Chapter Text
The Story of Us
Chapter 14
So many things that you wish I knew, But The Story Of Us Might Be Ending Soon
Aiah, Flashback 2023
“Deb, I need to tell you something.” Debbie, my childhood best friend, was in town, and we were hanging out in my condo unit. It was a rest day at work, and I’m thankful Deb’s here.
“Unsa na?” Deb sensed it was something serious. We don’t start our sentences or our conversations with “ I need to tell you something”.
“Remember in 2020, when you asked me about Mikha? When we were still super duper close?”
“Well you still are, until now, diba?”
“I really didn’t answer your question if there was something going on between us. ‘Cos I didn’t think there was something happening.”
Deb was quiet for a while, I was reading her expressions, but I couldn’t.
“Is there anything happening between you two?” She asked softly.
“She told me she’s been having feelings for me.” I looked at her, as she blinked rapidly, looking at me like she saw a ghost.
“And?!?”
“I told her that maybe she was confused. That she’s still young, baka na coconfuse lang siya kasi we’re together all the time. Baka she needs to get out of our circle to meet other people, and experience life outside BINI, to know her real feelings if it’s true.” I rambled, telling my best friend everything. Aside from Mikha, she’s my go to person. I can’t even share this to Mikha, since she’s the person involved in this situation.
“Ano ba talagang feelings mo towards her?” Deb asked me, looking at me with eyebrows furrowed.
“She’s my best friend, Deb.” I groaned, covering my face with my hands.
“I am also your best friend, Yang. But you don’t kiss my shoulder, you don’t look at my lips like that, or get awkward when we sleep beside each other. You don’t act like that towards me, Yang. Never in our whatever years of friendship you were like that to me so don’t say you’re just friends.”
Deb was on fire. And so were my eyes.
“I don’t know, Deb.” I said softly, tears streaming down my face. “I don’t know what I’m feeling. I’m so confused.”
“You’re such a hypocrite, Yang.” Deb shook her head from disappointment. “You need to dissect your feelings towards her, ‘cos it would affect both your relationship with each other. I love you, Yang, but I don’t want you hurting someone because you’re still confused with what you feel towards her.”
She was right.
“I think I have feelings for her too, Deb.” I softly said.
—
“Deb, she’s seeing someone now. She’s so happy, so smitten.”
“Yang…” Deb was in Cebu, so she would videocall me a couple of times a week, checking up on me.
“She’s so happy, Deb. I’ll give her that.” I whispered, feeling my chest burn. “She’s back to her giddy self. I just want that for her, to be happy.”
“So you’ll sacrifice your own happiness and feelings to see her happy? Have you told her how you’re feeling? You said you would.” Deb asked me as I shook my head.
“I’ll always sacrifice for her, for them. It was part of what I promised.” I whispered.
“Even your own happiness, Yang?”
“Even my own happiness. For them, I will sacrifice it. ”
—--
Mikha is so drunk. We were at an after party event, and I volunteered to bring Mikhs back to her hotel room. Jhoanna was also drunk, and Colet was in charge of her. The bunsos had so much fun, and we just let them be. It’s a party, and they deserve this kind of fun too. We all missed out on a big chunk of our teenage years due to training, and on events when we just want to be loose, I let the bunsos have their fun. I maybe the kunsitidor of them having too much fun.
“Kaya mo na yan si Mikhs, Aiah?” Colet asked as I nodded my head. “Makulit pa naman yan.” She laughed at me as I shook my head.
“Mas makulit yang si Jho.” I pointed at Jho, who has her face on the elevator mirror.
“Ate Aiah, I have some edibles in my room. You know, Austin gave me some, and it was the best feeling in the world.” Mikha said, her head on my shoulder. I was holding her up, my hand on her waist.
“Mikha Lim!” Colet scolded, patting Mikha’s butt.
“Ate Colet, ikaw you need to try it! You’re always so uptight. Like a stick is up your a—“
“Bab, stop.” I said covering her mouth with my hand. “Colet, she did not mean to say that.”
