, cutie.”
“I beg to differ on that one.”
She smirks at her screen, watching as Laura rolls her eyes and dramatically sighs. “You’ll understand when you’re in college.”
“I have AP classes, so I have a little hunch.”
“So did I, remember?”
That silences Laura, and her mouth moves to try to make a comeback to that. She can’t and it makes her huff. “I’m still not smoking when I’m in college.”
“I’m not saying you should.”
“Uh, you kind of are.”
“No, cupcake, I’m telling you that you’ll understand. Not that you should.”
“Whatever. I’m still not going to do it.”
“Okay, good.”
“Good.”
Carmilla can’t even stop herself from staring at the screen with fondness, smirking as she watches Laura pointedly ignores her as she taps away on her computer. She pulls her gaze away after a moment, and moves it back to her textbook, taking another drag of the cigarette.
“You could at least not smoke when we Skype.”
“Okay.”
“Because, you know I hate it when you do it and-- wait,” Laura stops, blinks and tilts her head to the side. “What?”
She makes a show of putting the cigarette out, and shrugs her shoulders. “Okay.”
“Just like that?”
“Sure.”
“How come this never worked before?”
“Sweetheart, you’ve told me to stop smoking entirely. You’ve never asked me to not smoke while we’re on Skype. I can do one just fine, not the other.”
This seems to perplex Laura for a minute before she smiles brightly and deviously. “Now, I just need to be on Skype with you all the time.”
Carmilla laughs. Something tells her that she wouldn’t be against that.
--
Danny Lawrence is all Laura can talk about for a long time.
Carmilla had known Danny forever, considering they were both born and raised in their hometown. Danny was never cruel to her. Honestly, she was never anything at all. They shared the same homeroom and once an art class, but never shared a word with each other worth mentioning.
Laura and Danny were also fast friends. The friendship was noticeably not as deep as her and Carmilla’s while the latter was still there. But, it seems like that’s changed because Laura talks about her a lot. At first, it was gradual. Just casual mentions of the two hanging out and stories that ensued.
But, then someone forced Danny Lawrence out of the closet and it was a constant subject.
Of course, the story made her stomach turn when Laura first recounted it. Apparently Danny trusted the wrong person when admitting about her bisexuality, a girl on her soccer team. It spread through the rest of the teammates then to the rest of the school like wildfire. It wasn’t a complete shun, from her understanding, since most people seem to be able to accept it as a phase easier with that than with Carmilla’s full blown out lesbian thing. But, Danny’s home life has been nothing but eggshells since it’s happened.
Laura, being the problem solver she is, likes to bring this up frequently.
“I know you don’t like to talk about it, but she could really use a support system. And, you guys practically grew up together.”
The subject makes her want a cigarette and she wonders if Laura would get mad if she turned the camera off. Hell, if Laura kept pushing this subject, she might stop caring whether or not Laura did.
“I’m not telling you to do it. I’m just strongly encouraging it.”
Fingers rub at her temple as her free hand stabs a fork at the cold Chinese take out she’s eating. She’s not even hungry anymore but having food in her mouth gives her time to stall. “Laura, I probably would have forgotten about Danny Lawrence if you didn’t talk about her. We didn’t have any relationship. At all.” Bitterly, she adds, “she never even stook up for me back then. Not once.”
Laura frowns immediately. “Oh, come on, Carmilla. You can’t blame her for that. She was scared in the closet before that happened, imagine afterward.” The girl continues at the sound of Carmilla’s scoff. “I’m not saying what she did was right. But, it was human. You can’t blame her for not knowing what to do.”
Carmilla opts to chew on her orange chicken instead of say anything, not even looking at her computer at this point.
“Again, I’m not trying to tell you to do it--”
“You’re just trying to guilt me into it.”
Everything’s almost completely silent when that leaves Carmilla’s mouth. She’s not even sure she wants to look up at the screen. She doesn’t think what she said is uncalled for, but if she sees the look on Laura’s face- she might start to think it was.
