Chapter Text
If someone asked Kakania what she thought of her new friend, she would say Isolde is a dear friend of hers. It wasn't wrong, but it wasn't truthful either. She adored Isolde, maybe even too much, sometimes she felt like her heart would break from how much adoration was stored in that little beating thing.
Such adoration was far too much to be called, "a friend." Even the usually-dense Kakania could tell this much. She would find herself smiling thinking of her next meeting with the young lady of Dittardorfs. Isolde was like her own mirror, shining through the depth of her heart.
Kakania never planned to confess her love ever, she was content to be friends with Isolde, a shoulder Isolde could always rely on. Maybe this would backfire on her one day, Kakania couldn't imagine how much her heart would break once Isolde found a gentleman to hold her hand instead of Kakania's.
Maybe she should have confessed, maybe that would have been better.
Isolde’s hands were cold, so so cold. Every part of her body was cold beyond belief. Tears clouded her eyes without stopping, her hands were shaking as she tried to hold onto Isolde’s hands firmly. She pulled one of her hands up, holding it to her face, the cold of Isolde’s hand haunting her.
“Isolde… Why are you so cold?”, Kakania tried to calm down. Her head was not working right. She needed to go get help, but she didn’t want to leave Isolde at all.
“Isolde, come back to me.”
-x-
“Thankfully, Ms. Dittardorfs’s heart hasn’t stopped. But unfortunately, all we can do right now is to monitor her condition as we do not know the cause of her condition nor do we know what it is.”
The door was shut tight as the doctor walked out. Kakania felt too exhausted to ask follow up questions. She slumped down on her chair, her head in her hands, swimming with thoughts.
How could the best doctor in all of Vienna not know anything?! Isolde’s father and her brother made sure to employ the best doctor to look after her, but even he was useless.
Kakania slowly reached over and caressed Isolde’s hand, it was so cold. A cruel reminder that what happened was not a dream. Kakania gently pulled the hand toward her face, finding comfort in the familiar touch.
She hoped Isolde would come back to her soon.
-x-
Isolde pulled the curtain closed, the little cabin instantly darkened from the lack of sunlight shining through. Her feet took her to the fireplace, the warm chair awaiting her with her book. She took a seat, a carbuncle climbing into her laps, snuggling into her before falling asleep.
Isolde patted the little guy and opened her book, reading from where she left off.
If you asked Isolde if she knew what this place was, she would say death. A peaceful place, one Isolde would have never associated with such a scary word.
She stumbled upon this cabin by chance while walking through the field, it was a humble little cabin filled with all the necessities. She lost all track of time once she came here, she didn’t know how long she had been staying here.
The days and nights went by in the blink of an eye, almost like it went by every time she wanted it to be. Her fancy dress was switched to a simple lace dress, something simply made for comfort over the judging gazes of high society.
This place wasn’t so bad, really. Death was okay, but somewhere in the corner of her heart, it still beat for Kakania.
-x-
The night made its presence known as Kakania made her way through the dark street. No matter how much she wanted to, she couldn’t stay with Isolde all of the time, especially in the house of Dittardorfs. The only sound accompanying her journey was her heavy footsteps, weighed down by the thoughts running through her head.
The hectic day was getting to her. Actually hectic was an understatement, she felt the exhaustion lingering on her bones. The walk to her clinic was a blur, her mind wandered off long ago.
The scene in her clinic sent her spiraling back, the remnants of the flowers were still there, the petals, the vines, the blood. She rushed over, maybe this could help her with Isolde’s condition.
She carefully picked up all of the pieces and placed them on the table, her hands shaking as she did so. She didn’t want to damage anything, god, if the way for Isolde to recover was damaged by her, even in death, she would not be forgiven for her sin.
When the flowers were all piled up on the table neatly, Kakania let out a deep breath she didn’t even know she was holding, her shaking hands fell to her laps.
The bloodstained petals and wines were a bright contrast on her glass table, the petals looked like they were shining under the moonlight. Maybe they were the cause of Isolde’s condition. A crazy thought, but a person coughing up flowers was an even crazier thought.
