Chapter Text
nagging wife: IM FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
piss grandpa: End of rehab training?
nagging wife: YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS
The Literal Sun: As much as I enjoy the company of the Kocho sisters, I'm glad that it's over!
estoy loco: :((
The Literal Sun: WAIT I MEAN UH
estoy loco: Don't worry I'm just joshing. I'm happy you guys are gone. You're terrible patients
The Literal Sun: 😭😭
No. 1 Demon: little shit
estoy loco: I'm older than you
nagging wife: FUCK
estoy loco: ???
The Literal Sun: Another mission.
estoy loco: Damn, already?
No. 1 Demon: we can never catch a break bro
nagging wife: no like actually
No. 1 Demon: we're doomed to be the main characters forever
nagging wife: oh wow you actually used an apostrophe, i didnt know you could do that
No. 1 Demon: LIKE YOURE ANY BETTER????????
The Literal Sun: We're still going together, right Zenchan?
nagging wife: ofc??? i won't ever go alone and who else would i go wtih
No. 1 Demon: wtih
nagging wife: >:(
nagging wife: nevermind you guys are on your own
The Literal Sun: NOOOOOO
nagging wife: tanjiro inosuke where the fuck are you
The Literal Sun: sioruy i got. Lost
The Literal Sun: I'm with Inosuke
nagging wife: of COURSE you did,,
nagging wife: you guys are like two ping pong paddles and the ping pong ball is the one brain cell you two can afford, and somehow IM the one that always ends up with it because BOTH OF YOU ARE SHIT AT PING PONG
canoe: Brutal.
nagging wife: thank you
nagging wife: describe the area you're in, tanjiro
The Literal Sun: Well we passed by these little rooms with windows where people were buying paper?
nagging wife: the ticket booths
The Literal Sun: Right!
The Literal Sun: And we passed these rotating bar things,
The Literal Sun: We had to go over them.
nagging wife: YOU JUMPED THE TURNSTILES?!!?!?!?!?!??!?!??!??!??!?!?!?!!?!?!?
No. 1 Demon: tv girl reference !?
nagging wife: GET OUT OF THERE NOW BEFORE YOURE ARRESTED!!!!!!!
The Literal Sun: But we can't afford the tickets and, from what I gathered, you have to get tickets to get onto the train that our mission is on, so we don't really have a choice?
nagging wife: ..
nagging wife: how do you know i cant afford tickets, hmm>????
The Literal Sun: Because I could smell the disappointment oozing from you when you looked at the ticket prices at that other booth.
nagging wife: disturbing
nagging wife: ughghghg fine but if we get arrested im blaming you guys
The Literal Sun: Okie dokie!
The Literal Sun: Zenchan, what's taking you so long?, the train is here!
nagging wife: SECCURITYG UARD
The Literal Sun: Oh dear
The Literal Sun: I'll come and get you hold on
piss grandpa: Did you guys make it or do I have to pick someone up from the police station?
The Literal Sun: We made it
nagging wife: thank yhe lord
No. 1 Demon: yhe
nagging wife: so theres a reason you have a muzzle
No. 1 Demon: yea its to prevent me from biting your stupid ass when you spout dumb bullshit
nagging wife: idiot
No. 1 Demon: bitch
nagging wife: shithead
No. 1 Demon: fuckface
The Literal Sun: NO SWEARING ON OUR FAMILY FRIENDLY YOUTUBE CHANNEL!!!!!!
No. 1 Demon: yeah apologize zenchan
nagging wife: sorry tanjiro
The Literal Sun: You, too, Nezuko
No. 1 Demon: SHE STARTED IT!!
nagging wife: DID NOT!!??!?!!??
No. 1 Demon: DID TO!!
nagging wife: DID NOT!
