Chapter Text
Hange and Nanaba's move went surprisingly smoothly. The two girls had managed to secure rooms in the same dormitory, with Nanaba's just one floor above Hange's—which was a huge comfort for them. When Mike and Levi picked them up in Mike's van late that morning, each of them loaded two large suitcases into the car's trunk. Several smaller boxes and items, and of course their instruments and equipment, were added bit by bit until the entire space was full.
To Levi's joy, Hange had bought herself a guitar—even if it was only a cheap one—and promised him she'd practice whenever she could. Levi, who was helping her unpack, had the honour of setting it up, while Mike was upstairs with Nanaba in her room. They were all deliberately taking their time, sharing some takeout from the corner shop and the muffins Levi's mother had baked to keep their energy up. But Levi was glad things were moving slowly. Leaving this place meant leaving Hange, and he knew he wasn't quite ready for that yet.
It was already dark when the two girls eventually walked their friends back to the van, a lingering tension between them as they forced cheerfulness, the farewell breathing down their necks. Nanaba was the first to tear up, laughing at herself for getting emotional over a forty-minute drive. But the move was a big change for all of them—after living within walking distance for seven years, the approaching separation felt all the more intense.
When Hange wrapped her arms around Levi, eyes glassy and face unusually serious, his heart felt heavier than it ever had before. He hadn't even left yet, and he was already missing her. So he pulled her just a little closer, his mind scrambling for something, anything, to say… but coming up empty.
"I'll write you an email every day," she mumbled as they finally pulled apart, her hands finding his to squeeze them tightly. "And you have my phone number, don't you?"
Levi nodded, having already checked five times in the past half hour if the little slip of paper was still safely tucked away in his pocket. "I'll call you as soon as I get a phone. I promise."
Mike and Nanaba were still fondly clinging to each other in their goodbye, so Hange pulled Levi into another hug, tucking her face into the crook of his neck. He combed his fingers through her hair in return, hoping to soothe both her anxiety and his, his heart skipping a beat when he felt her sniffle against his skin.
But eventually, they had to leave. The two girls were the brave ones, practically shoving the others back into the van—otherwise, they might've ended up standing outside the dormitory all night.
When Mike started the engine and set the car into motion, Levi couldn't quite believe they were about to drive away. He caught one last glimpse of his two friends, cheeks still glistening from tears as they waved goodbye, and for a moment, he seriously considered jumping out of the car. But then they turned the corner and the dormitory disappeared from view, and Levi leaned back with a sigh, closing his eyes to calm his racing heart, scolding himself for overreacting.
"They'll be fine," Mike mumbled, trying to reassure both Levi and himself. The other nodded half-heartedly, staring out the window as the trees blurred past once they reached the highway.
For a long time, the only sounds reaching Levi's ears were the calm music from the radio and the steady hum of the engine, the bright headlights piercing the swallowing darkness around them.
"So…" It was Mike who eventually broke the silence, his voice taking on a tone that indicated he was very curious about something. Levi moved restlessly in his seat, his feet shifting on the textured car mat.
"What?"
"When are you going to tell her?" Mike said calmly, eyes fixed on the road in front of them.
"Who? And what?" Levi asked, doing his best to sound clueless, even though he already had a pretty good idea what Mike meant. If Nanaba had noticed, it wasn't unlikely that Mike had, too.
"That you're head over heels for Hange," Mike explained, looking a little too pleased with himself when Levi huffed. "And don't try to deny it, man. Nanaba's not the only one who's noticed things. You should've seen your face half an hour ago."
"I…" Levi began, but quickly fell silent again. He had no idea what to say or how to talk his way out of this one. He knew Mike wouldn't drop the topic that easily.
"You should tell her. Otherwise she'll never know."
"She doesn't have to know. It'll only make things… complicated. I'm… just her best friend.” Something twisted inside him. It felt wrong to be this greedy, to not be content with only being friends. He ran a hand over his face as the feeling got stronger and stronger with every second.
"Do you know for sure?" Mike asked. "She's never dropped any hints when I was around,” he added quickly as Levi's head whipped around towards him, a brief flicker of hope in his eyes. "For a long time, I wasn't sure if Nanaba felt the same way, or maybe I was just too blind to see it. Either way, it turned out to be true."