“Carm… I’m not-- I really hope you don’t think--”
She cuts her off with a sigh, still not looking at the computer. “I don’t think you mean to, Laura. But, you are. You don’t shut up about it. And, I get it. I get it. You’re trying to do a good thing. You’re trying to help your friend. But, I’m not… I’m not a role model or something. I don’t have any advice. I don’t want to listen to her problems. I honestly don’t care. And, that might be hard for you to comprehend because you’re the exact opposite. You care a lot, and that’s amazing, Laura, it is. But, I don’t. Danny’s a big girl. She’ll figure it out.”
It’s quiet again, and it takes Carmilla a few solid seconds before she finally looks up from her food and at Laura. She looks like she’s processing what’s been said still, her bottom lip caught between her teeth.
“Look, I don’t want to fight. And, I’ve got an essay to write, so, let me just call you back later. We can watch the new episode of Keeping It Up With the Kardashians or whatever. If you want,” she’s trying to make this better while staying true to what she said. Because, it is the truth. But, something about Laura makes her want to take it all back and just talk to the dumb redheaded jock if it’ll make her happy. Even if she really, really doesn’t want to open that can of worms.
“Are we fighting?” Laura asks in a small voice that makes Carmilla want to throw herself off a cliff.
“No. No, we’re not fighting.”
“I just don’t understand how you can so easily not care about this.”
Carmilla’s jaw tightens and she blows a slow breath through her nose as she moves her hand to her mousepad. “I’ll talk to you later, cupcake.”
“Carmilla--”
She presses end before Laura can say anything else.
--
It takes almost a week before they have another video chat.
Carmilla constantly comes up with one excuse or another as to why she can’t do it. Midterms coming up would have been a perfect alibi if the year before she hadn’t easily studied with her on Skype. But, she used it, anyway- no matter how weak it sounded. She doesn’t ignore a message or a text. She just takes a long time to answer them.
killin’ me hollis (4:14PM): hey
carmilla (4:16PM): hey
killin’ me hollis (4:17PM): i miss you
carmilla (9:20PM): miss you too cutie
killin’ me hollis (9:25PM): :(
killin’ me hollis (9:25PM): skype?
carmilla (7:22AM): sorry i was busy
killin’ me hollis (7:45AM): okay…
carmilla (9:59AM): tonight?
killin’ me hollis (10:10AM): promise?
carmilla (10:22AM): promise
--
She keeps her word, and sends a video call in Laura’s direction as soon as she’s online. It takes a few rings but she picks up and Carmilla’s heart flutters at the sight of the other girl. Stupid, dumb feelings.
“Hey, Carm. Um, really, really glad you called--”
“Laura, the movie is ready and the popcorn is popped and the fort is in place. So… oh, sorry. Didn’t realize you were--”
Of course. Danny fucking Lawrence. In all her goddamn ginger glory. Having a movie night with her best friend. When they had plans. Awesome.
“Yeah, um,” Laura clears her throat, and she looks rather sheepish between the two. “Can you… give me a minute, Danny? Please?”
Danny nods her head, smiling at Laura in a way that makes Carmilla glare. No, no. This was her straight girl crush.
“Yeah, yeah, of course. I’ll just be… chilling in our fort.”
With that, Danny is gone. Leaving a very nervous Laura on camera as she seems to glance around her room rather than at Carmilla on the computer.
“Have fun with your movie, sweetheart,” Carmilla says with gritted teeth as she moves her hand to the top of the laptop.
“I didn’t think you were going to do it,” is blurted out before she can close the screen.
Her nostrils flare at that, and her jaw tightens more. “Oh, that makes me feel loads better. It’s my fault. Thank you.”
Laura is biting her lip and looking down, her hands clasped and her thumbs nervously battling each other. She looks downright guilty and all Carmilla can think is good. “That’s not what I’m trying to say, Carm. It’s mine. I just--” she pauses to swallow before continuing, “since our fight… or not fight… I’ve literally been doing nothing but waiting for you to agree to Skype. And, there’s always an excuse. Always. And, when you texted me this morning telling me that it’d happen tonight-- I was so excited and happy. But, then I started to doubt that it was going to happen and Danny asked about a movie night. And, at first, I was really planning on saying no. But, the doubts came back. And, I just… knew that if you never signed on or texted me that you were busy, and I just sat alone… waiting all night… I’d feel really bad about myself. So, I said yes.”