No. 1 Demon: DID TO!
nagging wife: DID NOT
No. 1 Demon: DID TO
nagging wife: DID NOT
No. 1 Demon: DID T
nagging wife: DID NOT DID NOT DIT NNOT
No. 1 Demon: DID TO DID TO DID !!!!!!!! TO@!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
estoy loco: SYBAU
nagging wife: ,
No. 1 Demon: 👉👈
estoy loco: I'M DOING LAUNDRY I DON'T NEED MORE DISTRACTIONS SO SHUT THE HELL UP!!!!! BOTH OF YOU STARTED IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOW SHUT!!!!!! UP!!!!!!!!!!!
No. 1 Demon: ok.,, siory miss aoi
nagging wife: sorry miss aoi
estoy loco: THANK YOU!!!!
estoy loco: Jesus Christ!
nagging wife: ................you have yet to apologize to tanjiro, nezuko chan
estoy loco: SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
nagging wife: .
No. 1 Demon: who the hell is yelling "tasty" im trying to fuckign sleep tell them to shut the fuck up
Blue Monday: ?
The Literal Sun: Hello, Mr Tomioka!
No. 1 Demon: :/
nagging wife: its some guy with ACTUAL neon yellow hair, with red tips too. its gotta be dyed tbh
Blue Monday: Rengoku?
nagging wife: who what
The Colusseum
ICON, Tomioka Giyuu Number 1 Hater, Dr Kochou, and 5 more
seafood: ...
Dr Kochou: Finally starting a conversation for once, Mr. Tomioka?
seafood: Rengoku
Flamethrower: YES?
nepo baby: pause
nepo baby changed Flamethrower's nickname to FLAMETHROWER
nepo baby: sry that was bugging me
seafood: ...
FLAMETHROWER: >>>
nepo baby: continue
seafood: Are you on a train
FLAMETHROWER: HAHA YES< HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT?
seafood: The Kamado girl is complaining about you
FLAMETHROWER: KAMADO?
seafood: The demon girl
nepo baby: LMFAO??
FLAMETHROWER: ABOUT WHAT EXACTLY??
seafood: About you yelling "tasty"
nepo baby: YOU DO THAT IN PUBLIC??????????
FLAMETHROWER: IT"S A HABIT I REFUSE TO BREAK I"M AFRAID
nepo baby: 💀💀💀💀
FLAMETHROWER: HOLD ON I THINK I CAN SEE THEM
FLAMETHROWER: YOU SAID ONE OF THEM WAS BLOND, CORRECT?
seafood: Blonde
nepo baby: ooh tell her congrats for me tomioka
seafood: No thanks
nepo baby: WHA
FLAMETHROWER: YEAH YOU WERE RIGHT THE BLONDE KID IS KIND OF ANNOYING< IN AN ENDEARING WAY THOUGH
nepo baby: u find everything endearing though
FLAMETHROWER: YES! CHILDREN ARE LIKE PUPPIES AND KITTENS TO ME
Dad: Kittens?
nepo baby: nah, just rengoku talking about littl baby kids n such
Dad: Small children are also lovable
nepo baby: well ur living up to ur username i guess
FLAMETHROWER: HEY I THINK WE WERE SENT ON THE SAME MISSION!
nepo baby: really? they sent 4 children on the same mission as a hashira?
FLAMETHROWER: WELL THEY DID JUST FINISH A MISSION WHERE THEY KILLED AN ENTIRE HILL FILLED WITH DEMONS
nepo baby: wasnt it a mountain?
FLAMETHROWER: NO I REMEMBER TOMIOKA CALLING IT A HILL I THINK
seafood: It was very small
Dr Kochou: It was a mountain, Tomioka.
seafood: You cant tell me anything
FLAMETHROWER: I"M GOING TO SHARE MY FOOD WITH THEM!!!
nepo baby: kyojuro ur too pure and innocent for this cruel, cruel world 🥺...
FLAMETHROWER: TENGEN, I"M NOT SURE HOW TO BREAK THIS TO YOU, BUT I HAVE HAD SEX BEFORE
nepo baby: u jst ruined it vro
A sardine can of orphans
nagging wife, The Literal Sun, No. 1 Demon, and 4 more
No. 1 Demon: WHY DID YOU GET CLSOER
The Literal Sun: He offered food 🤷 And he's also a Hashira
No. 1 Demon: fuckign big back
The Literal Sun: :/
No. 1 Demon: please im so tired i will get out of this box and slew you
The Literal Sun: You mean "slay"?
