Chapter Text
The familiar color of onyx greets her again.
In this world, the first thing you'll spot is the endless hall, which you can't see where it ends even if you walk for hours upon hours.
Inside the hall, there's one administration, who calls themselves Ego Rex. They overlook this hall, give advice, and an omnipresent being who seems to know everything that happens inside.
Along this hall, accompanying it is what they dubbed “Whisper”, a bubble-like floating paper-ish object. These whispers are constantly flowing through the hall, and each and everyone of it contains messages.
If you hear or “pop” this Whispers long enough, you'll find a door at the side that isn't there in the first place.
“You have collected enough.” Ego Rex's voice trembles out. Urging the lone lost Wanderer. Loud enough for the Wanderer to hear clear as day.
And the sole person who got in?
The Wanderer… has been standing in front of the door for minutes. But she felt it had been hours that she just… stared at the door.
She can feel it, just like every book inside the library behind this door in front of her, this is the climax; the last stretch before ending their own book.
“You have-”
“Yes I know. I heard you the first time around.” The Wanderer silently winces at her harshness, before letting out a deep, tired sigh.
Slowly (agonizingly)—, she twists the knob and the door doesn't resist itself to be open.
Inside this mysterious world, you would have thought that there might be a dungeon, a hoard of treasure or a horror of monsters.
Instead, behind the door is a vast yet quaint library.
And in this greyscale library, there's also a sole owner of it.
There, sitting on her own chair behind the counter, is a girl around late teenage, flipping her book at the speed of light while reading its content.
She just dragged an extra chair in the library, and sat beside the counter that separated the librarian. Wordlessly, the librarian offers a book, and wordlessly, the Wanderer accepts it with a smile.
And in a few hours, they just sat there, the sound accompanying them was a faint sound of piano with their pages flipped along.
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“Sometimes. I don't know if I should thank or be mad at you.”
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“You go on and on about this and that, plan about what we all can achieve in the future.”
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“But… But then why are we in the future… where you are not here?”
The Wanderer let out a deep tired sigh.
“You know, I almost did it.” She confessed in the silence of the day, her eyes glazed over. And suddenly the wind stopped, as if it itself held its breath, “When the weight is just too much, when all that insanity makes me question myself… It's a good thing Rex was there.”
Standing before the resting place of her dearest friend, she does what she does best: wander. Her mind wandered to the ifs and possibilities, but at the end of her wandering mind, she concluded that, there's no point in thinking the what ifs.
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“But now… after everything I go through that world… It's as if… I can see the colors of the world slowly. Strange isn't it? I got the colors back from the world with little to no colors.”
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“… Yang. I'm here today for my first step. And that is… to forgive myself. I think… I think I get what you're trying to say back then. Ha, you're just too goody two shoes that the calling of adventure is enticing… even it has a call of danger. And… I think as romantic and childish that reality is… I want to believe in that too.”
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“So yeah, I became Wanderer not only because of our promise, but because I believe in the vision you're seeing. It will take maybe even the entirety of my life before I can look back to those days without regret, but, this is the first step… for us, for me.”
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“Sorry for not visiting you sooner, Yang.”
The silent breeze of air passing through the Wanderer is comforting.
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“Gong… gong… gong…” The book the librarian offer let the Wanderer think, when does sanity meets its peak? When does one knows that its lost? She would never know, rather, she may never understand people with the condition that she never experienced in some aspect.
Or maybe she does, it just she will never can't be compared to those who did lose themselves.
And she can't help but to stare at the girl, who by chance, also stares back, locking them both in.
“Do you want to say something, Es?” The Wanderer broke the silence.
Es hand pauses midair from flipping the page, quiet for a moment before letting out a sigh.
“There's… there's something bothering me, actually.” The librarian began hesitantly, “You see, there's this book. It's just a picture book like the others before. But… this one is different.”
“D… Do you want to read it together?”
There's a flash of relief shining in her eyes, “If it doesn't trouble you.”
“Of course. Let's read it.”
Es hide the book she's been holding, and then fetch the book behind her, one unassuming book that is the same as every other book in there.
But it holds something much more than any other book in there.
She puts the book on the counter, and slowly opens the book. There, in the picture are two characters in the black hall, one is a girl, while the other character is wearing a wizard's hat. And they are surrounded by a speech bubble alike.
Es locks her eyes to the Wanderer's eyes.
And in a blink of an eye, the two found themselves exactly in the same place of the book.
Both of them marvel at the surroundings as if this is their first time, yet, both are not surprised by the place they found themselves in.
The Wanderer patiently waits for Es by her side to speak.
"There are… two characters in this story." Es began. "One is a lost wanderer, the other is a girl acting as her guide. The Wanderer, who has lost her way in the world, keeps on asking:"
"Who am I? What defines the world?" The Wanderer says it out loud, speaking at the same time with Es.
The Wanderer who only stares at Es, offers a gentle smile.
Seconds pass, and the girl hums, and continues. "The girl, who is guiding the poor wanderer, asks…
"Who are you? …What defines the world?" Es spoke looking at the Wanderer herself. She stared at the eyes of brown that reminisced the bark of the tree, a scenery of outside world picture in her mind. How firm it must be to hold and give her the comfort she needs.
"However, the girl simply doesn't realize… That she, herself, is a wanderer." The girl continues, staring at the long since closed book. But the Wanderer knows, she didn't read it from the very beginning, it's from the girl herself. "Through the interaction with the Wanderer, she finally realizes… that she herself doesn't know who she is." The librarian trailed off, now facing the company who's with her.
"..." The Wanderer silently listens. Giving the girl her time.
