Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Moblit felt weird inside. Why was Hanji taking so long to find a frisbee? Or were they distracted by something? Should he go over and help them search? Maybe that was the best course of action. As his feet took him closer to the forest, he couldn’t help but to feel worried. Something inside of him was telling him that he had to move faster.

“M-Moblit… help… m-me…”

That voice. It was undoubtedly Hanji’s. But it weren’t his ears that picked up the voice. He felt it coming from somewhere deep inside him. The deepest and most sacred part of his soul that only belonged to Hanji.

Something was terribly wrong.

“Hanji!” He screamed as he ran into the forest.

He frantically looked around for any sign of his lover until he spotted them unmoving on the ground. He ran over quickly and dropped to his knees beside them, only to be greeted by a horrifying sight. His sweet and gentle Hanji was covered in blood.

But how? There was no getting hurt in the afterlife. Was this a nightmare? He bit his lip as hard as he could but it only produced a tingle. No pain and no blood. What the hell happened to Hanji then?

He didn’t have time to give it any further thought as Levi and Erwin came running towards him. They must have been alarmed by his sudden screaming. He looked at them, his eyes begging them to tell him that this was just a nightmare or a prank, but they looked just as horrified as him.

Before he could ask them what to do his parents and Hanji’s mother also arrived. Hanji’s mother turned pale instantly upon seeing her beloved child in such a state. Moblit had no words of reassurance for her as he had no idea what was going on. He slowly moved his hand towards Hanji’s face, but before he could touch their cheek a voice stopped him.

“Stop! Don’t touch them!” Celia called out to him.

Moblit looked surprised but relieved at the same time upon seeing the little afterlife guardian. If someone could help Hanji then it was them. “Why can’t I touch them? Why can’t I touch the one I love most?!”

Celia watched with pity as they saw the gentle man in front of them break down into tears. There was no time to console him or to explain, however. “There’s no time to explain. You have to trust me if you want them to be saved.”

Moblit nodded. If Celia had a way to save Hanji, then he would trust them. “I’ll do anything. Just tell me what to do.”

“All of you, please close your eyes.” The little star asked.

Everyone obeyed without question, realizing that time was of the essence. When they got the go ahead to open their eyes again, they were all amazed they were no longer in the forest. They had no idea where they were but the place was beautiful and slightly intimidating at the same time.

It was as if they had entered outer space and were surrounded by stars and galaxies. It was a beautiful sight but it made all of them feel insignificant and very small. But why were they here? Whatever this place was anyway.

Celia used their powers to make Hanji hover into the air and then lowered them into what looked like a small pool of water. The galaxies were reflected into the pool and as the water covered Hanji’s body, they started to change. The water washed away the blood and started to close the cracks, but at the same time their soft and pale complexion changed into that of a night sky filled with stars.

Moblit looked on in amazement. Hanji looked beautiful and ethereal, as if they had become a higher being than a mere mortal. Their eyes opened and they sat up into the pool, but when their eyes locked with his it felt off. Their eyes were pure white as only their sclera was visible and the pupil and iris were not.

“Celia, what’s going on with Hanji? Are they alright?” Moblit asked tentatively, afraid the answer would not be satisfying.

“Yes and no. It’s complicated to explain. Let me start with what happened to them. In the afterlife you no longer experience physical pain, only a mere tingle because you no longer have your mortal body. The soul presents itself looking like your mortal body here. Because you’re no longer alive, your survival instinct doesn’t kick in and you can easily be overwhelmed by trauma when you’re alone. The soul can bleed from the pain of trauma. It was never visible to you when you were alive, but it still happened. Here it’s very much visible and very dangerous.”

“So they got overwhelmed by trauma and that’s why they’re in this state now…?” Something in the forest must have triggered them.

“Yes. Hanji has experienced a lot of trauma during their lifetime and has always been very strong in being able to supress it. It’s your survival instinct. But as I’ve said that’s gone here and therefore trauma can take the upper hand. It could happen to any of you, really. All of you have led very traumatic lives. I advise you to take therapy here before you all crumble like this.”

Moblit nodded at that. He didn’t want this to happen to anyone else he loves. “Will Hanji go back to normal or will they stay like this?”

“That’s up to all of you. I’ve done my part in closing the wounds, but for them to return to normal there’s only one thing that will help and I can’t provide that.”

“What is it? I’ll do anything for them!” Moblit didn’t like how they looked so empty and unmoving. They probably didn’t even notice they were all here with them.

“What they need is love. It’s the number one medicine to heal the soul from the pain of trauma. They’re currently locked into their own mind, still experiencing the traumatic events they lived through in their life.”

“That’s just… awful. Is there a special way we need to provide our love to them?” It couldn’t be as simple as telling them they all love them and everything would be okay.

“I told you earlier not to touch them as it wasn’t safe for any of you, as you would feel the pain of their traumas yourself and would start to bleed as well. But now in this state you can touch them without starting to bleed yourself. By touching them you will agree to share their traumas, making their soul lighter, enabling them to return to normal.”

“Will we see their traumas as a bystander or is it more like we’re part of them and experiencing it through their eyes?” Both were terrible, but he feared it would be the second option, which was definitely worse.

“You will enter their subconsciousness and you will do everything you can to let them know they’re no longer living in that moment and that they’re now safe and loved. I must warn you, you must not take this lightly. It might be too much. I advise you to start with easing some lighter traumas first or else you will get overwhelmed.”

“I’ll take on anything. I won’t let go of them until they’re back to normal.” Nothing would stop him from having them smiling in his arms again.

“Is everyone prepared to do this? You could experience things that you’re not prepared for. Some of you might even be a source for one of their traumas.”

Everyone nodded. Erwin and Levi both knew some of their actions in life had caused Hanji to suffer, but they were both prepared to face their feelings on that. If they understood their feelings better, then they would be able to make amends easier when they returned to normal.

Celia instructed them to all close their eyes and within seconds they entered Hanji’s consciousness.

Levi opened his eyes and had no idea where he was. He didn’t see Hanji anywhere. All he knew that it was late as it was dark. He started walking and the creaking of the floorboards made him realise where he was. He was in the Survey Corps HQ. He didn’t see anyone else either and didn’t know if he was supposed to.

Even for nighttime it was way too quiet. He wanted to check some rooms, but Celia didn’t mention if he was supposed to open them or could float through them like some ghost. There was only one way to find out. He grabbed a door handle and pulled it down and the room opened. There was no one there.

He checked all rooms and they too were empty. He quickly checked all other places where people could be but it was eerily empty everywhere. All that was left to check was the infirmary.

When he arrived there he noticed Sasha in bed with Jean and Connie by her side. He knew immediately what moment this was. The moment they had come back from Shiganshina with only nine survivors. That meant Hanji had to be here too.

He looked to his left to see multiple medics tending to someone in a bed. As he moved closer he saw Hanji biting down on a block of wood and gripping the sheets as the medics worked on their eye. Levi was horrified by the sight. Didn’t they have anaesthetics?

“I’m so sorry, Hanji. We’ve run out of anaesthetics. The damage to your eye is quite complicated and it’s taking a long time to make sure you won’t suffer from any infections later on.” A medic explained to the struggling new Commander.

Oh, so that’s why. The surgery was taking so long that the anaesthetics had worn off. He looked to his right again at Sasha and her friends. She was doing okay, despite her pain as she wasn’t alone. Why wasn’t he here to support Hanji? Was he really that selfish?

Was he so absorbed in his grief over Erwin back then that he couldn’t find the strength to support his last living friend? That made him feel awful.

He was shaken from his train of thoughts when one of the medics declared they were finally done. They gave Hanji some water and painkillers and then urged them to rest.

Hanji sat up and took the painkillers and then got out of bed. “Just let me rest in my own room, okay? I can’t sleep with other people around.”

The medics didn’t argue, as they knew Hanji had been through hell and they didn’t want to make things worse on them.

Hanji felt dizzy and held onto the walls for support.

Levi followed them, but noticed they didn’t go to their room like they promised. They didn’t go to the lab either. Instead they went outside to the stables and saddled up one of the few horses they had left. As soon as they had closed the stable doors behind them they got on and rode off into the forest.

What the hell are they doing? They’re in no condition to ride in the dark!, Levi thought.

He followed them into the forest until they came to a halt and dismounted. There they dropped to their knees and started screaming and crying uncontrollably while pounding their fists in the dirt.

Levi could no longer stand to watch. He felt like this was the moment he was supposed to intervene in the memory. “Hanji! Stop it!”

Hanji looked up confused. Why was Levi here? They didn’t notice him at all. “What do you want?! Leave me alone, you jerk!”

He was taken aback by their outburst, but he moved closer anyway. “Hanji, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything. I’m a terrible friend and I didn’t consider your feelings. Please know that I didn’t make my choice with any ill intentions towards you. I’m sorry that you have to carry Erwin’s burden now.”

“Just… Just leave me alone.”

“No, I won’t. Not again. I should’ve been here and supported you. I should have held your hand during surgery while the anaesthetic wore off instead of locking myself in my room.”

“How do you know that? Did the medics come to tell you that?”