No. 1 Demon: slayyyyy girlypop
nagging wife: hey i think she might really need sleep
No. 1 Demon: yeah no shit sherlock
nagging wife: fuck off watson
No. 1 Demon: 😛
No. 1 Demon: ugh finally some peace and quiet
No. 1 Demon: ...guys
No. 1 Demon: ............homies
No. 1 Demon: wtf. im coming out
piss grandpa: What's happening?
No. 1 Demon: it is DEATHLY quiet
No. 1 Demon: we are in a train car filled with passengers
No. 1 Demon: this is incredibly uncanny and unsettling
piss grandpa: Oh jeez.
No. 1 Demon: EVERYONE IS ASLEEP
piss grandpa: Asleep, like, dead or actually asleep?
No. 1 Demon: that loud guy is snoring so i assume theyre all asleep
piss grandpa: Okay, good.
No. 1 Demon: ...should i headbutt tanjiro
piss grandpa: Don't panic, this is most likely a BDA. Try to see if you can wake anybo... What?
piss grandpa: Yes
canoe: Don't
No. 1 Demon: not the answer i was expecting from either of you, canoe, mufasa
piss grandpa: What
No. 1 Demon: im gonna do it
No. 1 Demon: I DID IT
No. 1 Demon: MY HEAD IS BLEEDING OW OW OW
piss grandpa: 😧
No. 1 Demon: also i accidentally used my bda on tanjiro
canoe: What
piss grandpa: You have a BDA!?
No. 1 Demon: ya its this epic pink fire that hurts demons and other bda instead of humans
canoe: Oh
No. 1 Demon: ik im so sigma
piss grandpa: ... Huh.
piss grandpa: Does that mean that Kamado-san is awake?
No. 1 Demon: ..
No. 1 Demon: YES
No. 1 Demon: because i am… a genius
canoe: You said it was on accident
No. 1 Demon: no i didnt, i have no idea what youre talking about
No. 1 Demon: yippiii head pats
piss grandpa: ???
No. 1 Demon: ok a lot just happened
No. 1 Demon: rengoku-sama almost (?) strangled a child to death (its ok they were working for the demons)
No. 1 Demon: zenchan is fighting while asleep..
No. 1 Demon: tanjiro is on top of the train
No. 1 Demon: uh.........
No. 1 Demon: my phone is almost dead
estoy loco: IT. IS. 4:47.
No. 1 Demon: and i think the train is crashing
estoy loco: IN. THE MORNING.
piss grandpa: Crashing??? Crashing into what!?!?!?
piss grandpa: Hello??????
No. 1 Demon: ok yeah the train just crashed
piss grandpa: WHAT
canoe: What happened to Tanjiro
The Literal Sun: stabbed
No. 1 Demon: WHAT
The Literal Sun: charcoal got stabed
No. 1 Demon: hi lord inosuke
No. 1 Demon: WHAT
piss grandpa: What
The Literal Sun: and he tryed to kill himself
canoe: Excuse me
No. 1 Demon: HWATTT WHAT WHAT WHAT HUH WHAT
The Literal Sun: so get outside the dream
No. 1 Demon: ohh those things
The Literal Sun: idiot
No. 1 Demon: >:(
piss grandpa: What the hell is happening?!
piss grandpa: Where is that hashira you were with???
No. 1 Demon: 🤷
piss grandpa: Go find him. He'll be able to help.
piss grandpa: Get someone to check on all the passengers and help them out of the crash, do a headcount, the works.
piss grandpa: If you're in a remote area, your second to first priority (the first being helping the civilians) is to try and get a way to contact some sort of authority or backup.
piss grandpa: This will definitely be on the news or something... Try to stay low profile, don't give anyone your real name. Any connection to you could lead to a connection to the Corps. and we could be shut down and disbanded for carrying katanas on us.
piss grandpa: Only a lucky few of us were able to get forged documents to convince the government that they're for art and cultural purposes.
piss grandpa: And make sure to stay on guard, both demons and humans alike can turn on you.
piss grandpa: Kamado-chan?
piss grandpa: ...Hello?
