Chapter Text
So, you were jealous.
You sat at the base of a tree at Training Ground 3, sharpening your kunai with a frown so deep in your brows it was beginning to give you a headache. Thoughts swirled and churned in your brain, and snippets from the night before replayed in your head like a sick movie.
Her hand on his shoulder.
Her pressing against him.
Her lips in his ear.
It wasn’t even that bad. It was harmless flirting…at least on her part. Good for her for giving it a shot. It was you that was the problem.
And that was the worst part of it all.
Kakashi carried you home that night after you had emptied your guts on the street. He hoisted you up on his back and all you could do was moan and groan from the nausea and pain in your stomach, a result of drinking too much too fast. He didn’t say much on the walk, just continued to reassure you that you’d be in your cozy bed soon enough to sleep off the sickness. You crashed immediately when your head hit the pillow, and in the morning, you woke up alone.
Now, after a full day of successfully avoiding him, you were hiding out in the training grounds to grovel in self-pity and sit in your shame.
The memory of last night hit you once more and you stopped sharpening your kunai to sigh heavily, leaning your head back on the truck of the tree. Wind whistled through the tree above you, leaves singing that familiar song that reminded you of brighter days. Better days. Days when you didn’t act like a complete idiot.
“Ah, to think all this time, you were actually training without me. That hurts, sweetheart.”
Kakashi’s voice made you spring up straight, and you rapidly scan the trees in front of you to find him. But where his voice had sounded, he was nowhere to be found.
“Up here.”
You looked up, and his masked face was inches from yours as he hung from a branch above you.
He winked. “Gotcha.”
One part of you wanted to smile and laugh like you would any other time. The other, more shameful part of you looked down and away like a little kid who’d gotten caught red-handed.
Which wasn’t far off base.
Leaves rustled as Kakashi landed gracefully next to you, his calf brushing your shoulder. You turned slightly away, wanting desperately not to be perceived in such a pathetic moment of pure self-pity.
But this was Kakashi.
His gloved hand darted out in front of your face. “Let’s spar.”
Forgetting that you were pouting, you whipped your head up to look at him. Under his mask, he was smiling.
Then, you looked at his hand, still held out for you to take. “I don’t really feel like it, Kakashi.”
His hand remained, and he didn’t break eye contact. “It’ll make you feel better.”
You gave him a look. “Getting my ass kicked by you never makes me feel better.”
His smile deepened. “I’ll let you win.”
Something switched in you, and you realized that Kakashi knew exactly what to say to get you out of your funk. You reached up and grabbed his hand. “You better not.”
His eyes brightened as he pulled you up off the ground and led you to the middle of the grounds. As you assumed your positions, Kakashi smirked. “Taijutsu only?”
You nodded. “Taijutsu only. No weapons.”
“Fine with me,” Kakashi replied, and then he was making the first move.
Taijutsu was never your strong suit, and you knew that Kakashi was going easy on you every time you sparred, but nevertheless, there was something about sparring with him that made you feel alive. He was fast and unrelenting but moved with grace. Everything was intentional. Always one step ahead of you. And that challenge forced you to try and match his skill, his speed. Even though you would probably never get there, it didn’t matter. It was fun all the same.
So far, you had blocked every one of his attempted blows, keeping pace with his incredible speed. He tried to break every opening, but you wouldn’t let him. Every time, you were right there, blocking with your hand, your arm, or your leg. Every chance given, each chance lost. It was like a dance, and you never wanted it to end.
Until, finally, when you both were covered with sweat and breathing hard, Kakashi swiped his foot underneath you, and your back hit the ground. Kakashi was on top of your in an instant, pinning your hands above your head and pressing a knee into your thigh.
Both of you used the moment to catch your breath, faces centimeters away, staring into each others eyes. Oh, those eyes. Those deep, never-ending night sky eyes that you would never get tired of. His moonlight hair hung down over his forehead, sweat beading on his brow. He was overwhelmingly, breathtakingly handsome like this, and it took everything in you not to rip your hands from his grip and kiss him deeply.
Then, he broke the silence. “We need to talk about last night.”
Every good feeling suddenly dissapeared. Shame filled your head, your chest, your ears. You could feel yourself shutting down completely at the mere words, and you turned your head away from him. “No.”
“Y/N—“
You attempted to escape, tried to use a maneuver Gai taught you to get the upper hand and just continue to spar. But, Kakashi knew you better than that and Kakashi was stronger.
He moved his knees on either side of your hips and used his other hand to grab your chin, bringing you to face him. You fought against it, wriggling and writhing underneath him but it was no use. He gathered your jaw completely in his hand, forcing you to look at him. You huffed, irritated. Heat flooded your cheeks, feeling vulnerable and exposed, and you looked past his face and into the sky behind him.
Kakashi said your name again, but you didn’t budge. Not even when he brushed a finger over your cheeks, encouraging you to meet his eyes. That shame and embarrassment bubbled deep in your gut, and tears began to spring in your eyes.
“I want to talk about it,” Kakashi said gently.
“I don’t,” you bit back, still not meeting his eyes.
He quietly sighed out through his nose. “I’m not mad, sweetheart.”
