Chapter Text
Carlos hadn’t been expecting that, but Holger had been full of surprises today, “Are you sure?”
“Just to sleep, but yes.”
Together, they picked themselves up off the ground and headed for Holger’s bedroom. Carlos barely had time to shut the balcony door behind them before Holger was tugging him away. In the dark, Carlos couldn’t tell what Holger’s bedroom was like, but he didn’t get much of a chance to look either before he was lying in Holger’s bed with the man himself pressed up against him. Like that, sleep was easy.
For a disorientating second after he woke up, Carlos couldn’t figure out where he was and why he was so warm. Twisting around slightly, he found himself face to face with Holger. The other man was still fast asleep and Carlos wasn’t about to wake him, especially given he’d been awake for a while in the middle of the night. He felt slightly creepy watching the other man sleep, but that didn’t stop him.
He liked seeing Holger as relaxed as he was when he slept. He looked peaceful in a way that Carlos hadn’t seen from Holger in a long time. His heart settled comfortably in his chest as he just watched Holger. His eyes roamed across Holger’s chest, the way his shirt stretched across it, before trailing down his arms. And coming to a stop when his eyes landed on the blocker around Holger’s wrist.
He couldn’t help himself from reaching out to touch it, feeling the cool metal under his fingers. A selfish part of him wanted to undo it, to see if their bond would reform, but he knew that would do nothing good. Instead, he played with it, running his fingers along the band.
He was still doing it when Holger’s eyes fluttered open. He caught Carlos’ eye for a second before they dropped down to where Carlos was still playing with the blocker.
“I bought it the day I broke our bond,” Holger whispered, voice rough with sleep, “The clinic told me that it was possible for a bond to reform after it had been broken and that was the last thing I wanted.”
“And you’ve worn it ever since?”
“Yes.”
“Haven’t people asked about it?” Carlos asked, surprised that at least people closest to Holger, who knew about their bond, hadn’t questioned it.
“Most people don’t notice it with the other things I wear on my wrist.”
“And you are just going to wear it forever?”
Holger bit his lip, “If you asked me that a couple of days ago, I would have said yes, but now I’m not so sure.”
Carlos was counting that as a win. He certainly hadn’t expected Holger to completely change his mind after one day, but that was something. It was a start, a sign that Holger hadn’t given up on them.
“Do you have any big plans for the day?” Holger asked, raising his eyes back up to meet Carlos’.
“I don’t.” Carlos honestly hadn’t expected to get a second day with Holger, hadn’t wanted to get his hopes up before he knew how things were going to go.
“You don’t have to go home or anything?”
“Not yet.”
“How about I take you out today then?” Holger suggested.
“I’d like that.”
Neither of them immediately moved though. Carlos stopped touching the blocker, letting a hand come rest on Holger’s bicep instead. For a few minutes, they just lay there together, not saying anything. Carlos was honestly just basking in getting to have Holger this close again.
They did eventually get moving. Carlos took the extra couple of seconds in bed to watch Holger walk towards the bathroom so that he could stare with no risk of being caught. Once the door was shut behind him, Carlos forced himself to get up as well. While ultimately, his goal for the day was to spend as much time with Holger as possible, he didn’t really want to spend it all in bed.
After quickly eating breakfast, they headed out together. Carlos was still driving, but this time Holger was directing him. He found himself driving down towards the ocean before stopping in a mostly empty car park.
“Feels only fair to show you my favourite walk,” Holger explained as he climbed out.
Together they snaked their way along the coast. There were a few more people out on this path today than the one yesterday, but they still had plenty of privacy. Carlos could quickly see why Holger liked this particular walk. Down on the water was truly pretty, especially on a nice calm day like this one.
“What are you thinking?” Carlos asked after they were a couple of kilometres in.
“I want to try again, for real.”
Carlos came to a complete halt as his brain processed Holger’s words. Holger had taken a couple of steps forward, but when he noticed Carlos was no longer beside him, he stopped as well before turning around to face him.
“You serious?” Carlos asked, feeling a need to give Holger one last chance to change his mind.
“I am.”
Carlos took two steps forward, closing the gap between them before reaching out to grab Holger’s face and pull him into a kiss. He didn’t care that they were in public. Even in Monaco, where a lot of people don’t look carefully at anyone, someone who did could notice, but Carlos didn’t care. He just wanted Holger.
He didn’t know how long they stood there, making out. Carlos let his hands roam over Holger’s chest as they kissed, enjoying having him so close.
“We couldn’t have figured this out when we were back at my apartment and not in public,” Holger mumbled between kisses.
“I think that’s on you,” Carlos teased.
Thankfully, Holger laughed, “Should we head back there?”
“Are you sure that you don’t want to finish the trail?”
“I’ve seen it before, unless you want to.”
“Not really.”
Holger smiled and gave Carlos one more kiss. Carlos grabbed Holger’s hand and they made their way back the way they came. With their fingers interlocked, their shoulders would brush against each other every few steps and each time, Carlos would feel a bolt of energy run through him.