Carmilla’s expression doesn’t change at the explanation. She’s still gripping the top of the laptop thinking about closing it because this is bullshit. “You’re getting really good at this guilt trip thing, you know.”
Laura’s shoulders slump and her eyes close, one of her hands moving to her forehead as she lets out a sigh. “I’m not trying to-- I’ll tell Danny to go home, Carm. I’d rather spend time with you. Honestly, I signed on to see if you were online out of curiosity. And, I just had this gut feeling you were. And, I even thought to myself that if you were, I was probably going to send her home. Or, tell her to watch the movie by herself if she wanted to stay over. Things at her-- well… yeah. Never mind.”
With her teeth gritting together, she stares at Laura for a long time. Her eyes are still closed and she’s rubbing her forehead. Carmilla can tell she isn’t lying. She knows Laura. She knows the girl too damn well and while it hurts her to think that Laura doubted her sincerity-- she also knows Laura didn’t mean harm by it.
So, she deflates.
“Go watch the movie with Danny--”
“Carmilla, I’ll just--”
“No, really. No hard feelings. Go spend time with her. Don’t send her home. We’ll Skype tomorrow.”
Laura’s eyes are open now, and while she still looks guilty and unsure- she nods. “Promise?”
“Yeah, promise.” She waits a beat before adding, “I swear to god if you make plans tomorrow--”
“I won’t. I promise. You and me. All day, maybe? It’s Saturday,” Laura smiles brightly, looking hopeful into the camera.
“All day,” Carmilla agrees, her own smile finally dawning. “Now, go. I’ve got studying to do.”
“I’ll text you?”
“Sounds good, cutie.”
--
Laura does text her. Hours later when Carmilla is having trouble keeping her eyes open as she pours over notes for the umpteenth time that night. She rubs at them, and takes a swig of her giant can of Red Bull before moving to grab the phone, sliding it open and not even slightly prepared for the text message she received.
killin’ me hollis (1:36AM): i think i might have a crush on danny…
Who the hell did she piss off in her past life to deserve this?
--
“When I say I think I might have a crush on Danny, I really mean might.”
Surprisingly, she actually kept her word after the text message. Somewhat. Carmilla made up an excuse to give her another hour or so after she woke up, and remembered the text message to be a thing. And, since she woke up at three in the afternoon and they didn’t start Skyping until almost five-- it wasn’t going to be an all day event. But, dammit, she’s actually sitting through this conversation and if that’s not true friendship she doesn’t know what it is, honestly.
“Because, I’m not… sure?”
Carmilla attempts to keep the blankest expression she can muster, but her nod is rigid. “Okay. Explain.” Or, don’t explain. That’s fine, too.
Laura lets out a dramatic sigh, fingers curled in the roots of her hair. She looks so disheveled and stressed and Carmilla might think it was cute if it wasn’t over whether or not she wanted to date a tall, soulless ginger. “So, like-- Danny grabbed my hand yesterday, right? And, I was just, like, okay. That’s fine. I mean, I haven’t held a friend’s hand since you, but it wasn’t weird or anything so I let her do it. And, it was all fine and the movie finished and Danny was, like, super quiet. And, of course, to compensate for that, I started rambling about the movie. I didn’t really like it that much. Like, the old Godzilla was better. I felt like the only thing going for this one was the graphics. And, while I went on a tangent about that-- Danny cut me off and told me that she liked me.”
Maybe if she thought hard enough about the fact that Laura didn’t grab anybody else’s hand since her when it was normally Laura starting the affection between the two of them, she could calm herself down. Not delude herself because if anything-- this proves that Laura has no interest in her. But, at least that meant there was something special between the two of them. Even if it wasn’t romantic.