No. 1 Demon: ok so zenchan is on all of that stuff you just said
piss grandpa: Mkay...
No. 1 Demon: nobody looks too severely hurt so far
piss grandpa: Good.
No. 1 Demon: i cant really help too much though considering my weird speech impediment-esque thing
piss grandpa: ?...Elaborate?
No. 1 Demon: ok so when i was turned into a demon i sorta died for like. a short time and all
No. 1 Demon: so when i came back the demon blood like, basically reset my brain? and a lot of my memories? and it wont fully recover until i eat a person (ew, nutrients)
No. 1 Demon: so i have a really hard time developing muscle memory, alongside all of my previous muscle memory being erased
No. 1 Demon: i had to relearn how to walk normally and not like some creachure of the night
piss grandpa: Woah.
No. 1 Demon: yeah, and i have to relearn how to talk like every day, i kinda gave up, but i can sometimes repeat sounds or short words if i try hard enough
No. 1 Demon: and i also dont like to open my mouth because the fangs give me sores on the inside of my lips
piss grandpa: Wow.
No. 1 Demon: not wow. i want to talk my brother's ear off again and annoy him to death
No. 1 Demon: speaking of, we still dont know where tanjiro and inosuke are
piss grandpa: Still???
No. 1 Demon: well both of them were on TOP of the train when it crashed so they could be anywhere
No. 1 Demon: mr rengoku went to go look for them
No. 1 Demon: i cant believe his hair is natural?
Blue Monday: Me neither
nagging wife: THERE IS NO WAY ITS NATURAL, HES A LYING LIAR WHO LIES
No. 1 Demon: GET BACK TO WORK LADY!!!!!!!!!
nagging wife: 😥
No. 1 Demon: anyways
No. 1 Demon: th
piss grandpa: ?
piss grandpa: Kamado-chan...
nagging wife: an explosion (??) happened that distracted her, and then her phone died.
nagging wife: the civilians are all sorted out btw
piss grandpa: Okay, good job Agatsuma-chan.
nagging wife: its. its the bare minimum, .. and also, literally my job
piss grandpa: You're paid like ¥500 for every successful mission, it's more like volunteer work than a job.
piss grandpa: Also, what?
nagging wife: it was more like an earthquake tbh
nagging wife: i have a nagging suspicion that it had something to do with tanjiro and mr rengoku so im gonna go check it out
piss grandpa: Okay, be careful.
piss grandpa: ...
piss grandpa: Hello?
nagging wife: WAHT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK
piss grandpa: What happened!?
nagging wife: UJPPERMOON
piss grandpa: WHAT??????
Blue Monday: Excuse me?
estoy loco: I'm up I'm up
estoy loco: I'll get the medical wing up and running
estoy loco: Another peaceful night of sleep... gone... just like that
canoe: Since when has there ever been a peaceful night in the estate
estoy loco: I hate that youre right
The Colusseum
ICON, Tomioka Giyuu Number 1 Hater, Dr Kochou, and 5 more
seafood: The annoying blonde girl reports that there is a supposed Uppermoon demon sighting at Rengoku's mission.
ICON: WHAT???!?!?!?!
nepo baby: dear god no
Tomioka Giyuu Number 1 Hater: WHAT.
Dr Kochou: ...I suppose that explains why Aoi is waking everyone up.
rabid dog: what the fuck????????
nepo baby: WHAT RANK IS IT WHAT RANK ISIT
nepo baby: QUICKLY!!!!
seafood: The girl never specified and has been silent ever since.
nepo baby: ARGGHGHG GODDAMMIT TOMIOKA YOURE USELESS
seafood: Fuck you
Dr Kochou: Okay, okay, calm down. Tomioka, can you get an answer out of her or anyone at the scene?
seafood: ...She has a tendency of fainting in stressful situations.
nepo baby: youre kidding.
seafood: However, I do believe Kamado is at the scene.