It took what felt like forever to get back to the car. Whatever enjoyment Carlos had found in the trail earlier, he’d lost now and kept wishing they’d turn a corner and see the car. But it stayed frustratingly out of sight.
“What changed your mind?” Carlos asked.
Holger didn’t need him to elaborate further to understand Carlos’ question, “When you stayed with me on the balcony, I could see that you cared. You weren’t faking that.”
“I want to show up for you. You aren’t a disappointment, and you especially aren’t a disappointment to me.”
Holger glanced at him, “Thank you.”
Carlos took the risk to quickly kiss him, “Always.”
At last, they finally reached the car park and the car. Carlos needed some direction to get back to Holger’s apartment, but he just about could have done it himself. It was just much faster with Holger guiding him the right way.
As soon as they were alone, they couldn’t keep their hands off each other. Carlos didn’t wait to reach the bedroom before he was pulling Holger’s shirt off, wanting to get his hands on the smooth skin underneath.
“Fuck, I’ve missed you,” Holger gasped out between kisses and they stumbled towards Holger’s bedroom.
“I’ve missed you too.”
It wasn’t their first time sleeping together, but it was the first time in a very long time. In the time since, Holger had significantly bulked up, definitely no longer a skinny teenager any more and Carlos was deeply appreciating getting to touch everything.
The only slightly hollow fact was that it wasn’t quite the same without their bond. Before, their feelings would feed each other and it would just build and build until it broke. Now, only feeling his own feelings of lust and desire wasn’t quite as magnificent as Carlos knew that it could be. He tried not to linger on it, not wanting to ruin everything, but it was in the back of his mind.
Later, once they were both spent and exhausted, Carlos curled around Holger, keeping him tucked in his arms.
“I love you,” he mumbled in Holger’s ear. He didn’t necessarily need or expect Holger to say it back, but he needed Holger to know just how strong his feelings were.
“I’m not ready to bond again,” Holger said after a beat, not responding to Carlos’ declaration of feelings, “But I think I will be with time.”
“I’ll be looking forward to it, and I’ll be here regardless.”
Carlos couldn’t spend the whole off-season in Monaco, even if he desperately wanted to. It didn’t stop him from frequently making the journey to the principality as well as Holger gracing Carlos’ home with his presence a few times. While Carlos much preferred the moments they got alone, he didn’t hate the time they spent with each other’s families as well. Honestly, it was the closest to what things had been like when they first bonded that they’d had in a very long time.
Carlos had had to have a long conversation with his Mum about their bond and the still broken state. Having to admit to her just how badly he’d fucked everything up was one of the hardest things he’d ever had to do. He never wanted her to be disappointed in him, and he knew how much she liked Holger.
As he told her, he could see that disappointment on her face that he hadn’t wanted to see. Thankfully, with things on the mend between himself and Holger, she didn’t hold that disappointment for long.
On the other side, Holger didn’t tell his own family the truth when Carlos ran into them. He just pretended that nothing had happened. Carlos wasn’t going to overstep when they weren’t his family, but he didn’t understand why Holger hadn’t told them. But, it wasn’t his place.
Things were still slowly improving between him and Holger, but Carlos knew the real test was going to be when the season started and things got real again. Right now, it felt like they were in a dream of some kind that would come crashing back to reality soon. He tried not to worry about it, but he knew they couldn’t avoid it.
Before Holger flew out to Australia, they spent one last day together. Right now, they were alone in Holger’s apartment. Holger had cooked another incredible meal before they curled up together on the couch, Holger sitting between Carlos’ legs, Carlos’ arms around him. Holger was absent-mindedly fiddling with Carlos’ watch as something random played on the TV.
“I’m worried that things are going to go back to how they were before,” Holger admitted, not looking at Carlos as he spoke.
“So am I,” Carlos agreed, wanting to let Holger know his worries were both rational and shared.
“I know that you’ve said you want to be better, and I believe you, I just worry that you are going to get busy again and I’ll get forgotten.”
“I promise that I will try to be better, as long as you promise to talk to me if things are starting to go wrong,” Carlos suggested.
Holger lifted up a hand, raising a single finger, “You promise?”
Carlos looped his finger around Holger’s, “I promise.”
And he tried to keep that promise. It wasn’t always easy. As soon as the Australian Open started, Carlos got completely sucked back into tennis and the grind of the tour. It was so easy to fall back into his own habits of just focusing on himself and worrying about his own tennis. But he forced himself to be better. Even if it was just sending Holger a couple of messages each day, he tried to make the effort.
Thankfully, he saw his effort paying off and getting reciprocated. He’d often check his phone and find messages waiting for him from Holger. Each time, he’d smile, so glad to have Holger back in his life.