“No, I saw it myself.”

“Stop lying! You weren’t there! I was all alone!” They yelled at him.

“Yes, you were originally. But this isn’t real. This is your memory, Hanji. You’re in danger and we need you to wake up or you might never be normal again!”

Hanji laughed bitterly. “As if you’ve ever considered me normal.”

Levi sighed. This was going to be tough to snap Hanji out of this cruel memory. He dropped to his knees in front of them and held their shoulders. “We’re the Survey Corps. None of us is considered normal. You’re better than normal. You’re special. You’re a selfless hero and I love you.”

Hearing that made Hanji even more confused than they already were. “You’re not pulling my leg, right?”

“Of course not. I know you’re suffering a lot and I should have been there for you. Please snap out of this memory and let me show you how much you mean to me.”

“What’s all this talk about a memory? I don’t understand.”

Was he finally getting through to them? “It’s hard to explain but we’re inside your memories. All of us have been dead for quite some time and we’re living in the afterlife now.”

Hanji blinked in confusion. Had Levi finally lost it after losing Erwin? “I don’t want to sound like a jerk, but that does sound like a lot of bullshit.”

“Come on, Hanji. There has to be a way to make you believe me. You’re smart.”

Hanji pondered for a while. “Tell me more about the future then.”

Levi nodded and told them everything that would happen the next four years. All the horrors and all the deaths.

Hanji was silent for a moment. They didn’t know how to react to all of that. “So I died fighting an army of colossal titans?”

“Yes. You saved us. You saved everyone by doing that. And here you are doubting yourself if you’re capable. You’re so capable Hanji, you have no idea.”

Hanji choked back a sob. “That’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

Levi pulled them into his arms. “Please come back to us. Moblit is worried sick about you.”

“Moblit?”

“Yes, you two are together in the afterlife and very happy. Leave this hellish memory world and enjoy your romance.”

Hanji let out another sob. “He really does love me…”

“Of course he does. You’re his everything.”

“He’s mine too. Thank you, Levi. I know this is just a memory now. I remember his confession in the afterlife.”

“Great. Now let’s go back.”

Hanji nodded and they disappeared along with the memory they were currently residing in. Levi was left alone in an empty white space, but it didn’t feel scary. It felt fixed. There was no point in lingering here any longer. Maybe he could help someone else out with snapping Hanji out of a memory.

Meanwhile Erwin had found Hanji sitting on the ground after they had freed themselves from Eren’s grip. “Hanji.” He spoke softly.

Hanji looked up shocked. “No… You can’t be real. I’m really losing it.”

“I’m real, Hanji.”

“If you’re real then why did you leave me alone to deal with this mess?! You’re way more qualified than I am to handle this absolute shitshow!” Hanji yelled at him.

“Listen to me. I’m dead and I wish I could have spared you all of this. But don’t think you’re unqualified. You were a Squad Leader. You wouldn’t be one if you didn’t have the ability to lead. You’ve been dealt a terrible hand by fate with people backstabbing you left and right. That doesn’t mean you’re not capable. If you had the right people at your side, just like I did, you wouldn’t be in this position. No one can save the world on their own.” Erwin tried to reason with them.

“So, I’m talking to either your ghost or I’m in serious need of sleep.”

“No, you’re dead as well and this is a memory. One that causes you a lot of pain, cause you’re constantly telling yourself that you’re worthless while you’re not.”

“What do you mean I’m dead? What memory?” They closed their eyes hoping Erwin would disappear as they were driving themselves mad.

Erwin sighed. This was harder than he expected. “Hanji, I’m not going away because you closed your eyes. We’re all dead and we’re all happy in the afterlife now. But something triggered you and put you in a comatose state, making you relive your most painful memories. We’re trying to break you out. Please believe me and come back to us.”

“How do I know that what you say is real? That my mind isn’t just exhausted and playing tricks on me, cause I miss you so damn much?” Tears started to fall from their eye.

Erwin pulled her into a hug. “I wouldn’t lie to you. You know that.”

Hanji rested their head on his shoulder. “I’m so tired. Please convince me in a way that only you could.”

Erwin explained to them in great detail the things that were yet to unfold. “I’m so proud of you, Hanji. You have no idea.”

“So the Rumbling really is about to happen and I can’t do anything to stop it as this is all a memory… I can’t walk back down and take out Eren. Instead he takes me out with his army of colossal titans.” Hanji looked sad at that. They felt so betrayed.

“I know it’s not fair. But we’re all so proud of you. Because of you forming the alliance, turning enemies into allies, and then giving your life for humanity there’s still people left.”

“I guess you’re right. Thank you.” Hanji hugged him tight.

Erwin smiled and hugged back. “So are you ready to leave here and go back where you belong?”

“Where I belong?” Hanji questioned.

“You belong with us. With Moblit.”

“Moblit…” They missed him so much. Could they really see him again?

“He’s worried sick. Don’t let him wait any longer.”

“I won’t.” Hanji closed their eye and thought about the man who saved their life. They disappeared along with the memory, leaving only a white and empty space.

Erwin smiled and knew he succeeded here. There was no need to stay here any longer. Instead he started searching for the others in case they needed help with the memory they had been assigned to.

Moblit’s parents noticed that they were together. They figured that they probably needed the both of them as Hanji didn’t know them that well yet. They had no idea where they were until they heard soft sobbing sounds coming from behind a tree. There they saw a teenage Hanji wiping at their eyes in a desperate attempt to stop the tears from falling.

Moblit’s father whispered to his wife. “What should we do? We don’t know what’s going on.”

“Okay, let’s observe first. They’re a teenager and they’re wearing the Survey Corps uniform. What does that tell us?”

He took a closer look at the young scout. They looked dirty. Could they just have returned from an expedition? Maybe their first one? “I think they just came back from possibly their first expedition…”

“Oh, no. Poor child.” She moved over to Hanji and kneeled down in front of them. “Can I do something for you, sweetheart?”

Hanji looked up confused. Who was this woman kneeling in front of them? Within seconds a man joined her. Her husband perhaps? “Who are you?”

“That’s a little hard to explain.” Moblit’s mother replied. “How about you tell us what’s wrong? We don’t want to see you so upset.”

Hanji frowned. Why would they talk about their feelings to two strangers? But sometimes it was easier to pour your heart out to someone you didn’t know. They seemed nice after all. “I just returned from my first expedition outside the walls. So many fellow scouts died… I couldn’t save any of them…”

“Please don’t blame yourself for that. All of you chose to be in the scouts and all of you knew the risks. I’m sure you’ll save lives in the future. You’re just a rookie. Don’t be so hard on yourself, dear child.” Moblit’s father said.

“I guess you’re right… I’ll do my best.” Hanji replied.

“You’re going to grow up into someone very reliable. A leader with a big heart. You’re going to make many friends and make the world a better place. You’re going to save and inspire many people.” Moblit’s mother told them.

“That’s very kind of you to say that. But how could you possibly know that?” Hanji wondered.

“This will sound hard to believe but what you’re experiencing now is a memory. You’ve already done all those things. You’re an accomplished adult.” Moblit’s father tried to explain.

“That sounds really unlikely.” Hanji shook their head. As much as they appreciated these people trying to cheer them up, they shouldn’t just make stuff up.

“Hanji, please listen to us.” Moblit’s mother begged.

“Huh? How do you know my name? Who are you people?” Hanji was confused to say the least.

“As I’ve said, this is a memory of your past. You’re an adult.” Moblit’s father tried again.

“Then who are you? Answer me or I’ll walk away.”

“We’re the parents of someone very special to you. Someone who will support your titan research and work with you night and day on it because he believes in you and he believes you can make a difference.” Moblit’s mother explained.

How did they know that they had an interest in titan research? They only had thought of that a few minutes ago as they wished to make a difference. Knowing your enemy better could be the key to victory after all. “Tell me more. I’m not convinced yet.”

The couple told them everything that would happen to them in the future. They tried their best to be as detailed as possible. When they finished they left Hanji in a state of confusion. Their mind was reeling with so much information.

“Titans are humans? There’s people outside the walls? There’s a whole world out there that hates us because our race is the only one able to turn into titans?”

Moblit’s father frowned. Of course they would focus on those things first and not on the people that would change their life. Teenagers. “I’m sure that all sounds very interesting to you, but we need you to focus on the people we told you about. The people who love you.”

Hanji nodded and tried to focus on the people that the couple mentioned to them. Erwin was a familiar name. He immediately stood out to them among the scouts. He was impressive and they thought he could be a future Commander. So that added up. Who else? They mentioned a guy named Levi, but they wouldn’t meet him for many years, so that wasn’t helpful. They however had to grin at the fact that he was a shorty.

Then there was Moblit. Had they met him already? They weren’t sure. But just thinking about him made them feel warm inside. Would they really find someone like that? Someone who would support their research and always be there for them? Someone who would give his life for them?

They were startled out of their thoughts when they heard someone yell.

“Hey, Moblit! Wait up!” An unfamiliar voice yelled.

