Chapter Text
It feels horrible.
That is the first thing Seungmin registers.
The familiar comfort from his bed is missing and it opens a gaping emptiness in his chest. He has a blanket thrown over him, but the weight sits on him wrongly. It's not purely bad, but something feels off, and he can’t begin to describe it because thinking just makes his head spin more.
Are his eyeballs in the right place? Why do they sting? How is he dizzy while lying down? What the fuck.
Tongue leaden and head floaty, Seungmin thinks he's delirious for a moment. Nothing makes sense, starting from how he even got into bed. He's too tired to panic, though; all he can feel is pain.
There's a sharp coil of heat in his temples that drags a soft grunt out of the idol. His skin is cold, and somehow laced with sweat, and everything feels too icky for him to be staying like this. His plain top is swapped out for a longsleeved hoodie. It doesn't look familiar.
There’s a tightness around his abdomen and the singer wants to thrash around and rip off the pesky layer of clothing and shut off the air conditioning and just disappear from this disgusting mess of a body. Seungmin is almost convinced that some higher being is having fun torturing him with this sickness.
Devil, he huffs.
This sucks.
It’s too hot, yet he’s shivering, and he doesn’t dare move his head in case the dizziness worsens and he has to vomit all over his smelly self. What a way to make him feel worse.
A sting wells up behind his eyes again, hotter this time, like melted wax being poured into his eye sockets. He thinks he might cry.
Through the subconscious whines and sighs that the man let out, Minho stirs from beside him. It’s late and the dancer is feeling very comfy, but the sounds quickly steal the sleepiness away. Seungmin is awake. His dongsaeng needs help.
“Minnie? Hey, what’s wrong,” he asks. Minho doesn’t bother to hide the slight waver in his voice, both from sleepiness and worry. The sound is gruff yet gentle.
It fills Seungmin's heart with tenderness that sits too big for it to not spill over in the form of hushed tears.
The older man props himself up onto his left elbow, the other arm naturally loosening around his boyfriend’s small waist but not letting go completely. His protective instincts get the better of him when it's one of the younger members who gets sick, not to mention that it has been ages since he's seen Seungmin battered down like this.
This close up, he can see the sweat coating the younger man’s neck and hairline despite the dim lighting. Tiny droplets dot his tall nose too, and Minho can’t help but reach out to swipe at the single tear that drips from the corner of Seungmin’s eye. He wants to cradle the man to sleep, to keep him safe and warm and hold his hands so that they would stop shaking.
His boyfriend must be hurting a lot, knowing Seungmin’s threshold for pain and his usual lack of squirming or crying. Minho can’t imagine how bad he must be feeling now. A deep frown tugs at his features, mirroring Seungmin’s upset.
It takes a few rattling breaths before a reply comes. “Hot. Dizzy.”
The singer’s kind eyes are squeezed shut from the pain. It helps his head to spin less.
As the pressure on his stomach lifts, Seungmin feels a sigh escape his lips. The need to puke fades away, and the knot in his shoulders ease a little. The effect of Minho’s fingers massaging his nape is instant.
Seungmin feels the pleasant tingle course through his body. Any other situation would have seen Seungmin cringing away at the hands touching his sweaty self, but as of now, the sensation is a welcome distraction from his suffering. He doesn’t need to do much else, simply letting his hyung magically coax the pain away.
His boyfriend has a way of reading his mind like this sometimes.
Soft sighs make themselves known as a result of Minho's successful soothing. The man feels the knot in his boyfriend's neck subside little by little.
Seungmin feels his fingertips twitch on command after a while— great, at least those still work. He wills his eyelids to flick open, and it works too.
Greyness envelops his vision and everything remains stationary.
No vertigo. A little buzzing.
Good.
Manageable.
By the looks of it, this is Minho’s room. Neat. There is no warm light by the nightstand to douse the room in a familiar hazel tone.
Instead, the room sits in the shadows like a cave. The material sitting on his frame is also too thin, not the same fluffy smoothness that usually hugs him to sleep. It’s not enough to lull his head into another comfortable nap.
Minho seems to sense his shift in attention from his dizziness to the new surroundings. “Better?”
Seungmin hums. He’s glad the movements on his neck don't halt. Just his hyung’s silky voice and expert touch is more than enough to tame the pain.
A slight smile takes over the young man’s face and he musters up a soft, “Thanks, hyung-ah.”
He's not sure when exactly he slips his eyes close again, but sleep quickly comes back in snippets.
An empty spot by his bed, sad whining, warm water, and some painkillers and fever reducers. Seungmin just prays this full-body ache tides over soon.
Thankfully, the cuddles do help a lot. That, and a fresh shirt that Minho replaces over the drenched hoodie. It smells good. Like lilacs, and love.
_
Somewhere in the dreaded day, Seungmin gets up.
