Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Despite his best efforts, Thrain had not been able to fall asleep that night. When the two of them had finally made their way to the base of the tower, he was unsurprised to find Mavuika and Citlali waiting for them. As promised, they would move the ring to a more protected location for the time being until they could decide what the best course of action was, whether to keep it on the surface or place it within the Night Kingdom itself. He and Dain had both declined to be part of any such negotiations, only asking to know what had happened after it had been decided so that, when the day came, they would be able to retrieve it.

The matter of where they would stay that night was also quickly resolved. Although the sun had already set, and it would be deep into the night when they returned to the village, they had not wanted to take any chances of someone seeing Thrain, and so Dain’s room, which was near the center of town, was off limits. Instead Citlali had offered up her own house on the outskirts, with the stern warning that there would be no “funny business” while they were staying there, and it was here that the two now found themselves, Dain sleeping peacefully on the bed while Thrain sat up beside him, his eyes unable to look away from the other man’s resting face.

It wasn’t that Thrain believed he was still unable to sleep entirely, and in fact he was almost certain that within the next few days he would fall asleep at some random time and probably not wake up for several days, but he felt no urge to drift away into unconsciousness just yet, and was happy to sit in silence while Dain got his own rest. Everything still felt unreal, as if at any moment he would come back to himself and he would still be in the Night Kingdom, in that dark space where there was nothing but his own existence and the voice of the Lord of the Night. Several times he reached out to gently place his hand on Dain’s shoulder, just to know that he was there, that he was real, and that they had both made it out of that situation alive. He had hardly ever given a thought to leaving the Night Kingdom once he had arrived there, and had, until the last moment, been adamant that he would not change his mind. But the Lord of the Night had told him as much, that fate was out of his hands, and that the outcome would change if someone else made the decision for him. Ultimately, it was Dain who had changed his mind, not him, and he had only allowed himself to be pulled along by what the other said to him. And he would never be able to have regrets about that. He would have to find time before they left to thank Yohualtecuhtin, but for now, he was happy with this.

The sleeping form beside him slowly rose and fell with his breaths, temporarily unaware of the world around him and the challenges they would have to face in the future. They had made it through this, just barely, but he knew things would not be easy going forward. Besides the situation with the Fatui and Lumine, on a personal level he simply did not know exactly what would become of their relationship. There was no question that they both wanted to be together, but it felt lopsided. Even if they desired each other in the same way, they did not share their memories, and all the words in the world that he could tell Dain about them would not change that fundamental fact. Thrain didn’t know what was okay to say or do, or what was too much, or too little. In his memories they had always fully understood each other, always been on the same page on everything, but now… He just didn’t know. Even those small touches he placed on Dain’s shoulder as he slept felt like an intrusion into his space, like he would be reprimanded for not asking permission first. He knew it was an overreaction, that after everything, Dain would not mind such a small thing. It was him, after all, who had first reached out to hold onto Thrain’s hand several days earlier, even as he still sat on the throne, unable to return the gesture, and it was him who had pulled Thrain into a kiss in front of the Ruler of Death herself. But that irrational fear of crossing some boundary that Dain was not ready to face still haunted him. So he had no choice but to let Dain take the lead, and move at whatever pace he decided was right. But he would wait as long as he needed to for anything and everything when it came to him. His presence alone was enough if that was what he wanted.

The sleeping body moved suddenly, turning over under the blankets, and Dain’s arm flopped over to fall on top of Thrain’s stomach. He almost stopped breathing, not wanting to do anything that might disturb the other man’s rest, but after a moment, when it seemed that he would not move again, he slowly placed his hand on top of the other’s. There were other things that he wanted to do while the other slept that would involve him having to leave the bed, but surely he could afford a moment to just enjoy this? He continued to look down at the sleeping face below him while caressing his hand. Even after everything, Dain was still the most beautiful person he had ever seen. It had been true when they first met as teenagers, when they met again as adults, and again on the tower just a few months ago, when he no longer remembered the first 2 times. But it was perhaps in that moment that he felt it most. To see him so peaceful as he slept, no longer having to think about everything that would happen next. That he trusted Thrain enough to watch over him while he was so vulnerable. He had many memories of similar nights, when Dain would fall asleep first and Thrain would lay next to him in bed just watching him until he himself fell asleep, but none of them could match the way he felt now, looking down at that same face that he had unknowingly longed for for so many years.

The click of the lock on the door snapped him out of his trance, and he moved to get off of the bed, carefully moving Dain’s arm away and trying his best not to disturb the other’s sleep. The door opened, and he watched as Citlali’s silhouette entered the darkness of the house, just barely illuminated by the moonlight outside. She turned towards the bed to look at them for a moment, but even without any light, he could tell she was tired, and didn’t want to bother trying to find something to complain about anymore. After confirming that Dain was still asleep, he rose from the bed and walked toward her, trying to stay as quiet as possible.