Their eyes immediately went into the direction of the sound and to their amazement they spotted the young man who was yelled at from the back. Something happened inside of them that they couldn’t place, but once he turned around to greet the one who had yelled at him, everything fell into place.

“Moblit…” Tears started streaming down their face as they remembered everything. 

They looked at the couple before them and noticed the uncanny resemblance. He was truly their son. They choked back a sob as they realised that despite knowing them for only two days, they came here inside their memories to save them, because just like their son, they love them.

“Let’s go back, Hanji.” Moblit’s father said.

“Back where you belong.” Moblit’s mother added.

Hanji nodded and closed their eyes. They disappeared along with the memory and everything turned white and peaceful again.

Moblit’s parents smiled, as they were happy to have saved them from this memory. But there was no time to rest. They needed to find the others and help them with other memories.

Meanwhile Hanji’s mother had found her child as well and not in a pleasant situation.

“Don’t listen to Hanji. They’re just a stupid orphan. You can’t expect them to have been raised well. Stop bothering us. We don’t want to be friends with such an ugly thing as you.”

“Imagine being so annoying and so ugly. No one would ever want to be around someone like you. Probably best you join the Survey Corps so you can be eaten quickly and leave the handsome boys to us.”

With that said the group of girls walked away and left Hanji standing there shocked. All they did was talk about the Survey Corps and tried to convince others to join the cause, but they only got hatred in return. Not just hatred but a personal attack. What had they ever done to them?

The words stung deep as they couldn’t help but feel that there was truth in it. Everyone seemed to have made friends in the Training Corps and they were all alone. Whenever they tried to talk to someone it always ended the same. Their peers made up excuses and cut the conversation short and walked away. They didn’t insult them, but did they all secretly think the same of them as those girls?

They had no parents or friends. And who would ever be romantically interested in them? They wore glasses and had unruly hair. No one would ever want to be with them. They would be alone forever and when they would join the Corps no one would bother to save them from titans. Why were they even alive?

They ran into the woods and hid behind a tree as the tears streamed down their face. They tried to supress their sobs, so no one would hear them and bully them even more. They knew they failed as they felt a presence approaching.

“Hanji…”

Hanji didn’t know how to react as they heard the one voice they had yearned to hear for many years. Was their mind playing tricks on them?

“Hanji, look at me.” Their mother urged.

Hanji looked up into the face of their mother. “You’re not real… You can’t be… You’re dead…”

“That’s right, baby. I’m dead, but so are you. This isn’t real. This is a memory you’re stuck in.” Their mother tried to explain.

Hanji blinked in confusion. Were they really so far gone that they fabricated an image of their mother telling them lies to feel better about their situation? “Just leave me alone… No one likes me. You shouldn’t either.”

Their mother cupped their face in both of her hands. “Now you listen to me. Those girls are wrong. When you join the Survey Corps you will make friends. They are your people. Don’t bother with anyone’s opinion about you if they don’t plan on joining the Corps. They have very different values.”

Maybe that was true. Maybe they should just be patient and focus on their training. “But how could you know that for sure? I’m weird. People don’t like weird.”

“Maybe ordinary people don’t, but the special ones do. The Survey Corps is full of special oddballs who don’t fit in with the rest of the people. You will find friends there. I promise.” Their mother tried to assure them.

“I need more than this. If what you say is true then you must be able to prove it somehow. Prove you’re not just a figment of my imagination.” They desperately wanted it to be true, but didn’t trust themselves.

“In reality you’re an adult. A very accomplished one. You’ve made many friends in the Survey Corps, became a Squad Leader while also doing titan research and coming up with inventions to advance the cause. You’re even more beautiful than you are now. You’re loved so much, Hanji.” Their mother tried to reason again.

“Me? Beautiful? Just look at me. I’m a mess.”

“Sweetie, you’re already very cute and when you mature you will become very beautiful. Someone in the Survey Corps will see that too.”

“That can’t be…” No way someone would fall for someone like them.

“It’s true. He’s your right hand man, always has your back, makes the most beautiful drawings of you, protects you and even gives his life for you because he loves you more than life itself.”

Hanji was stunned. Particularly by that final revelation. It was very hard to imagine something like that as a child. “Mommy, tell me his name. I can’t remember…”

“His name is Moblit.”

Upon hearing the name a strange warmth filled their chest, making all their tears stop from falling. “Moblit Berner…”

“That’s right, sweetie. Leave this memory behind and come back to reality so you can be with him and everyone else that loves you.”

“You’ll be there too, right?” Hanji asked hopeful.

“Yes, we’re all together in the afterlife.”

Hanji smiled, hearing that. They hugged their mother, closed their eyes and disappeared along with the memory, leaving only a vast white space behind. Hanji’s mother smiled and disappeared as well in search of the others to help them with other memories.

Meanwhile Moblit had arrived in front of a cabin in the woods. Dread filled his stomach as he knew which memory this was. The worst of all. With trembling hands he opened the door. Nothing could have prepared him for what he saw before him despite knowing what he would see here. It was so much worse than Hanji had described.

The smell of death and blood was overwhelming. The closer he got to the kitchen the more intense the smells became and the more intense the feeling of dread. Upon entering the kitchen he was met with the horrifying scene that Hanji had told him about. On the floor was the body of the monster who had hurt Hanji too many times to count and to the right of it was Hanji, sitting on the floor and leaning against the kitchen counter with empty eyes.

The young child looked utterly broken, both physically and mentally. Bruises and blood covered their body and their clothes looked ripped and torn. How did they ever recover from this?

Moblit didn’t know what to do. If he got too close to them would they panic? Or would they not even notice his presence, being too in shock to notice him? All he wanted was to take them in his arms and make all their pain go away.

He couldn’t just stand here being indecisive. He had to try something. He had to save Hanji from this memory. Maybe he had to block their view, so that they no longer had to look at that monster’s body. There was just enough room for him to sit between them, so he sat down in front of them.

Hanji didn’t react. They didn’t even notice him. Too deep in shock.

“Hanji…” He tried. He had to make contact with them to get them out of this memory.

No reaction.

“Sweetheart… You have to snap out of this and come home with me. Please… I don’t know what to do…” Moblit didn’t get a reaction again.

What was he supposed to do? Why was this memory appointed to him? How could he help them when at this point in time they didn’t even know him? He was a stranger. Another man who could potentially hurt them in their eyes.

But that didn’t mean he would give up. Never would he give up on them. He would get them home. “If anyone can hear me, I need help. Please help me save Hanji.”

Footsteps entered the cabin and made their way to him. His call for help had been answered. Levi, Erwin, Hanji’s mother and his parents entered the kitchen. They all looked horrified upon seeing Hanji looking so broken.

“Fucking monster…” Levi exclaimed.

“Please help me. I don’t know how to get through to Hanji…” Moblit begged them, his gaze full of sorrow.

Hanji’s mother kneeled down next to him. She had witnessed this moment before from the afterlife, but it still hurt deeply to see it again. “Oh, baby…”

Moblit looked at her, hoping she could provide some answers. “In reality, what made them snap out of their shock?”

“They sat here for days until people in the village noticed their absence and soldiers came to investigate. Hanji was taken to a hospital and got their injuries treated as well as fluids for dehydration. Medication made them fall asleep and when they woke up they were no longer in shock, but still mentally in a very bad state. All people could do to help them was to show them they meant them no harm and they slowly started getting a little bit better.” She explained to him.

“But that’s not going to happen now as this isn’t reality… I need to find a way to snap them out of it… Why was I chosen for this memory? They don’t know me… What if I scare them?” He had no idea how to solve this.

“Moblit, you were chosen for this because Hanji’s soul got damaged the most from this moment in their life. You as their soulmate are the only one who can heal that mental wound with your love.”

“Alright, just help me, okay? What helped Hanji as a child when they were upset or unwell?” He had to start somewhere.

“Hmm, a blanket and their plushie always helped a bit. I’ll see if I can find them.”

“Alright.”

After a few minutes Hanji’s mother came back with the blanket and their plushie. Together with Moblit, she carefully wrapped the blanket around Hanji and placed the plushie on their lap. There was no reaction again.

“They’re so cold… It’s like their soul left their body…” He couldn’t take it anymore and carefully scooped them up in his arms and held them protectively against his chest.

He made sure their head was resting against his heart. If there was one thing he had learned since they were a couple it was that Hanji always seemed to become a lot calmer when they could hear his heartbeat.

Hanji felt like they had been walking in a snowstorm for a long time, but suddenly warmth seemed to surround them and a familiar sound that they couldn’t place. They wanted to find out what it was. Slowly the storm disappeared as their eyes regained their focus and they were back in the cabin.

They let out a panicked scream upon realising that someone was holding them. “Noooo! Don’t hurt me! Don’t hurt me!”

Moblit didn’t know how to react, but luckily he didn’t have to as Hanji’s mother was quick to react instead.

“Hanji! Baby, you’re safe! No one is going to hurt you!” She reached out to her child and cupped their face.

That stopped Hanji from trashing around in Moblit’s arms. “Mommy…? But you’re dead… This can’t be real…”

“None of this is real, sweetheart. This is all a memory.”

