Chapter Text
It was two days later and you still hadn't talked to Steve. You were trying to work up the nerve, rehearsing what you would say, and second guessing yourself. Bucky encouraged you as much as he could, debating on going himself but knowing it wouldn't do much good. Steve had always listened to you and he knew that.
You didn't know how long you could stay in your apartment, playing house with Bucky, while you knew Steve wasn't taking care of himself because of you. You didn't want him to get hurt but you couldn't quite push yourself to go. You tried making a phone call but he'd never pick up, and when he did as soon as he found out it was you he hung up.
You were laying on your stomach on your bed, ankles crossed, a pen to your lips, writing down things you wanted to say to Steve. These things wouldn't make anything better but you had to try.
You were beyond exhausted, just having come back from work and skipping the shower you had wanted to take. It didn't matter that Bucky had requested you stop overworking yourself, you had to. To get things accomplished.
You looked at your watch and it was noon. Steve would be eating lunch at this time. He'd be on the fifth floor, eating alongside Natasha and Bruce who all ate at that time on the dot. You could leave now and catch him but just barely. Or you could go in an hour and catch him on his second jog of the day.
You opted for now, getting up and grabbing your keys from off the dresser, forgetting you list of things you wanted to tell him. Better to get this over with and done. You quickly left a note for Bucky if he wandered by while you were gone and prayed to God this attempt didn't go to shit.
You were now standing in front of the towers main doors. Looking up at the huge building feeling like it could swallow you whole. You didn't know if you could walk right in or if you'd have to state your identity and wait for a confirmation or denial.
You walked up slowly, backing away a few times but reminding yourself that you had to do this.
“Identify yourself.” you heard Jarvis say.
“It's me, Y/N.”
You stood still, as the scanner went over your body, scanning you for who knows what, they had never clarified that for you.
“Yes, miss Y/N, welcome home.”
You laughed at that slightly, the tower really had been your home. You opened the door walking in past the empty reception desk. You had no idea why Tony had put that in considering 90% of the time it was empty. He said it was for a secretary, so files and walk-ins could be managed appropriately but anyone they had gotten for the position couldn't stay professional because for some reason Tony always tried to pick his type of girl and that had never ended well.
You got into the elevator, taking a deep breath as the doors closed on you, trapping you. You counted until you had reached the fifth floor so you wouldn't start panicking.
The doors slid open swiftly, giving you a view of the room, and of everyone in it. You spied Steve out easily, only walking far enough to step out of the elevator. He was sitting there with Nat and Bruce but seemed in a world all his own, picking through his food but not really eating it.
Nat looked up and saw you, surprise on her face. You had forgotten to call her. She nudged Bruce making him look up at you then at Steve. Steve wasn't paying any attention to them as they left the room quietly, Nat patting Steve's shoulder before she left and giving you a silent nod of thanks.
You tried to be confident walking forward, trying to remember all the things you had wanted to say but coming up blank. You were steps away from the counter he was at when you spoke.
“St-eve?”
He snapped his attention towards you, face going white then rosy pink in a matter of seconds. He stood up, backing away slightly before he looked into your eyes and stopped cold.
He whispered your name under his breath, he was torn between wanting to hug you but also wanting to run from you. The shock had him standing like a statue, unable to move.
You twisted your fingers with your other hand, smiling meekly at him.
“Steve, baby-”
“Don't call me that, just please, don't.” He said, his arms out palms up. He closed his eyes when he spoke.
“Okay. I- I won't. . . . Can we talk?”
“About?”
“I hear you're being careless on missions.”
“Yeah, well, it's not like you care.”
“Don't be like that, I'm begging you, please, it's been three months, Steve.”
“I know.”
He had never been so cold to you. He looked at you with a mix of emotions but the most prominent one was fear.
“You need to take care of yourself. People need you, they rely on you, you- you're important to your friends and they don't want to see you like this. I don't want to see you like this.”
He didn't respond, just stood in the same spot, trying to look away from you but failing each time.
“I know what happened between us was terrible but it's been three months and I'm not asking you to get over it, I’m just, I'm asking you to forgive me and Bucky. He loves you so much, Steve, he misses you. I miss you. I want to be around you again, I want you in my life because I love you and I can't lose you completely. Please.” You said, the tears streaming down effortlessly. He was beginning to blur in your vision but you could tell tears were slipping from his eyes as well.
“That doesn't change what you did.” He said quietly.
“I don't want it to because I'm not going to hide from what I did but you have to know how sorry I am, you have to know that I didn't mean to fall in love with someone else.” You said feebly.
“That someone else was my best friend, y/n. He was all I had and then I had you too. He, he took you away from me and you let him.”
“That doesn't mean I don't love you!”
“No, it just means you love me less.”
“I don't, don't you dare say I love you less. I love you just as much but in a different way.”
“How could things change so fast? One minute you were happy with me, the next you weren't.” He said, seeming months away. “I used to hold you all the time and think that you could stop the mess inside my head, I used to kiss you and know that you were the one I wanted forever with.”
“Steve, I don't know what I can say that will make any of this better. What do I do?"
“I'm still upset but I'm not mad anymore. I shouldn't deny you and Bucky the right to love each other. It's selfish of me, I know, but I feel the loss of you everyday. I don't think I could be around the two of you together for a while.”
“We can talk about that later, okay? I'm here for you. I came here for you because I care about you. I came here for you because you're important to me and I need to know you'll be okay and that you'll stop being careless during missions. Promise me you'll be careful, I'll do anything if you'll just promise me and mean it.”
“I missed your birthday.” He said off topic, moving a little bit forward. “I'm sorry.”
“Don't change the subject, Steve. I'm serious.”
“I didn't even get you a present.”
“If you're worried about getting me a present, you promising to be careful during missions will do just fine.”