“So, obviously, I wasn’t sure how to react. You know the episode of That 70s Show when Donna tells Eric she loves him and he says he loves cake? Similar reaction. I told her I liked Doctor Who. And, then went on a tangent on why I think Rory Williams deserves the world.”
Okay, she shouldn’t laugh. She really shouldn’t laugh. But, she does. “Your game is out of this world, cutie.”
Laura’s hands go to her face, covering it as she lets out a groan. “I don’t know what to do.”
Carmilla’s silent for a moment, her finger tapping quietly against her desk. “How do you feel?”
The younger girl peeks through her fingers at the computer screen before dropping her hands altogether and sighing. “I don’t know. I mean, I never thought about her like that. But, she is really cool. We get along really well.”
An eyebrow kinks. “Okay, Hollis, I think the real question we’re going to have to get out of the way here is which team you’re batting for.”
“See, that’s the thing! I’ve never had to think about it. And, that’s kind of what I’m wondering about, too. But, I mean, if I am, I have no real problem with it other than my location, obviously. But, I don’t know? Maybe?”
“Well, there isn’t a rush to figure it out.”
“There kind of is. I need to tell Danny something. I don’t want to lose her.”
Carmilla sighs and shrugs, hand propping up against her cheek. “Tell her the truth, cupcake. Tell her you have no idea what you’re feeling and she kind of dropped a bomb on you that’s going to take some self reflection to figure out. If she can’t accept that, then maybe losing her isn’t such a bad thing.”
Laura contemplates this, staring at her computer screen for several seconds before smiling slowly. “Has anybody ever told you that you’re a genius?”
“Yes, actually. Many times. Because, it’s true.”
“Oh, shut up. You ruined the moment.”
--
Things go back to their normal afterward for awhile. Laura’s pending sexuality nor Danny Lawrence is a conversation they have very often, which is okay with Carmilla considering she doesn’t like to think about either. It’d be easier if Laura was just a straight girl crush. There was no reason to hope for anything. She preferred it that way.
They Skype’d almost every day to the point where sometimes they’d just be on video and practically silent for hours before finally holding a conversation. It was comfortable, though, and Carmilla had grown so used to Laura just being there that it felt odd when she was on her computer and Laura wasn’t a Skype window away.
With winter break right around the corner, Laura began talking about possibly visiting. A conversation that always comes up for every break but fell through every time. They hadn’t physically seen each other since Carmilla left. Mr. Hollis couldn’t give up the time at the station and was much too protective to grant Laura the permission to go eight hours away to a city that didn’t have a shining reputation without him. Silas wasn’t New York City when it came to crime, but it still was a city and Carmilla herself didn’t live in the best part of town. No matter how much Laura pouted, it hasn’t worked yet.
And, when it came to the thought of Carmilla going back-- well, that wasn’t happening. Not even for Laura.
“I’m seventeen now-- almost eighteen, you know,” Laura starts, pausing to swallow the cookie she was currently devouring. “I’m practically an adult. I can watch R-rated movies by myself. I think he might actually consider it this time.”
Carmilla looks amused as she says, “does he allow you guys to keep R-rated movies at the house now?”
Laura’s brows furrow with a pout. “No… but that isn’t the point. The point is that I can.”
“Please tell me that he’s taken the security code off the cable.” Silence. “Oh my god,” Carmilla erupts into laughter, head thrown back.
“Shut up! Stop. It’s embarrassing,” she whines, the pout still prominent on her lips.
“It’s adorable.” At Laura’s huff, the dark haired girl smiles. “No, really, it is. Maman never cared enough to monitor what myself or Mattie watched. It was different with Will. But, with us? Pfft, when I was nine, she walked in on me watching Basic Instinct. Didn’t even blink.” Carmilla’s chuckle is hollow as she shrugs. “People think it’s so cool to have a parent who doesn’t care what you do, but I always craved the thought of a protective parent. It’s sweet that they want to try to preserve their children’s innocence for as long as they can. Growing up is overrated.”
Laura’s quiet for a moment, like she always is on the rare occasion that Carmilla talks about her mother. “You never think about it that way when you’re on the other side of the spectrum.”