Hanji shook their head and started crying. “No! Who are these people? Why is this strange man holding me?!”

“Hanji, please, you have to listen to me.”

“No! I don’t want to be hurt anymore! Why couldn’t he stop hurting me? What have I done wrong? I killed him… I killed him…” Hanji was spiralling out of control, not being able to handle everything that was going on.

Moblit couldn’t stand to see them like this. He gently pressed their head against his chest again. “You did nothing wrong. You have to remember who you are. You’re not alone. We all love you.”

Thump. Thump. 

There it was again, that familiar sound. It calmed them down immediately. Why was this man’s heartbeat so soothing to them? “Who are you…?”

“Your protector.” Moblit said as he stroked their hair.

“Oh… Something like a guardian angel?” They inquired.

“Something like that.”

“But then… Why didn’t you come to stop him?” Hanji asked as they pointed towards the body on the floor.

“I wish I could have stopped him. I wish I could pay him back tenfold for all that he’s done to you. But the thing is that we won’t meet each other until we’re in the Survey Corps.” Moblit tried to explain.

The Survey Corps? They had heard of that. They were thinking of joining them when they were old enough. But why did this man act like he could predict the future? They didn’t understand what was going on. “What do you mean? You’re here now. We’re meeting now.”

“As your mother said before, this isn’t real time. This is your memory. In reality you’re an adult who has accomplished many things in the Survey Corps. You see the black and blond haired men over there? Just like me you’ll also meet them in the Survey Corps.”

Hanji looked at them curiously. Something felt familiar about them, but they couldn’t place it. “I don’t understand…”

“Do you trust us?” Moblit asked.

They couldn’t explain why, but they did. Not just because of their mother being present and assuring them that it was safe. “Yes, you all seem good people. Especially you. I feel safe with you.”

Moblit smiled upon hearing that. At least that was something. “Hanji, you’re safe with us. All we want is for you to remember who you are and come home with us.”

“I don’t know what home is… I only know this cabin. But it doesn’t feel like home…” They said with a sad face.

“Home is with the people who love you. It’s not always a house. As long as you’re with someone you feel safe with then that also counts as home.” All he wanted was to get them out of this terrible place.

“Tell me how mommy can be here if she’s dead… I don’t understand what’s going on…” They held onto him tightly, wishing he could explain better.

“We’re all dead, Hanji. We all live together in the afterlife. This is just a memory.” He tried to explain again. It was hard to explain such a concept to a child, especially a very traumatized one.

“Why is this just a memory? Why am I inside of a memory of myself? How can this be a memory if all this feels so real?” They were so confused.

“You’re smart, Hanji. Use that wonderful brain of yours. What is the one thing that is impossible in this situation if this wasn’t a memory?” Moblit challenged them.

Hanji gasped, knowing the answer. “Mommy!”

“Exactly. Your mother has regrettably been dead for years.”

Hanji nodded sadly, understanding that this couldn’t be real and that they were right. “I don’t want to be here anymore… Take me home…”

Moblit gently petted their head. “Remember who you are, then we can all go home, Hanji.”

They looked up at him and stared into his kind and concerned eyes. “Who are you to me? You’re so kind to me.”

“When you join the Survey Corps you’ll eventually be my Squad Leader and I’ll be your Executive Officer.” Moblit started.

“What’s an Executive Officer?” Hanji asked.

Right. They were a child unfamiliar with all the Survey Corps terms. He would have to explain things in a way that a child would understand. “It means your second in command. Your right hand man. The person you work with the most.”

“Oh. So does that mean we’re close? Like friends?” They wondered.

“Yes, we’re very close. I’ve lost count of how many nights we stayed up together doing research and when you finally fell asleep I would carry you to bed.” Moblit reminisced fondly.

“Wow, that sounds like we’re really close.” They tried hard to remember but it still wouldn’t come back to them.

They sighed deeply. Their whole body hurt so much and it was hard to focus. But they had to try to remember. If only the pain wasn’t clouding their mind.

Moblit noticed they were whimpering and it broke his heart. They were trying so hard, but the pain made it almost impossible. He gently put their head against his heart again. “Take your time. It’s okay.”

Thump. Thump.

Again. There it was again, that sound that made them return to their senses. This man’s heartbeat was like a ray of sunshine through the darkest clouds. They kept listening as they felt warmer inside with each passing thump. But the warmth also made them drowsy and the adrenaline of being in survival mode wore off. Within seconds they passed out.

Suddenly they were flying through the air with the kind man behind them. Things were chaotic and they didn’t understand what was going on. He screamed their name as he pushed them down towards a well. They turned their head to look at him as they fell towards the well. Debris was flying all around the both of them. They couldn’t take their eyes off him. Then a searing pain entered their left eye. They were at the bottom of the well before they knew it.

The kind man had saved their life. But what about him? They gasped as memories started to return to them in unrelenting speed. Everything fell into place. They remembered who they were and more importantly who the man who saved their life was. How could they forget who he was?

Moblit. Moblit. Moblit.

He was gone.

They didn’t want to get up and climb out of the well. They didn’t want to face reality. Not a second time. They couldn’t handle seeing that there was nothing left and that there was nothing left of him. Of their Moblit. Their sweet and selfless Moblit.

They let out a sob. They remembered everything, but now they were all alone again without Moblit and stuck in this terrible moment. How were they supposed to go back to him? To everyone else?

“MOBLIT! MOBLIT! MOBLIT!” They screamed desperately.

There was no answer. Only deafening silence.

“Think, Hanji, think… Use your brain. Now that you know this is all memories and not real you should be able to break free. At least that would be the logical thing… Oh, crap I’m talking to myself… I’m going crazy… Please brain, don’t let me down…”

They closed their remaining eye and focussed solely on breathing for a while. They had to calm down somehow and let rational thoughts enter their brain instead of emotional ones.

“Okay… I came here because I passed out from injuries in Moblit’s arms and then I remembered everything because this moment in my life was the moment I realised that Moblit loves me. I was sent here to remember him. Now I have to get back but how?”

They thought about Moblit, as he had to be the key somehow to return. There was no Moblit here, though. He was in the cabin and so were they, wrapped in his arms, listening to his heartbeat.

“Heartbeat! That’s it! I need to hear it!”

They tried to put themselves into the position they were in as a child in Moblit’s arms. They were as silent as possible in hopes of Moblit’s heartbeat being strong enough to hear all the way here in this memory. What else could they do but hope? They didn’t want to stay here.

Seconds felt like minutes and minutes felt like hours, but they couldn’t despair. If they would give in to despair then it would be over and they would be stuck here forever. They had to focus harder. This was their mind and memories and they were in charge of them and not the other way around.

“Visualise and move your consciousness back to him.”

They visualised being in Moblit’s arms again, with their head pressed against his chest, listening to his heartbeat.

Thump. Thump.

There! They could hear it clearly! When they opened their eyes again they were back in Moblit’s arms.

“Moblit!” They exclaimed happily, as they looked into his worried face.

“Hanji! I was so worried when you passed out! Wait… Did you just say my name? You remember?” Moblit asked with a mix of uncertainty and hope.

“Everything!” They beamed with their bloodied face.

“Then let’s get back home. We can fix everything wrong there, I promise.” He couldn’t bear to look any longer at that innocent young face, covered in blood and bruises. He wanted his Hanji back.

Hanji nodded and closed their eyes. They disappeared from his arms and everything turned white again. Moblit and the others quickly left the white space behind them as well and returned to reality.

Back in reality Moblit looked at Hanji as they slowly returned to normal. Their cosmic appearance seeped away and their own skin and hair colour returned. They slowly opened their eyes and looked around, utterly confused.

“Where…? What…?” They had no idea where they were and that made them feel uneasy.

“You’re safe now. That’s all you need to focus on right now.” Moblit explained calmly, but couldn’t stop the fresh tears from running down his cheeks.

Hanji focussed their eyes on him. Why was he crying? What had happened to them that made them feel so exhausted and him so emotional? “Moblit…” They exclaimed softly as they tried to catch his tears.

“Don’t worry about me. As long as you’re going to be okay then I will too.” He gently cupped their face, not liking the bags under their eyes. They had never looked so exhausted. Not even when they stayed up days upon end doing research.

“What is this place…?” They couldn’t remember what happened. They needed answers.

“Sweetheart, a lot has happened. But we don’t know everything either. We found you in the forest, unconscious and a bloody mess.”

Hanji gasped as it triggered their memories. “Where is he?!”

Moblit looked concerned and tried to keep them still as they started thrashing around in a panic. He understood partly now what had happened, but he still didn’t know how it was possible. “Hanji! He’s not here! You’re safe!”

Hanji stopped trashing immediately. Moblit wouldn’t lie to them. “I don’t understand…”

“It’s okay. Try to tell what happened when you entered the forest.”

Hanji explained the events that went down in the forest until they passed out. Moblit looked horrified at that. It couldn’t be possible, right? He looked at Celia for answers.

“When you have such deep trauma, the source of it can manifest in front of you and hurt you again. It wasn’t really him that hurt you, but it was your unresolved trauma that created an image of him that hurt you.” Celia explained.

