Chapter Text
It had been almost three weeks since she left, and he couldn’t shake this feeling.
For nights on end he’d dream of her. Not the kind of dreams one would have while sleeping, he never truly slept. But the kind that took place behind closed eyes in that fragile place between rest and reality. She was always there on the edge of his mind, close enough that if he truly focused on that thread of awareness, he could see her. He could swear he was looking through her eyes at times. Seeing her travels through Inazuma or hearing her conversations, but there was no way that could be true. She was an ocean away, his mind was most likely playing tricks on him. It was very likely that his mind was just showing him these things to ease his worry.
At least that’s what he told himself. Still, he’d go to the harbor at least once a day just to check. Hoping to catch a glimpse of her ship making its way back to Liyue. He’d perch himself up above the Stone Forest, on the cliff just north of Liyue to watch the horizon for a bit. He’d spend an hour or so just waiting, and when it was obvious that the Alcor was not there, he’d leave to resume his day.
When he wasn’t staring out across the ocean above the harbor, he continued on his usual routine. Clearing out hillichurl camps, taking out rogue Vishaps, eradicating demons, and watching over Wangshu Inn. Without her there bugging him for help on commissions or joining him on his duties things seemed dull. The days were long and uneventful, and for the first time in his long life he felt bored.
He had lived for thousands of years, through wars and battles and aging lands, but had never been bored with his tasks. He would serve his purpose and be satisfied with just that. Protector of Liyue, Conqueror of Demons, and when Morax called, General Alatus. Nothing more, nothing less.
Until her.
At first he found her a nuisance. Another annoying traveler offering up almond tofu hoping to gain his favor. But the determination in her eyes piqued his interest and the rest is history. She swayed him with the news of Rex Lapis’ passing, and supported him through his grief until learning that Morax was now just Zhongli, and he was right in the harbor whenever he needed him. She would deliver his medicine from Baizhu, bring him almond tofu as thanks for his help, or surprise him with qingxin flowers. In the beginning he would respond with some cold remark about how gifts were wasted on him or how they were unnecessary. Frivolous mortal traditions that were no use to an adepti.
One particular day, on his birthday in fact, he made the mistake of telling her that he did not deserve any gifts or celebration. That he was not worthy of such praise because of the things he had done. Her response was so surprising all he could do was stare.
“ You cannot base your worth on the things you cannot control. Your past was out of your control. But you can control your present and your future. And I think that the present Xiao is very worthy and deserving.”
He’ll never forget how her eyes looked like molten gold as she scolded him for thinking so little of himself. The way her cheeks flushed with anger and how her furled brows made a little dimple between them. She was determined to make him feel otherwise, and while he didn’t agree with her, he stopped talking down on himself when she was around.
Over time he grew to enjoy her presence, and would often look forward to her visits. Occasionally he would seek her out if she was nearby, just to check on her. She had begun to do the same for him, so he felt he should be there for her if necessary.
After accompanying her on a particularly nasty commission involving a Ruin Hunter on the outskirts of Jueyun Karst, he had come to a sudden realization.
He couldn’t stand to know if she had been hurt when he could have been there to prevent it. Something twisted in his chest at the thought. Something dark and ugly that brought up memories of his past. He was a weapon, and what use was a weapon if it sat idle when someone may need it.
His words to her from that evening still echoed in his mind.
"If you awake to a knife at your throat, if monsters dig their claws into you, if death comes knocking at your door... Call out my name and I will be there when you call.”
“No, Xiao.” she had replied. Staring at him while he looked out over the marsh from their spot on the inn’s balcony. Her eyes searing into him with that same molten gold he had experienced a few months prior. “I will not use you as a weapon. I won’t do that to you.”
Without moving from his spot against the railing, he met her gaze. Glaring at her with matched intensity, before softening at the sincerity he saw there.
“As a shield then.”
She had only called for him one time after he made the offer.
The sound of her voice that day would haunt him for a lifetime. It was faint, breathy, like an exhaled word spoken to someone for the last time. Every muscle in his body seized, a moment of panic before the realization washed over him.