“Nobody ever does, sunshine. When you have one, you always want the other. ‘Tis life,” she replies with a shrug.
“I still should be allowed to watch R-rated movies at seventeen and three quarters.”
Carmilla snorts. “You do. He just likes to pretend you don’t.”
Another frown graces her friend’s lips before she lets out a long sigh. “I really do hope he lets me come out there, though. I miss you.”
She feels a bit torn. On one hand, of course she wants to physically see Laura again. On the other, the distance has made what she feels for her easier to nip. She knows that seeing her again would only make everything amplified.
“I miss you too, cutie.”
--
Laura isn’t allowed to come to Silas again (Mr. Hollis apologizes and makes sure Carmilla knows it’s not because of her), but she is allowed to take a half hour trip away with Danny and some other dumb people for four days before Christmas to some cabin since her father would be able to check up on them every day. Carmilla can see that Laura’s pretty upset about the fact she can’t come see her, but she’s also excited for the cabin. She was forewarned about the shoddy signal and no wifi already and she passes the knowledge to Carmilla, promising to try to text and call anytime she can anyway.
When Laura leaves for the cabin, it dawns on Carmilla how big her attachment was every time she opens her computer and doesn’t see her online. It feels wrong to not have her there and it makes staying in her room feel disgustingly lonely. She’s out of it more, which seems to startle her roommate when they’re suddenly joined in the living room more often. LaFontaine wasn’t always the most tolerable person in the world, but they came around to understanding Carmilla to a point and made an attempt to not get on her nerves. There was bickering at times, but for the most part-- they did actually get along. And, Carmilla might have an inkling of fondness for them.
LaFontaine didn’t have an enormous friend base, but they did have a few-- who were over often. Mostly LaFontaine was a package deal with the other ginger, but a handful more would pop up. The Kirsch kid was weirdly likable in a very annoying way. Easy to pick on and easy to brush it off, so with with an increased amount of time spent with him- she started to not mind his presence. Perry even grew on her at some point. There was a few others whose names she didn’t really bother remembering but they weren’t the worst.
And, then there was Elsie. Who always seemed to end up near her. It was cute, in a sort of pathetic way. Carmilla harmlessly flirted, but was standoffish if there was any physical touches involved. The blonde girl seemed to get it, even if she still seemed to always be close when Carmilla left her cave.
Another thing she learned in Laura’s absence was that her roommate and their friends had a niche for partying. Maybe not Perry so much, but she was always a phone call away (if she wasn’t at the party) to be the responsible driver for the group. Carmilla even joined them one time, much to their and her own surprise. She wasn’t a social person. She didn’t consider herself a party person. But, then again-- she never really had a chance to.
It was that night that Laura texted her, of course. When Carmilla’s a few drinks in, and- dare she say- having a bit of fun watching the college party unfold. The music is terrible, but watching drunk people attempt to dance might be her new favorite hobby. Especially LaFontaine, who thinks they’re going to be the one to bring back the sprinkler and lawn mower as dance moves.
killin’ me hollis (11:24PM): send send please send FOR THE LOVE OF GOD
killin’ me hollis (11:25PM): oh my billie piper it sent
killin’ me hollis (11:25PM): CARMILLA HI
Carmilla smiles fondly at her phone, her stomach doing things she can only somewhat ignore with the alcohol flowing through her system.
carmilla (11:26PM): hey cutie found some signal?
killin’ me hollis (11:26PM): you have no idea how hard it was to okay
killin’ me hollis (11:27PM): it was a dedicated mission
killin’ me hollis (11:27PM): i am in a very compromising position but you’re worth it because i miss you
God, Laura is not allowed to do this. It’s so not fair and Carmilla is so not prepared for it. She rereads the message a few too many times.
carmilla (11:28PM): i miss you too cupcake. having fun?
killin’ me hollis (11:29PM): yeah! everybody’s been really cool. dad stops by every day without fail but nobody seems to mind it too much
killin’ me hollis (11:29PM): they’re drinking right now and i only ever drank with you so it made me come over here on a mission to text you
carmilla (11:30PM): go easy, cutie. you’re a lightweight
killin’ me hollis (11:30PM): i’ve only had one so far
carmilla (11:31PM): you start feeling woozy at two
killin’ me hollis (11:31PM): shut up
killin’ me hollis (11:32PM): what are you up to?