“But how…? How can an image hurt me…?” Hanji’s mind was way too tired to process all of this.

“In the afterlife you deal with trauma differently, because you’re purely a soul. You have the appearance and abilities of your living body, but it’s not the same. A trauma is a wound on the soul. Your soul is fully exposed in the afterlife, there’s no body armour. The fears in your mind can freely harm your soul.”

“I don’t want that to ever happen again… I need help… I can’t do it alone…” Hanji despaired.

“You won’t have to. All of your loved ones entered your memories and broke you out of despair. But, yes, you need therapy.”

Hearing that made the moments they experienced in their memories with them saving them return to them. It made them happy that they all cared so much. “Will this happen again…?”

“Unlikely, as they left their essence in your memories as a failsafe. But you will still suffer from things like panic attacks and nightmares if you don’t get the proper help.”

“I understand… Thank you all for saving me… You too, Celia…” Having enough understanding for now made the adrenaline rush wear off. Within seconds the exhaustion claimed them as their eyes rolled back into their head and they passed out.

“Hanji! Hanji!” Moblit shook them, as it scared him to see them like that.

“It’s okay, Moblit. They’re exhausted and merely asleep. They will need lots of sleep to recover. I’ll take you all home.”

Within seconds all of them were in Moblit’s and Hanji’s bedroom. With a little stardust the couple’s clothes were swapped for their pyjamas and teleported comfortably into their bed by Celia.

Moblit pulled Hanji close and let their head rest on his chest, so that they could hear his heartbeat. “Thank you, Celia. For everything.”

“You’re all welcome. Just let them rest and when they feels better then we can discuss therapy.”

“How long will they be asleep?” Moblit asked.

“It’s hard to say exactly, but it could definitely be a couple of days. They need some good deep sleep without interruption to recover.”

“A couple of days? That’s quite long…” Moblit replied slightly disappointed.

“What’s a few days when you have eternity? You’re all still not used to that?”

“I guess not.” Moblit admitted.

“It’s fine. You can’t shake off something that’s normal to you so easily. Maybe you shouldn’t.”

“What do you mean?”

“You have always lived your lives as if every day could be your last. My kind doesn’t experience that. I’m sorry if I sounded insensitive to your customs.”

“Don’t worry about it. There will always be differences. I mean every human is unique as well.” Moblit said.

“That’s right. I forgot about that for a moment. Thank you for reminding me. Your kind is more special than you may think.”

“Yeah, very special.” He replied as he looked at the sleeping treasure in his arms.

“Anyway, let Hanji rest. Also don’t think something like this can’t happen to anyone else. You’ve all led very traumatic lives. I urge you to consider therapy too. For starters just open up more to each other about it.”

Erwin and Levi looked at each other, knowing Celia specifically meant them and Moblit. Basically anyone of the Survey Corps needed their traumas sorted out now that they were no longer forced to move forward.

“We will, Celia. Thank you.” Erwin replied. “I think it’s time for us to go home too and let Hanji rest with Moblit.”

Levi nodded. “Moblit, we’ll come by every day to check on you two. If you need anything, we’re here in a heartbeat, okay?”

“Thank you, guys.”

Levi leaned over the bed to press a kiss to Hanji’s head. “Don’t sleep too long, okay? Moblit won’t stop worrying otherwise… and me neither.”

Erwin leaned over to do the same. “Rest well. We’re here for you.”

Together they left for their own home, being tired as well from the whole ordeal. Moblit’s parents gave Hanji a kiss as well and promised to come check on them every day as well. Hanji’s mother gave her child multiple kisses, finding it hard to leave, but knew it was best to sleep in a quiet environment to get enough rest.

Once everyone had left, Moblit kissed Hanji’s head as well and held them gently. Together they slept way past noon, but only Moblit opened his eyes. He had expected it, but was still a little sad about it. At least the bags under their eyes had lessened.

Hanji’s mother came upstairs and softly knocked on the bedroom door. They had all decided to leave the front door unlocked so that Moblit wouldn’t have to leave Hanji’s side besides for a quick bathroom break.

“Come in.” Moblit said softly.

“I brought you some food.” She looked at Hanji and smiled softly. “They look a little better.”

“Thank you.” Moblit said as he took the plate from her after he gently positioned Hanji’s body off his chest. “They do indeed.”

“They’re strong. They’ll be okay.”

“Yeah, we’ll all make sure of that.”

“I brought something else besides food for you. I also brought something for Hanji.” She pulled a plushie out of the bag that she was carrying.

Moblit looked at the familiar stuffed animal. “Is that the same one you placed in Hanji’s lap when we were in the memory?”

“Yes. It always brought Hanji great comfort as a child. I thought that maybe they could use it now as well.”

“That’s a great idea. I’m sure Hanji will appreciate it.”

Hanji’s mother gently placed the frog plushie in Hanji’s arms. Subconsciously they hugged the green stuffie to their chest. “Looks like they’re happy with it.”

“That’s the first time they’ve moved on their own since they fell asleep.” Moblit couldn’t help but to smile optimistically. He could feel a lot of tension leave him.

“That’s great. I’m glad it helps them.” She smiled as she looked at Hanji, remembering the times when they were little.

“Why a frog? It’s an unusual animal choice for kids. On the other hand Hanji is quite unusual.” He had to stifle his laughter.

“Well, when they could barely talk we came across a pond with frogs and they immediately took a liking to them. They were so upset when we went home, not wanting to leave and crying frog on repeat. So a few days later I surprised them with a self-made frog plushie.” She explained.

He had to put the plate aside now, as he needed both hands to stifle his laughter. The mental images of a toddler Hanji throwing a tantrum over frogs was so funny to him. It was so Hanji. “They must have been the happiest child alive.”

“Yes, it also kept them from trying to escape the house to go see the frogs.”

“They have always been a handful it seems.” He didn’t expect otherwise.

“The sweetest little handful.”

“Yeah, I wouldn’t want them any other way.” Moblit gently petted their head as they continued sleeping peacefully.

Moblit’s parents and Erwin and Levi came in and witnessed the heartwarming sight before them. They were all happy that Hanji was doing a little better.

“They look a lot better than yesterday.” Levi commented.

“Yeah, I’m glad they’re recovering well.” Erwin added.

All of them spend some time chatting with Moblit and all of them left the house with a way better feeling than the day before after seeing Hanji looking better.

“I want to do something for Hanji.” Levi said as he walked home with Erwin.

“Oh? You have something in mind?” Erwin questioned.

“I do.” He said as he stopped walking. “Celia, can you hear me?”

Celia appeared a few seconds later. “What can I do for you, Levi?”

“Hanji has a special plushie that they got from their mom. I was thinking that maybe we can give them one too, so could you show us how to get to that mall thing and where they have plushies?” Levi informed.

“Of course. You can walk in that direction or just focus on the place you want to go to and you’ll be teleported there in seconds.” The little star explained.

“Neat. Could you come with us, though? We could really use some guidance as it’s the first time and all.”

“Yes, I’ll help all of you in any way I can.”

Within seconds the trio had appeared at the mall. Levi and Erwin couldn’t believe their eyes. Where did this enormous building come from?

Celia noticed their surprise. “Space works a little differently here than you’re used to. Something that appears small on the outside can hold up a room of enormous proportions.”

“Amazing.” Erwin said as he took everything in. “Now how do we get to the plushies?”

“Go to this screen over here and then you can either type in what you’re looking for or you can use your voice to request it.”

Levi and Erwin looked puzzled at that.

“Oh, right. You’re unfamiliar with things like touch screens and voice commands. It’s technology your world didn’t possess yet.” Celia proceeded to give a basic explanation of the technology, but it still left the couple puzzled.

“So you could look at it as an evolved form of writing on paper… Is that correct?” Erwin questioned.

“In some way, yes. But if we’re looking purely at it from a writing standpoint then that alone had some more steps before reaching the touch screen.”

“I’d love to learn more about that.” Erwin said.

“I think we all do, but especially you and Hanji.” Levi noted.

“Yeah, we’ll study everything in due time. For now let’s focus on Hanji’s recovery.”

“Alright, let’s get this screen thing working.”

Celia nodded. “Try it. Tell it what you’re looking for.”

Levi walked up to the screen and chose for the voice option, not understanding how he needed to write on the thing. “Frog plushie.”

The screen quickly provided an answer and instructed Levi to press the screen. He did as told and all of them were teleported to a giant room filled with frog plushies.

“Wow.” Erwin let out.

“You could say that again. This is too much choice.” Levi grumbled.

“Use this screen to refine your choice. Like size and colour.” Celia instructed.

Levi did as told and the room changed to suit their needs. “That’s still an awful lot, but I’ll guess it’ll do.”

The trio started their search for the perfect plushie. There were many cute ones among them that they were sure would be a good choice for Hanji, but Levi couldn’t help but feel that something was missing.

He picked up the one that he thought Hanji would like the most, cause it looked a little weird. “I like this one but is it possible to change something about it?”

“Like what?” Celia asked.

“Well, I want it to be a get well soon gift from all of us in the Survey Corps, so maybe something that would show that?” Levi answered.