“Naintndihan ko yon, Mikha Lim. Kahit engiish yon. Piskit ah!” Colet pinched Mikha’s arm, the younger girl yelping in pain.
“Ouchhhh! That hurt!” Mikha, flashing the cutest Babi pout is melting my insides. “Ate Aiah, Ate Colet hurt me.”
“Itapon mo yang Edibles mo. Sinabihan na kita tungkol diyan.” Colet knew about the Edibles? “Di ka nakinig. Aiah, ikaw nga magsabi diyan. Ikaw lang naman sinusunod niyan.” Colet was on full ranting Ate mode. “Nung may training lutang pa. Jusko di ko na alam gagawin ko sayo, Mikhaela Janna Lim.”
“Colet, I’ll talk to her about it. Medyo di lang ma reach ngayon, may alak sa utak.” I laughed as Colet looked at me, laughing too.
“Hay. Buhay. Mahal na mahal ko talaga kayo, kahit siraulo kayong lahat.” Colet sighed, shaking her head.
“Ate Aiah, you’re so pretty.” Mikha softly said beside me. She was staring at me as I rolled my eyes, hiding the fact that those words sent butterflies to my stomach.
“Lasing na, bolero parin.” Colet laughed, hearing Mikha. I know it wasn’t meant for Colet to hear it, but alcohol.
“Thanks, Bab. You’re pretty too.” I said as Mikha covered her face with her hands.
“Ate Aiah, you’re making me kilig.”
“Ay na boang na nga.” I said laughing as Colet joined me. “Jho, okay ka lang diyan?” I looked at Jhoanna as she was still staring at the mirror.
“Maganda din ako diba? Bakit di ako sinabihan ni Ate Aiah ng you’re pretty too.” Jho said, slowly as Colet and I laughed at her.
“Ang ganda ng Jhoanna namin na yan.” Colet said, pinching Jhoanna’s cheeks.
“I gave her a little edible gummy, Ate Aiah.” Mikha snickered beside me as the elevator door dinged. Time to get out and face the real craziness in the room.
“Anong sabi mo, Mikha? Kumain din itong si Jho?” Colet stopped the elevator doors from closing, wanting to confirm what we both heard.
“Just a little lang. Super little bite! Like a langgam bite.” Mikha said, explaining how little Jho bit the edible.
“Jhoanna Christine.” Colet groaned, closing her eyes. “Morag boang kining duha.”
“What did Ate Colet say?” Mikha asked as we walked out of the elevator. “She said I’m boang?”
“You really are boang, Mikha Lim. You and Jhoanna. Come on, give me your room card.”
She fumbled through her purse as we were standing in front of her room already.
“Mikhs, can you find it? Do you want me to help you?” I asked her, as I was becoming impatient. We can’t be seen hanging outside our hotel room.
“I can’t find it.” She pouted, giving her purse to me. “Help me, Bubby.”
“How can I even resist that face, Bab.” I whispered to myself.
“You can never resist this face, Ate Aiah.” Mikha moved her face closer to mine, as I felt my face blush. I looked away, trying to find the room card in her purse. “It’s not here, Mikha. Check your phone case.” I said checking the back of her phone case, and in a slot, there’s the room card.
“You’re so smart talaga, Bubby. That’s why I adore you.” She said, smiling so wide, her eyes are gone.
Why are Mikha’s words making me blush so much? It shouldn’t affect me, right? I opened the door, and pushed Mikha inside. She immediately ran and jumped to her bed, making herself comfortable as I sighed and put my things on the sofa.
“You need to change into more comfy clothes, Mikhs. Come on para you can rest better.” I said as I grabbed her hoodie from the sofa.
“But I’m not yet tired, Bub. And I want to spend time with you. We never spend time with each other anymore, like old times?” She took off her clothes and put on the hoodie I passed to her. She sat comfortably in the bed.
It’s true.
“Well, Mikhs, we can’t hang out like old times anymore.” I said softly, sighing. I know Mikha’s still drunk, and a bit high. She won’t remember any of this when she wakes up. “I’ll put the water on your bedside with Tylenol. I know you won’t feel good tomorrow morning.” I grabbed the bottled water from the mini fridge and went to her luggage to find the medicine bag she always carries. I grabbed a tylenol and put it beside the bottled water.