Dr Kochou: Contact him if you can.
A sardine can of orphans
nagging wife, The Literal Sun, No. 1 Demon, and 4 more
piss grandpa: Agatsuma-chan???? Hello??????
Blue Monday: She might have fainted.
Blue Monday: @The Literal Sun
Blue Monday: @The Literal Sun
Blue Monday: @The Literal Sun Your sister is hurt.
The Literal Sun: Huh?
Blue Monday: Sorry
Blue Monday: Needed your attention
The Literal Sun: Oh, ok. Sorry, im a little dazed
Blue Monday: Do you know what rank the uppermoon is
The Literal Sun: Earlier it got really, really close to me, and i think, maybe it was rank 3? its all just insane
Blue Monday: Shit
The Literal Sun: I got stabbed
piss grandpa: YOU GOT HUH
The Colusseum
ICON, Tomioka Giyuu Number 1 Hater, Dr Kochou, and 5 more
seafood: 3.
Dr Kochou: 3?
seafood: Uppermoon 3.
nepo baby: ...kyojuro can beat three, right?
ICON: HE CAN TOTALLY BEAT THREE, KYOKURO CAN DO IT!!!!!!!!!!! HES SUPER EPIC AND STRONG@!!!!!!!!!
nepo baby: HE TOTALLY CAN!!!!!!!!!
ICON: YEAHHH‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️
nepo baby: YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
Tomioka Giyuu Number 1 Hater: Fuck
A sardine can of orphans
nagging wife, The Literal Sun, No. 1 Demon, and 4 more
The Literal Sun: and yeah thats whats happened so far and why i almost committed suicide and also why i cant move rightnow
piss grandpa: Jesus Christ.
estoy loco: Kamado-san your life is a movie
canoe: You need more self-preservation
The Literal Sun: What!
The Literal Sun: i have planny of self preservaton
piss grandpa: Are you sure?
The Literal Sun: also i got a tiny video of rengoku and upper 3 fighting [rengoku_ftw.mp4]
piss grandpa: Because so far I'm not seeing m
piss grandpa: Oh my God.
The Literal Sun: Insane, right?
piss grandpa: Someone here is, that's for sure.
canoe: My microwave burrito is still frozen in the middle
The Literal Sun: aw man that really sucks :( im sorry
canoe: Tanjiro, you are kneeling, bleeding out in the middle of fallowing rice field, watching as someone who is 100 times more powerful than you fight in a losing battle against the 4th most powerful living being on the planet.
canoe: Who is in a situation that sucks more?
The Literal Sun: uhh you probably
The Literal Sun: Hold on
canoe: ?
The Literal Sun: brb
The Literal Sun: the fights getting really intense
The Literal Sun: like really REALLY intense
piss grandpa: Alright, keep yourself safe.
piss grandpa: Lady Tsuyuri, earlier you said "on the planet" when breaking down Kamado-san's situation to him.
canoe: I did
canoe: What about it
piss grandpa: ...Do you happen to believe in aliens?
canoe: ...
piss grandpa: ...
nagging wife: ...
piss grandpa: You're alive!
nagging wife: dont
nagging wife: just..dont.
piss grandpa: ...Okay..?
piss grandpa: Are all of you...
piss grandpa: Okay?
nagging wife: ........
The Colusseum
ICON, Tomioka Giyuu Number 1 Hater, Dr Kochou, and 5 more
ICON: ...obanai can i come over
Tomioka Giyuu Number 1 Hater: of course you can
ICON: thanks
nepo baby: can me and the girls come
Tomioka Giyuu Number 1 Hater: ...fine
nepo baby: we promise to not be too loud
nepo baby: or not louder than mitsuri at least lol
Dr Kochou: I assume everyone got the kasugai email.
rabid dog: ...
Dad: Rengoku was a good and virtuous man
Dad: He will be missed greatly
seafood: He will
ICON: do you wanna come over and cry with us mr giyuu?