“Say no more.” Celia used some stardust on the plushie and within seconds it was wearing a small Survey Corps cape.

Levi grinned. “It’s perfect. Thank you, Celia. Tonight at dinner I’ll let everyone put their love in it and then we’ll give it to Hanji tomorrow when we visit again.”

“No problem. I’ll see you both later then.” With that said Celia disappeared again.

Levi and Erwin left the mall and returned to their own home. They sat on the couch in silence for a while until Erwin spoke up.

“What’s bothering you, Levi? Something is off about you. Hanji will recover, so don’t worry about it too much.”

“I feel guilty about Hanji’s situation.” Levi confessed.

“Why?”

“When the titans disappeared, so did my powers. But I have them back here somehow and I’m having difficulty adjusting to that after so long. I really had to hold back during our volleyball game and when I threw that frisbee I forgot about my powers and threw it way too hard…”

“It’s not your fault. Hanji wouldn’t want you to blame yourself for this. It was bound to happen soon. Hanji will tell you that too.” Erwin tried to explain.

“I guess you’re right. But even so I want to help Hanji any way I can. I haven’t been there enough for them when we were alive. I’m not making that mistake again. I will let them know that they can depend on me.”

“I’m sure they know now. You resolved your issues with that when you saved them from the memory you were assigned too.” Erwin reasoned.

“Yeah, I made sure they know.”

“Then there’s nothing to worry about anymore now. Maybe it’s time that we follow Celia’s advice and start talking more about our own traumas.” Erwin suggested.

“Yeah, you’re right. There’s plenty we’ve both kept inside for way too long. Especially me. I guess you already talked about some things with Hanji, Moblit and the others?”

“Yeah, I did. But there’s some things I feel like the two of us need to talk about together.”

Levi nodded, knowing very well what Erwin meant. “Yeah, let’s stop running and hiding.”

Both of them talked about many of their traumas. Their youths, Shiganshina and everything in between. When it was dinner time they both left the house with red eyes from crying. Everyone was worried about them and provided hugs. It did them good. The two of them updated everyone about Hanji and Levi passed the plushie around for everyone to put their love into it.

The next day they visited Hanji again and to their relief they looked even better than the day before.

“They’re looking a lot better. Bags under their eyes are almost gone.” Levi pointed out.

Moblit smiled and nodded. “Yeah, they’re moving in their sleep again, which is a good sign. They haven’t woken up yet, though.”

“They will soon. We’ve brought a little gift.” Levi pulled out the frog plushie that he was hiding behind his back.

“That’s wonderful. It’s very cute.” Moblit watched as Levi tucked the new plushie under Hanji’s arm.

“It’s been blessed with love from everyone in the Survey Corps.” Levi explained.

“That’s so thoughtful. I’m sure Hanji will love it.” Moblit was glad to have such a wonderful found family besides his biological one.

“It was all Levi’s idea.” Erwin mentioned. “We looked at many plushies in the mall, but felt this one was probably the one for Hanji. Celia added the cape.”

“Thank you so much for all of that. All that love will help Hanji heal for sure.”

“We sure hope so. How are you holding up?” Erwin knew it couldn’t be easy for Moblit to deal with, but he looked a little brighter each day too.

“I’m doing okay. All the visits help a lot with that too.”

“We’re glad to hear so. Just hang on a little longer. We’re all here for you too.” Erwin gave him a hug.

Moblit gratefully returned the hug. “Thanks, Erwin.”

“We’ll come back tomorrow. Hopefully Hanji will be back to us then.”

The couple left again, satisfied that Hanji was improving day by day. Moblit’s parents visited multiple times a day to make sure that their son and Hanji were doing okay. Hanji’s mother came multiple times a day as well, finding it hard to be away from her child for long.

When nighttime came Moblit was alone again with Hanji and he went to sleep, hoping that the next day Hanji would finally open their eyes again. When he woke up the next day he immediately looked at Hanji. They were still sleeping, but they were drooling and holding onto him, much to his surprise.

He pulled a tissue out of the tissue box on the nightstand to wipe their mouth clean and then disposed of it in the small bin his father had set up for him next to the bed, so that he wouldn’t have to leave Hanji’s side.

Hanji felt something tickle their face. They slowly opened their eyes to find the source of it. They looked around to find themselves lying in bed to their surprise. Their memory was foggy. They didn’t remember going to bed. They noticed Moblit besides them and smiled. He could explain everything to them.

“Moblit?” They started.

Moblit turned his head so fast when he heard their voice that he would have given himself whiplash if he was still alive. Now it was just a tingle. He pulled them into his arms immediately.

Hanji was slightly startled by his actions but hugged him back gently until they heard a sob escape him. “Moblit, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I’m just glad you’re back.” He held them tightly, afraid it was just a dream that could slip through his fingers.

“Back from what? What’s going on? I don’t remember going to bed.” Hanji said worriedly.

Moblit pulled away a bit to look at them. They looked healthy again with no bags remaining under their eyes. He gently explained what had happened and how long they had been asleep to recover from it.

Hanji was shocked to hear it as everything came back to them. They had worried them all so much. They couldn’t help but to start crying. The whole ordeal was such an emotional upheaval. But the light had been stronger than the darkness. They gently took hold of Moblit’s face and kissed him softly.

Moblit was a little surprised at the sudden kiss, but kissed them back gently. The kiss was slow but passionate, as both of them lacked the words to express how much they had missed the other. When they broke apart Moblit proceeded kissing their face beneath their eyes to stop the tears from making their way down. It made the smile return to their face and the light to their eyes.

“Everything is going to be okay, sweetheart. You’re not alone.” Moblit promised.

“Thank you. I love you so much. You keep saving me.” Hanji wiped at their eyes.

“I love you too, Hanji. So, so much. I’m always here.” He pressed a kiss on their forehead.

They let their head rest against his chest, listening to his heart again. It calmed them down quickly. “Your heartbeat is what saved me.”

“Now that you mention it, I did put your child version’s head against my chest in hope of it snapping you out of shock.” He gently stroked their hair as they leaned against his chest.

“It also saved me from when I passed out as a child in the memory.”

“I was so worried. What happened? Suddenly you were back remembering everything.”

“I relived Shiganshina. When you saved me I remembered everything. But then I was all alone again in that well and didn’t know how to get back to you. I was terrified. All I could think of was focussing on you and trying to hear your heartbeat. It brought me back to you.”

Moblit hugged them tightly to his chest. He had already wondered why none of them were sent to that memory. He hated that they had to relive it to remember who they were. “I wish you didn’t have to go through that again…”

“Yeah… I’ve gone through it more often than I’d like to admit. It’s the thing I have nightmares about the most.”

Moblit knew that. Hanji had been very open about that. Maybe therapy could also lessen those. He knew things like that never fully left, but he hoped the frequency would at least go down. “We’ll make things better. Just believe in us.”

“Of course I do. I can’t help but to be scared, though.” Hanji admitted.

“What scares you the most right now?” Moblit inquired.

“I’ve had plenty of nightmares about all the terrible things that happened during my time alive and in the time that we spend in the waiting room. While they’re all horrible, I can somehow deal with it. But I’ve suppressed everything that monster did to me and now that it’s surfacing I’m just terrified. I know what happened in the forest won’t happen again, but still it can come pretty close…” Just thinking about that man send shivers down their spine and made their breathing speed up.

Moblit noticed and rubbed their back. “I’m not leaving your side for a moment anymore. Promise you tell me what you feel and what’s going on in your mind and I’ll make it go away.”

“Thank you so much. I think I’ll manage a quick bathroom trip without you, though.” Hanji said cheekily.

Moblit laughed at that. “I’m glad you’re sounding more like yourself again. But maybe you could take one of the frogs with you instead.”

“Frogs?” Hanji looked puzzled.

Moblit pointed at the frogs besides them. “Your childhood plushie that your mother made and the new one with blessings from everyone in the Survey Corps.”

Hanji picked both of the frogs up and felt their heart clench with an overwhelming sense of love. “This is… perfect. They make me so happy!”

Moblit watched with a smile on his face as Hanji hugged the plushies to their chest. “Your mom brought the childhood one, hoping it would help you recover. Levi was inspired by it and got the new one to help as well.”

“That’s so incredibly sweet. I can’t wait to thank them.”

“They’ve been visiting every day to check up on you while you were asleep. I’m sure they’ll come by soon again.”

A knock on the door followed and Moblit gave the okay to come in. To his surprise it was Celia.

“Hello, you two. I’m glad to see you’re doing well again, Hanji.”

“Celia!” Hanji exclaimed surprised. “Yeah, I’m doing a lot better. Thank you for all your care again.”

“You’re very welcome. I’m here to discuss my plan for your therapy. It might be a bit unconventional, but I believe unconventional works best for someone like you.”

Hanji nodded, on board with whatever Celia had planned. They trusted the little star. “I’m ready, let’s hear it.”

“For starters I want you to just take it easy for a couple more days, to really get back on your feet. Spend time with your loved ones. After that we’ll have a session once a day. After the session I’ll provide you something that makes you happy. You can pick whatever you want.” Celia explained.