“Why can’t we hang out like old times anymore, Ate Aiah? You know, I miss it. I miss you. The old you. Not this “you” who keeps her distance”
I sighed.
“Do you hate me, Ate Aiah?” She asked me, her voice so small I can feel her heart break. “I’m sorry if you don’t feel the same, but I can’t help it. I can’t help not having feelings for you.”
“Mikha Lim.” I sighed. “You’re intoxicated. It’s not ideal to have this conversation with you. Come on, lay down.” I guided her to the bed while I grabbed the make up wipes from her bag. “I’ll take off your make-up, Mikhs.”
She laid her head on my legs as I tucked her loose hair behind her ears. She was still staring at me as I furrowed my eyebrows.
“Go to sleep, Bab.”
“Promise you’ll be here when I wake up, Bubby? Like old times?”
“I promise. Like old times.” I said softly as she shut her eyes. I wiped off the make up off her face as Mikha started drifting to sleep. “I’m sorry Mikhs. I’d rather have you in my life like this, than to lose you if things won’t work out between us. I’d rather love you from afar. I don’t want to risk what we have and regret it in the end. I’m sorry, Bab.” I felt tears fall freely down my cheeks, as one tear dropped on Mikha’s face.
“Hmmm” Mikha hummed, opening her eyes a bit.
“Go to sleep, Mikhs. I love you. So much.” I whispered, kissing her forehead.
Stacey was her roommate, so when Stacey came in drunk 3 hours later, I prepared the same thing I prepared Mikha. Water and medicine on her bedside, and helped her take off her make up and change into her pajama.
“Thank you, Ate Aiah.” Stacey said softly, covering herself under the sheets.
“See you tomorrow, Staks.” I said as I caressed her face.
I looked at Mikha one last time before I left the room, breaking my promise of being there for her, like how my heart’s breaking with my decision of shutting the same feelings she has for me.
I’m really sorry, Mikhs.
—-
Mikha, Flashback, 2023
I have been hanging out with Rajo and Ash so much this week. I have been sleeping over Rajo’s and Ash’s places, not wanting to come home. Ate Aiah’s my condo mate, and there’s so much happening between me and my feelings for her. I wanted space, breathing room. It’s not helping that I’m with her for work, then when I go home it’s her I see again? Not that it’s bad, but it’s not helping with my feelings. My feelings towards her.
“Do you even have plans to come back to your condo?” Ash asked me as we were lounging in her living room.
“Bakit? You don’t want me here anymore?” I joked as Ash shook her head, sighing.
“Mikha, you can’t run away forever.”
“I didn’t know this would be a serious conversation about me.” I scoffed, looking away from her and Rajo’s prying eyes.
“It’s not healthy, Mikhs.” Rajo said softly as I shook my head.
They don’t understand.
“Make us understand, Mikha.” Ashley said as I looked at her confused. I guess I said that part loudly.
“You can’t run away from your feelings. Two choices, feel it, or let go of it. What’s your decision?” Rajo said as I looked down, playing with my fingers. “We’re not pressuring you, we know it’s hard for you, but we’re here, to support you, to pick you up, and maybe slap you with life’s truth. That's what we're always here for.”
Rajo and Ash. They’ve known me as long as I’ve known BINI. The lock-in tapings for He’s Not Into Her Season 2 were the best times I had with them. They know everything, my feelings towards people, especially my feelings towards Ate Aiah. When I was doubting my platonic feelings, they were my one call away, the anchors who were steadying me.
“Last day of staying at my place, Mikha. You need to face your feelings.” Ash said as I pouted. I know she’s serious.
“I don’t want you in my place too, so you need to go back to yours and Aiah’s unit.” Rajo said as I sighed.
“I can stay with Ate Pat naman.” I mumbled as Rajo and Ash both shook their heads.
“You are impossible, Mikhaela Lim.”