“Did you bring it?” He whispered. Dain had still been a bit out of it as they made their way down the tower, and had barely been able to listen as the other three discussed what would happen, and so Thrain had taken the opportunity to ask Citlali to retrieve something from his room.

“Yes, I brought it.” She reached into the folds of her skirt and pulled out the stack of old, blank pages, “But what is so important about these, anyways? I know Mavuika gave them to Dainsleif since she believed they came from Khaenri’ah, but there’s nothing written on them. At least, not anymore. Why would you—” she stopped and looked up at him as she handed the papers over, and he could only imagine the expression on her face.

“A bit unfortunate that it didn’t work out as I had hoped it would, isn’t it? I wonder how long it sat in the archives of the Masters of the Night Wind before it was entrusted to the archon’s office, or how long it was before its intention was forgotten? But either way, this letter does belong to him, and I want to be able to tell him its story properly this time, so thank you for bringing it back here.”

“So you… That’s…”

“I’m sure you aren’t the only one confused about everything that happened back there, I can hardly believe it myself, even now. But let me make sure that he is okay first, and then we can talk about everything.”

“…Right.” She kept looking at him, as if she had more to say but didn’t know exactly how to express it, “Well, I’m glad I could help, I guess. I think I understand what you are saying. About the letter, I mean. I won’t involve myself with the details, but… If you need some new paper, I will leave it on the desk for you in the back.”

“Thank you, Citlali.”

“And don’t let him get involved in any of your Fatui business. I know he is stronger than you, so fighting them isn’t a problem, but I get the sense that he has been through enough already, he doesn’t need another thing to worry about. And that man that Dottore mentioned, I don’t know how you know him, but it sounds like you do. Don’t let him deal with that on his own, either. You probably know this better than I do, but behind the stoic appearance, he really does seem to have trouble dealing with his emotions sometimes.” He hadn’t heard a set of warnings like that since…

“You sound just like him.” 

“What?”

“Oh, nothing, just someone who told me many of the same things long ago when we were young. ‘You two are just as strong as each other, but look out for him anyways’, ‘Don’t let him get involved in anything troublesome’, ‘You need to help him keep his emotions under control, it will be important for him to do so in the future’. Those types of things. Of course, I didn’t listen back then because I wasn’t thinking about things like that and didn’t much concern myself with the future. But I can appreciate their importance now.” 

Finally she turned away from him and began walking towards a room on the opposite side of the house, “Good night, Thrain. Try to get some rest yourself. I’m sure you need it even more than he does.” She opened the door and disappeared into the room, a dim light appearing within as she closed the door behind her.

Thrain walked back over to the bed after placing the stack of blank pages on the desk, and once again looked down to see Dain’s still-sleeping face. There wasn’t anything he could do to protect him anymore. Even before the Cataclysm, Dain had long since surpassed him in terms of combat power, and their differences would only be more pronounced now that his own body was so decayed. And he knew better than to try and stand between him and whatever goal he had set for himself, no matter how dangerous, so he knew that he would want to follow Dottore’s words to try and find their friend before things got out of control. Thrain felt trapped between what his heart told him to do and his actual capabilities, but he knew that no matter what happened, he wouldn’t leave him behind again. At the very least, he would be a person that Dain could always return to.

“Thrain…” His eyes widened, and he tried to get a better look at Dain in the darkness, but his eyes were still closed, and he hadn’t moved from where he had been before Citlali returned. He was only talking in his sleep. Thrain longed to climb into bed beside him, to wrap his arms around Dain and hold him close as he had in the past, and fall asleep with his face buried in that head of golden hair. But it would have to wait. He leaned down to brush a loose strand of hair back that had fallen into Dain’s face before turning towards the back of the room and walking to the desk to begin rewriting those words that he had once so painstakingly forgotten.

Dainsleif awoke to the dim light of the sun as it began its ascent above the horizon. His mind was foggy, and at first he couldn’t understand where he was or how he had gotten there, but soon enough the memories of the day before started to come back to him, and he remained unmoving in the bed as he tried to process everything that had happened. As soon as his eyes were open, though, he felt someone watching him, and he looked across the room to see Thrain staring right at him from the desk on the other side of the room, the mask he had grown so used to seeing nowhere in sight.

“You’re awake.”

“It seems that way.”

“Do you still… remember what happened yesterday?”

“I do.”