He cracked a faint smile, barely there, tears still falling. Your tears were still falling as well, you wanted to run forward like a child and wrap your arms around him.
“Okay. I think I can do that.”
“You promise?”
“I promise.” He said , still looking you in the eyes. “I forgive you too ya’know. I do. But it'll be a while before we can- before things- before I can. I still need time.”
“Whatever you need.” You said back breathlessly.
“I need you here with me, it's been hell without you.” He reached out a shaking hand to you. Of course you took it, enveloping his hand in both of yours.
“You were so mad before. I thought you'd never want to see me again.” You mumbled truthfully.
“I thought I didn't. I was confused, I couldn't wrap my head around what had happened. I was going to marry you. I was planning the rest of my life and it all got torn away so easily, but Bucky said something to me, the night you told me about you and him, that stuck with me. He had asked me if I loved you enough to let you go and I thought about that a lot. I thought about it and I realized that I do love you enough to let you go. But not completely."
You were speechless. This coming from Steve made it seem like a new chapter was about to begin. You never thought he'd forgive you or Bucky, you never thought he'd smile at you again.
He rested his forehead against yours, opening his mouth to say something but closing it just as fast, there was a desperation to him you couldn't place. He spoke up after a while.
“Would it be out of line to ask you for a hug?” He asked timidly.
“Of course not.” You said, allowing yourself to wrap your arms around him as best you could. He held you tight, burying his face in your hair like he always did. You felt him start to sob in your hold but there was nothing you could do but hug him back.
“I love you.” He said, trying to force his voice to stay steady. “I always will.” He leaned down brushing his lips softly against yours, holding himself back. You let him kiss you as tears rolled down your face, Bucky wouldn't begrudge him the last kiss he never got. You kissed him back like your life depended on it which was probably a mistake. You had made too many to stop now so you crushed your lips against his while grasping onto his hair pulling him closer. All the while tears streamed down both of your faces.
You stayed there in his arms for what seemed like a lifetime after you finally pulled yourself away from the kiss. He was trying to cherish the moment, trying to pretend things were normal and nothing had happened so he could love you without the knowledge that you loved someone else.
You felt for him because you knew what he was going through, you wanted to make things okay, you wanted to heal him but all you could give him was part of yourself and that might not be enough because he was used to getting all of you and that's what he craved.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Steve knew what was done was done and all he could do was move forward from it, try to piece things back together. He realized he didn't want you out of his life completely nor did he Bucky so he gradually did what he could to make an effort in seeing the two of you whenever he could. He liked one on one time better but he wasn't greedy and would take what he could get, realizing that he'd never get past losing you the way he did but realizing he could've possibly gained a better side of you.
You were thankful for the turn around no matter how long it took Steve to be completely comfortable in both yours and Bucky's presence, no matter how long it took for Steve to stop looking at you with those sad eyes that made you regret being born, no matter how long Steve was distant in moments.
It was odd having Steve and Bucky both in your apartment with you months later after things had gotten easier. Steve was cooking, well trying to, he had just learned a new recipe he had found. Bucky was sitting on the kitchen floor next to you, playing with the puppy Steve and Bucky both had had a hand in picking out for you.
The puppy was the cutest little dog that was supposed to grow into something much bigger than any normal dog you had seen. If you recalled correctly Steve had said it was an English Mastiff. A dog that when older, could help protect you and also be your best friend.
You decided to name the puppy (name here), the name seemed to fit her, Bucky and Steve agreed.
You were happy, having both of your boys with you, things not completely past you all but enough to where you could all be together like this in the same room and genuinely enjoy each others company.
You looked up at Bucky, smiling at him adoringly while he played with the puppy right beside you.
“I'm glad we're all here.” You said to him.
“Me too, sweetheart.” He said back, his attention captured by the puppy but putting an arm around you.
You smiled up at Steve then, feeling completely whole.
“You feeling okay with that job Tony gave you?” Steve asked, looking at you concerned.
“Oh, yeah.” You said, waving your hand through the air. “Being a receptionist is going to be a cakewalk for me. I should warn you though, that I know all of your schedules so if a fan wants to come up and meet you guys then they just might be able to.”
“I won't mind, it'll probably annoy Tony so go for it.”
“You know you guys don't really need me there, Jarvis can take care of everything I'm going to be paid to do.”
“Maybe that's true, but you'll be in the building almost every day, we'll all get to see you.” Steve said.
“And make fun of you.” Bucky butted in.
“Oh god, I'm not gonna wear a power suit or anything. What you see is what you get. I don't own anything fancy anyway.” You said putting your hand over your eyes.
They stayed silent for a moment. It was oddly suspicious to you because after things seemed to go back to normal slowly the both of them couldn't shut up.
“You wanna ask her?” Bucky said to Steve, standing up with the puppy in his arms.
That got your attention. Steve looked at Bucky knowingly and nodded.
“Ask me what?” You said curiously, standing up as well.
“Well, we were going to wait till tomorrow but now is as good a time as any.”
“You'll love it.” Bucky said, kissing your forehead quickly while Steve looked away.
“Bucky and I, and the entire Avengers team thought it would be better if our newest team member reside in the tower, to keep the tradition going, even if you're not going on missions with us.”
“What? I'm, I'm just the receptionist.”
“No, you're family.” Steve said, hugging you tightly.
“Are you all sure, I mean?” you mumbled against his chest.
“Yes.” Steve chuckled.
“I've already got a few of your things packed and ready to go, you're going to be on the same floor as Steve and I.” Bucky said.
“Really!?” You said, feeling the excitement of being part of the team and moving in.
They both nodded, smiling at you, enjoying your pure happiness. You jumped up and down hugging them both and kissing Steve on the cheek. This was your family, no matter how dysfunctional, you would always find a way back to each other.