“Fine, fine. I’ll go back home to our unit.” I sighed. “But, can we go out again tonight please? Tricio wants us to meet some friends. I haven’t said yes yet.”
“Mikhs, we’ve been out the whole week this week. Baka gusto mong pag pahingahin yung atay mo.” Rajo said as i shook my head.
“We’ve been busy with training. I’m just de-stressing. And please stop mothering me guys.”
“Ay umaattitude yan siya.” Rajo slapped my arm softly, indicating that he was serious, and I have been answering not so nicely.
“Sorry.” I said softly, looking away. “I just need to get my mind off things.”
“If we say we’re not going with you, aalis ka parin?” Ash asked as I laughed.
“Yes. I just wanted you guys to come too. Baka you wanted to go.”
“Pass, Mikhs.” Ash said, looking at Rajo.
“Pass din ako.” Rajo said as I sighed. “Mikha, this is a dangerous path you’re diving in.”
“Rajo, I don’t need another mother. I already have one, thank you very much.” I said irritated.
“Mikha!” Ashley slapped my arm. “You know, just do whatever you want to do. It’s your life.” Ashley stood up from her seat. “I’ll be resting in my room na. Goodnight.”
“Ash…” I said softly, feeling bad.
“Go and hang out with them, Mikhs. I’ll bring your things to your place tomorrow.” Rajo said as he stood up. “Do you need me to bring you there? Or mag grab ka nalang?”
“I’ll take a grab nalang.”
“I’ll walk you down stairs.” Rajo said with a straight face as I stood up from my seat. Rajo was awfully quiet when we went down the lobby of Ash’s condo. “Message me when you’re there na. Call me when you’re home narin.”
“Rajo, I’m sorry for –”
“You’re going through something, I get it. But don’t lash it out on us. We’re here for you, but only if you want us to be here for you. We’re not being your mom, but we won’t tolerate your bad actions too. We want what’s best for you, always. If you need us, Ash and I are here.”
“I’m really sorry, Rajo.”
“Ingat, Mikhaela ha.”
I nodded my head as Rajo left me in the lobby. Oh great. My mouth just pissed off 2 of my closest friends.
I didn’t realize I was pushing everyone away until I heard the girls tell Ate Aiah to talk to me, since she was the only person I listened to. Ate Colet called me out playfully, calling me in the middle of the night wanting to hang out with them, but I was busy with this new guy I met, Austin.
The universe hears us. It definitely heard me cry non stop for the unrequited love that made me feel safe, and heard and seen. I thought it was just in the movies, that you fall for your best friend, and you end up together when you finally let them know how you feel. It wasn’t like that. Mine was more of that heart wrenching, cry until you can’t breathe, not eating until you feel weak, drink until you pass out kind of feeling. And when I needed change, here comes this person who made me feel seen again. He sees me, and makes me feel like I am special, and needed.
At first I thought it was just this small fling. You meet a guy at the club and that “thing” you have just stays in the club. This was different. It didn’t stay in the club. It went on through breakfast dates, sneaking video calls on lunch break, and fancy dinner dates. And the thing that scares me the most, I’m beginning to want it, need it. And wanting this means letting go of my feelings towards Ate Aiah.
And just like that, my feeling of freedom, and just being real was called out by management. I was too happy that I forgot that I’m BINI Mikha, and not Mikhaela Janna Lim. Photos have reached Ms MQ and Direk, and were forced to be deleted. I was called in at the office, and got scolded for being reckless, something the management doesn’t want in BINI. And maybe I forgot what was written in our contract, the love ban we all knew we’d have a hard time dealing with.
“Mikha, it’s not that we don’t want you to go spend time with your friends, we just want you to be extra careful. We’re at the peak of your careers. People recognize you, especially with your red hair.” Direk Lauren was awfully calm, but his eyes were not kind today.
“Anak, we are just protecting you, and the girls. A mistake of one, will be a reflection of all.” Ms MQ said as I nodded my head in defeat.
“So I can’t see my friends anymore?” I asked as they both shook their heads.