"Took you a while, though," Levi grumbled, the side of his foot nervously tapping against the car's door. Telling Hange that he liked her… not even in his dreams could he imagine being that forward. And judging by his inability to put his thoughts into words, he probably wouldn't even manage to get his point across. There were so many things that could go wrong.
"Actually, I wasn't the one who started the conversation," Mike admitted, sheepishly scratching the back of his neck. "I didn't have the nerve. She was the one who came up to me one day and told me, um… that she liked me." Judging by the blush on the bridge of his nose, Nanaba had probably said more than just that. Levi's shoulders relaxed, feeling a quiet solidarity with his friend.
Here they were—two guys madly in love, driving away from the people they were in love with. The only difference was that for Mike, things had worked out, which couldn't exactly be said for Levi. Maybe it was that shared struggle to express their feelings that made Mike drop the subject then, only giving his friend an encouraging pat on the shoulder as he steerrd the conversation to something else.
As promised, Levi had gone to bed with the cordless phone resting on his pillow. He'd told Hange she could call him if she had trouble falling asleep, and just a little after midnight—he hadn't been able to close his eyes anyway, with the whirlwind of thoughts and emotions swirling around in his head—the phone suddenly rang, making him wince.
When he heart her soft Hi, Levi, he immediately asked her whether she was feeling ill, but she reassured him again and again that she was all right. "I just need someone to talk to," she mumbled, the rustling of her blankets in the background suggesting she was lying in bed. "The sounds here are so different. I… I still need to get used to everything."
They talked for nearly two hours before Levi noticed her voice growing quieter and her replies shorter. He gently suggested she try to sleep, and all she gave in return was a low hum, her long yawn making him smile. She didn't call again that night, even though he'd told her she could if she needed to—and eventually, after some more thinking and worrying, he drifted into a restless sleep.
The next day, the two boys paid the girls yet another visit, staying with them from morning until evening, and the entire week after that followed a similar pattern. On the first day they didn't go over—Hange and Nanaba were going out with some of their floormates—the house felt strangely quiet and empty. Around noon, Mike appeared at Levi's door and asked if he'd like to hang out, and Levi quickly waved him in.
Mike had brought his video game console with him, and they spent the next two hours playing, pausing only briefly to throw something together for lunch before picking up where they left off. Both of them were slowly but surely becoming aware of the growing distance between them and their friends, and Levi felt a quiet relief that he wasn't the only one feeling that way.
Once their eyes started to burn from the continuous strain, they decided to take a trip to the mall, and Levi seized the opportunity to finally get himself a mobile phone, sensing that he'd be seeing Hange much less from now on and would need one to stay in touch with her on a regular basis. The salesperson walked him through the different plans, but he picked the simplest model available. Half an hour later, he and Mike were settled at one of the tables in the food court, the black Nokia phone with silver buttons resting between them on the table.
"So… when are you going to call her?" Mike asked, already munching on a portion of fries he'd just bought for himself. "You have to save her number first."
Levi eyed the new device a little sceptically. If it hadn't been for Hange, he probably wouldn't have even bothered to get one so soon. But after some more encouraging words from Mike, he pulled out the scrap with Hange's number (he couldn't remember ever being as afraid to lose anything as he was of that little piece of paper) and after a bit of searching, he found the contacts on his phone. He created a new entry, saved it… and paused.
"Did it work?" Mike leaned forward. When he still couldn't see the screen, he pulled the device from Levi's hands. "Oh yes, it did. Perfect. And look—it's already ringing!"
"What the hell?" Levi's heartbeat quickened, and immediately he tried to snatch the phone back. But Mike—screw his long arms—held it just out of reach, curiously peeking at the screen until (to Levi's horror and Mike's delight) it flickered, and Hange picked up.
"Hi, Hange! It's Mike. I'm here with Levi, calling you from his brand-new phone.—Yup, he just got it half an hour ago. Your number was the first one he saved. By the way, he has something really important to tell you.—I'll hand you over to him now.—Yes, yes. Take care, and tell Nana I said hi."