The hardest part was not seeing Holger nearly as often. Even when they were in the same place for a tournament, they were often so busy with their respective schedules, it made finding time together hard. FaceTime calls weren’t quite the same and Carlos found himself missing the bond even more. Just having that constant reminder through the flow of Holger’s emotions through the bond before had been a comfort.
He could still feel the gaping hole where the bond had once been. It had never faded, still a painful ache. He’d never asked Holger if he felt the same thing, it felt too personal to ask given the circumstances of the break. Not wanting to pressure Holger into feeling like he had to reform the bond, Carlos hadn’t said anything and just dealt with the hole.
They finally had a date night to themselves between tournaments and Carlos was planning on making the most of it. And not even in any dramatic sort of way. He just wanted to spend every minute he had with Holger before they were forced apart again.
Tonight, they were meeting for dinner at a place someone recommended to Carlos. He couldn’t even remember who now, he was just remembered being told the food was good. Carlos wanted to pick Holger up, be a true gentleman, even if that just meant turning up at Holger’s hotel room door, but Holger had already warned him he was running late after only being able to get a late practice court time and told Carlos to meet him there.
Even though he knew Holger was going to turn up, sitting at their table alone had his nerves slowly rising. He tried to distract himself by reading the menu, but he couldn’t stop himself from glancing up at the door every few seconds, wanting Holger to walk through it. Rationally, he knew that Holger was coming, but it still didn’t stop the panic.
At last, Holger appeared and he looked good. Carlos enjoyed being at a stage in their relationship where he would stare without feeling creepy or worrying about being caught doing something he shouldn’t. He could just enjoy seeing how good his soulmate looked when all dressed up.
“Sorry, I’m late,” Holger apologised, shedding his jacket to reveal a well-fitted button-down underneath.
“No problem.”
Now that his nerves had dissipated, Carlos let himself enjoy the night. Even if it had only been a couple of weeks, it felt far too long since they’d had more than just a few minutes to themselves and he wanted to savour it. As an added bonus, the food was good.
Spending time with Holger felt like coming home. It was always easy and comforting. Carlos never had to pretend to be someone he wasn’t as Holger had known him almost since the beginning. He knew exactly who Carlos was, and Carlos knew exactly who Holger was. Carlos couldn’t believe he had almost let this slip through his fingers for so long without realising how much he missed it. He’d been so stupid and was so determined to not let it happen again.
After they’d finished eating, and Carlos had paid the bill, they headed out together. In the dark of the night, Carlos felt willing to reach out and grab Holger’s hand. He’d been so disciplined throughout dinner and kept his hands to himself, but now there was no one else around who might notice or care.
As soon as his fingers brushed against Holger’s hand, a bolt rushed through him. Carlos almost collapsed at the strength of the feeling and he couldn’t understand what had happened. If it wasn’t for Holger gripping his hand, Carlos seriously might have fallen onto the concrete.
“What the fuck?” he managed to gasp out, surprised that Holger wasn’t reacting to whatever was happening.
Before he could get any other thoughts out, something clicked into place.
And he felt relief.
Relief that wasn’t his.
Look over at Holger, he found relief flooding across his face and Carlos finally understood what had happened.
Their bond had reformed.
The gaping hole where the bond had once been had now been filled back in, he could feel Holger again.
“Holger, what happened?” Carlos asked, staring at him.
Holger held his hand up, showing Carlos a blank wrist, “I stopped wearing my blocker.”
“You didn’t say anything.”
“I didn’t want to get your hopes up,” Holger admitted, “I wasn’t sure if we’d even be able to bond again.”
Carlos used his grip on Holger’s hand to pull him into a hug, “We’re bonded again,” he cried, so overwhelmed with both relief and joy. He couldn’t believe that he finally had Holger properly back.
“What made you change your mind about our bond?” Carlos asked, keeping Holger in his arms.
“Things really are better between us and I think I can see a future here.”
Carlos smiled, “Let’s go somewhere private, celebrate our bond being back.”
Holger easily agreed to that, let Carlos drag him in the direction of their hotel.
While obviously he had to end the hug to be able to walk, he hadn’t let go of Holger’s hand. Technically, people could have seen them, but Carlos didn’t care. He was too happy for anything to bring him down.
After almost a year of not having it, Carlos quickly found himself overtaken by Holger’s emotions rolling through the bond. The scale of Holger’s emotions hadn’t changed in the last year and Carlos had almost forgotten how strong they were. Despite the bond supposedly muting them slightly, Carlos could feel them more than he could feel his own.
“I’ve missed this,” Carlos murmured.
“Me too.”
As soon as they were in Carlos’ hotel room, Carlos pulled Holger into a kiss. Getting to kiss Holger after fixing their relationship still felt like a novelty, but now, with the bond back in place and being able to feel Holger’s pleasure too, it was so much better.
He couldn’t believe how much they’d gone through in the last year, and now, getting to have Holger so close again and back with their bond as he should be, Carlos realised how much he’d missed. He loved Holger so much and now that he had him and their bond back, he was never going to let it or Holger go again.