“Mmmmm.” They continued to look at each other, unsure of what exactly would be the right thing to say. Dainsleif himself had no idea what would happen from here on out. The man at the desk was surely the one that he had fallen in love with during his time in Natlan, and he knew that in the past they had been together, but he had given that up. For the first time in his life, he had let go of the past, in the hopes that the future would turn out better. But for Thrain it was different. He remembered everything. He had promised Dainsleif that he would tell him about it, that he would still want to be together now and didn't hold his choice against him, and even that they would find a way to somehow get his memories back. But still. He didn't know if there were expectations that Thrain wanted him to meet, if there were things he wanted him to say or do to preserve that image of him from the past. Dainsleif didn't know what he himself wanted either. Everything yesterday had been so intense, and so many emotions had mixed together that he acted in a way that perhaps was not what he normally would have done. It felt embarrassing now to think back on it, and he averted his eyes momentarily to not have to be faced with a reminder of that moment. But it wasn't as if he hadn't wanted to kiss Thrain. He very much had, and as he slowly brought himself to look back up at him, he found that that feeling hadn't really gone away. It would only take time for him to get used to it now that it had become a possibility.

He noticed then that Thrain wasn't simply sitting at the desk to keep his distance, but that he held a pen in his hand, and seemed to be writing something down. Off to the side sat a stack of papers that looked a bit familiar, but he couldn't place it, “What are you working on? Surely you aren't going straight back to work after I brought you back from the afterlife? At least take one day off to rest." That same smile from the day before formed on Thrain’s face, and he found it difficult to resist the urge to climb out of bed to get closer to him. He wondered if it had always been like this, if he had always wanted to be so close, had always woken up to that smile looking at him. He would have to ask about it.

“Ah, no. Nothing like that. I'm almost finished, so just give me a moment and I will bring it over for you.”

“For me? Thrain, what is it? And I can get out of bed just fine, you know, you don't have to act like I'm sick. You should be the one here resting.”

Thrain finished whatever it was he was writing and placed the pen back on the desk, “I will rest later today, I was more concerned with getting y—” he stopped, but the rest of his sentence was obvious. It seemed that perhaps they shared many of the same doubts about all this, and that it would take some time before any of their interactions could be considered “normal”.

“I'm coming over.” Dainsleif swung his legs off the side of the bed and planted his feet firmly on the ground. He felt fine besides a bit of a lingering headache, but still worried that something would happen as soon as he stood up and cause him to fall over and embarrass himself. But he lifted his body from the bed without issue, and quickly walked over to desk to stand beside Thrain, the other man's eyes remaining intently watching him the entire time. 

Suddenly, the sound of a door opening filled the room, and an irritated Citlali came out from the back of the house, heading straight for the door and drawing his attention away from the pages on the desk.

“Ah, good morning Citlali.”

“Not today, Dainsleif, I have somewhere to be.”

“You don't usually leave the house so early, do you? Were we too loud while talking? I apologize if that's the case.”

“And what makes you think I couldn't have something important to do so early in the morning? I already barely got any sleep because of everything yesterday, and now you two are…" she suddenly seemed to become aware of where they were, and looked at them, trying to gauge the situation.

“Are?”

She threw her hands up in disbelief, “Whatever! I don't want to overhear all of your personal business, and I do in fact have somewhere to be today, so I’m leaving.” Walking towards the door, she turned back one last time to look at them, “And don't forget my warning from last night. If I find out that anything happened on that bed… or anywhere else for that matter, I'll… I'll…” her cheeks started getting red as she spoke and she turned away from the two as they looked at each other in surprise, “Anyways, like I said, I'm leaving.” The door closed loudly behind her and Dainsleif could almost hear her relax as soon as she was out of their sight, but her words only left him more worried.

“Thrain, did you…”

“She's the only one that has brought it up, I assure you. Has she always spoken to you like that?” 

He thought back to when they had first met and the rather inappropriate greeting he had received when entering her home, “She has. Don't worry about it, Thrain, I…”

This time, they were interrupted by someone knocking on the front door, “So it's going to be like this today, is it?” He heard Thrain mumble under his breath, “You can come in, Ororon. Citlali just left, though.” The door opened and Ororon stepped into the house, being careful not to step on any of the mess that was still piled up near the door.

“Yes, I just saw her leaving. But did something happen? She looked upset. I can come back later, but I just wanted to check on you guys. Everyone else is resting today too, but I thought I would bring some food for you, since Granny doesn't always take care of herself very well, never mind having enough food for guests. Sorry if I was interrupting anything though.”

Dainsleif sighed, “It's alright Ororon. Thank you for the food. Would you like to join us? There are a few things I'd like to say to you, and I'm not sure when we'll be leaving, so best to do it now.”

“Oh, so you aren't staying?”

“Both of us have things to take care of outside of Natlan, Ororon.” Thrain said, “And I'm not sure how Mavuika plans to explain what happened with me, so for now I can't really be seen walking around now can I?”