The glare Levi was giving his friend in that moment was deadly. But Mike seemed completely unfazed as he handed him back the phone with a smug look. Then he leaned back, arms crossed behind his head, waiting for Levi to speak.
"Hi, Hange," Levi said, pressing the phone close to his ear, his heartbeat picking up.
"Levi, thank you so much for calling! I see you've finally gotten yourself a phone?" Hange's voice on the other side sounded genuinely happy and very excited, the familiarity making his chest tighten.
"Yeah, I… I have a phone now." He could hear other voices chattering in the background, and it made him uncomfortable. Were the others listening in on what he was saying?
Hange chuckled at his redundant reply and, to his relief, quickly continued the conversation. "What are you and Mike up to? Are you guys still at the mall?"
Levi nodded (and Mike chuckled), then gave Hange a quick recount of his new purchase, drifting off to rant about how ridiculous he found those little bags and pendants they had seriously tried to push on him, knowing she'd find it funny. And she did, laughing out loud several times, making his ear buzz in the most pleasant way.
This felt different from all the landline calls they'd made over the years. They were using their own phones now, and it somehow made everything feel much more personal. He listened closely as she talked about a new CD store she'd spotted earlier, one she wanted to show him when he came to visit again. Getting a phone had definitely been the right decision, and he found himself quietly smiling as he listened to her voice, so full of life.
He'd been so engrossed in their conversation that he almost forgot about Mike. When he finally looked up, his friend was staring at him with the worst teasing smile he'd ever seen on him, shoving fry after fry into his mouth as if he were watching a show on TV. Levi narrowed his eyes, but Mike's grin only grew wider.
On the other end of the line, someone in the distance called Hange's name, and she quickly shouted something back. "Sorry, Levi, gotta go. Our pizzas just arrived. I'll call you later this evening, okay?" She paused for a moment before adding, "Ah, Mike had mentioned you wanted to tell me something important?"
Shit. Oh, he was going to kill Mike. "Important? Um, no, it wasn't that important." His friend seemed to catch on to what they were talking about and promptly rolled his eyes, giving him a kick under the table. Levi barely managed to suppress a pained grunt, immediately kicking him back. "I just wanted to say that… that I'm glad we can talk like this. On our phones."
It was such a stupid thing to say, even though it was true. Mike snorted, his ribbing making Levi's face flush even more. But then, Hange spoke up, her words easing the awkwardness a bit. "I'm happy about it, too," she said, and he could hear the smile in her voice. “And don't forget, after nine in the evening, calls are free. So there's nothing stopping us from chatting all night long.”
Once again, Hange was called back by her friends and had to assure them she was going to hang up now (Levi was pretty sure that by now, the entire pizza place knew about their conversation) so they quickly said their goodbyes. He ended the call with restless fingers, but a happy and much lighter heart.
"Wow, you really need to work on your flirting skills," Mike said with a sniff, before Levi could even get a word in. "That was terrible."
"And you have to keep that big nose of yours out of my conversations," Levi retorted, crossing his arms over his chest. Mike shook his head, unfazed, then pushed the box of fries into the centre of the table as a peace offering. Levi hesitated only a moment, giving his friend one last accusing look before reaching out and taking one.
As soon as they finished their food and Levi wiped his fingers clean, he saved his mother's number into his phone (he wasn't quite sure how to feel when he realised he'd saved Hange's number before his own mother's). He sent her a text, and she replied with a kind message and a little emoji not long after. Then, Mike passed him his own number and Nanaba's, and at last, Levi felt settled.
This purchase had definitely been worth it.
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Late-night calls quickly became a spontaneous routine in Levi's life. Spontaneous because he never knew exactly when Hange would call, but routine because he knew she always would. From time to time, she chided that he never called her first. But he always defended himself by saying he didn't want to interrupt, pointing out that her life was so much more exciting now. Though the truth was, he was just too shy to press the call button.
They always talked for hours, until her yawns became more frequent than her endless chatter. Levi suggested she go to sleep, but she stubbornly refused for another fifteen minutes before admitting that sleep did indeed sound very tempting, and only then did they usually end the call a few minutes later. It was one of his favourite times of the day, even though he'd lie awake long after, wondering how much time had to pass before a person stopped missing someone so much.