Kakania could not make out what flower it was, the texture seemed familiar, but there was nothing but the stench of iron from it and her head was not working, she could not recognize this flower.
Even if Kakania was not a real doctor, she was sure that she would have known such a disease existed. Such a bizarre illness would at least be talked about even if there was ever only one person that had it.
Not one of the Dittardorfs mentioned this when the doctor asked about Isolde's condition. Not a single gossip or rumor, whispers of Vienna’s star having any illness.
Isolde was keeping this a secret.
Kakania did not understand why, nor did she even know what exactly Isolde was actually hiding, but she knew Isolde. If Isolde wanted to hide something, Kakania would never be one to spread it around. This was a stupid idea, she should bring this up tomorrow to her doctor, but something in her gut told her she shouldn’t.
Making a decision, she picked up one of the petals and got up to her feet. Thankfully, she knew her way around breaking in secure places.
-x-
The central library was open to everyone, kind of. Everyone could access all the books, but some of the books are restricted and only nobles (damn nobles) could access it. Kakania was not eligible to access that restricted area so she would have to do what she does best, sneaking in.
If she wanted answers, it would probably be here where she would find it. The books were old and ancient, but they had information people didn’t know. She looked around in the dark, trying to use the moonlight shining through as a guide to where she needed to go.
She walked until she came across the little nook in the corner where Isolde and her spent time together. Her Dittardorfs lady pulled a gun on her afterall, it would be hard to forget. She smiled and patted the table before walking past it.
God, please bring her Isolde back.
-x-
A week had already passed, and there was still no improvement to Isolde’s condition. On the bright side, at least her condition was not getting worse. On a worse note, Kakania didn’t find anything.
Kakania had been coming over the Dittardorf household the entire time. She could read it from Mr. Dittardorfs’ face that she was not welcome here, but as long as she reminded them that she was the one that was Isolde’s “savior”, they didn’t say anything. (No, she was not Isolde’s savior because Isolde was still lying there, unmoving. She could not do anything.)
People on the street were talking, that was always what they did best. Talk and talk, about the disappearance of Vienna’s star. How no one ever saw her outside now, how the Dittardorfs refused to entertain any question regarding the woman.
Kakania was walking through the street, coming back from her appointment and going to visit Isolde. A shop in the corner caught her eyes, a flower shop. Like they had a mind of their own, Kakania’s feet brought her to the front of the store.
The red flowers on display in the store reminded her of the little petal in her pocket, not red, but stained with red, the blood of Isolde’s. She gently put her hand on her pocket and looked around. Seeing that the shop was somewhat empty, she went in, maybe just to take a look around.
The store clerk greeted her with a polite smile and introduced her to the selection in their store without as much as a prompt from Kakania. Kakania was listening while contemplating if she should bring the petal out to ask the clerk if she knew what it was, but the blood on it would certainly raise questions.
By a stroke of luck, she glanced at a red flower in the corner of her eyes. The store clerk was quick to notice.
“Those are red carnations, usually lovers gift them to each other to signify their affection for each other, but it has become less popular nowadays as more people prefer the simple red roses instead.”
Kakania walked up to it, the shape, the texture, it was so similar to the one in her pocket. It was the same as the one Isolde asked her about, or more like, she saw Isolde holding it and rambled to her about it.
“Can I take a closer look?” Kakania asked, the clerk was happy to bring out one from the back for Kakania.
Oh.
Oh.
-x-
Isolde started collecting the flowers around her little cabin. She didn’t know much of flowers, but she tried her best to pick out every unique species each day. It was getting rather boring to sit inside all day so she had been spending much more time out.
The sun felt nice on her skin, it was never too hot, on the contrary, it was rather cool and windy most of the time. It felt like summer before all the responsibilities got put on her. She pulled another white flower from the ground and put it in her basket.
She wasn’t worried about her plucking out all the flowers, it seemed like no matter how many she picked, as long as she went to sleep and woken up again, everything seemed to grow back, albeit a bit different.
The flower smelled nice, reminding her of the scent of summer. The critters were hopping around in the field, paying no mind to her. The sunhat she had on was shielding her face from the sun, she felt sleepy.