"I, I don't know what comes next after that." said Es as her attention went back to the closed book. "How do you think it might end?"
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She can see the girl is nervous, her aura is vibrating every sign of it.
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"Umm… You're so silent. Do you find the question hard?" Es interrupted as the Wanderer seemed to be silent for too long.
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"It's alright to not say the answer that–"
"The girl continues searching."
The girl stops her rambling and stares at the Wanderer in daze.
The Wanderer however, smiled at the confused girl.
There's no voice attacking her this time. No one to tell her what is supposed to be her choice.
This time, she spoke truly from her heart and hers alone.
"The girl continues to search for herself. Her journey will be long, but she’ll continue. And she’ll figure it out someday."
And for such a long, long time. The Wanderer did something she never did before.
She step closer to the librarian–
And hugged her.
"I am still searching, despite everything that happened. But I hope you won't stop searching too Es. I can see that your journey ahead is still long."
The Wanderer adjusted themselves to look directly into her eyes. Brown gentle eyes connecting to silver confused eyes.
Those are the eyes of one person who has its own innocence.
Those are the eyes the Wanderer wants to protect.
"And I know, I know, that you will find your answer someday."
Es let out a breath she was holding, and embraced the Wanderer in return. It was warm, like all the tension in the air had melted away.
There's a flash before an image from the picture book pops up in front of them.
It is the girl, Es, reaching towards the Wanderer whose hand offers, looking forward to the unknown ahead.
Surrounded by beautiful cyan butterflies and whispers.
Es finished the story, "Putting denial behind her, the girl continues on her travels." She then turns to Wanderer, "See, there’s more than one ending to the story. I don’t have to reject either the world, or myself."
Es watched as the images of the picture book drifted off, "It won’t be easy to find the right answer… I’m still in the middle of my journey, after all."
She then looks straight into the eyes of the Wanderer.
Those eyes that give life and reflect to the eyes that give a sliver of hope.
"I hope I can keep searching… together with you." Es mutter down, "… Won’t you take me along on your own journey? So that I can remain as myself."
The Wanderer chuckles, "Is that even up for question?" She paused, then locked her eyes to the librarian, "I will even bring you to the edge of the world if you wish to."
Es audibly gasped, eyes widened by the declaration.
Well, isn't that familiar?
"… Thank you so much… for keeping me company all this time."
“And thank you… for leading this lost Wanderer to the right path.”
In a blink of an eye, they are back to the library, standing in front of each other.
"I need a little time to work things out in my own mind." Es spoke lighthearted. "Please… do come later."
The Wanderer responded, "Always."
"I hoped you would come soon."
The girl's neutral face is still in its place, but this time, the Wanderer can see it is more relaxed.
In the silence of the library they shared together, the atmosphere was neither tense nor awkward.
But this time, it was with a comfortable silence they shared together.
"Maybe it’s clichéd, but… I knew you would." Es closed her book, "See…"
And for the first time, Es actually smiles. Didn't hide it, nor the same forced ones.
She smiles genuinely to the person known as the Wanderer.
"I am who I am. I have my own world. Just like you, too, have a world of your own. Here, in this world, that is mine, alone…" Despite what she says, a hint of melancholy settles in her voice, indicating the double meaning of it, "It’s as I told you, once before. How you perceive the world changes the outcome… The contents of the story, and this place, too."
She hugged her book, the book that starts all.
"The only thing that can change the future… is your interpretation. It’s my interpretation, too. My will."
She stares at the book in her hand, "I always thought I had only two choices: conform, or rebel. But the answer I sought, it went beyond such dualities, you see. A way to interact with this world beyond affirmation or denial. If I will it, I can remain myself." She sighs contended, "I finally worked it out. Thank you so much for sticking with me… I’m all right now."
And that tone came back again.
That melancholy.
You silly, silly librarian.
"You don’t need to come and check up on me anymore. I’m grateful to you. Farewell. You have your own world to return to– Hm…?"
The Wanderer just… stares at the girl. Not moving, not budging, not even a single eep comes out from her.
"Why are you still here?"
The Wanderer just smiles, but if you look closely her eyes twitch a little. Annoyed was understatement in her face.
Es awkwardly scratched her face, "Such a face you’re making… Do you have something to say to me?"
The Wanderer finally speaks with a sigh, "Do I really need to elaborate?"
Es stares at her for good measure before slowly stretching the corner of her lips upward.
"Could it be that I desired this, too? Girl and wanderer, walking on together… The world I longed for as one with you in it." Es shuffles her foot, "Which means, I get to… stay with you?"
A chuckle escapes from the other lips.
With fondness in her eyes, the Wanderer comments, "You're not getting rid of me easily this time."
A deep breath has been let out by the girl, likely not expecting it herself.
"… That’s it, isn’t it? I… I’m… happy."
A single, visible drop of water, but neither commented.
"It’s nice to be able to talk with you like this. It hurt to think we would never see each other again." She looked away with a sniff, "It’s so boring, being here all alone."
"Then I will always assure you I will come here." Was the Wanderer's immediate response.
"… And you’re always welcome here with me." She then giddily said, "Let’s chat away the medium, shall we?"
"What are we gonna talk about? I think I already read most of your recommendations in this library."
"I wouldn’t mind reminiscing, either." Es beamed, "After all, we have all the time in the world."
"Es…"
"I look forward to spending more time together… My Wanderer."
"And I to you too… My dear Librarian."
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Back at the Record Room, the mirror of tests is complete, and in the middle piece of the mirror proudly displays, and a whisper was uttered.
"I'll answer, for myself, and others."