He was there in an instant with his Jadewing spear at the ready. As his eyes adjusted to take in the threat, he could see her attempting to push herself up off the ground. She had a nasty cut on her sword arm that was dripping blood down her forearm. She was covered in dirt and scrapes, and her sword was out of her reach. A pyro fatui agent was a few paces ahead of her, twirling his blades and readying another attack. He was the last one standing, with three other agents already dispatched lying limp on the ground.
Her eyes met his and widened with surprise. “ Xiao..?”
He spun his spear once as he began to step forward, “You called.” He replied before taking out the pyro agent in one pass.
He returned to her side and vanished his spear before kneeling down in front of her. “ You’re hurt.”
She was cradling her injured arm while the open wound continued to bleed. “I.. I’m okay. It’s not too bad really”.
His eyes narrowed “You’re lying.”
“No, I’m fine really! I don’t want to burden you more than I already have! I can get myself back to-”
He then cut her off by scooping her up in his arms and pulling her close against his chest. “Your safety is not a burden to me.”
Things had shifted since then, something unspoken between the two of them that neither dared to bring up. It was too fragile, whatever it was. He noticed it in the way she moved around him, in and out of battle. She had adapted to his fighting style, letting him take the lead and mirroring his movements. Together they had become a double edged sword, swift and lethal. He realized that it had been a long time since combat had felt that effortless. Their wordless coordination on the battlefield reminded him of his fellow yaksha from the past.
He noticed it too, in the way she lingered a little closer to his side on the late nights they spent out on the balcony of Wangshu Inn. Some nights, they spent the evening debriefing the day of commissions. Others, he would sit silently and listen to her stories of her travels, or answer her questions about Liyue and the adepti.
Over time, he had come to recognize the little things about her. The way her eyes lit up when eating a tasty dish or how she fiddled with the hem of her dress when she was nervous. The curve of her lips as she spoke. How the sight of her caused a tightness in his chest.
He wasn’t sure when he started to think of her in that way. In all his years, he never felt the pull of attraction towards another being, never wanted to really. Still, he’d find himself staring off into space thinking of her often.
The dreams of her started just after they finished their battle against Osial. They were innocent at first, just glimpses of an outing or conversation between the two. He’d dream about sharing a meal with her after a long day. Or walking through the fields in Qingce village.
However, the dreams shifted after their last commission before she left for Inazuma. The one where an unstable tower had almost crushed her if he hadn’t rushed her out of the way. He’d never been that close to her before. Sure, they had sparred together and he had even carried her a few times, but this was different. He got lost in the moment, the heat of her beneath him, and the sight of her flustered at their proximity. He made the mistake of glancing at her lips. Eliciting something primal and unfamiliar to cross his mind.
He wanted to kiss her. He wanted to taste her.
He’d only ever shared a kiss with one person in his entire existence. Centuries ago someone had taken an interest in him. When the time came, and he had kissed this girl with a long forgotten name, he felt nothing. When they realized nothing would come of pursuing any kind of relationship, they went their separate ways. He focused only on his duties after that.
Lumine was different in every aspect.
He started to dream of what it would be like to kiss her. Would he feel anything this time? Would she feel the same? What would she do if he reached out and closed that gap between them? Would she pull away if he touched her out of want, instead of necessity?
He didn’t have to wonder for long.
He lost control when he saw her on the docks in the harbor that day. She had talked about the possibility of leaving Liyue, if it meant she could locate her brother. He knew what her goal was, and he wanted her to accomplish it. Yet he panicked when he realized that she was leaving him behind. He didn’t want her to go, especially somewhere he couldn’t follow. That ugly feeling had settled in his chest again, the one that had urged him to pledge himself to her. To allow her to use him.
When he finally closed the distance and kissed her on the docks, he felt it. He hesitated at first, and had pressed his lips on hers gently, to give her a chance to pull away. But when she didn’t, and she made that noise, something snapped.
It lit a fire low in his belly, one that burned all the way up to the tips of his ears. It made his heart stutter and his spine tingle. Something in the back of his mind told him to take . He wanted her to be his. Then she ran her hands up his arms and around his neck. Tangled them in his hair and pulled. He thought he would come apart right then and there.
Then, she was an ocean away.