While the summer break of 2002 had lasted, the four friends had plenty of chances to see each, in between band practice and a few more local gigs. But once the seriousness of their studies began, things would change, and visits wouldn't happen as spontaneously as they used to.
Levi was very nervous on his first day—the boldness of his eleven-year-old self, who'd had to start over in a new town, was now entirely gone. He was glad his new college wasn't too big, and he got through the first week without any odd incidents. His classmates, of whom he recognised only a few faces from his old school, seemed kind, and his impression of his teachers was fine as well.
As expected, Hange called him on her first day, complaining about how huge her new building was and how she'd kept getting lost in the hallways. But when they checked in on each other five days later, it seemed her first week had gone well too, and soon she was rambling about how interesting the upcoming topics sounded to her.
Levi had never mentioned it once, but deep down he'd been worrying about how their relationship would change after school. Friendships could withstand such changes, but it wasn't a given. He was afraid they'd all eventually drift apart, despite their shared passion—their band. But it seemed they were making it work, meeting almost every weekend to hang out and practice, each bringing their own new stories to share.
Their band had become fairly well-known at their old school and around their neighbourhood, which was how they landed their first gig at a bar. An uncle of one of their old schoolmates was looking for a replacement act after the group he'd originally booked cancelled at the last minute. When the four got the call, they immediately agreed, and the very next evening, they were on their way to what they would later call their first serious performance.
They were still calling themselves No Name—the placeholder name had grown on them and was liked by their audience as well—the two words proudly painted in neon colors on the dark van's exterior, which of course had been Hange's idea. They'd also recently invested in a real sound system, hoping to move on to bigger venues during their college years. So the timing couldn't have been better.
Their gig was well received by the audience, who cheered them on during the quick songs and pulled out their lighters for the ballads. To the band's surprise, the owner promptly asked if they would like to play there again in four weeks. Of course, they immediately agreed, very excited and a little in awe when they received their payment, which was much higher than what they'd gotten before.
That definitely marked another step in their band's journey, which wasn't about fame but rather about playing good music as good friends—something that clearly resonated with the audience.
In October, during band practice, Hange and Nanaba announced that they'd tried, and somehow succeeded, in writing a song. "It's not really a good one, but we had a lot of fun," Nanaba said, pulling out a slightly crumpled sheet of paper from her backpack. "We got the idea from one of Hange's journalism writing courses. These are the chords—could you play them for us, Levi?"
After quickly glancing at the chord names, he began playing a broken arpeggio over them. Soon, he got a thumbs up, letting him know that the tempo was right. Hange gave one single nod, a cue that she'd be joining in now, and then started to sing.
Everyone grew very quiet, listening intently to the words and the soft, sung melody that rose and fell over Levi's playing. The song was about someone adjusting to a new stage in their life, and Levi could feel the honesty in the lyrics—it reflected the current situation of each one of them. And the lyrics weren't bad at all; on the contrary, he really liked them. He had to concentrate not to get distracted by Hange's voice, the words hitting closer to home than he'd expected.
"This was awesome!" Mike exclaimed, leaning forward to plant a kiss on his girlfriend's cheek before wrapping an arm around Hange and giving her an excited squeeze. "Didn't know guys were such good songwriters!"
"Nah, we're far from being real songwriters," Hange laughed, her cheeks flushing slightly. "But maybe we can continue working on the song together, if you guys want?"
They lay on the big, round carpet for the next two hours, the sheet of paper with the lyrics between them, constantly passing it back and forth. They didn't change much, just smoothed out a few wordings, then discussed the instrumentation and how to turn it into a song they could perform on stage. By the time Hange and Nanaba had to leave, they had a full arrangement of what they could now proudly call their very first original song.
When they performed it for the very first time, the song was well received by the audience, and over the following six months, a second one joined their usual setlist, with a third already in the works by the time spring break started. College work kept them busy, and Mike was working full-time at the carpentry. Still, they managed to meet fairly often, making up for missed time with phone calls and long emails whenever their schedules got in the way.
And then, just when things had been going so well, the unavoidable happened.