A little nap wouldn’t hurt. She had an eternity to spend here after all.
-x-
Books sprawled on her bed, the sheet was messy, red lines underlining anything about carnations. Her usually pristine outfit was wrinkled and out of place. She had been running around the entire day, all the books in the library about flowers were gathered in her bedroom.
Isolde was asking her about flowers on that day too, maybe it had something to do with this. She scoured the book, placing more focus on the ones she remembered Isolde reading. This was a guess, totally a wild goose chase, but it was not like they had any other lead.
She read texts after texts, words pouring into her head until they are starting to not make sense anymore. She swapped from books to books until her eyes focused on one particular paragraph about an old folklore.
“Hanahaki…” Kakania whispered, more and more, until the word was nothing more than a murmur. She sat up straight, pulled the book closer to her face, like it would make the word suddenly make sense.
Like a lightbulb that lit up, she got it now.
-x-
That night, Kakania sat at her desk, her head racing with thoughts. Her hand was making the motions of writing, but none of the things being written were legible. She was not focusing on writing.
Isolde liked Kakania, liked her enough to die for her.
The thought was nauseating, but it was the truth. Isolde confessed at the end. It all made sense now. She would never have thought that her feelings would ever be reciprocated, but they were.
Kakania let out a low, humorless, laugh as her vision became blurry. She loved Isolde, Isolde loved her back. Isolde suffered because of Kakania. She got into this state because of Kakania.
Kakania looked toward the pile of petals on her desk. What a sick joke.
-x-
Doing one last stroke, Isolde put down her brush. She picked up painting on a sunny morning one day. It was nothing more than an impulsive thought, “It would be nice if there are more things for me to do, like painting or sewing.” Then when she opened her eyes the next day, a canvas and a set of paint appeared outside of her doorstep.
It had been a few days since then (she thinks, she has no concept of time in here). She had never drawn anything before, beside the paintings she had drawn with her brother since she was a kid, such a distant memory.
As it turned out, it wasn’t too bad. She enjoyed the process and she loved what she created. She never had a thought of what she wanted to draw, just let her hands move on its own.
A dark green, this reminds her of a dear friend. Maybe today would be a nice change of pace. She picked up the brush again, adding more details to define the features of the faceless woman in front of her.
Her heart yearned for Kakania.
-x-
Kakania was busying herself with finding a cure for Isolde, she was the cause of Isolde being in this state, but the least she could do was to find any way possible to help her to get back.
The book made no mention of Hanahaki beside that one page, and asking around in her circle revealed nothing of note, no one even had heard of it before. She knew the cause, but she didn’t know the cure. She was back to square one.
After another uneventful trip to the library, Kakania went back to the flower shop. She made it a habit to buy a red carnation everyday to put on Isolde’s bedside, a flower that reminded Kakania of Isolde, Isolde’s love for Kakania.
The store clerk, whom was used to Kakania by now, welcomed her with a smile and told her to wait a bit for her to go get the flower she prepared. Kakania stopped her, an idea popped into her head, today was supposed to be a special day afterall.
“Semmelweis, can you help me wrap up a bouquet today? With every flower known for affection and love if you can.”
Despite her grim situation with Isolde, today was still the first day they met, Kakania kept track of it through all these years. A small smile couldn’t help but crept its way onto her face. Isolde would love to receive this if she was awake, right?
The store clerk, Semmelweis, didn’t ask any questions once she noticed the smile on Kakania’s face. Only smile back with a nod before disappearing behind the counter to get her equipment. One by one, she walked around the store, telling Kakania each of the names of the flowers until the bouquet was bursting with different stems of red and pink flowers, a love letter from Kakania to Isolde.
Once Kakania was happy with it, Semmelweis handed the bouquet to Kakania, the expense along with it. Kakania almost jumped from how expensive a bouquet was, but handed over the money without complaints. Semmelweis looked at the woman staring longingly at the flower in front of her, she wasn’t one to put herself in other business, but some friendly advice wouldn’t hurt.
“You know Ms. Kakania, I think that sometimes, life is too short to live with hidden feelings. Being brave is scary, yes, but you never know what the outcome is.”, she took a pause, looking at the dazed woman in front of her, “No matter what, it is better to live life without regret.”
