Chapter Text
Jeongin woke up when Jisung barged in, flopping on the bed while Jeongin stretched awake and sat up. “You will not believe what I just saw Hyunjin and Felix doing in their room—CUDDLING!!” Jeongin understood half of the sentence and sighed. Couldn’t Jisung talk to Seungmin about this?
“Mm?” Jeongin yawned, “So?”
“FELIX WAS BIG SPOON!” Jeongin flinched from the volume.
“Huh? Oh. Cool.” Jeongin grabbed his phone, checking the time. 7:48. When did Chan wake up?
“What do you mean ‘cool’??? Felix—our sunshine—was big spooning Hyunjin!! Isn’t that weird??” Jisung sat up, looking exasperated and annoyed, like he was the only one who cared.
“I’m too tired to think about that, Jisung. Go talk to Seungmin or Minho. Minho could listen to any word you say.” Jeongin yawned again.
Jisung groaned, “Seungmin would just make fun of them, and Minho just wants to hear me talk, not listen to what it means.”
“Then talk to Changbin.” Jeongin looked at Jisung.
“But Changbin is always on his phone while I’m talking! Chan though..”
Jeongin didn’t want to listen to him anymore. “I’m going to change. Can you get the coffee maker turned on?” He yawned and got up, walking over to the closet and picking out one of Chan’s shirts.
Jisung eyed the shirt, “I’ll ask Seungmin. I have to go to the booth soon.”
Jeongin rolled his eyes. Seungmin wouldn’t do it, “I’ll do it myself then.” Jeongin sighed and looked around the room. “Where’s Channie-hyung?”
“He’ll be at the booth in ten.” Jisung leaned back to look at the clock, then got up. “I’ll let you change into Chan’s clothes.” He headed out of the room, leaving Jeongin alone. Again.
Jeongin ached to feel Chan wrapped around him again, holding onto him like he was the only other thing that existed. God, I’m desperate. Does crushing on other members count as crushes when I haven’t dated?
He put on a pair of Chan’s pants, then headed out and turned on the coffee maker, letting it do its thing while he did some stretches by the couch. Other than him, Changbin was the only other person there; Jisung probably went to Minho and Seungmin’s room.
“Good morning, Ayen.” Changbin greeted him when he came over, glancing up from his phone.
“Morning Binnie.” Jeongin came over and sat next to him, looking over at the phone. “TikTok?”
“Mhm.”
Jeongin heard the beep from the coffee machine a minute later and got up, heading over and getting his coffee for the morning.
In came Yongbok, from the hallway that his dorm wasn’t in. Jeongin smirked and pulled out a box of cereal, “Morning Lixie, how was your sleep?” Jeongin wanted to tease a bit.
“Amazing.” Yongbok came over and patted his shoulder, his voice deep as ever.
“Mine too. How was Hyunjin?” Jeongin poured the cereal into his bowl, and he noticed Yongbok freeze for a minute.
“F-Fine.”
Jeongin just smiled.
Changbin invited Yongbok over, and they talked about something involving an edit. Jeongin was focused on eating and watching whatever showed up on his phone.
⋆☀︎｡ -^^,--,~ ｡☀︎⋆
The next time Jeongin saw Channie-hyung was when he was eating dinner. He was back in the dorms, and Jeongin had spent the day with Changbin and Yongbok. Jeongin was exhausted and found Chan at the table, even more exhausted than him.
“Channie..” Jeongin sat on the chair next to him and scooted close enough that he could lean his head on Chan’s shoulder.
“Mm?” Chan shifted a headphone speaker off his ear.
“I’m tired.”
“You should go to bed.” Chan glanced at him briefly before getting back to his half-eating, half-working.
“I want to cuddle with you.”
“I have to work.”
“You always do.” A pause. “What is it this time?”
“Editing Jisung’s lyrics into HUMANITY.”
“You have plenty of time to do that.”
Chan sighed, “I need to do it now.”
