Chapter Text
“No, Yoonchae, focus!” The younger girl giggles and looks back down at Lara’s phone. She’s not really sure when she started to let Yoonchae of all people give her opinion on Lara’s love life or selfie analysis, but the kid is actually quite good at it when she’s not distracted. She can’t really blame her because they’ve already been in rehearsals for, like, six hours, it’s well past dinnertime, and you, Megan, and Dani are pretty loudly (and effectively) ragebaiting Manon. Which just happens to be one of the maknae’s favorite activities. She stays tucked into Lara’s side though, sitting against the mirror in the KATSEYE practice room even though her attention is no longer on Lara’s phone. Lara, on the other hand, is still engrossed her phone, her attention momentarily shifting when something moves past her a little too quickly. She catches your hurried footsteps towards the door out of the corner of her eye, her head raising when Sophia calls your name and gets no response.
“Bathroom.” Manon says, but Lara can feel Yoonchae already starting to tense beside her.
“Her face did not look right.” The maknae says quietly, so no one else can hear.
“Chip, I’m sure she’s fine. Why don’t you check in when she comes back, hmm?” She didn’t see your face but you would ask for help if something was wrong, right? Right? Lara gets less and less confident in her belief that everything is AOK the longer you take to return to the practice studio. Five minutes pass and she can see Yoonchae’s eyes flitting towards the door every few seconds, before Son stands to signal the end of their break. Lara drags her own tired muscles upright and then watches Yoonchae and Sophia make eye contact, realizing that you’re still not back with the rest of the group. Yoonchae beats Lara to the punch, quietly excusing herself to check on you.
They wait, exhaustion giving way to impatience. Son shuffles his hands, Daniela plays with her hair the way she does when she’s annoyed, Lara can feel her own frustration building with every passing second.
All frustration goes out the window and concern takes it place the second Yoonchae yells Sophia’s name, because Yoonchae sounds scared. Sophia makes a beeline for the door, Lara and Megan quick on her heels with the others not far behind. Sophia turns, telling them to stay and that she’s sure its nothing but Megan slips out the door after her anyways. As much as Lara herself wants to follow them, she knows there's not a lot that Sophia and Megan can’t fix, so she reluctantly keeps her feet planted on the floor.
“What is the hold-up?” Son asks, still clearly frustrated.
“Something might be wrong.” Manon says and that quiets him quickly. Lara wants to jump in and correct her, that something IS wrong because that is not a tone that Yoonchae uses voluntarily. That is the tone she uses when she misses her mom and the world feels like it might be collapsing and Lara gets reminded that Yoonchae is just seventeen. They wait in silence, clustered a bit awkwardly near the door, for another agonizing minute. Manon picks at a braid, Dani fiddles with one of her necklaces, and Lara picks at her nails, the fear in the air is almost palpable. Lara’s mind starts to churn. Yoonchae said something was off. Why didn’t you just listen? Did you get hurt and she didn’t see? What the fuck is going on?
She’s broken from the trance of her thoughts when they hear another door slam, hurried footsteps down the hallway and then a teary, somewhat breathless, somewhat shaking Yoonchae is bursting through the door and into Manon’s arms. Or more accurately, she barrels into Manon so hard Daniela has to reach out so they don’t topple over, as the eldest member of Katseye wraps her arms around a now sobbing maknae.
“Yoonchae? What? What happened?” Lara asks, her voice betraying the true depth of her fear. Yoonchae doesn’t really cry in front of anyone except them and her parents, and only in the protected safety of their house. This display of emotion in front of Son in the practice room tells them whatever happened is bad, and it takes all of Lara’s self control to not burst into that bathroom herself.
“Yoonchae, do we need to call an ambulance, 911, anything like that?” Manon asks, gentle but urgent. Yoonchae shakes her head, still clutching the older girl like a lifeline. “Okay, okay, good. Do we need to get Missy right this second?” Another head shake.
“Can you give us a minute?” Lara turns her attention to Son, who’s still lingering by the speaker. He has that look on his face like he truly doesn’t know what to do, and Lara’s grateful when he just nods, clicking the practice room quietly shut behind him.
“Do you know what happened, bebe?” Daniela asks gently. Yoonchae doesn’t respond and Lara watches as Manon tries to get a still crying but not quite sobbing Yoonchae to detach from her waist so they can sit down and actually calm her down enough to get some information. It goes about as well as you would expect, and Yoonchae’s grip only tightens. Daniela and Lara move to gather around her, quietly creating a little bubble of calm.