Moblit listened carefully and liked the idea. Ending the day with happiness would probably provide better sleep with less nightmares too. “Can I be present during those sessions?”

“Of course. Support from loved ones will surely help to deal with all the emotions better.”

“Thank you, Celia.” He was glad that he and Celia were on the same page with this.

Hanji was relieved about that too. Having Moblit with them made everything more bearable. “Thank you.”

“Oh, before I forget. I advise you to postpone what we’ve discussed before this all happened. You should be in the right mind space to fully enjoy sex.”

Moblit and Hanji both nodded. It was disappointing to have to wait even longer but it was for the best. They wanted to fully enjoy it with happiness in their hearts and not depressive thoughts lurking in the background.

“Well, I think I’ll go inform your loved ones that you’re awake. You don’t want them worrying any longer than necessary, do you?”

Hanji happily agreed to that. Within minutes the bedroom was full with their mother, Moblit’s parents, Erwin and Levi. Their mother practically launched herself at them and pulled them in a tight hug.

“Baby! Are you okay? I was so worried!” Hanji’s mother said.

Hanji could only hug back tightly at that. “Yeah, thanks to all of you. I’m sorry for worrying you.”

“We’re so glad you’re okay.” Moblit’s father said.

“Glad to see you healthy again.” Moblit’s mother added.

“Hanji, I’m so relieved to see you back to normal again.” Erwin said.

Levi nodded. “Yeah, glad you’re no longer looking like the cosmos or sleep deprived.”

“I know what I look like when sleep deprived but that whole cosmos thing still makes zero sense to me even after Moblit explained.”

“Allow me to show it to you. Just be aware that you might not like seeing yourself like that.” Celia mentioned.

“I’m aware. But if I don’t see it then I’ll forever wonder about it.”

Celia nodded and projected an image of what they looked like. Hanji looked at it with mixed feelings. Their scientific mind found it very interesting and it was also beautiful to look at in a way. But they didn’t like the empty white eyes that looked completely disconnected from reality.

“Are the eyes always like that?” Hanji asked.

“No, this is only because of what was happening with you. They’re supposed to look more similar to your regular eyes.”

“So this is what we look like without our… how should I call it? Physical layer?”

“That’s right. This is how you look without it. Butt since you humans are a unique bunch and value your uniqueness you get to keep the look of your living days.”

“So… can we change into that at will or can it only happen under the circumstance it happened to me?”

“Hanji!” Moblit scolded.

“What? Can’t I be curious?” Hanji asked innocently.

Moblit knew full well that they wanted to try it if it was possible. “You’re such a handful…”

Celia couldn’t help but to smile. “It’s possible to change at will and back. It’s not harmful when you’re in a good state of mind. That means I definitely won’t teach you until you’ve healed.”

Moblit sighed at that.

Hanji looked at him questioningly. “What’s wrong?”

“I’m sorry. I’m just not too keen on it. It scared me to see you like that.” He explained.

That made them feel guilty. They had been so curious about it that they forgot to take into consideration how Moblit felt, seeing them like that. They hugged him tightly. “I’m sorry. You’re more important than my curiosity, so if it’s a no go for you then I’ll forget about it.”

It made him happy to hear that they put him above their curiosity. “I don’t want to stop you from being curious. It’s a big part of who you are and I love you for it. It’s just that it’s too soon for me to think about after what happened. We can get back to it when things are better.”

“Trust me, I don’t want to right now either. It’s all too fresh still for both of us. Let’s focus on healing and happiness first.”

“Exactly.” Celia agreed. “I would advise you to two to rest up until dinner time and then see if you feel like joining everyone else. Hanji, it’s good for you to try to get back into your daily activities and not keep hiding in bed if you want to heal.”

Hanji nodded. The whole ordeal had been very taxing but hiding beneath the covers wouldn’t fix anything. “I will come to dinner. I want to see everyone.”

“Everyone wants to see you too. They’ve all been so worried.” Erwin explained.

“Ugh, don’t make me cry now, Erwin. I love you all so much.” Hanji said as Erwin gave them a reassuring hug.

“We all love you too. Now go rest up some more and then we’ll see you later, okay?” Erwin released his hold and petted their head.

“Will do.”

Erwin and Levi left them to rest. The parents whipped up a breakfast. Eating delicious food made Hanji more energetic and happy. After some talking and hugging they left too, so that the couple could freshen up after multiple days in bed.

“Sweetie, go have a shower and I’ll change the sheets in the meantime. Don’t lock the door, okay? I need to be able to reach you if you would get a panic attack.” He would very much prefer not to have to kick the door in.

“I promise.” They picked out fresh clothes from the closet and walked into the bathroom.

They placed the fresh clothes on a stool and started to brush their hair. It had been worse before but it still gave them tingles, trying to get through the many tangles. After a while they were finished and placed the brush aside and took off their pyjama and underwear.

They walked into the shower and tried to remember how it worked. Their mother had already put it on a nice temperature but they could adjust it by pressing up for warmer and down for colder. They decided to go with it for now and press the button to turn the shower on.

It felt wonderful. It was nothing like the ones back on Paradis. Now that there was no more titan research demanding their attention, they could stay here for as long as they liked without feeling like they wasted time.

Their mother had explained that the shampoo and bodywash on the left side was theirs and on the right side was Moblit’s. They didn’t understand at first why there was a difference but apparently different products were better for different hair and body types. Also most men probably wanted a more manly smell than the stuff what was in Hanji’s bottles.

Hanji had shrugged, not really caring about things like that. They grabbed their body wash and started washing themselves. The smell was nice. It smelled like some sort of flower, but it wasn’t too strong. Curiosity got the better of them and they opened Moblit’s bottle to take a whiff.

That smelled very different. It definitely smelled manly, but in a good way. It was really intoxicating. Moblit would smell so good once he took his shower. It would be hard to be close to him without wanting to smell him constantly. They quickly closed the bottle and continued their shower before any more mature thoughts would enter their mind.

After washing their hair and relaxing a bit more, they turned off the water. They didn’t want to make Moblit wait or worry. They stepped out of the shower and started drying themselves off and putting their clean clothes on. After that they dry blowed their hair and put a hair tie in it. They took a look in the mirror and was glad to see they looked like themselves again.

They exited the shower and found Moblit struggling with the sheets and smiled. “Need some help?”

Moblit looked up and smiled as he saw how nice and refreshed Hanji looked. “Oh, yes please. I guess I’m not used to changing sheets for a two person bed.”

Hanji laughed and came closer to help out. “It’s nice to have one. We’ll just do it together.”

Moblit nodded. “You look and smell great.”

Hanji burst out laughing, hearing that. “I never thought I would ever hear someone say that I smell great.”

Moblit couldn’t help but to laugh as well. “Levi will be so happy with that.”

“Yeah, he’s probably going to complain that it took us dying for it to happen, though.”

“Probably.” They finished the bed and Moblit couldn’t help himself from taking a whiff of Hanji’s hair. “Lovely.”

It made Hanji blush. They shoved him towards the bathroom before he would make them lose their composure. “Time for you to take a shower as well.”

“Alright, alright.” Moblit disappeared into the shower.

Hanji plopped down on the bed, wondering when they would finally take a shower together. They really wanted to, but they had to work hard first to deal with their traumas and emotions.

After a while Moblit came back from his shower and sat down next to them on the bed. Hanji put their arms around him and inhaled his scent. “You smell so good. It’s a shame.”

“Huh? Why is it a shame?” Moblit asked confused.

“Well, if it wasn’t for the fact that I have to deal with healing from my traumas first then this might have led to… Well, you know.”

“Ah, I get what you mean. But don’t worry about it. There’s no rush. We have all the time in the world here.”

“You’re right. I should be patient.”

“Everything will be alright.” He hugged them tight.

“I’m sorry. Even now that we’re dead, you can’t stop worrying about me. I’ll do my best to heal, so we can be happy and worry free.” They let their head rest on his shoulder.

“It’s a privilege to worry about you. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to stop it. It’s been a part of me for so long.” Moblit gently rubbed their back.

“You’re so sweet. I want to see you smile when you think of me, though. Not on the verge of an anxiety attack.” They softly kissed his cheek.

“I’ll do my best.” He softly smiled at the kiss.

“That’s the spirit.”

“Forgive me for asking, but I can’t help but wondering… and worrying. Did he… do more than strangling and beating you?” He hoped it wouldn’t be the case, but the thought wouldn’t leave his mind.

Hanji didn’t quite follow his train of thought. “You mean like use a belt or something? No, he didn’t plan things out.”

“That’s not what I meant, but I’m glad he didn’t use a belt. I meant if he ever abused you sexually…”

Hanji shook their head wildly and hugged him tight. “I swear he didn’t. Never attempted to either, thankfully.”

“Oh, thank heavens. I’m sorry for asking. It’s just that it often is the case in such circumstances. I was worried you might have suppressed it as well and that it would surface when we would finally get to it.”

That would be awful for multiple reasons, but the last thing they wanted was for Moblit to blame himself for anything if that would have been the case. “Don’t be sorry for asking. It’s good that you did. I wouldn’t want to remember such a thing while making love to you and all hell breaking loose.”