Tomioka Giyuu Number 1 Hater: what
seafood: ...
indiscernible amounts of rage
Iguro Obanai, Shinazugawa Sanemi
Shinazugawa Sanemi: watch this hes gonn
Shinazugawa Sanemi added Kochou Shinobu to indiscernible amounts of rage
Shinazugawa Sanemi: watch this that antisocial motherfucker is gonna say no
Iguro Obanai: i hope to the gods he does
Kochou Shinobu: 🙄
Kochou Shinobu left indiscernible amounts of rage
Shinazugawa Sanemi: did she roll her eyes at us or at him
Iguro Obanai: probably at him
Shinazugawa Sanemi: yea probably
The Colusseum
ICON, Tomioka Giyuu Number 1 Hater, Dr Kochou, and 5 more
seafood: It is...
seafood: Hard, for me to cry
indiscernible amounts of rage
Iguro Obanai, Shinazugawa Sanemi
Shinazugawa Sanemi: ...oh
Iguro Obanai: you're a piece of shit shinazugawa
Shinazugawa Sanemi: YOU JOINED IN YOU HYPOCRITE SHUT THE HELL UP
The Colusseum
ICON, Tomioka Giyuu Number 1 Hater, Dr Kochou, and 5 more
ICON: thats ok!
ICON: you dont have to cry
ICON: you just have to be there
ICON: but only if you want to ofc
seafood: ...
rabid dog: just do it tomioka
seafood: ?
rabid dog: when you go through a hard time, the one thing you need is people. a community
rabid dog: just go with them already
seafood: ...
rabid dog: youre antisocial and depressing enough
seafood: ..okay
rabid dog: okay?
seafood: I'll go
ICON: im glad
nepo baby: hell yeah come and join our crying sesh mandated cuddle pile
seafood: Cuddle pile?
indiscernible amounts of rage
Iguro Obanai, Shinazugawa Sanemi
Iguro Obanai: ...
Shinazugawa Sanemi: SHUT UP I KNOW THAT WAS WEIRD OF ME
Iguro Obanai: actually, it wasnt really
Iguro Obanai: but all i can say is if i could reclaim it i would yell it in your face right now.
Shinazugawa Sanemi: ??? what the hell are you talking about
Iguro Obanai: are you stupid on purpose?
Iguro Obanai: im saying i would call you the f slur if i could
Shinazugawa Sanemi: EXCUSE ME?????????????
Shinazugawa Sanemi: i am NOT gay
Iguro Obanai: sure
Shinazugawa Sanemi: and ESPECIALLY not gay for, of ALL people, Haughty McFuckface
Iguro Obanai: you wanna fuck his face????
Shinazugawa Sanemi: WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME
Direct Messages
Tomioka Giyuu and Uzui Tengen
Uzui Tengen:
uhhhhh
i'm sorry about, how i. treated you when
when they ran into the uppermoon
Boring-oka Gayuu:
Its okay, I understand that you were panicking and under a lot of stress.
I dont blame you.
Uzui Tengen:
no, it wasnt right of me to get so upset at you
it wasnt your fault in any way, you were doing everything you could with the limited resources you had
Boring-oka Gayuu:
Oh
Well, uh
Uhm
Uzui Tengen:
what? have you never been apologised to before or something?
Boring-oka Gayuu:
What are you, a cop?
Uzui Tengen:
tbh i wouldnt be surprised considering how little you talk to p
what
Boring-oka Gayuu:
What
Uzui Tengen:
............................
Boring-oka Gayuu:
...
...Thank you.
For the apology
Uzui Tengen:
come on man, its just basic human decency
Boring-oka Gayuu:
It is?
Uzui Tengen:
oh my god
what happened to you dude
Boring-oka Gayuu:
What?
Uzui Tengen:
nothing
i might tolerate your presence a tiny bit more after this conversation but im still keeping your nickname in my phone as boring-oka gayuu
Boring-oka Gayuu:
The what and what