“Yoonchae what happened?” Daniela tries again, running her nails down one of the Korean’s arms. Its the same thing Sophia does to Dani when she gets overwhelmed or stressed or just likes the softness of Sophia’s nails on her skin, either way its a comforting gesture, one that Lara knows Yoonchae is sure to appreciate.
“I don’t know.” Yoonche drags in a shuddering breath. “Megan said panic attack?” Oh fuck is all Lara can think. While Yoonchae is almost an adult, the Kats have known her since she was fourteen, and sometimes they still see the quiet, timid girl from that first day of training and not the sarcastic, sassy girl they know her to be. That being said, the other girls have gone to great lengths to spare her the burden of knowing the nitty gritty details of the tidal waves of anxiety some of the others know all too well.
Lara can see the maknae is truly terrified of whatever she just saw and she shares a look with Manon and Daniela over her head. Its a look that says what do we tell her? The truth? Some of the truth? Do we push her for details and risk upsetting her further? Yoonchae answers their questions for them when she pulls back from Manon and looks up at Lara with those huge eyes that remind the Indian so much of Rhea sometimes her heart aches.
“What does it feel like?” She can feel Dani suck in a breath next to her and Lara’s own chest hitches as she processes the heartbreakingly tender question.
“Its kinda different for everyone, Chip. I think its really scary.” Lara racks her brain for all the nights you and her have spent talking Megan down from the edges of her own panic and out of her head. She tries to remember how the other girl had described it and she can’t really think of an explanation that would comfort Yoonchae as opposed to cause her more heartbreak and god, Lara really just wants to march into the bathroom herself.
“She wasn’t breathing good.” She can see the tears starting to well back up in Yoonchae’s eyes and Lara abandons that idea to cup her baby’s face instead.
“Yeah, that’s pretty normal, babe. It’s going to be okay.” Lara’s not really sure if her words are more for Yoonchae, herself, or Manon who is also fighting tears.
“How do you know?” Her voice is so small and fragile and Lara watches as Daniela reaches up to smooth out the younger girls shiny black hair.
“Because she’s with Sophia. And Megan. They’re going to help her, baby.” Yoonchae nods, eyes still big and scared. The door to the practice room bangs open and the four sets of eyes jolt towards the door. The hope in Yoonchae’s eyes that it might be you or Sophia or Megan quickly disappears as Son and Missy walk in.
“What happened?” There’s no accusation or bite to her question like there might have been in Dream and Lara breathes a little sigh of relief. Face flushing and clearly embarrassed to be seen in such an “unprofessional state” as she would call it, Yoonchae quickly pulls her head out of Lara’s hands and her body out of Manon’s embrace, despite still very obviously wanting the comfort. Manon quietly steps in to explain and they all wait anxiously for their manager’s reaction.
“Okay. Thank you for telling me. I think we’re done with rehearsals for the day.” Son nods behind her. “Do you think Sophia and Megan are going to be able to handle it?” Lara fights very hard to keep her face in check and not roll her eyes. She knows that Missy means well by the question, but it feels a little like she’s attacking Sophia’s leadership skills and Lara feels heat rising in her chest to defend all the effort that Sophia pours into their little family. Daniela gives her a pointed look that very much says ‘this will not help the situation’ so Lara clamps her mouth shut and schools her face.
“Yeah, they know we’re in here. If they needed help they would’ve called for one of us.” Missy nods, clasping her hands together.
“Alright. I’m here if you girls need me, okay? Whatever she needs, whatever you need. If this is a one-time thing, great. If we need to talk to HYBE and set her up with a counselor, we can start that process too.” Lara cringes internally for a moment, because out of all of them, you’re the most tight-lipped about your feelings and she already knows you’re going to be absolutely mortified as is. She does feel a little pang of appreciation for Missy and the extent that her feelings for all of them reaches.
“Thank you Missy.” Lara says politely when she really wants to say ‘please leave now’ because Yoonchae is starting to shake again and they all know the maknae really just wants to climb back into one of their laps, but will refuse herself the comfort until their manager leaves. Missy gets the hint anyway, because her and Son turn around and start to head out the door.
