Chapter Text
fake vocalist: @polar bear are you alive
fake vocalist: @polar bear
fake vocalist: @polar bear
fake vocalist: @polar bear
fake vocalist: is he really dead
don’t touch my bed: most likely not
don’t touch my bed: anxin hasn’t come back yet so he’s probably still alive
fake vocalist: do you think i can borrow his scarf
don’t touch my bed: anxin has a scarf?
fake vocalist: nah geonwoo
fake vocalist: he’s got this black scarf he wears around his neck sometimes
don’t touch my bed: why do you need his scarf
clap clap bitch: do you need to strangle someone
fake vocalist: ???? wtf no
don’t touch my bed: hanwen are you okay
clap clap bitch: mmmmmm no
fake vocalist: lowkey real
fake vocalist: this show sucks
fake vocalist: thrice have i been robbed by the live vote
kani’s man: i too dislike the live vote
since when is sleeping a crime: really? i like the live vote
fake vocalist: wow i wonder why
kani’s man: shut up kangmin
scott: it’s kind of interesting that kangmin and junseo both get hate but it only reflects in junseo’s scores
fake vocalist: i mean the magnitude of hate is a little different there
since when is sleeping a crime: @kani’s man even the children are laughing at you
kani’s man: oh so you know you’re a big child
fake vocalist: NO FIGHTING IN THE GROUPCHAT
fake vocalist: someone kick them both out of the dorms as punishment
scott: @atlantis prince you do it
atlantis prince: why me ???
scott: you’re the tallest out of everyone left
atlantis prince: hello i can’t beat both junseo and kangmin
atlantis prince: especially since junseo managed to kick geonwoo out the dorms single-handedly and im only 1 cm taller than geonwoo
scott: and definitely not as built
atlantis prince: what
scott: what
fake vocalist: yeah let’s not send woojin to the wolves like that
fake vocalist: @all calling everyone taller than 180 cm
yippee child: present
frederick: present
let me sing: present
call me mister: present
clap clap bitch: present
fake vocalist: …
fake vocalist: no way there’s only 5 people over 180 cm in this groupchat
scott: we already ruled out woojin and geonwoo is…
scott: indisposed
scott: so yeah only 5
fake vocalist: damn
fake vocalist: well first off we’re not sending the child
fake vocalist: @yippee child you’re dismissed
yippee child: awwww man
fake vocalist: second idt we should send liyu or hanwen
fake vocalist: in case mnet gets wind of this and decides to do some evil foreigner edit
fake vocalist: so that leaves haneum and donggyu
scott: @let me sing @call me mister
scott: you have been summoned to perform a deed that will save mankind
scott: are your prepared for this undertaking
let me sing: what if I don’t want to do it
call me mister: yeah what if i don’t feel like saving the world today
scott: um
fake vocalist: nah you have to do it
fake vocalist: it’s part of your dues
let me sing: oh
let me sing: ok then
let me sing: what do we have to do
fake vocalist: kick junseo and kangmin out of the dorms
call me mister: thats all?????