“Hmmm, I suppose that's true. But you will be back eventually, right? It's not like I'll never see either of you again?”

“That's…” Dain began. He wanted to come back eventually, even soon. He had grown to rather like the people here, and was interested in meeting the others who had fought in the recent war alongside Thrain and Ororon. But for now, he knew that nothing in the future was guaranteed, and that the first stop on their journey would be a particularly difficult one, “We'll come back when we are able. I'm sure Thrain doesn't want to spend too long away, right?” He looked over at Thrain, who seemed to be lost in his thoughts, but nodded when he saw Dainsleif looking at him.

“Yes, we will be back, Ororon, no need to worry about that. It just might be a while.”

“Alright then.” He placed the food he had brought down on a nearby table and waved them over to join him, “So what was it you wanted to talk to me about, Dain?” The two walked towards the dining table, and sat next to each other across from the young man, their hands finding each other under the table.

“I wanted to thank you. For helping me get into the Night Kingdom to meet Thrain. Obviously I didn't know it would end up like… this, but still. I know I've already said it before, but I really can't thank you enough for helping me. And…” he hesitated to bring up their last conversation in front of Thrain, but he knew it needed to be said, “Thank you for not saying anything. Last time, I mean. You knew, right?” He felt Thrain’s eyes on him, and saw as Ororon’s head drooped down.

“I thought I had figured it out, but when you said you didn’t remember anything… I knew it would be better not to say anything to you about it. I didn't think it was my place to do that. I just got a bit carried away while we were talking and almost said it anyway though. Although, I'm not sure what ended up happening instead was any better.”

“Dain?” Thrain’s voice came from beside him, “What is this about?”

“Ororon was able to figure out that our past had been hidden from me, and that I was seeing it while I was in the Night Kingdom with you. Let me see if I understand correctly, Ororon. What you saw that was so different about my soul, and I suppose Thrain’s as well, was that we overlapped twice? And it only happened during those times we were both in the Night Kingdom?”

“Hmmmm. Yes, that’s basically it. Even over a very long period of time, there should only be one overlap, since the story of two people’s relationship is continuous, even if there are long breaks in between seeing each other. But you two basically formed a relationship twice completely separately, with no memory of the first time, so a second overlap occurred. But with your memories missing, the first one wasn’t visible except when you had access to those memories while you were in the Night Kingdom.”

“And what about now?”

“Well…”

“Wait, Dain you're glad he didn't tell you about this?”

“Yes. I'm glad we were able to find out the truth together, even if things still ended up like this. I'm not sure I could have faced that on my own. Don't you feel the same, Thrain?”

He looked at the man, but couldn't quite read his expression, “So long as you are happy with how things turned out, Dain.” He felt the hand around his tighten slightly.

“Anyways, that is really all I had to say, Ororon. You've been a very valuable friend these past months, and I hope in the future we can continue to get along.”

“I hope so too, Dain. And you as well, Thrain. Both of you have always been kind to me, so no matter how long it is until you return, I will look forward to it. Everyone else will too, I'm sure. And I won't pretend to understand everything that either of you have going on, I'd prefer not to involve myself in something like the fate of the world if at all possible, I'm just a regular person after all. But hopefully you can find the answers you're looking for, whatever they are.”

“Thank you, Ororon.” Thrain said, “I too hope that things can go smoothly going forward, although that is a lot to ask for people like us who have been around so long. But enough about that. You said the others are resting today? So we shouldn't be expecting any other visitors, right?”

“As far as I know. And I'm guessing that Granny will stay out all day too. It seems like all of this has really taken a toll on her, so she's probably hiding out somewhere to be alone. Oh, not to say that she is in as difficult a position as you two, but, well, what I mean is…”

“It's alright, Ororon, I understand what you mean.” Dainsleif looked around the room as he spoke, “We are staying in her house after all, and it seems she isn't accustomed to having guests for an extended amount of time, so it's only fair that she gets some time to herself. I'm thankful, of course, that she is allowing us to be here, but we won't overstay our welcome. I'll be sure to make that clear when she returns tonight.”

“I would offer my own house, but… you've seen it, there is far from enough room for all three of us to sleep comfortably.”

“Don't worry about it, please. It will only be a few days at most.” The three continued making small talk as they ate, avoiding discussing anything to do with the past, or what had happened the day before, or what he and Thrain would be doing in the future. None of it was something he wanted to burden Ororon with any more than he had to. Instead they talked about what had happened over the past year during the war, and about Ororon’s trip to Fontaine a few months before Dainsleif had arrived. In the next week or so, most of them would be leaving to visit the resort that had just opened on a nearby island. Everyone's lives would continue on as they had now that the Abyss was no longer a threat to Natlan. For Ororon, all of this had been just a small moment in his life when he had incidentally ended up involved in some extraordinary circumstances, and Dainsleif only hoped that this would be the last of it and he could continue to live normally, as he always should have been able to.