“Good night girls.” She says and is met with a chorus of good nights before the door clicks shut and Yoonchae lands squarely back in Manon’s arms.
“They haven’t come back. Its been a long time. Should we go check?” Lara checks reaches for her phone in the pocket of her sweatpants and holy shit, it’s been more than an hour since Yoonchae came barreling in through the door.
“Why don’t we send Sophia a text, okay? We don’t want to overwhelm her.” Yoonchae nods and lets Manon detach herself from the girl so the older can fish her own phone out of her pocket, thumbs moving quickly across the screen.
“See? It’s sent babe. Why don’t we sit down?” Yoonchae nods, and lets the three of them guide her to one of the couches in their little practice room lounge. Lara starts trying to scroll through her Instagram instead but she’s spending more energy trying to convince herself that you’re okay, and watching Yoonchae’s leg bounce anxiously than she is looking at anything. She watches the maknae stand up, walk around for a minute, flop back down, sit back up, and start to pick at her nails before she says something.
“Chip, she’s okay. I promise we would know if she wasn’t. Sophia would not let her suffer for this long if what she was doing wasn’t helping, okay?” Lara’s voice is tender and gentle and she’s lowkey grateful Yoonchae is more visibly stressed than she is because it gives her mind something productive to latch onto instead of sitting there helpless, which is Lara’s least favorite feeling in the world.
“Why don’t we go home sweetheart?” Daniela suggests softly, and Lara can feel every single one of Yoonchae’s muscles tensing beside her.
“No. No. Please. I want to wait, I want to see her. I have to know.” All of them kind of have this stubborn streak, and Lara knows its going to be one hell of a battle to get Yoonchae into a car without confirmation you’re okay, even if she really should go home. It seems like the universe is on their side for one single second that day because all of their phones buzz at once, and the flood of relief Lara feels seeing Sophia’s contact on her screen is nearly indescribable.
Manon: She had a panic attack? Yoonchae said you were okay to deal on your own, but we’re all here if you need anything, or want us to come in and just sit.
Sophia: That’s what we’re thinking.
Lara feels Yoonchae almost vibrating with nervous energy as her fingers fly across the screen.
Yoonchae: Is she okay????
You:
U need anything?
Yoonchae: want some company?
Sophia: We’re okay for right now. We don’t want to overwhelm her, y’know?
Manon clicks her phone shut and Lara prepares herself for the convincing its going to require to get the maknae in the car and go home. She knows its going to take even more convincing to get Manon to agree to let Lara herself stay.
“Chip.” The eldest starts slowly. “Lets go home. Look, she’s okay.”
“I want to help.” The youngest says and Lara realizes that she’s going to be so fucked if she ever has kids because one pouty lip from her pseudo baby sister and she’s folding so fast. Daniela speaks up, reaching over to trail her nails through Yoonchae’s hair.
“She’s going to be really overwhelmed. And exhausted. I think the best way we can help right now is to give her some space.” It takes a couple more minutes of quiet coaxing before Yoonchae nods eventually, slowly rising from the couch.
“I’m gonna stay. Just in case they do end up needing someone.” Daniela looks down at her while Manon takes Yoonchae to grab their stuff.
“You okay?” She asks, the Latina rubbing a hand over one of Lara’s knees.
“Yeah.” Her voice betrays her immediately and Daniela quirks an eyebrow up at her. “I just, Yoonchae thought there was something wrong. When she first went to the bathroom. And I told her everything was fine.”
“Lara, you couldn’t have known.” The older girl runs a hand through jet black hair as Lara sinks deeper into the dark fabric of the couch.
“I should’ve. How much farther did she fall into her panic in the time between when she walked out of here and when Yoonchae was finally allowed to check on her? How much of that could’ve been prevented?” Dani hears the words that Lara doesn’t say, the How much of this was my fault?
“Lar, baby. You could not have known. I didn’t know and I was standing literally right next to her.” Lara hums, trying to accept Daniela’s words. They’re interrupted when Manon and Yoonchae reappear, rehearsal bags slung over their shoulders. “Do you want me to stay with you?” The Latina whispers quietly and as much as she wants to say yes, she knows that Yoonchae needs her more right now.