Levi had dreaded this day for a long time, trying to push the thought aside because he knew it would eventually come, and there was nothing he could do about it. After all, he could have spoken up about his feelings all those years ago—but he'd stayed silent, leaving him no right to feel even the slightest bit bitter now.
"I'm going on a date!" Hange practically shouted into the phone when she called him on that Monday during spring break, the shrill sound making his ear ring. It took him a few seconds to process the words she'd just thrown at him, and he dropped the shirt he'd been holding in his hand.
"What?" he croaked, hoping he'd misunderstood her. Maybe she'd been talking about a grape, or a plate, or just something else. Or someone else.
"I said, I'm going on a date. Tomorrow." She said it like it was the most normal thing in the world. And it probably was. He just hadn't been ready for it.
"Oh," he said, feeling a tight pain in his chest at the thought of her going out with someone else. “That's… nice."
"His name is Zeke, and he's a year above me, studies Public Relations. We had a seminar together a few weeks ago, and he was in my group. He's really nice, and smart. Funny, too. We talked a lot." She was clearly excited, talking nonstop, while Levi felt a painful awareness settling in as he compared himself to the faceless guy—he wasn't nice and funny, and he wasn't smart either. His lips immediately curled into a scowl. She hadn't even mentioned him before, and now, all of a sudden, she was head over heels?
"We didn't get a chance to exchange numbers back then, I was too stupid to say anything. But thank goodness we bumped into each other on campus last Friday, and he not only asked for my number, but he also asked me out! Can you believe it, Levi? I can't! I always thought no one would ever want to ask me on a date—I still don't understand why he did."
Levi really tried to say something nice. He didn't want to ruin her mood—she sounded as excited as she hadn't been in a long time. But the burning sensation in his chest made it hard to talk, or breathe, or do anything except just hang up the phone. Which, in his panic, he almost did. Oh, he would've been the first one to take her out, if he weren't so awkward when it came to such things.
"I'm… glad to hear that. Make sure he treats you right."
He winced. Of course, he'd have to switch to full overprotective mode again. That was probably the last thing she wanted to hear from him. But to his relief, Hange didn't seem to mind and kept chattering away.
"Thank you, Levi. That means a lot. I'm sure he will treat me well, though. He's one of those guys who seem way out of my league, you know? I don't even know how a date's supposed to go. What do I even wear? What if he's more into high heels and skirts? I don't even own anything like that"
"If he really likes you, he'll like the real you," Levi grumbled, picking up his shirt and tossing it into the laundry bag, a little harder than intended. It slipped into the space between the wall and the laundry bag, and he groaned in annoyance, glaring at the shirt when he'd finally fished it out and stuffed it inside.
"That sounded like it came straight from a women's dating magazine." Hange giggled, and the sound pierced his heart. "Alright, then I'll go for the shabbiest shirt and baggiest jeans. Do I have to put on make-up?"
"You don't have to do anything. As long as you shower, you'll be fine." He knew he wasn't exactly helpful, so he added, a little hesitantly, "You're kind, Hange. You're funny, and… beautiful. Just as you are. If he has eyes and a brain, he'll see that."
Great—after all these years of being at a loss for words, and now that she was going on a date with someone else, his tongue seemed to unravel almost magically.
"Aww, thank you, Levi! Those were some awfully nice things you just said about me." He could hear the genuine appreciation in her voice, and he hated himself for not having said something like that sooner. "So… you think I'm good if I wear my usual light blue jeans?"
"Yeah, of course."
"And which do you think goes better with it—the black shirt with the band print, or the yellow one with the small logo?"
Of course, Levi immediately knew which shirts she meant. He paused for a moment, not feeling all that confident with fashion advice but wanting to be supportive nonetheless. "The yellow one looks nice on you. It makes your skin look, you know… tannier."
"Tannier?" He could almost picture her expression—a mix of mockery and mild exasperation, like he was speaking a foreign language. It seemed that finding the right words had just been a one-time thing.
"Your skin glows nicely with the yellow one," he tried again, and Hange seemed satisfied with that, announcing she'd wear that very shirt the next day.
"I might call you again tomorrow morning," she warned before hanging up. "I'm already freaking out now. I'll probably be insufferable by then."