Hours passed, the sun continuing to rise in the sky before slowly descending once again towards the opposite horizon. He felt throughout the day as Thrain tried to move closer to him, and seemed to want to reach out to hold onto him, but there was still hesitation in his movements. At one point, Dainsleif could see from the corner of his eye that his hand was shaking slightly as it hovered under the table, and he grabbed it with both of his own hands to pull it around his waist. The shaking stopped, but he could still feel that gaze on him, trying to piece together just where that line was. 

They did, eventually, run out of things to talk about, and Ororon finally stood from the table they had been sitting around to excuse himself, “Anyways, I've taken up far too much of your time today, I didn't mean to intrude if you were hoping to be alone for the day.”

“It's quite alright, Ororon. We're glad to see you're doing well, and are very thankful for the food you brought. We'll be sure to get the dishes back to you before we go.” Dainsleif said, standing to escort Ororon to the door, “And… If I don’t get to see him before we leave, would you be willing to apologize to Aether on my behalf? I know he’s aware his sister and I have fought before, but… he shouldn’t have had to see that, and I hope he can forgive me given the circumstances.” Ororon nodded in response, and they said their goodbyes and watched as he walked down the path back towards the village, only closing the door once he was completely out of sight. Finally they were alone.

 “So, what is this project you've been working on that is apparently for me?” They both walked back towards the desk, taking seats next to each other in front of the pages that were spread out on its surface.

“Well,” Thrain said, a hint of uncertainty in his voice, “Yesterday, you asked me why I gave up my memories of you originally, and I thought…” Dainsleif looked down at the desk as he spoke, and involuntarily let out a gasp.

“Thrain, this is…”

“The letter Mavuika gave you. Or what's left of it, at least. I had Citlali retrieve it from your room so that I could give it back to you properly.”

“But…”

He heard as Thrain took a deep breath before speaking again, “I thought it might be good for you to see it as I had originally intended.” He moved his arm, which had been covering most of the page he had been writing on, to reveal row after row of neat letters, written in perfect Khaenri’ahn script. And at the top of the page, his own name was written.

“So this whole time, that letter…”

“I wrote it for you. I told you about how I left to join the Fatui shortly after the end of the Cataclysm, but I didn’t remember all the details until yesterday. Even back then the first signs of the curse were beginning to show themselves, and while no one knew at the time exactly what would happen or how far people would degrade over the years, I became afraid that I would lose important memories. Namely the ones I had of you. I didn’t know where you had gone or if I would be able to find you someday before I started to forget things, so the night before I left for Snezhnaya I… I told you that I never would have chosen to forget you if I didn't think I had to. Of course I can never say for sure if I really had to back then, but at the time, when I originally wrote this, it felt like there was no other choice, and I wanted to leave something behind so that you could find me if you wanted to. And some of the other pages were letters that you wrote to me in the past, that I had brought with me when we had to leave, so I would still have a part of you with me even while we were apart. The other note was lost to time it seems, but I left this letter with the instruction to give it to you should you ever pass through the village, but…”

“This is…” His eyes scanned over the newly-written text. Sure enough, near the end, Thrain explained that he was leaving to join the newly-formed Fatui, and that in order to carry out the tasks he would be given there, he had been told to let go of the past. Between his orders and his fear of erosion, he took things into his own hands, and removed his own memories, hoping that they would remain safe within his heart and that Dain would someday find him through the letter to tell him what had happened. But it hadn’t worked out as he intended, “But, Lumine and I never went to Natlan. It remained unstable there for years after everything else had ended, and she was certain that Aether would not be there, despite it being in between where we had evacuated and where their spaceship had crashed.” He had asked her about it several times over the years, but she always wanted to go somewhere else instead, and once she became fascinated with creating the Loom, Dainsleif had purposely tried to keep her away so that she would not take advantage of their weakened ley lines, as she had done recently. It was as simple as that, and yet it had changed the course of the entire past 500 years. He gently set the stack of papers on the desk and leaned back in his chair. He knew that this process would be difficult, that going through all the things he had forgotten and finding out just how many times they had missed a chance to reunite would nearly crush him, but even now, just as it had started, he already felt like he had made a mistake. That maybe it would have been better to leave things as they were, and stay with Thrain in Natlan for as long as he could.

“Dain, are you okay? I’m sorry, we don’t have to keep talking about it if you don’t want to.”

“No, it’s alright, I just needed a moment to process everything. There’s no use in thinking too much about something like that. It won’t change anything now.” This wasn’t the time or place to voice his worries about everything. They were both here, together, and finally had time where they were truly alone and could do whatever they wished without interruption. He didn’t know how long that time would last, and he didn’t want to weigh it down with something that couldn’t be changed.