Kakania only uttered a small thank you and walked out of the store with her head down.
It was already too late for her now.
-x-
The door creaked open as Kakania walked into the familiar room. She put the bouquet on the bedside next to the sleeping beauty. She examined Isolde, her pale complexion seemed to be better than yesterday, a bit more color was on her face.
“Hi.” Kakania uttered a quiet greeting, a small smile on her face, “I finished my session with a client early today. I really missed you.”
Kakania sat down, her hand finding its way onto Isolde’s, sharing the warmth between them. She brought it to her face, the cold sensation bringing her a sense of peace of knowing Isolde was still here.
“Do you remember? Today is the anniversary of our first meeting. It was thanks to your brother that I had the chance to meet you. These past few years have been really good to me, you are good to me… I’m sorry for being so dense.”
She let go of Isolde’s hand, her own hands finding its way to the last gift Isolde has given her, the Everheart. She unclasped it from her jacket, holding it in her hand. The gems were glinting, as bright as the first time Kakania saw it.
“You know Mercuria? I visited her to ask about you. She didn’t really have any clue, but she did take notice of this little thing. Oh Isolde, how thoughtful of you. I’m really an idiot until the end.”
Kakania put the brooch in Isolde’s hand, “It is warm, I hope you can feel the warmth it brought to me these past weeks.”
Kakania got up, grabbing the vase and the bouquet, changing the water and putting the new flowers in. Some of the old ones that she bought days ago were already starting to wither. She asked the maid to leave this specific task to her and they were more than happy to oblige. It was becoming more apparent day by day that the maids did not seem to have a high opinion of the lady. She had caught them gossiping, whispering about Isolde while they thought she couldn’t hear.
The vase was looking much better, fresh flowers bursting in red. She smiled and put it back on the desk next to her bed, “I know this flower was kind of… a bad reminder to you.” Kakania laughed, “But it was what reminded me most of you so I bought it for our anniversary.”
Kakania took a deep breath and leaned down until she was just right above Isolde, “I love you, Isolde. I am so sorry for being a coward.” She leaned down, leaving a chaste kiss on Isolde’s forehead. An apology long overdue.
-x-
Isolde hummed as she laid awake in bed. The moon was bright tonight, more than usual, illuminating the entire room in its gentle glow. She looked to the side of her bed, the desk had a few white carnations on it. The familiar sight of the flowers brought back memories. She wasn’t even sure why the field only had white carnations today. The smell of cinnamon when she opened her door was a shock to her.
Isolde sat up, walking to the table and bringing up a flower to her nose. The peppery smell filled her scent. She missed her dear Kakania. She held onto a stem as she walked back to her bed, sitting on it and turning on the lamp.
Thinking about it, Isolde realized that the date must be close to their anniversary. She knew the date by heart, but she wasn’t sure how time worked here. She remembered a game she had always seen kids playing.
“She loves me.” She plucked one petal off of the stem, “She loves me not.”, she plucked another one. 1, 2, 3, this went on until she got to the last petal still attached, “... She loves me.”
A small smile crept up on her face. This was a childish game, but Isolde couldn’t help but to be happy with the fact that it ended with Kakania loving her. She whispered, words that only she could hear, “I love you too, Kakania.”
A wave of sleepiness hit her, she yawned then laid down on the bed. The now empty stem was placed gently on the bedside table next to her. Isolde went to sleep with a smile on her face.
-x-
Isolde felt groggy, she was awake, but her entire body felt too heavy to move, a stark contrast to how she used to feel waking up in the field everyday. Her mind was foggy, she couldn’t remember anything before falling asleep.
She felt a warm sensation on her hand, not the familiar feeling of sun shining down on her. A groan involuntarily left her mouth, her throat felt starch, like it had gone days without water.
Isolde opened her eyes. Instead of the sun or the rundown woods of the cabin, she was met with a ceiling decorated with lavish ceiling light and pristine wood. She looked to the side, her head muddled and too hazy to make sense of what she was seeing.
