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English
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Published:
2016-02-13
Updated:
2016-09-18
Words:
9,150
Chapters:
8/?
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6
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29
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Fallen (Underswap AU)

Chapter 8: Identify yoursmellf!

Chapter Text

(Y/N)

 

No way. Not good. Notgoodnotgoodnotgoodnotgood! I looked back to Elaine and saw her rubbing her eyes and stumbling along.

 

“You gotta stay awake, come on, I know you can do it!” No I don’t.

 

“I.. *huff* I’m trying.” She seemed breathless. We passed a cardboard box and kept going. “(Y/... *pants*... I need... t-to... stop!” I looked back at her and slowed to a stop. Her cheeks are rosy. She’s panting. I think that’s sweat.

 

“Okay. We can stop for a minute, but only for a minute. I can’t let you get too cold or...”

 

“Or I could... die?” How does- “It’s okay. I know what happens when you get cold, mommy explained it to me when I didn’t want to put my coat on once around Christmas.” Well... But how did she catch her breath so fast? Wasn’t she just panting?

 

“Okay, so you know about that, but do you know how to tell it’s starting?”

 

“... No.” She frowned a bit.

 

“Well, there’s a few that I can’t really explain,” Mostly because I can’t remember, “but a couple of the first things that happen is you shiver and you might start to feel tired. Since it’s already starting, I really, really need to get you warmed up.” Her shivering is already back. Shit. Fuck!

 

“O-okay.” We continued forward and passed a sign.

 

“Wait stop.” I whispered putting my hand out to block her path. “It looks like another sentry station. Let’s try to sneak past it.” As soon as she stuck her foot out to step forward, a set of eyes and ears popped out from behind the counter.

 

“Stop and identify yoursmelf!” *Doggo blocks the way!

Notes:

For those of you that have made it far enough to read this, thank you. And a special thanks to DarklingImp for reading this as well. they have acted as a basic guide for me and has been teaching me tips and tricks for this work that I'm trying to slowly implement. For those that have reading this continuously and have noticed changes, I am slowly editing this work to be more understandable and more fluent, if that makes sense. First largely noticeable change will be POV markers. Every time there is a black line, POV changes, but I will be adding in name tags so that the work looks a little bit like this:

blah blah blah words n stuff.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

(Italicized character name)

new words n stuff from different POV

 

Hopefully this will make this easier to understand, hopefully. Also, that reminds me. DarklingImp also pointed out that the first person POV for all the characters made them feel like they had multiple personalities (lol I'm so sorry), that won't change and for a reason. Even though you are essentially the main character, I also want you to be able to see through the eyes of the other characters without having to write 'Asgore thought' or similar things or changing the narrative standpoint. I want this to be a unique experience, but I don't want it to be super confusing, like it currently is. I will take any crit that comes my way and I'd love to hear suggestions to help it along. That being said thank you again, DarklingImp, for all the help. Another thing before I forget, I will be limiting POV switches. I want to try to make it more chapter by chapter switches rather than every so often switches. Also, if you notice a pronoun screw up or an awkward typo, please let me know so that I can fix it. Thank you, you've been a wonderful audience. :D