Elsie has popped up at this point, starting a casual conversation with hints of flirting. Carmilla isn’t outright rude, but it’s obvious that she’s more interested in her phone. It makes the blonde pout, but she’s overly nice enough to offer to fill Carmilla’s drink up for her. She lets her.
carmilla (11:34PM): i’m actually at a party myself
killin’ me hollis (11:34PM): oh that’s great! Are YOU having fun?
carmilla (11:35PM): could be worse. could be better
killin’ me hollis (11:35PM): yeah, if i was there ;)
Don’t do that. Do not use winky emojis.
carmilla (11:36PM): most things are better when you’re around, cutie
killin’ me hollis (11:36PM): :)
killin’ me hollis (11:36PM): i know
killin’ me hollis (11:37PM): *flips hair*
carmilla (11:37PM): oh god i take it back
killin' me hollis (11:37PM): no you don't
killin’ me hollis (11:37PM): okay well as much as i would love to keep talking to you i really am stuck in one spot and holding my arm up is starting to hurt
killin’ me hollis (11:38PM): i’m coming back tomorrow and i’ll be a little busy because i have to start prepping for christmas with dad but i want to skype asap
killin’ me hollis (11:38PM): so i will talk to you tomorrow. have fun at your party
carmilla (11:39PM): you have fun at yours and we will definitely talk tomorrow
killin’ me hollis (11:39PM): <3
Letting out a sigh, she continues to stare at the conversation and is only interrupted when Elsie returns with her drink. The phone slips into her back pocket, making the other girl noticeably light up. Carmilla also noticeably doesn’t flirt back as much.
--
After the party was an afterparty, and Carmilla is toasted enough to go along with it. Natalie, Mel and Betty catch a cab back to their respective places but the rest of them are still going strong. Stumbling and sometimes incoherent, but strong. LaFontaine is a hilarious drunk even without meaning to be and Kirsch probably should be going home too but he refuses because he can’t miss the party. Between arriving to the after party and five minutes later, he’s lost his shirt and is doing the ‘party boy’ all over the place. Carmilla and LaFontaine both pretend to not know who he is.
The two of them plus Elsie thankfully stumble upon a quieter room where a blunt is being passed around, joining the circle as subtly as they could and getting in on it. Elsie inevitably finds herself comfortable next to Carmilla.
It’s late at this point, which is why she’s surprised to feel her phone vibrating insistently in her back pocket, shifting to take it out immediately because it could only be one person.
killin’ me hollis (2:49AM): carmilla?
killin’ me hollis (2:49AM): come on i ned these too send
killin’ me hollis (2:49AM): carmillla are you awake???
killin’ me hollis (2:49AM): send please i need to talk to her
killin’ me hollis (2:49AM): carmilla i think i’m gay
killin’ me hollis (2:50AM): i kissed danny
killin’ me hollis (2:50AM): are these sending????
Everything inside Carmilla turns painfully as she stares at her phone. Her face feels hot and her throat feels dry, and she doesn’t feel sober but she definitely doesn’t feel as blissfully drunk as she did before.
“Karnstein,” LaFontaine says to snap her out of her thoughts, the blunt outstretched toward her and an eyebrow raised.
Blinking rapidly, she takes it wordlessly and takes a long hit, trying to use that to calm down the stabbing feeling in her stomach.
“Everything okay?” they ask with a slur, but the hint of concern in their eyes is genuine.
“Peachy,” she replies shortly. It’s enough to make them back off, but they still watch her with curiosity.
Carmilla pretends she doesn’t notice and looks back at her phone. She isn’t dealing with this right now. It’s selfish, but sometimes she needs to be. The phone is put back away and she takes her next puff before passing it to Elsie.
Elsie.