“Dain?” He looked towards Thrain, who had a concerned look on his face.

“Yes?”

“About what Citlali said earlier, I—”

“What do you— Oh, right. I… also wanted to talk to you about something similar.” Maybe not in as crass of terms as Citlali had put it, but certainly they were not on the same page yet about appropriate levels of physical intimacy between the two of them, and he wanted to make sure Thrain knew that he didn't have to be nervous about holding his hand. The rest they would have to figure out together.

“Dain. I know you won't say it outright, so I'm telling you now. Don't get caught up in things like that. In trying to be exactly how you were before, or pushing yourself past what you are comfortable with. That isn't what I want from you. We don't have to jump into anything, or do anything like that at all if you don't want to, just because things might have been different in the past. It wouldn't be fair for me to expect that of you now. I don’t know if it's even something you’ve thought about, but even knowing about the past, I’m not sure that—”

“Thrain.” he reached out to take the other's hands.

“Hm?”

“You don't have to act embarrassed about the fact that you want to have sex with me.” He watched as Thrain’s eyes seemed to widen to an impossible degree, causing him to laugh out loud before continuing, “Why are you looking at me like that? I can't remember it, but I know we were together for a long time before, right? Surely we slept together many, many times back then, so I wouldn't expect you to suddenly not think about it now that you remember everything and Citlali is so insistent on bringing it up. And it's… not that I wouldn't want to be with you like that again necessarily, but everything right now is so… I just need more time. For everything.” He looked down at the ground as he spoke. As much as he said it wasn’t something to be embarrassed about, he still found that it was difficult to express what he wanted to say.

“Well time is something we are not short on, certainly. But Dain, it doesn't matter to me, really. We can be together however you choose. I’ve long since given up on my desires for such things anyways. That’s what I really wanted to say. All I want is the promise that you will stay by my side, everything else is unnecessary.”

“Well you should know that you have that already. Now, will you let me say what I wanted to about this?”

“Of course.”

He looked up at Thrain again, “Even if I know we've been through all this before, it still feels new for me, so I'm thankful you are willing to be patient. But, Thrain. You don't have to be so reserved either.”

“What do you mean?”

“Even if I don't remember the past, I still love you now, don’t I? You don't need to worry so much about me pushing you away when you want to hug me, or put your hand on my leg while we're at the table. You won't scare me away, I promise. I will admit that yesterday I was a bit impulsive in my actions, I'm sure you can understand why. But, it isn't like I didn't want to kiss you, Thrain. I wanted to do all of those things, for weeks before then, once I realized how I felt about you. But I couldn't, because of you being in the Night Kingdom, and not knowing if you felt the same way about me. So when I saw you standing there right in front of me, it all came out at once. Those were my true feelings, Thrain, so… I guess what I'm trying to say is, don't be afraid to return them. I don't know where the line is either right now, but we can figure it out as we go, right?”

“Dain…”

“Come on, let’s go to bed. You didn’t sleep at all last night, did you? You were too busy working on that letter.”

“But it’s still light outside, Dain. The sun won’t go down for hours.”

“Then at least come sit with me, the bed is much more comfortable than these wooden chairs. Maybe you’ll change your mind once you’re lying down.” He let go of one hand and turned toward the bed, pulling Thrain along with him.

“You know Dain, you say you aren’t ready to be intimate with me, but surely you can see what this looks like.”

“You haven’t slept in almost 500 years and yet you’re still taking an invitation to finally do so as something that it most certainly is not.”

“I know what you meant, Dain. I am feeling tired, I suppose I’m just not sure I remember what it feels like to really sleep, so I don’t.”

They stopped in front of the bed for a moment before sitting down, “Well, try to, alright? For me. I want you to be fully rested before we leave. I’m really not sure how you have made it this long in that state, but you don’t have to anymore. You can sleep as much as you want now.”

He felt Thrain shift on the bed beside him, lifting one leg up onto it so that he could face Dainsleif directly. His free hand came up, and still hesitated for a moment before coming to rest on the side of his face, gently cupping his jaw and tilting his head so that their eyes fully met, “Is this okay?”

Dainsleif nodded, lifting his hand to hold the other's arm, “Mhm.” He watched as Thrain leaned forward, moving their connected hands behind Dainsleif to partially pin him in place, their faces now only a short distance apart. He felt his heart racing in his chest, and it wasn't anxiety, or nervousness, but excitement that threatened to overwhelm him this time. He no longer had his memories, but some part of him had longed for this moment all the same, had waited and waited to be able to have this time where it was just the two of them again, and there was nothing pushing them towards each other but their desire for one another.

“And this?”

“You are still being so gentle with me.”