You huffed again. “I know, Kakashi. That’s not—“
That’s not it, you thought. It has nothing to do with you.
Silence fell between you. You could feel Kakashi searching your face, trying to figure it out for himself before you finally broke and confessed.
He moved his hand to cradle the side of your face, thumb brushing tenderly across your cheekbone. “I don’t like when you shut me out.”
There it was. The tone of his voice, the way he touched you. It all washed over you like warm sand, breaking the spell that shame had kept on you. Finally, you met his gaze, melting and surrending under its endless darkness.
Kakashi waited. Your eyes stung.
“I was jealous,” you spoke finally, voice much smaller and weaker than you intended. “When that waitress was flirting with you last night. And I overreacted. Like an idiot.”
Kakashi didn’t say anything. His face remained blank, unmoving.
Your cheeks flushed. “I know it’s stupid. And I’m sorry for embarrassing you like that. I just…I tried to ignore it, but she just kept…touching you. And trying to get your attention. And the way she—“
The image of her leaning down into his ear, whispering, caressing his arm. That familiar gut feeling began to boil, hot and violent, and you took a deep breath. “I’m sorry, Kakashi.”
It felt equally humiliating and relieving to confess your silly thoughts to him. But his silence was making you anxious, and you yearned for him to say something, anything to put you out of your misery. Was he mad? Was he upset? Was he embarrassed?
What are you thinking in that head of yours, Kakashi Hatake?
Then, Kakashi’s grip on your wrists above your head loosened, and he moved it to the other side of your face, both hands holding it tenderly. You slowly moved your arms down to your side, melting once again at his touch.
“Do you remember,” Kakashi started, eyes softening as he spoke. “When we went skinny dipping with everyone at the lake?”
The memory played in your head, and you smiled slightly, nodding. It was one of your favorite memories because you and Kakashi had just started dating. You two were still figuring it out, days of sneaking glances across a room, brushing hands against each other, and late night conversations. It was Asuma’s idea to go skinny dipping after a night out, and all of your friends spent the whole night in the lake.
“You were scared to get in,” Kakashi smiled as he spoke. “Because Anko told you that she kept getting bit by fish, even though she was lying. Everyone kept telling you to suck it up and get in anyway.”
“She’s such a jerk”, you said, grin widening.
But Kakashi’s smile weakened. “That’s when Genma snuck out of the lake without you knowing. He picked you up and…threw you over his shoulder and jumped in with you.”
You gave Genma so much shit for that after it happened. You dunked his head under the water so many times, and he just laughed and laughed. At the time, you were annoyed, but looking back it was such a fond memory.
But watching Kakashi’s face right now, you wondered if it went differently for him.
“I…” he started, and then he sighed. “I felt…jealous. When Genma grabbed you. When he touched you. All you had on was your underwear. Seeing his hands on you like that, I—“
Kakashi hung his head, shaking it. “It was stupid. I shouldn’t have felt that way.”
“Kakashi…” you said, bringing your hand up to cup his own that held your face.
He lifted his face, looking at you once more. “I fought with myself for weeks about it. Why did I feel that way? Why did I feel so angry at someone touching you like that? It was ridiculous how much it affected me.”
You knew what he was saying. You knew exactly how he felt.
Then, Kakashi’s eyes started to roam, away from your face and down your body. One hand left your face, and he began to drag his fingertips down your cheek, your neck, your collarbone, his gaze following the path. “I realized it’s because even back then, I wanted you. I wanted you…so badly. I…I—“
Shivers went down your spine at his feather-light touch, and you closed your eyes. Kakashi sighed out through his nose, slowly. “The thought of someone else having you…”
Opening your eyes, Kakashi just looked at you. Softly. Tenderly.
“No one else,” you said quietly. “No one else, Kakashi. It’s just you.”
They were the most honest words you had ever spoken. Of course they were. You knew it to the very deepest parts of your heart. Kakashi was it. Kakashi was yours. He was completely and utterly yours. No one else would ever come close.
Kakashi searched your face. “There’s nobody, nothing more important to me than you.”
You smiled softly, heart warm. “I know.”
Kakashi looked relieved, and he smiled back. “Not even a flirting waitress.
You rolled your eyes, giving him a playful shove on his chest as you laid underneath him. “Yeah, yeah, whatever. I’m never going to live that down, am I?”
Kakashi chuckled, grabbing your hands and pulling you up to a sitting position. “I’m afraid not.”
He sat crouched in front of you, smirking fondly as you rested your arms on your knees, sighing. “Sorry I was being such a turd.”
Kakashi chuckled. “No need to be sorry. It just means you owe me ramen.”
You feigned offense, scoffing. “No fair!”
Kakashi shrugged, nonchalant. “All is fair in love and jealousy.”
A feeling of warmth and gratitude washed over you. Maybe you had gotten jealous. Maybe you had let it take over and made you do weird things. But maybe, just maybe Kakashi loved you anyway. And knowing that, knowing that despite your mistakes and silly mess-ups, he would continue to choose you.
You leaned forward, hooking your finger over his mask. “Emphasis on the love part, right?”
Kakashi smiled tenderly. “Always.”
And when your lips met his, you knew he meant it.