--
The light through the window is an annoying wake up call the next morning, and it brings an instant pounding headache as soon as she’s somewhat conscious. Things are blurred together but she remembers enough to know why she’s naked and why there’s a warmth next to her.
She groans, and it makes Elsie shift but she doesn’t move further than that. Which is good, Carmilla doesn’t want to deal with that right now. She’d already have to when she kicks her out of her room since something tells her the blonde was going to want to stay. The girl wouldn’t have to leave the apartment if she didn’t desire to, but she sure as hell was going to leave her room. Carmilla had brooding to do.
There’s solace in her bathroom. She takes a long shower after popping a couple advils and stays in there even longer than necessary afterward, huddled against the wall and with the hood of her jacket up to cover her face.
carmilla i think i’m gay
i kissed danny
i kissed danny
i kissed danny
There’s a groan again and this time it isn’t because of how shitty the hangover is making her feel. Jealousy isn’t something she dealt with easily. Hers comes strong and possessive and adds to the self loathing and insecurities she already has. And, it’s already beginning to eat at her with ferocity.
She stays there for awhile before finally deducing that her stomach is also turning because she’s starving and leaves for the kitchen. Elsie is up by that point, dressed and seemingly nursing her own hangover by downing water in the living room with LaFontaine and Perry. LaFontaine has their head in Perry’s lap, dramatically telling her to write a will and testament for them because they're absolutely sure they're dying. Kirsch is sleeping on the floor in a position that makes him look dead and it would be concerning if he wasn’t snoring. The scene would be amusing at any other time.
Everyone seems to notice her, but once it’s apparent that she doesn’t want a conversation- they let her disappear back into her room with her cereal and don’t bug her afterward. Much to her surprise, considering she figured Elsie would try to talk to her.
It takes a lot of convincing herself, but she finally grabs her phone and is unsurprised to see more texts from Laura. Several, actually.
killin’ me hollis (10:04AM): i drank way too much last night
killin’ me hollis (10:04AM): oh my god carmilla i feel sick this is why i don’t drink
killin’ me hollis (10:05AM): i’m on my way home now so i have perfect signal though
killin’ me hollis (10:05AM): something tells me you’re still sleeping but i’m going to keep texting you because i have a lot on my mind
killin’ me hollis (10:06AM): i didn’t want to pretty much come out to you while i was drunk and you were probably busy but i honestly couldn’t keep it in anymore? it’s been something on my mind but i wasn’t exactly sure because until that one time i really really never thought about it. but then i thought about it too much and until i actually… felt how it was to kiss a girl… i didn’t really realize it
killin’ me hollis (10:06AM): granted i wish i was SOBER when i did it, i still definitely remember how it felt. and from the few boys i’ve kissed, it was different. i always thought that maybe i just hadn’t met the right boy yet but i felt nothing but uncomfortable when i kissed them
killin’ me hollis (10:07AM): kissing danny was so different, carmilla. i’m still not even sure i like her but holy crap girls are so much better
killin’ me hollis (10:07AM): i kind of feel bad it was with danny though. considering she does like me and i’m still unsure how i stand there but it was definitely enlightening. she knows too what it meant but she also made it clear that she was there for when i do figure it out. which is sweet. she isn’t pushing anything
killin’ me hollis (10:15AM): i kind of wish you’d wake up because i really want to talk to you
Reading the texts messages quells some of the misery she was feeling, finding deep satisfaction that this doesn’t mean she necessary liked Danny. Just that she was figuring out that she liked girls (the thought of her kissing Xena still set a fire ablaze under her skin). But, that also wasn’t a great thing either. That meant hope. That meant it wasn’t exactly impossible for her to have at least a slight shot. That meant if Laura never had feelings for her, she just wasn’t good enough. It meant too much for her to sort out right now.
carmilla (1:23PM): sorry about that, cutie. wasn’t keeping track of my phone and i just woke up
carmilla (1:23PM): welcome to the team
carmilla (1:23PM): we can talk about it later when we skype
--
Laura has just turned eighteen and it's been a couple months since she’s realized she’s super gay. It honestly makes Carmilla wonder just how repressed she was since the girl is a practical walking rainbow after it. Still being where she was, it was decided that coming out in town probably wouldn’t be ideal but her father knows and accepts it without a problem. Carmilla knew it had made Laura extremely nervous to tell him, considering it was one thing with Carmilla being gay and sometimes the reaction could be different with her being his daughter. But, he had no qualms at all and their relationship didn’t waver a bit. It made Carmilla happy, of course-- but also a little jealous. Sometimes she doesn’t think Laura understands just how lucky she is.