“No it’s okay. Get Chip home. I’ll be okay.” Daniela’s gaze lingers for another moment, not fully believing her, but turning and walking towards the other girls nonetheless. The door clicks shut again after a few quiet goodbyes and Lara is left alone in her thoughts. She starts to pick apart every interaction of that rehearsal, trying to figure out what she missed, what went wrong, looking through her memories for the ‘why’. Why? Her thoughts begin to spiral as realization dawns. You knew what was happening. She would bet money that you could feel the panic start to build and you hid. Why would you do that? You wouldn’t know what that felt like unless you’ve had panic attacks before, but you’ve never mentioned anything like that, unless of course, you did and just didn’t tell any of them. Why would you do that? The more Lara spirals, the more her head starts to hurt, her mind a tangled mess of unanswered questions and heartbreaking possibilities.
She’s only pulled from her thoughts when the door opens again, and this time you do walk through it. She’s on her feet in a second, not wanting to startle you but needing to feel you in her arms. She takes in the tears still wet on your cheeks, your bloodshot eyes, the way your hands still tremble, the way Sophia might be supporting more of your weight than you are. She looks from your face, to Megan, and then to Sophia and they carry this heaviness that Lara hasn’t seen since Dream and part of her wants to ask all her questions right then, but instead she does what she’s been aching to do for hours and just opens her arms and holds you tight as you fall into her embrace.
There’s a million things she wants to say, wants to ask, but she settles for a simple, soft ‘hey’ and lets herself take in the fact that you are actually okay. She can hear Sophia and Megan whispering to each other, but they’re too far away for Lara to make out any actual words. Besides, she has something precious to tend to at the moment and decides she’ll get all her answers tonight when you make it home.
The walk to the car is uneventful, Lara’s hand stays in yours the whole way and she doesn’t comment when she watches a stray tear slip down your cheek before the trembles in your hand starts to dissipate. She climbs into the backseat with you, and scratches her nails up and down on your arm, which seems to soothe you enough to release some of the tension in your shoulders so she keeps doing it.
That tension comes back tenfold when Sophia’s car rolls into the driveway and Lara hopes to interrupt the anxiety she can see making its way back into your eyes.
“Breathe. You’re okay, and safe.” She hopes her reminders do their job because you look so fucking nervous and Lara thinks its us? It’s your family? Why are you so scared to walk into a house of people who love you? What bad thing do you think is going to happen?
She’s ripped from her own thought spiral when Manon throws the door open and insults Megan’s driving which, fair, but Lara still tries to stifle her giggle because she’ll be hearing about it for weeks if Megan ever heard her laugh at that. Once Lara’s gaze makes it past Megan playfully starting to shove Manon, she can see Yoonchae lingering across the room in the kitchen doorway. You toe off your shoes in the doorway, not seeing her yet, and Lara can see the tears already shining in her eyes from all the way over here.
She also sees the moment the two of you make eye contact and you could be a speed-walking Olympian by how fast you make it to her. She also watches the moment you pull her into your arms, and sees the tension and fear that had been building in the maknae for hours and hours rush out of her. Good, Lara thinks, because thats too much stress for someone so young to hold. She watches as the tension of the whole house slowly starts to bleed out as their family embraces one another. Eventually, Lara follows you up the stairs, not really wanting to let you out of her sight. She tries to linger nonchalantly while you gather your shower stuff, very aware that she is being very much chalant right now. You don’t have any of that typical annoyance you usually do when one of them tries to hover and Lara’s not really sure if thats a good thing or a bad thing.
She waits in your shared bedroom until she can hear the water running before she starts to make her way back down to the rest of her girls. They’re sitting sprawled out on the couch, and Lara does what she does best: starting hard conversations without placing blame.
“She’s in the shower.” Is her opening line as she flops boneless onto the couch in the space between Megan and Manon. Megan is still wound as tight as can be, the way she is when something is truly bothering and its actually starting to freak Lara out a bit.
“What the hell happened?” Sophia sucks in a deep breath and Lara can instantly tell she’s going to hate everything that's about to come out of their leader’s mouth. That turns out to be the understatement of the century as everything spills out into the open and Lara doesn’t hear anything past “she tried to apologize.” Her head swims, heart clenching, and eyes brimming with tears.