call me mister: why didn’t you say that earlier
call me mister: let’s go haneum time to kick junseo’s butt
fake vocalist: AND KANGMIN
fake vocalist: AND KANGMIN
fake vocalist: @call me mister KANGMIN TOOOOOOOOO
umbrella master: do the dorms seem haunted to anyone else
umbrella master: i keep hearing people screaming and fighting
umbrella master: yesterday and right now
bookworm: same
bookworm: im scared to go outside my room
umbrella master: me too
fake vocalist: dw guys it’s just spring cleaning
bookworm: are you sure that’s what spring cleaning sounds like
umbrella master: i thought it was just picking up leaves and stuff
scott: y’all are stupid it’s not even spring what spring cleaning
bookworm: then what is it
visual simp: it’s the sound of my heart falling for you
fake vocalist: …
scott: …
visual simp: sorry guys i had to
fake vocalist: you did not have to
visual simp: but i had the opportunity to
visual simp: they say you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take
fake vocalist: they also say you miss 100% of the clues you don’t see
visual simp: what are you trying to say
fake vocalist: he doesn’t like you back bro
visual simp: oh and you just know everything that sangwon likes don’t you
fake vocalist: yeah cause we’re FRIENDS
visual simp: mmmhmmmmmm sureeeeeee
visual simp: friendsssssssssssss
fake vocalist: who are you to judge
fake vocalist: you don’t even have any friends
bookworm: guys
visual simp: wow thats really low
visual simp: what did i even do to you
fake vocalist: you pmo so much
bookworm: guys
fake vocalist: literally anyone can tell that sangwon doesn’t appreciate you’re advances
visual simp: is that so
fake vocalist: yeah
visual simp: well maybe he should tell me then
fake vocalist: he shouldn’t have to tell you you should have the self awareness to stop
bookworm: guys!
scott: you gotta do it louder sangwon
scott: like this
scott: GUYS NO FIGHTING IN THE GROUPCHAT
visual simp: where do you get the gall to say i have no self awareness
visual simp: mr hahaha
fake vocalist: like you would know anything about brightening up the mood
bookworm: it’s not working
scott: ik we gotta move to plan b
visual simp: id like to see what mood you could brighten with that ugly ass smile
fake vocalist: says mr ugly ass smirk
scott: @let me sing @call me mister are guys done with junseo and kangmin
call me mister: yeah
call me mister: why
scott: we need you to kick Leo and leejeong out the dorms too
call me mister: got it
visual simp: it’s called controlling your facial expressions you—*&#*$*$*#*$*$
fake vocalist: ha serves you righ—$*#&#**$*$*$*##
call me mister: done
let me sing: how it’s done done done
scott: finally
scott: peace at last
scott: i can hear the jovial tunes of the birds
scott: the languid breeze
scott: the gentle flutter of time~
god himself: IM BACK EVERYONE
scott: holy hell
god himself: DOES ANYONE KNOW FIRST AID
yippee child: yo what did you do
scott: @don’t touch my bed @don’t touch my bed @don’t touch my bed @don’t touch my bed @don’t touch my bed @don’t touch my bed
don’t touch my bed: Zhou Anxin what did you do
god himself: I didn’t do anything
god himself: but geonwoo fell out of a tree
yippee child: pfffftttttttt
don’t touch my bed: did you chase him up a tree
god himself: no
god himself: i was following him
god himself: and he climbed up a tree for some reason
god himself: so I climbed up the tree too
god himself: and then he fell out of the tree
don’t touch my bed: is he okay
god himself: he’s alive I think
god himself: maybe
god himself: he’s unconscious
god himself: I dragged him back
don’t touch my bed: we will talk about this later
don’t touch my bed: @all does anyone know first aid
child 2: yumeki is good at first aid
child 2: he’s got a bunch of ointment things for bruises and stuff
don’t touch my bed: @dancing afterthought
dancing afterthought: ?
don’t touch my bed: we need you to administer emergency care on an unconscious trainee
dancing afterthought: oh that sounds serious
dancing afterthought: which trainee and where
don’t touch my bed: @god himself
god himself: geonwoo
god himself: I have him in Masato’s room
pink hair: wait what
god himself: sorryyyyyy it was the first empty room I could find
scott: you can go to either junseo, kangmin, Leo, or leejeong’s room masato
scott: they’re all out
masato: okay
dancing afterthought: heading to masato’s room
don’t touch my bed: @god himself while yumeki revives geonwoo you can report to my room
yippee child: ooh someone’s in trouble
god himself: not if jiahao can’t catch me
yippee child: ?
child 2: ?
child 1: ?
scott: ?