The delicate face of Kakania was the first thing she saw. There were dark circles under her eyes, a remnant of a tear streak was still visible. Isolde thought she was seeing things. This was not possible, but she could feel the warmth of Kakania’s face against her hand. She instinctively pulled back, like it was burning her.
Kakania stirred, waking up slowly from the movement. She looked up, seeing Isolde awake. Her complexion was still pale, but she was awake. Kakania jumped up, her brain struggling to find words to say. She could only muster out a weak call out to her dear friend.
“Isolde…?”
Isolde couldn’t help, but smile at her beloved. “Hi… Kakania.”
It seemed like Kakania finally got it through her senses as she rushed to her side, pouring water into a cup to give it to Isolde. Her hands were shaking, even as she tried to calm herself down to not spill everything everywhere. She gently lifted Isolde up from the bed, letting her lean on the pillow as she sat up, handing the cup of water to her.
“Isolde… how are you feeling? Oh! I should go tell-” Kakania was cut off by Isolde shaking her head slowly, her head was still hazy, but she knew she didn’t want anyone to interrupt them right now.
“Don’t tell anyone yet… Just the two of us.” Isolde smiled up at Kakania. She couldn’t make sense of what was happening, but right now, she just wanted to savor this moment with Kakania. No matter if this was a dream, or reality, if she could be with her longer, she would take it.
Kakania sat down, pulling the chair closer to Isolde, her hands holding onto her like a lifeline. Kakania felt like Isolde could disappear any moment, she had to remind herself that this was real and not a dream she conjured up out of desperation.
“Isolde… How are you feeling?” Kakania asked softly, helping Isolde hold up the cup to drink. Isolde took a long time just staring off to space. Her throat didn’t feel like it was constricted anymore, she could breathe freely without the feeling of petals and vines at the back of her throat. The familiar scent of old wood and lilac greeted her without any tinge of rot.
“Fine. Like I could breathe freely.” Kakania interlocked her fingers with Isolde’s, the weight of the situation finally lifting off of her. She felt like she could breathe now. Her Isolde was back.
Isolde pulled forward, her hands leaving Kakania’s and cupping her face instead. A smile on her face as she addressed her dearest one, “Don’t cry, my… Kakania.” Her fingers lightly swiped across Kakania’s cheeks, wiping off the tears.
Kakania didn’t even notice she was crying, she tried to stop, wiping away at her eyes, but it was like a dam had been broken. She couldn’t stop crying. Isolde didn’t say anything, just stayed there and held Kakania close to her, their foreheads touching, an intimate act between friends.
Kakania didn’t let herself grieve for Isolde the entire time because there was hope that Isolde would wake up again, but her heart didn’t listen to her mind and it broke more and more everyday. She only focused on how to get Isolde back, now that she was back, Kakania finally let all her emotion wash over her.
Isolde was feeling emotional too, this was starting to feel more real, like she was alive again. Everything felt so real, the heat she felt from Kakania, the little tremor racking through her as she cried, her hands wiping away her tears.
“Isolde- Isolde, I-I…” Kakania tried to calm down, but she couldn’t pass up this chance. The word from Semmelweis kept flashing in her mind. She took a deep breath and stared at Isolde’s face, full of patience for whatever it was that Kakania was going to say.
Kakania held onto the hands on her face, letting the sensation wash over her.
“Isolde, I love you too. It is long overdue, but I do. I love you so much and I was a fool to look away from your affection. I hurt you deeply, I almost lost you due to my selfishness. I am sorry and I will forever be. You do not have to forgive me nor respond, but I must make my feelings known.”
Isolde was quiet the entire time, her body unmoving then she bent down and gave a kiss to Kakania on her cheek.
“You already know that I can never be mad at you.” Isolde giggled, her voice still hoarse from the lack of use, but that was not enough to hide the happiness in her voice.
Kakania looked down, her own face flushing from the kiss. She nervously adjusted her glasses and rubbed the brooch on her chest, a habitual act that she started doing for the past weeks.
Her voice was soft and uncertain as she asked Isolde, “So what are we?”