"You're always insufferable," Levi teased, though his voice lacked its usual lightness. Knowing she was going on a date, and that she might continue seeing that guy, made him feel unwell, and seeing for himself how he was reacting only made everything worse.
But there was nothing he could do except wait and see, with her parting words—"Ha, love you too!"—still lingering in his mind hours afterwards.
The day of Hange's first date dragged on slowly, as if time itself was deliberately stretching to make Levi suffer. About half an hour before she was due to be picked up, she called, talking nonstop and at a speed that clearly showed she was beyond nervous. The last time he'd heard her like that was before their very first gig, and it instantly darkened his mood.
An hour later, he sat at dinner with his mother, glaring at his bowl of rice as if it had just committed a crime. Every vegetable speared onto his fork seemed to catch the full force of his frustration—not aimed at Hange, of course, but at the guy who thought he could take her away… from him.
"You alright?" his mother asked, noticing the shift in his mood. When he didn't answer right away, she gently placed her hand on his forearm, a touch that felt strangely comforting, and for a moment, the truth almost slipped from his lips.
"I'm fine. Just a little tired," he replied evenly, which wasn't entirely untrue. He hadn't slept well, and the assignment he'd been working on all day—to keep his mind occupied and away from dark thoughts—had drained a lot of his energy.
"Don't overwork yourself. You're allowed to rest a bit during your vacation," his mother said softly, giving his arm a gentle pat. Unaware of what was truly weighing on him, she quickly shifted the conversation to something she thought would make him happy, in hope of distracting him.
"How's Hange doing, by the way? I haven't seen her around lately, but I think you were at her dorm a few days ago?"
"Hange's on a date," he grumbled, the words escaping before he could stop them. "She's fine," he quickly added, his heartbeat picking up. "She's happy, and getting good grades. Spent her money on a bunch of new CDs lately." He tried to deflect his mother's attention from his unintended confession. But she wasn't fooled and quickly picked up on his little slip.
"She's on a date, as in, right now?"
"Mhm," Levi replied, staring down at his plate because he couldn't bring himself to meet her eyes. He was nineteen years old, for crying out loud. Why couldn't he handle things like the adult he was supposed to be?
"I'm sorry," his mother said, a little too warmly, and the tightness in his chest only deepened. "It must upset you a lot." Upon her words, he finally looked up at her, and was met with a pair of warm eyes that seemed almost too understanding. Did she know about his… situation?
"Of course I know," his mother smiled, as if reading his thoughts. "You might not be great at saying how you feel, but your eyes speak volumes. And I'm your mother. I've known you your whole life."
"Oh god," Levi muttered, leaning forward and hiding his face in his arms. Kuchel chuckled and placed a hand on his shoulder, waiting patiently as he sank deeper into his embarrassment. She didn't press him with questions, and once he'd collected himself again, he told her the few things Hange had mentioned about Zeke, even if very little hesitant.
"Give it some time, and see how things develop," his mother, following him as he started loading the dishwasher to calm his nerves. "And, you know, if you get the chance—talk to her. Be honest. Life can surprise you."
Life has already surprised me enough, he thought gloomily, but he still managed a half-hearted smile—and to his relief, his mother let the topic go. After they finished doing the dishes, he excused himself and retreated to his room to hide for the rest of the evening.
Things did develop—just not in Levi's favour. Hange's first date, the details of which he heard all about the next morning, was quickly followed by a second just two days later. And by the end of the week, she casually announced that she and Zeke were officially seeing each other. Which, of course, did nothing to lift Levi's mood.
He wasn't sure if something inside him broke a little, or what it was that made him feel so miserable. He should have been happy for her. But he couldn't. Maybe Hange sensed it, or maybe she was still a little embarrassed and unsure about this new chapter of her life, because she moved on shortly after dropping the bomb—while he felt as if his heart had been shredded into a million pieces.
He had no right to be angry. He knew what he'd felt all these years, and if he'd had the courage to act on it, he could've asked her out, could've told her about them. But he had missed his chance, so he would just have to accept this new situation.
And yet… maybe this was his chance to finally move on, instead of clinging to something that could never be. Oh, if only moving on were that easy.