Moblit sighed in relief. “I’m so glad he didn’t do that on top of everything else. I already feel like asking Celia if there’s any way to repay him for what he did, but I feel like I would have lost it if he had done that as well.”

They didn’t doubt that. Moblit was an incredibly gentle soul, but it brought out the worst in him when someone harmed them in any way. “I know. I’ll be honest with you. If he had done that as well I don’t know if I would’ve had the will left to fight back and live. I really don’t know what that would’ve done to me mentally.”

Moblit held them tight to his chest and slightly shook. He didn’t want to think about the possibility of that. A world without Hanji in it would have been extremely dark. “I’m so glad you lived.”

“Hey, let’s stop thinking about this. Let’s not add this to our pile of things to get upset about. Once I feel emotionally better, we’re going to have the best sex ever, okay?”

Moblit couldn’t help but chuckle. He was so glad that wouldn’t become an issue. “Just so you know the choice would’ve been entirely up to you. Your wellbeing is the most important and if sex would’ve been out of the question for you then it would be fine. I only want sex if you want it too with your whole heart.”

“You’re the sweetest. It’s going to be great.” 

They sat in comfortable silence for a while and then went on about their day until it was dinner time. When the couple appeared at dinner everyone cheered. Hanji smiled broadly, glad they were back with them. Their squad surrounded them and Nifa hugged them tight.

“Hanji! We were so worried! We’re glad you’re back!”

Hanji hugged Nifa back. “It’s good to be back. I’m sorry for making you all worry.”

“We’re all here for you.”

“Thank you. Please take care of yourself as well. I don’t want what happened to me to happen to anyone else.” Everyone needed some therapy from the horrors of their world, not just them.

“I will. Come have food. You’ve missed out on delicious things the last few days.”

“Oh! Show me!” Hanji exclaimed excitedly.

Nanaba walked over and gave them a bowl of udon noodles. “You have to try this.”

“This looks like it came from Hizuru. It smells delicious. Thanks, Nanaba.”

“You’re welcome. Also I wanted to let you know that you can talk to me about your past. I also had an abusive father. Talking to someone with a similar experience can help.”

Right. It had slipped their mind, as Nanaba had only mentioned it here and there since Hanji joined them in the waiting room, but it was probably a good idea. “Thank you. That means a lot.”

“You’re going to be alright, Hanji.” She gave her friend a hug, careful of the bowl.

Hanji hugged back with one arm. “Yeah, with all of your support I will be.”

Hanji sat down next to Moblit who also had a bowl. Together they started eating and it tasted as good as it smelled. There were many more dishes that looked like the stuff Hanji had seen from Hizuru. Each of them were as delicious as they smelled. They really liked this type of food. It didn’t take long before they were full.

“I love this food. I didn’t really get to try it on Paradis, as it wasn’t Niccolo’s specialty and Kiyomi didn’t cook, so I’m glad we have all you can eat of it here.”

“It’s really delicious. I definitely want to learn how to make all this and how it gets all these incredible flavours.” Moblit said.

“Can I help you? I want to learn too.” Hanji inquired.

“Of course. I love cooking together with you.” Doing things as a couple always brought him a lot of joy.

“Yay! I especially love these fish-shaped waffles!” Hanji took another bite of their chocolate filled tayaki.

Moblit laughed at that. Of course anything with chocolate would become an instant favourite of Hanji. “They’re delicious. It’s fun that you can fill them with all sorts of stuff.”

“Fun and yummy!”

“I’m glad to see you’re having fun, Hanji.” Celia appeared next to them.

“Oh, hi. I didn’t notice you.” Hanji said, slightly surprised.

“I just appeared a few seconds ago, so no worries. Anyway I’m here because I want to propose some therapy.”

“Oh? You mean right now?” Hanji asked, not expecting that.

“Yes, once you’ve finished your food if you’re up for it.”

“Yeah, sure.” Hanji swallowed the last piece of their tayaki. “I want to get better. What do you have in mind?”

“To get back into the forest.”

Hanji turned pale immediately, remembering the traumatic event that took place there only a few days ago. “I don’t want to…”

“I know, but you have to. You’re developing an irrational fear of that forest now. Also the longer you wait with returning there, the harder it will become.”

Hanji knew what Celia said was true. But the thought of it happening again filled their heart with fear. “I know, but I’m not sure I can do it.”

“You don’t have to do it alone. You can take as many people as you want with you. Also before we’re going there, we’re going to analyse what triggered that traumatic response.”

Hanji felt Moblit’s arms around them and instantly felt calmer. They knew they were safe if he went with them. “I think what triggered it was that it was so quiet there. Eerily so. Unnatural. It was always quiet around the cabin too. No sounds of animals. It’s as if they instinctively knew that evil lurked there.”

Celia nodded in understanding. “I’m sorry about that. The forest has no animals. It’s because the relationship between humans and animals is complicated. Many have been a food source or are so small like an ant that they’ve been stepped on and died.”

“I see. Also many animals are prey and predator and can’t be put together either even if they can’t die here anymore. Wouldn’t be a fun afterlife.”

“Exactly. That’s why most animals have their own living spaces in the afterlife. However, there are animals who probably wouldn’t mind living here with you. I’ll see if there’s animals like birds who would like to live in the forest here.”

“That would be nice.”

“If you can overcome your fear today then I’ll have a special animal reward for you and everyone else. I’m sure it will do you good.” Celia promised.

Animal reward? They had no idea what Celia meant with that, but was definitely intrigued. “Alright, let’s go for it.”

Hanji stood up with Moblit, who took hold of their hand, reassuring them that everything would be alright. What they didn’t expect was that everyone else stood up as well, ready to follow them into the forest to offer support. It made them feel warm inside, as their eyes filled with happy tears. How could they possibly succumb to their fears again with so much support?

But still Hanji stopped moving when they were in front of the forest. The fear was strong. “Just give me a minute…”

Moblit pulled them into an embrace with his free arm. “Take all the time you need. I understand how hard it is.”

Hanji rested their head on his shoulder. They knew how much this had affected him as well. Finding them on the ground, bleeding and unresponsive must have been traumatic for him as well. “I know. You’re scared too, aren’t you?”

“Yeah, I still have that image of finding you there in my head.”

“I won’t let that happen again.”

They stepped forward into the silent forest, while holding Moblit’s hand tightly. They made their way to the spot where they had succumbed to their fears the last time. They started trembling as bad memories flashed through their mind. The only thing that kept them grounded was Moblit squeezing their hand. They looked into his worried eyes, knowing he was doing his best to keep himself together too for their sake. What could they do to make this feeling stop? Fight the source of it? Yes, of course. You could fight silence with sound.

“I’m not letting you have any control over me anymore! I’m not a scared child anymore! I’m not alone anymore!” Hanji screamed.

It startled Moblit for a second, but he understood their thought process. He gently squeezed their hand to encourage them. “That’s right. You tell him.”

“You didn’t break me! I lived and became happy! Surrounded by people who love me! Unlike you! You monster! I hope you’re rotting in hell!” They stood tall, with fierce determination in their eyes.

Moblit was so proud of them. “Well done, sweetheart.”

Hanji let out a deep sigh. That was hard, but they were glad they did it. “Thank you.”

“Well done indeed.” Celia added. “As promised, it’s time for your reward.”

Within seconds everyone was transported to an open field. In the distance they saw a big herd of horses enjoying themselves.

“Oh! Horses! That’s so nice!” Hanji exclaimed.

“Not just any horses. These are all the horses that have been your Survey Corps horses throughout the years. Why don’t you try calling them?”

Hanji’s face shone brighter than the sun upon hearing that. They didn’t waste a second and whistled. A group of horses left the herd and galloped towards Hanji immediately. Once they reached them they started licking their face and nudging them to be petted.

Hanji laughed. “Easy! I only have two hands, you know!”

Moblit smiled, seeing Hanji so happy. He whistled for his own horses who quickly came and surrounded him as well. “I’ve missed you too, angels.”

Everyone whistled for their horses and they all felt nostalgic. The Survey Corps had been hard, but their friends and horses made it home. Everyone changed into their uniforms and saddled up one of their horses for a ride, with the rest of their horses following behind.

Erwin was at the front of the formation, with Hanji close behind him. “Hanji, please ride next to me. You’re a Commander too. I know you never wanted to be, but neither did I. But still we were meant to be.”

Hanji nodded and made their horse speed up. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

Levi and Moblit quickly joined their respective partner’s side. “Don’t think you two troublemakers are allowed to go anywhere without us by your side anymore.”

Hanji grinned. “What a nice and subtle way to put that you want to be close to us, Levi.”

Levi scoffed, but didn’t argue. They were right after all.

Moblit smiled at Hanji. He knew they felt it too. The feeling of being alive while being dead was something they couldn’t put into words, but one look was enough. It was what they all needed, but especially Hanji. If he wasn’t convinced that everything would be alright before, then he sure as hell was now.

Hanji was beaming brighter than any sun or whatever else was out there and that was all the reassurance he needed.