Isolde regarded the nervous parrot in front of her, a smile on her lips. Her heart was bursting from affection and love, she didn’t even know she could feel even more intensely for Kakania. Everything felt unreal, but Isolde was sure it was all real. She was not dreaming anymore, Kakania was real and she just confessed to her. Kakania returned her feelings.
The place she was at, she was now sure it wasn’t death, but she couldn’t care less to find out what it was because she was here now, she was here with Kakania, the one she held closest to her heart.
“We can be whatever we want to be.” Isolde answered softly, her face flushing slightly, made even more apparent by her pale complexion. Kakania looked up, confused. That was neither of the answers she was expecting, but looking at Isolde, she couldn’t help, but agree. Their love was complicated, maybe a normal answer wasn’t what was needed right now. She nodded, her hand caressing Isolde’s gently.
“I’m glad to see that you are still quite… you. I do not think most people confess the first thing first after someone wakes up from a coma.” Isolde jested, her tone light. Kakania jumped from the bed, she just remembered that Isolde was basically unconscious for weeks until now.
“Before you ask, I still feel fine, but maybe it is time to get a proper check up.” Isolde cut her off before Kakania could explode into a torrent of questions. She knew her dear was an avid overthinker. Kakania could only nod and run out of the room, bearing the happy news that Isolde was awake.
-x-
After the doctor confirmed everything was alright, Mr. Dittardorfs went to see him out and left the pair alone once again. Theodore was out of the city at the moment, but he would be here sometime tomorrow.
Kakania sat back on the bed, her hands making their way to Isolde’s. Their hands interlocked, sharing the warmth between them. It felt like forever since Isolde got to hold Kakania’s hands, but the way they were held was all too familiar to Isolde.
“So what happened after I… passed out?” Isolde asked, her curiosity finally set in once everything calmed down again. She didn’t know how she didn’t die right then in Kakania’s room.
Kakania took a moment to think, so many things happened that she didn’t even know where to start.
“Well, I called Theodore first thing. It was way too early and I didn’t have the best relations with the doctors in Vienna, even the physical ones…” Kakania scratched her head, she was somewhat of a public enemy number 1 in Vienna for everyone practicing medicine. Isolde completely forgot about that and she started laughing, the situation was too funny to her. Kakania couldn’t call a doctor for her because each one of them hated her.
“Theodore and I rushed you here and Mr. Dittardorfs contacted someone to look after you. You have passed out for weeks and he covered it up with you just having a normal flu.” Isolde nodded, she was expecting this somewhat. There was no way her father would let it be known that his daughter fell into a coma for reasons unknown to everyone, the rumors would go crazy.
“Well, what about you? I want to know about you too.” Isolde gently cut off Kakania, she was more curious about her beloved than whatever it was that her father and brother were up to.
Kakania looked down at their hands being held together, her words stuck in her throat, “I was looking for what happened to you. Flowers being coughed out? It is unheard of. I followed the trail you walked through before and found what it was… Hanahaki, right?”, a pause and Isolde nodded. Kakania was always smart, she knew that Kakania would have figured it out.
“Then I realized what happened and what an idiot I was. I tried finding a way to cure it, but nothing came up so all I could do was look after you until you wake up. I was ready to wait for you for a lifetime, even if you never woke up.”, it was cheesy, Kakania knew that, but it was her honest feelings. Isolde knew it too so she pulled up their interlocked hands and gave a kiss to Kakania’s.
“And then?” Isolde prompted softly, waiting for Kakania to continue.
“I don’t know. I came to visit you daily, buying a flower for you each day. Today is the day we met so I bought a bouquet and came here like normal. I talked with you for a bit before getting sleepy and falling asleep then when I woke up, you were awake.”
Both fell into silence, lost in their own thoughts at the situation. Isolde was the first to break it, “But at least, I am here now, right? And no flower is tormenting me anymore.”
Kakania nodded, a wide smile blossoming on both of their faces, “You are here now and that’s all that matters. I promise I will never look away from you again, Isolde.” Kakania whispered softly, a silent promise that only the two of them could hear.
Their hearts beat softly, in sync with one another. Finally, no more secret or hiding, with their feelings bare, it was time for them to step forward together.