“I want to cuddle.”
Chan looked at Jeongin, “Can’t I do both?”
“No.”
Chan sighed and looked at Jeongin. “Can you at least wait until I’m done?” He finally asked.
“But you’ll forgetttt!” Jeongin groaned and moved off Chan’s shoulder.
“I promise I won’t, can’t we do it tonight?”
Jeongin huffed and got up, “You’re impossible! You need a break at some point.”
Chan sighed again, “Jeongin, I just started, I can’t do it now.”
Jeongin grumbled to himself and moved away, “Sure.” He headed back to their room, annoyed and a bit disappointed, taking a seat on the bed.
˚☽˚｡⋆𓃦 ˚☽˚｡⋆
“You should’ve,” Changbin said from the couch.
“What?” Chan looked away from where Jeongin had disappeared to Changbin.
Changbin looked over the couch, “You should’ve let him. You don’t need to be producing 24/7. You know that Jisung and I are willing to help; we know you well enough to know what you’d want, and you’re not the only songwriter in the group.”
Chan hesitated, so Changbin continued, “The members’ needs are more important than our work. Yes, Jeongin was a bit needy; he wanted you then, but now he’s going to be mad at you all day and probably until you make it up to him. You need to spend time with us, especially Jeongin; he needs you.”
Chan looked at Changbin for a long moment, “But I need to-”
Changbin interrupted him, “You don’t need to do anything. You spend too much time alone. You’re basically dating, you need to treat him like you are.”
Chan flushed a bit at that and bit his lip, but he nodded and closed his laptop. “I.. okay. I’ll do it.”
Changbin smiled, “Go get your man.”
“You’re pushing it.” Chan got up and made his way to their bedroom. Changbin just chuckled and continued doing whatever he was doing.
⋆☽｡ -^^,--,~ ☀︎☽ 𓃦 ｡☀︎⋆
Jeongin was lying on his side away from the door, under the covers, and pouting when Chan came in. Neither of them said anything, so Chan came around the bed and sat next to Jeongin, who covered his face with the blanket.
Chan broke the silence after a while, “Jeongin.”
Jeongin just shifted in acknowledgement.
“You know that I love you, right?” The shape stiffened, and Chan could hear his breathing stutter. “I wouldn’t want to hurt you.”
Jeongin didn’t answer, so Chan continued, “I know that I’m always busy, and I try—actually…” He paused, realization hitting him a bit too late, “I guess I don’t really try to save time for the members, including you. I think.. I am going to try to save time for you and everyone else, but especially you.” Chan placed his hand on Jeongin’s leg. “I can’t keep myself hidden under my work. I love you, and I should act on that.”
Jeongin uncovered his face and looked at him. It was obvious that he was holding back tears. Chan’s heart dropped, and he immediately moved his hand to the other’s face.
“Can’t you have a break?” Jeongin mumbled while resisting tears.
That broke Chan’s heart right there, his mouth immediately growing dry and a break of emotion appearing on his face.
Jeongin went on after Chan didn't reply, “Y-you you never have time for anybody. All you- all-all you do is produce and eat cheap food!” He sat up, looking at Chan with frustration and… something Chan was too oblivious to understand.
Chan looked away, ashamed, his hands fidgeting with each other. He couldn't look at Jeongin, was it his pride that hurt too much? Or was it his fear of their relationship being permanently damaged?
“Chan!” Jeongin’s tone was sharp and painful, the tears were more than just running, “Please..”
“I'm sorry…” The older mumbled, refusing to look back at him.
Jeongin stood up, “That's not good enough. I-I.. I don't want to talk to you.”
Chan let him walk away, out of the room. He heard muffled conversation just outside of the shared room, then footsteps fading away into hardly empty silence.
Chan cried then. For the first time since Woojin left the group. The first time in 6 years. He cried into his palms on the side of his bed, slumping to the floor and trying to hold back the torrent that his emotions were.