He has work tomorrow, he thinks, but he still feels too weak to exist outside this room. And tomorrow is technically today because he managed to sleep through the rest of the darkness after his little tantrum and pills.
Shit.
He’s going to sound like absolute trash and disappoint the music show director and the sound technicians and his members and manager-hyung and the fans who’ve been waiting to catch their performance and the MCs and the other idol groups and— basically everyone.
He’ll wind up disappointing everyone and wasting the staff’s time and energy because of one stupid health hiccup that shouldn’t even be happening right now.
See, Seungmin is strong, has always been, and he should not be down with a dumb fever and acting like a little kid who hasn’t had his candy fix.
Yet, look at him now: he’s had his medication, woken up in the same tragic state as before, been ushered to the washroom to freshen up, and is pathetically washing his hands under Minho’s forced supervision.
The singer knows he should be grateful for even having Minho’s undivided attention and selfless care offered to him like this, and he is, really. But somehow, it doesn't curb something ugly from stirring in his mind.
He feels frustration simmer in his gut along with shame and the helplessness like that of a child. It makes breathing ten times harder. When did he become so… over-reliant on others?
And the tears that spring up next signal an illness-plagued emotional spiral happening in the cuties dorm’s bathroom. Seungmin tries to press his lips together and muffle the cries. He doesn't want his hyung to see him crying again right after waking up.
Because he doesn’t want to make this about himself.
Minho has been accommodating enough with the shared bed and his gentleness despite Seungmin’s rude disruption of his sleep. The noise, the heat, the lack of hygiene, and now the tears pouring down his face once more — he’s been too troublesome today.
Seungmin needs to get over it. He needs to act like a proper adult, be a good idol, and a good boyfriend.
Why can’t he stop crying!
It’s so fucking difficult. And Minho’s saying something sweet and guiding his head into his chest like Seungmin is a little boy who isn't usually towering over his cat hyung.
It’s weird, not in an unfamiliar way, but in the odd sense of relief that washes over his senses now that this sudden niceness is being granted from his hyung. He has been craving it lately, this pure physical touch. It's a secret that he will never expose to the world.
So, Seungmin thinks that it must be because his brain has been charred to oblivion from the fever when he feels himself melt into the warmth. Despite the slight shame and fear and guilt of his sickness, it just feels nice now, to be held like this. He’s crouched in the most uncomfortable neck-breaking position possible, but it doesn’t matter.
All he knows is that his boyfriend is hugging him close and whispering, “It’s ok, honey. Hyung’s here. You’re ok. You’re doing so well for me,” and Seungmin is too tired to refute any of it.
He lets the worries shrink to the back of his mind temporarily. They will talk about it later and sort things out together.
For now, Minho is telling him to breathe and relax and stop thinking, so he does exactly that like the amazing boyfriend who Minho assures him that he is.
_
It takes time for Seungmin to feel a little better.
Legs still wobbly from weakness, they eventually untangle themselves and vacate the small bathroom together.
The rest of the day is slow and quiet and filled with sad confessions and firm reassurances. More hugs, some hot soup handmade by Seungmin’s sweet boyfriend, a goodbye kiss, and a sleepy spectator tuned in to the next music show where Stray Kids emerge champions.
The speech is sweet, directed at Seungmin who is buried under Minho's blanket and cuddling Daengmo for emotional support on the couch, and he feels like crying again, but it’s now equal parts from regret and gratitude. A little snot gets swiped away into a wad of tissue and he leaves it on the coffee table, refocusing his gaze on the TV when the start of Chk Chk Boom plays.
The encore stage is loud and noisy in classic Stray Kids fashion and it brings a fond laugh to the singer's otherwise boring evening. He loves his team so much and just can’t wait to get back to performing as a complete crew again.
After the show wraps up on a high, Seungmin lets himself rest on the couch.
He’s not sure when Minho and the rest of the boys filter into the dorm, but the night passes chaotically enough for it to mash into a haze. Seungmin’s medicated mind manages to grasp onto one endearing detail of that night afterwards: many, many forehead kisses from his boyfriends. He’s so dazed that he pardons all sweat droplets and pre-shower contact (yes, even with Hyunjin’s arm wrapped around his tummy) for that special night.
Whatever makes his boyfriends worry less brings a smile to Seungmin’s face, honestly.
At least it doesn't feel like he's spontaneously combusting anymore, nor having his skull continuously bashed by imaginary pots and pans.
The pain has waned considerably since yesterday's ordeal and he has one more night of justified snuggling with Minho ahead of him. It's a nice reward for recuperating at home today like the obedient puppy his boyfriend praises him of being.
Being sick sucks ass, but with his sweet cat hyung around, it gets better, fast. And Seungmin tells himself that he will make up for this episode soon, especially to Minho hyung, when he's back on his feet again.
For the rest of tonight, he lets himself be held — quietly and lovingly.