She makes the mistake of catching Megan’s eyes as the younger girls voice wobbles, which sends her own tears cascading down her cheeks, and Lara reaches over to clutch one of Megan’s hands in her own. Even after Megan stops talking, Lara grips her hand knowing just how much blame the dancer is putting on herself. Its the blame Lara herself is feeling right now. Manon asks a question, Megan says something profound and then Lara is pulling Megan off the couch and into the kitchen. She can tell Megan is truly exhausted, and the younger girl is already sensitive on a good day so all it takes is the Indian to hold her arms open for her best friend to bury her face in the older girl’s shoulder.
“Meg-”
“Lara, she was so scared. I’ve never seen anyone so terrified. Of me! Lara, me!”
“Kutti, its not your fault. You did everything you could for her today.” Lara coos, soft but firm.
“You should’ve seen her face when we finally got her to look at us. Lara, I’ve never seen anything like it.” She hushes Megan by squeezing the younger girl around her shoulders, knowing she likes the pressure. She doesn’t say anything partially because there’s nothing Lara can say right now to make this better and partially because Megan sometimes just needs the space to bask in her feelings with someone else to know she’s not alone. In this moment Lara thinks she’d rather never sing again then let Megan ever feel alone again.
Megan pulls away from Lara’s warmth eventually, her eyes looking lighter but still a bit haunted. The Indian reaches up to move wisps of her pink bangs out of her eyes, smiling fondly.
“I’m proud of you Meg.” There’s so much more Lara wants to let spill into the space between them, but she can tell the other girl is already a bit overwhelmed and so she leaves her statement plain. Besides, they have the rest of their lives for Lara to say everything she means, because she’s sure as hell not letting this sisterhood go anytime soon.
They leave the kitchen together and Megan sprawls across the couch, settling against the fabric in just the right spot to nudge Yoonchae with one of her toes every couple of seconds and then pretend she’s totally innocent. Yoonchae’s pretend angry face is a welcome sight, and Lara smiles genuinely as she makes her way back up the stairs. The door to your, Megan’s, and Lara’s room is open and you’re flopped down on your bed just staring at the ceiling. You’ve showered and changed, your rehearsal clothes traded in for an old T-shirt and pajama pants. If it wasn’t for the heaviness that still clings to your features, Lara would be convinced that nothing had even happened that day. She wonders for a brief moment how many times you’ve pretended. How many times you were in hell and she was less than six feet away. The feeling makes her want to break down into sobs and Lara busies herself by studying the somewhat peaceful expression on your face instead.
You’re not crying, there’s no visible signs of fear or panic so Lara decides to just let you be for the moment, to just exist in your space. Her quiet reminder that you’re not alone anymore.
Sophia jumpscares them a little while later, offering the premise of a movie. She can see your body start to visibly tense again and drags you up by your shoulders.
“We want to help, let us help.” Lara counts the way you let you her guide your body up as a win and pulls you towards the door. It reminds her so much of all those times in Dream when you were content to just hold her hand and let her guide you. It was the first time Lara had wondered if that was how Rhea had felt their whole childhood and Lara remembers wondering how she could hang onto this feeling forever. She lets Manon sling an arm over your shoulder and grabs Sophia’s hand instead, giving her a little squeeze that Lara hopes Sophia interprets as ‘I see you’.
Megan has possession of the remote, and Lara leans against the side of her best friend thats not occupied by a sleepy Yoonchae. Sophia settles in next to her and Lara leans into their leader, doing that quiet comfort thing that works best on the Philipina.
Yoonchae falls asleep five minutes in, Megan following her quickly. Lara sleepily blinks about halfway through and is awoken an hour later by Manon nudging her with one of her feet. She’s about to protest before her eyes land on Dani lifting you as gently as she possibly can from the couch and, okay, she’ll deal with being touched by one of Manon’s feet. Manon herself pulls Yoonchae into her arms, with much less grace than the careful movements of the girl who’s been dancing since she could walk. Yoonchae stays asleep, because of course she does, and Lara pulls Megan off the couch with her eyes still half-closed.
They make it up the stairs with no major incidents and then Lara’s finally collapsing into her bed. She can’t really tell if she’s already when an image of Sophia makes its way into her field of vision but she swears the feeling of Sophia’s hand in her is real. Lara drifts off with a million question swirling in her head, dread building deep in gut, and her heart feeling fuzzy. Whatever this is, whatever its going to be, she knows they’ll work it out together, because before they’re KATSEYE, they’re a family. One that will not let you fall again.