scott: which if you is which
child 2: im chingyu
child 1: im yunseo
scott: got itttttt
don’t touch my bed: Zhou Anxin where are you
god himself: 🤫
don’t touch my bed: I see how it is
god himself: 😨
uu: hey guys
uu: do any of you smell smoke
scott: *sniffs* nothing but blood and guts and death and stuff
the real alpha: I smell smoke
frederick: me too
no one remembers me: me three
kani’s man: as someone who is outside the dorms, I can see smoke through the windows
since when is sleeping a crime: as someone who is also outside the dorms, I agree
since when is sleeping a crime: there is a dark black cloud behind the glass
since when is sleeping a crime: and the weather forecast does not have thunder on it
scott: did someone finally decide to burn the mnet headquarters down
atlantis prince: sanghyeon
atlantis prince: look in the hallway
scott: ?
scott: omg
scott: thats a fire isn’t it
atlantis prince: I think so
atlantis prince: I threw a piece of paper at it and it burned up
uu: WHY DO BOTH OF YOU HAVE NO SELF PRESERVATION
uu: RUNNNNNNNNN
uu: @all EVACUATE 🚨 🚨 🚨 THERE IS A FIRE IN THE DORM
scott: woojin we gotta go
atlantis prince: MY GUITAR
yippee child: RUN FOR YOUR LIVESSSSSSS
child 1: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
dancing afterthought: guys help I can’t carry geonwoo out by myself
child 2: ILL COME HELP YOU
since when is sleeping a crime: @all MEET ME AND JUNSEO AT THE EVACUATION POINT
fake vocalist: yo guys why are the dorms burning down
visual simp: yeah it looks kind of concerning we had to pause our fist fight
since when is sleeping a crime: @umbrella master @pink hair @frederick @let me sing @clap clap bitch @call me mister where are you guys
umbrella master: im coming
frederick: me too
let me sing: im outside dw
clap clap bitch: same
call me mister: also outside
since when is sleeping a crime: @pink hair ?
since when is sleeping a crime: @pink hair ?
since when is sleeping a crime: @pink hair ?
kani’s man: is he the only one missing
since when is sleeping a crime: I think so
scott: wait wait wait
scott: where are anxin and jiahao
since when is sleeping a crime: oh no
bookworm: hey
bookworm: can someone get the fire extinguisher
bookworm: I think there’s a fire outside my room
fake vocalist: SANGWON
visual simp: SANGWON NO
uu: YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO EVACUATE
bookworm: oh
bookworm: I might’ve missed the message
bookworm: I was reading
since when is sleeping a crime: SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT
fake vocalist: 🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨
bookworm: what am I supposed to do
uu: KEEP THE DOOR SHUT
god himself: don’t worry sangwon I got u
bookworm: ?
bookworm: WOAH
god himself: hehehe window glass is no match for me
fake vocalist: I see you sangwon!
fake vocalist: jump out the window and I’ll catch you!
visual simp: and if he misses I’ll catch you!
don’t touch my bed: ZHOU ANXIN ARE YOU ON THE FUCKING ROOF
god himself: maybe
don’t touch my bed: GET DOWN HERE
god himself: well you better catch me then
don’t touch my bed: #*$$*$*#(#*$*$(($
since when is sleeping a crime: now we have everyone besides masato
since when is sleeping a crime: @pink hair @pink hair @pink hair
pink hair: im at the convenience store
since when is sleeping a crime: THANK GOD
god himself: no need
kani’s man: why are you at the convenience store
pink hair: the socket thing in your room doesn’t work
pink hair: I plugged my charger in and sparks started flying everywhere
pink hair: so I came out to get a new one
kani’s man: did you by any chance forget to unplug your charger
pink hair: oh I might have
dancing afterthought: geonwoo woke up
dancing afterthought: he wants to know why everyone's outside and why the dorm’s on fire
since when is sleeping a crime: MASATO
bao bao hug me: just went on a date with suren anyone want to fill me in on what I missed
scott: oh boy