Chapter Text
To my Lin Shu gege,
By the time you read this, it should be a year since I’ve died, and the cherry trees in Mu Manor might already be in bloom once again.
I write this because there are some things better said after the lapse of some time.
The first and most important: Forgive yourself.
I know you. You who, in another life, stubbornly pursued justice for those you loved for 13 terrible years at immense cost to yourself. Do not judge yourself so harshly. Allow me to exorcise, with this letter, my own ghost.
Second: Give yourself and Niannian a chance.
You are both capable of so much love. Do not let guilt and old memories rob you of a beautiful future.
Third: Forgive me.
Forgive me for not having the courage to come to you all these years, and for not being able to stay now. I know what it feels like to be left behind, but I also know beyond the shadow of a doubt, that of us two, you are, and always were, the person most important to Liang. So forgive me for leaving to your care the most important part of our work- the future, for everyone.
You once asked me, “Who is Mei Changsu?”
When Lin Shu in my timeline died and returned as the tormented Mei Changsu, still he did a hundred different things to watch out for and fend for me. When he died again 14 years later, he left me in the care of Xia Dong jie, Li Gang, and Lin Chen who supported and loved me till I died myself.
So, when you told me at the wedding that, even if anything happened to you, you would love and defend me from wherever you were, I wanted to tell you: “I already know that.”
My Mei Changsu is a guardian phoenix, perishing in fire and reborn only to perish again. You are my Mei Changsu.
I am your Mei Changsu. I would like to believe that some part of me exists today as you read this, and will exist in all the todays ahead of you, so that my love and protection of you will also still exist.
I wish I could stay.
I want to walk beside you. I want to see and touch and build that shining future for Liang alongside you, alongside our friends. I want to share with you stories from my timeline about that ridiculous Lin Chen, that loyal Jingyan, that brave Jingrui, that loving Great-Granny, that witty Yujin, that steadfast Xia Dong jie, that innocent Feiliu, and the others you will never meet or even hear of now.
But Lin Chen tells me that I have only a few days left.
So I leave you with my love and my hopes that you will be happy, and go on to fulfill all those dreams that we dreamt together so long ago.
I’m comforted because I know it will be so.
You wouldn’t let me down. You never have before.
As always,
Your Nihuang meimei.