Chapter Text
At the start of the July, Sunghoon has a party. For nothing in particular but because it is summer and it's nice out and his house is empty for the week.
Sunoo sits at the kitchen table and watches Sunghoon trying to hang up LED lights above the kitchen cabinets. As he reaches upwards his shirt rides up revealing a delicious sliver of his abdomen and Sunoo is having a silent field trip with it.
"Sunoo? Sunoo?!"
Sunoo flinches and knocks over his cold cup of tea at the sudden sound of Sunghoon's voice registering in his brain. "Shit, sorry! What?"
"Help. Me." Sunghoon's voice sounds gritted but Sunoo is not looking at him, he's busy grabbing 74 paper towels and trying to salvage the mess on the table. "Sunoo. Help. Me."
Sunoo's eyes snap up and he is met with the sight of Sunghoon dangling on top of a stool in an awkward angle with his knuckes white from trying to find a grasp from the ceiling.
"Hyung!" is all Sunoo shouts as he sprints towards Sunghoon which is the perfect amount of time for Sunghoon to lose his grip and fall.
Right on top of Sunoo.
Both boys are stunned into silence. They lie on the kitchen floor for several seconds in dead silence, Sunoo underneath Sunghoon. Their chests are touching. Every part of them is touching. Sunghoon's big hand is planted next to Sunoo's head and it's silent. It's so, so silent.
Sunoo has never seen Sunghoon's eyes being so wide before. They are staring into each others souls in silence. Sunoo doesn't know how to feel.
"You're- you're a bit heavy, hyung", Sunoo wheezes and it's all that is needed for Sunghoon to react and throw himself off of Sunoo.
"Fuck, are you okay? Did I hurt you?" Sunghoon basically raps, shooting syllable after syllable out of his mouth. He pulls Sunoo up into a sitting position and the next thing Sunoo knows is that Sunghoon's hands are everywhere.
They are on his face, his shoulders, the front of his head, the back of his head, his chest, his back, his arms, his waist.
"Sunoo? Say something! Are you hurt? Is your chest okay?" Sunghoon's hands are back on Sunoo's face. "Answer me!"
"Yeah I'm, I'm okay", Sunoo says, voice small. What just happened?
Sunghoon looks at him suspiciously, laughs laugh number three, and stands up from the floor. He extends a hand out for Sunoo to take.
<3
Well. There was something about drunk Sunoo, a small part that differentiates drunk Sunoo from sober Sunoo. Just a tiny part.
But with big impact.
And that is impulse control.
And maybe it is the impulse control problem, or maybe it is the eight drinks he had, or maybe even both.
Or maybe it is the devastating, dying need to tell the truth. To lay the deepest parts of him bare in front of Sunghoon. To say this is what I have for you.
Sunoo's heart is beating so fast he is sure he will have a heart attack. Hell, he is sure he will break some ribs. His heart is going to beat out of his chest and launch itself across the room and Sunoo is going to die—
"Are you okay, Sunoo-yah?"
Sunoo wants to slap Sunghoon. He wants to slap himself. He wants to line up every single person in the world and slap them in turns. He can't take this emotional turmoil much longer. He will die from cardiac arrest. On Sunghoon's balcony. Where they have made their most precious memories. Like ever.
"Yeah... never better," Sunoo wheezes. The smile he forces on his face must look stupid because Sunghoon is looking at him all weird and Sunoo isn't sure if he will punch Sunghoon or himself because he has never been so nervous in his entire life.
He can feel his ribs cracking and his heart breaking and that's when he decides that fuck impulse control.
"Actually," Sunoo starts and his eyes start to water and ohmyfuckinggod he can't catch a break, can he? He is disturbed by the sudden crying and the weird faces Sunghoon is giving him, even though he understands why because he must look so super mega idiotic right now – drunk out of his mind, figuratively and literally, crying out of nowhere on Park Sunghoon's fucking balcony. "I need to say- say something."
Sunoo is on the last few minutes of his lifetime and he needs to say this before he dies. He needs to. He needs to. He needs Sunghoon to hear him. He needs Sunghoon.