“Because I want to be. Because I think you deserve that much after everything. Dain, I might remember the past, but… it was so long ago, and I didn't even know I was missing you for so long… In a way it still feels like I'm falling for you for the first time again. So, if you would, be patient with me as well.”

“Thrain…”

“May I?”

“Of course.” The words had barely left his mouth when Thrain leaned the rest of the way towards him to press their lips together once again. Just like his words, the kiss was gentle, and hesitant at first, completely unlike the intensity and forcefulness he had used the day before. Thrain’s body had fully returned to normal by now, his mouth soft and warm against his own, gently pushing against him, but not demanding more. He felt as if he could live in that moment forever, as if there was nothing else in the world he could ask for besides this. He untangled his hand from Thrain’s to bring it up to his neck, weaving his fingers through his long, dark hair, and pulling him in even closer. He wondered if this was how it had been in the past as well, if they would become lost in each other from something so simple as a kiss, or if they would never give such a thing a second thought, if it was only one in a collection of everything that made up them as a unit, and would never stand out among all the others. If that were the case, then he hoped that this one would break the mold, that it would be something that neither of them would ever forget, no matter what might try to take it from them.

He didn’t know how long they continued kissing for. By the time they finally fully separated from one another, they had found themselves lying next to each other on the bed, the light coming in through the window just beginning to turn orange with the oncoming sunset. They hadn’t taken things any farther, neither of them pushing past that self-imposed limit, but just as Thrain had said, they didn’t need anything else. It was purely enough to be in each other’s presence and be able to feel the warmth of the other's skin with his hands. But he knew that moment couldn’t last forever, and as he opened his eyes to see Thrain staring back at him, he once again felt that uncertainty creeping in.

“Dain?”

“Yes?”

“After this, when we leave Natlan, you want to go to Nod-Krai to find Rerir, don’t you?”

“I know Dottore isn’t the most… honest person. I’m sure he would lie about anything if it got him what he wanted. But I believe what he said yesterday was true. There are still many things that happened that day in the Court that I don’t understand, and if I don’t go now, to at least try to uncover part of that truth, I will regret it for the rest of my life.”

“Mmmmm.” A hand reached up to caress his face again as he spoke.

“Will you be visiting the other Harbingers as well? Will you remain one of them even now?”

“Hatred and betrayal between the Harbingers is nothing unusual. Especially when it comes to Dottore. What happened yesterday was only a bit of amusement to him, and if anything, the others will only be displeased that he has returned to them afterwards. Perhaps you should have killed him when you had the chance.” Thrain smiled then, that same smile that he had shown several times already, but which Dainsleif felt he would never grow tired of seeing.

“Something tells me that killing him would not be so easy as it looked.”

“You would be right about that. But it would still not be such a difficult thing for you given the right set of tools.”

“You’ve really ruined the romantic mood, Thrain.”

“I’m sorry. I just worry for the future. Can you really blame me for that? I know you know your limits, but… I worry about losing you again anyways.”

“I have the same worry. I still don’t fully understand what the Fatui intend to do, or why you are involved even now, but it almost stopped me from meeting you again when you decided to join them. I don’t intend to let such a thing happen a second time.”

“I will say it as many times as I have to. I love you, Dain. From now on, everything I do will be in service of making sure that I do not lose you again, that we can be like this as long as possible. And that when the time comes, we can retrieve your memories as well.”

“I love you too, Thrain. No matter what happens, that will never change. Whether I get my memories back or not, or I succeed or fail at stopping Lumine. I’ll be able to keep moving as long as you are here with me.”

“Dain…” That hand pulled him back in for another kiss, but this one only lasted for a moment before Thrain pulled away again, “I will not give up on what I set out to do 500 years ago. I and the others will tear down the old world so long as it still exists as it does now, and we will build something new in its place. But I promise you, Dain, I swear on my life, no matter what happens, no matter what the world looks like in the future, even if we fail, I will make sure that there is a space there just for us.”

Silence filled the room once again as they watched each other, neither willing to close their eyes for fear that they might open them to find that none of it had been real, and they had been left alone once again. They reached out to each other over and over, hands holding hands and arms and faces and lips meeting in a dozen different kisses that were so similar but held untold meaning for the two of them. After some time, as the light from the sun finally disappeared from view and darkness began to take over the room, Thrain fell asleep for the first time in 500 years, Dainsleif holding him as his consciousness slowly slipped away and his breathing once again fell into a steady rhythm. The other stayed awake, sitting up in the bed and carefully placing Thrain’s head in his lap so that he could continue to fidget with the long locks of hair that felt so strangely familiar in his hands. Eventually Citlali returned, giving the pair little more than a glance as she walked directly to the room in the back of the house that she was staying in for the time being. He was thankful for everything she had done as well, but he would have to express that to her tomorrow. He didn’t want to interrupt Thrain’s sleep for anything, and didn’t want to leave that small world they had created for themselves on the bed. He traced each scar on the other’s face that he could see and feel, a reminder that he had survived this long, had fought many difficult battles, but still came out the other side in order to meet him. They both had done so without even knowing it. He could have existed in that moment forever, if time would have paused and allowed him such a luxury. But as the night wore on, and the silence of the room became overwhelming in the near-pitch black of the night, he began to grow tired himself, and eventually laid back down in the bed beside his lover, taking one last look at Thrain’s peacefully sleeping face and placing a single brief kiss to his lips before closing his eyes and drifting off to sleep as well.