Ever since then, Laura talks about girls all the time. Celebrities, mostly. And, she’s found Tumblr which is probably one of the reasons her gay skyrocketed. Commence an unhealthy obsession with TV shows and the fanfiction to go along with them. Carmilla’s dragged into some marathons (not that she pays attention very often) and is always on the receiving end of some kind of ‘feel’ induced rant.
It’s adorable. Carmilla hates it.
The thing with Danny ended up turning into nothing, and Laura decided the two of them being friends would be ideal. Carmilla hid her shit-eating grin as best as she could when she found out.
Except, that still didn’t make things much easier, to her dismay. She found her feelings stronger now, like the fact that Laura came out opened a previously locked door that contained seventy percent of what she felt for her and now it was always just there. So strong and so blatant. If it was anyone other than Laura Hollis, they would have figured it out by now without Carmilla having to say a damn thing.
“How did I miss out on this show? I religiously watched Instant Star and Degrassi, but somehow failed to ever watch South of Nowhere. I think this is the missing piece of my life. This show completes me,” Laura lets out a happy sigh, her face in her hands as she stares at presumably the window where the show is streaming.
Carmilla has one up as well, as in sync with her friend’s as possible but isn’t paying the utmost attention to it. She adored the show back in the day, but the themes now are too cheesy and overdramatic for her taste.
Or, maybe it’s because it hits home on some levels. Especially with them now venturing into the second season.
“You know, Ashley reminds me of you. A lot, actually,” Laura’s mouth is full of popcorn so it comes out so muffled that Carmilla only really understands what she’s said due to context clues. “She’s funny, and sarcastic, and--”
“Hot?” Carmilla interjects, glancing up from her notes with a smirk. She isn’t flirting (she’s kind of flirting), but she does like to sometimes test the waters.
Laura stops suddenly, her mouth hung open before she lets out a small laugh and rolls her eyes. “Of course, you’d say that.”
There’s a shrug of her shoulders before she’s back at her notes. This time she’s less focused on it, between listening to the gag worthy adorable conversation going on between Spencer and Ashley as well as Laura’s brush off of the comment-- it strikes something in her. “What? You don’t think I’m hot, cupcake?”
She doesn’t look up, but there’s a dash of silence again. “I mean-- you’re--” Laura’s laugh sounds nervous. “You’re definitely not unattractive, Carm.”
Something about the way she’s saying it doesn’t make it sound like a flustered admittance. More of an awkward one. It should have made Carmilla stop talking, but it doesn’t. “You’ve never thought about it?”
This time, she looks up. Just in time to catch the flash of discomfort on Laura’s face. Her friend is staring at the computer screen, lips pursed tightly together and hands playing with each other nervously. She’s quiet for a long while and it makes Carmilla feel like an idiot. “God, Aiden is such an unnecessary character.”
Carmilla holds back a sigh by biting her lip, eyes falling back to her textbook and chest feeling heavy. She shouldn’t have said anything. “Yeah,” is all that leaves her mouth, the eraser of her mechanical pencil tapping against her desk. “Look, you can keep watching the show but I really need to finish this essay so I’m going to jet. I’ll text you.”
Again, Laura’s silent for a moment and Carmilla doesn’t have it in her to look up to see her face. “Oh, okay. I’ll just finish this episode and wait for you?”
“Whatever you want, cutie.”
“Okay. Um, good luck on that essay.”
“Thanks. Later.”
And, with that she ends the call and gets up to lie down, burying her face into her pillow to dramatically groan into it.