"F-fuck." Sunoo digs his palms into his eyes. His nose is running and he's choking on the words that he needs to tell Sunghoon but apparently everything between the sky and the ground is against him and he can do nothing else but sob and do his best to not look at Sunghoon. Because if he does, it will be the last straw and his bones will break and he will turn into compost and soil and he will die. Become one with the ground and the eco system.
"Sunoo, what is goin–"
"I like you!" Sunoo bursts out before Sunghoon can finish his sentence. And before he has an opportunity to open his mouth again, Sunoo is not about to give him a chance. "I l-like you, hyung, alright? I think... I think I always have. And I probably al- always will. And I'm- I'm so... afraid because maybe I am ruining our eleven years of friendship with this – burning it all to the ground, making it unsalvageable and never being able to go back. Fuck- fuck I can't even take these words that I- I'm saying right now back, can I?"
Sunoo has to stop or he'll pass out from the lack of oxygen or the fucking look on Sunghoon's face and honestly he doesn't know which is worse.
The quietness registers in Sunoo's brain far too slowly and he forces the sobs to die in his throat because he can not believe that he made such a fool out of himself in front of Sunghoon. The silence drags on; the cold night breeze caresses Sunoo's hot cheeks from all the crying but all he can focus on is the fact that Sunghoon hasn't said a fucking word and the unbearable pain of his heart slitting in half.
Minutes pass. Sunoo stares at the night sky. The only constellation he recognizes is the Big Dipper. He's paralyzed. He's rooted to the floor of Sunghoon's balcony forever and he isn't sure he will survive such doom. He is not strong enough.
"Alright..." the words slur and Sunoo's mouth feels like– nothing. He can't feel his mouth yet somehow he's producing syllables and words with his immobilized mouth. "S-sorry about... that. I will leave now." It's easier said than done, with his body being paralyzed and all. He regains sensation first on the tips of his fingers and then gradually on his wrists, ankles and suddenly he's crouching, ready to get up and stand and leave.
And then, he's falling.
Not because his legs gave out but because Park Sunghoon yanks him back down by his shoulders. Sunoo stumbles, Sunoo falls into Sunghoon's lap, and – before Sunoo can get any more mortified about the situation that has so far been extremely humiliating on his part – Sunghoon cups his face, hard, and kisses him on the mouth.
Park Sunghoon kisses Kim Sunoo on Park Sunghoon's balcony. The balcony where Sunghoon smoked his first cigarette, where they sit the following morning after every sleepover.
The balcony where Park Sunghoon kisses Kim Sunoo for the first time.
The music pounds faintly, gently, inside and carries just far enough for Sunoo and Sunghoon to hear – even though they are not hearing much of anything right now.
Sunoo's back hits the cool flooring of the balcony and he shivers but not for long because Sunghoon is suddenly on top of him, drowning him in kisses until he can't breathe and slowly making his way to Sunoo's neck making him squirm and giggle.
The bass of the music resonates through the floor into Sunoo's back, into his spine, into his heart. And they kiss and they kiss and they kiss and they kiss.
Kim Sunoo is far from simple. He is a bottled up thunderstrom trapped inside of a boy. He is a star, the moon and the Sun at the same time. And of course, Sunghoon's.
Park Sunghoon?
He has always been Sunoo's, too.
Oddly enough, they eventually get tired of the kissing. Sunghoon's neck is straining and Sunoo's sure he will actually die from the lack of oxygen this time. He keeps his eyes trained on the Big Dipper as he feels Sunghoon laying down next to him on the cool floor of the balcony.
"Every night in bed", Sunghoon whispers. Sunoo turns to look at his face but Sunghoon isn't looking at him, he's also watching the stars above them. "I think of your face."
Sunoo hums and takes Sunghoon's hand into his. It's quiet – it's nice. Sunoo would not want to be anywhere else in the world right now.
Something they both knew well enough without saying out loud to each other on the balcony – which was, of course, I love you.