Looking up at the night sky illuminated by the full moon, he couldn't help but stare in wonder at the thousands of tiny points of light that covered every bit of the surface of the firmament. He knew it to be fake, and had seen the patterns those false stars made in the hundreds of charts and illustrations he had seen growing up, but to see it himself left him almost questioning whether the reality of that scene really mattered or not, or if it was simply enough that it was beautiful to look at. His sparring partner had been hesitant to come out with him on this excursion, but turning his head to look at his companion, he found that he was also seemingly awestruck by the sight. He hadn't come out here with a plan, other than that the idea of sneaking out of not only the palace but their homeland entirely filled him with a sense of exhilaration he couldn't quite describe. But maybe this was enough. To come out here with someone he had grown to consider a friend and see something like this. They would probably never get this opportunity again.

The longer he looked at the person next to him rather than the stars, however, the harder he found it to turn his head away and back towards what they had come here for. It was a bad habit that he had found himself falling into in the past few weeks, but until now he had been able to hide it well enough so that it didn't impact their training. He couldn't even exactly explain why he had started doing it. Only that one day he had looked at the other young man and been unable to look away without forcing himself. For the moment, at least, it seemed that he hadn’t yet been noticed, as the one who held his attention continued to gaze up at the sky, his body cast in a dark shadow outlined by the silver moonlight. His face was fully visible, directly facing the large celestial body, a gentle smile forming on his lips. He had never been one for over the top facial expressions, and even on a night like this, that one thing had not changed. He selfishly hoped it never would.

“Have you ever seen them before? Like this, I mean. Not the drawings in our textbooks.”

“Just once. My father brought us along on one of his excursions, but the moon wasn’t full that night, so it wasn’t the same, and it was so long ago I can hardly remember it now. Have you?”

“No.”

“Does it bother you that they aren't real?”

“We can't usually see them anyways, so it shouldn't matter, but…”

“But?”

“I want to know what's on the other side of them some day.”

“...”

“It might be a bit of a childish wish, but even if it's an enemy, or some unknown power, I want to know so that I can protect our people from it if I have to.”

“...Well then I guess I have no choice but to help you on your mission then, do I? You don't think I'd let you run off to discover the secrets of this world alone, do you?”

“I suppose you're right.”

The two sat in silence for a while after that, one's gaze locked onto the stars above, the other's transfixed by the first. He hadn't come out here with a plan, but the night was perfect nonetheless.

“You know… we aren't going to make much progress in exploring beyond the stars if you are constantly looking at me like that.” Oh.

“We should probably go back soon anyways, we'll be found out if we get to the gate after the guard changes.”

“Let's stay just a bit longer, can we? Here, lay on the ground here so you can focus on the sky.” He pointed to a patch of sand directly adjacent to himself.

Not wanting to go against his friend's wishes, even if it would put them in danger of being discovered, he moved over from where he had been sitting and leaned back to rest his entire body on the warm sands of the desert. His friend was right, he should have been more focused on the sky. The stars in all their artifice shone brightly above them, their colors and patterns mesmerizing to take in. He imagined what could lay on the other side of that dome of lights, an ancient monster, more of the dark abyss that surrounded them from below, or —as he liked to think— another sky, this one full of real stars, with their own colors and constellations that had no bearing on their world or any others that might exist out there. He felt that without anything else to push him to return home, he would simply lie here and watch as those lights spun around the sky over and over again for as long as he could. But he couldn't stay here forever, and in reality the stars he saw were only a reminder of the control they were all under, beholden to the patterns drawn out by the gods. 

Out of curiosity he glanced to the side, being careful not to turn his head so as to not be caught staring again, and saw in the corner of his vision his friend, head facing him, apparently also guilty of the thing he had just poked fun at him for. Despite his best efforts, their gazes still met one another's, and the stars were once again forgotten in the background of that moment. And it was in that moment he decided; no matter what happened, if they had to fight with their lives for it, if fate attempted to tear them away from each other, or even if the world itself one day fell apart around them. They would find the truth of the world together, and not even the gods would stand in their way.