“You can hang out with your friends. But you can’t be seen or photographed intoxicated with them. And Austin? You can’t be seen with those kind of photos ever again.” And that was the firmness from Direk Lauren I was waiting for. “I’m banning you from bars for a month, Mikha. And I do not have to reiterate that you have to protect your image, BINI’s image. You all worked so hard on this, all of you. All of us.” I feel like my dad’s scolding me. Well, Direk is somewhat my dad.
“I understand po.” I softly said, looking down my hands.
“Anak naman.” Direk Lauren walked to me, pulling me in a tight hug. “Do you really understand what’s happening? What’s at stake? I’m just reminding you that your actions have implications. We don’t want to waste what we all worked hard for.”
“I’m sorry po.” It was all I could say.
“Listen to your Ate’s. I know they have been reaching out to you, Mikhs. I know they wouldn’t let you be this reckless.” Ms MQ said, tapping my leg. “Especially your Ate Aiah, malamang nasabihan ka na niya.”
“Ofcourse, matigas lang talaga ang ulo nitong isang bunso nating ito diba?” Direk Lauren playfully said as he put his arms around me tighter, giving me a final squeeze. “Mikha, ha.”
“Yes po. I’m really sorry.” I looked up at Direk as his face softened.
“I know you are, Mikha.”
Now, time to get my friends back.
—
Aiah, Present
“Remember what you said before in an interview?” Mikha asked as I looked at her confused. “It’s better to be friends than lose you?”
“Yeah? What about it, Mikhs?”
“I get where you’re coming from now.” She said softly, looking me straight in the eyes. “I’d rather have what we have now, the friendship, the bond, whatever this is, rather than losing you if things don’t work out. That was what you told me that day. I just didn’t listen, ‘cos it wasn’t what I wanted to hear.”
She heard it. She wasn’t drunk or high that time? And she kept mum about it all these years?
“How- What-?”
“I heard you that time. When I was drunk and high. I thought I was hearing it wrong. I know Ate Aiah.” She gave a small smile. “You didn’t want to lose me Ate Aiah, then I left you.” She laughed softly, shaking her head. “Gago talaga ako eh.”
“Yeah you are.” I couldn’t help but laugh too. “I had a hard time naming that feeling I had for you. I just know that you’re one of the most important people in my life, that I’d run through a burning building just to save you, or swim the deepest ends of the ocean to save you. I would do that for all the girls, but for you, I wouldn’t ever think twice.”
“Sabi mo yan Ate Aiah ha. Swim the deepest ends of the ocean for me ha.” Mikha said with her pang asar face and voice.
“Seryosong usapan ito, you’re throwing jokes!” I groaned, covering my face with my hands. “Mikha Lim!”
“But kidding aside Ate Aiah, I’d do the same for you, whatever that may be. And your happiness, and this little one’s happiness will be mine too. I love you, and that hasn’t changed, and I don’t think it will.”
“Wait lang, why didn’t you say anything when you knew about it?” I asked her out of curiosity. “Why just now?”
“When I was in the States, I had so much time, thinking about alot of things. Yung mga hindi naman dapat iniisip, naisip ko siya. Kaya nga we hate days that we don’t do anything diba? Mapapaisip ka talaga the things you did wrong, mga should’ve beens, what ifs.” She sighed, pausing for a while. “I found myself in a whole, the sadness whole, the what ifs whole, and it consumed me for a while. It wasn’t until Enzo talked to me that everything made sense in my head again. That I would never want to lose you in my life, Ate Aiah. I don’t want to risk this, not one of the most important relationships that I have. I already lost so much time with you, just because my feelings got in the way. Just because I didn’t support your relationship with Caelan.”
“Bab—“
“Basta, I don’t want to waste it. Time, memories, moments. I don’t want to waste it, and regret not spending it the right way anymore.” She smiled sadly at me. “I regret not being here for all of you, especially you Ate Aiah. And when you needed me the most, I wasn’t here.”
“You chose your peace, Mikhs. And that was the best thing you could give yourself.” I smiled at her genuinely as she nodded her head in agreement. “I don’t want to burst your happy bubble, but what’s next for you?”