Chapter Text
With calm, steady certainty and without a word, The Butcher of Torfan dons his jacket, placing the pistol inside the front pocket. Each move is made with determination and exacting precision. The moves made by a man who isn't going let anything stop him from finishing this.
It's a side to Shepard Kaidan's seen before, but there's something about it this time that leaves him a bit unnerved. Grasping Shepard's shoulder, he says, “Wait just a damn minute, will you?”
Shepard pulls free. “Kaidan, I don’t have time to –”
Kaidan isn’t buying it. They've known one another for a long time now. Through good times and bad, through laughter and heartache. But even after all of that, after finally working their personal relationship back around to where they’d been before Alchera, what’s happening right before his very eyes isn’t acceptable.
And for once, Kaidan isn’t afraid to say it. “You can’t do this, Michael!”
A heavy sigh fills the air as Shepard turns to face him. Kaidan, bridling with anger, frustration, fear, waits. A shimmer of blue-white energy bleeds out, surrounding his body.
Their eyes meet and Kaidan's surprised to see that Shepard doesn’t seem angry. If anything, it's resignation filling his blue eyes, perhaps mixed with a bit of trepidation. As if he doesn’t want to do this, but he’s going to anyway.
Kaidan gulps. Of course, he is. That’s how he operates.
It doesn't matter that they need the information to end this god-damned war, or that the Reds are trying to keep them from getting that information. Shepard has to go.
Shepard lifts a hand to cradle Kaidan’s cheek, thumb brushing gently across the skin, a complete contrast to the image the man presents. As much as he doesn’t want to give in, Kaidan can’t stop from leaning into the touch, savoring it as if it is the last. Please, don't let it be the last! “Michael,” he begs in a low, rough whisper, “please don’t go! Don’t get hurt. Not because of me.”
Leaning forward, Shepard touches their foreheads together. “It isn’t because of you,” the commander assures him. “I promise. This has been a very long time coming; long before we ever met.” The signs of grim determination tightens the creases around his eyes and lips as it returns. “I have to finish what we started in Chicago, Kaidan. Please, tell me you understand that?”
He does; of course, he does. That doesn’t mean he has to like it. “Then let me come with you!”
Shepard’s head changes angle as he chases Kaidan’s lips for a slow, sweet kiss that's all too brief. “I can’t, Kaidan," he replies when he pulls back. "Not after last time. We did Chicago your way; we do New York, mine.”
An ache as sharp as the tip of a knife cutting across bare flesh slices through Kaidan’s heart. “I-I promised you I would always have your six.” He hates that his voice cracks, that his fear is so obvious, especially to Shepard, but they’ve come too far together to hide it, even if it was possible.
Both hands now frame Kaidan’s face. “You do. In all ways. Always.” This time, Shepard presses his lips to Kaidan’s forehead before taking a step backwards and releasing him. “I’ll be fine, don’t worry.”
“Don’t worry? How can I not? They know you are coming!” It’s fear bubbling inside, but it's ripped out of him as anger, biting and lashing at the very man he wants to keep safe. He hates himself for it, too. This isn’t what Shepard needs right now. Hell, it isn’t what he needs, either, but he can’t stop himself. It’s too much like what happened before the SR1 went down, and those memories still haunt him to this day. “They’ll kill you. You do know that, don’t you?”
Shepard’s smile does not waver as he keeps his gaze locked onto Kaidan’s. Reaching for the chain around his neck, Michael pulls it over his head. “I know they’ll try,” he says quietly while taking Kaidan’s hand in his. The cold bite of metal against Kaidan’s palm draws his attention to the chain that now dangles around his wrist while Shepard folds Kaidan's fingers over it. “Keep this safe for me for now. Please?”
A fine tremor starts deep within, rippling through Kaidan in waves. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out what Shepard has closed his fingers around; the pattern of letters and numbers biting into his flesh will leave a mark because of how tight he's holding it, and the other…
Realization hits in a flash and with agony worse than any other he’s ever experienced. “Oh, god… No!” It escapes as a barely audible and thoroughly pained whisper.
Shepard’s hand remains around his, surprisingly reassuring despite the situation. “Keep it safe for me,” he repeats near Kaidan’s ear, “until I get back.”
Kaidan’s head moves back and forth, but he cannot speak. Instead, he shifts his glance back to the man he loves more than life itself.
Shepard smiles and nods, one hand rising to tug at Kaidan’s chain. As he pulls it free of his shirt, Shepard's finger slides down until it reaches the matching gold band. “I’m going to end this, once and for all, Kaidan, and then I’ll be back, I promise.” Releasing the chain, he moves his hand around to the back of Kaidan’s head, gently tugging him close for one last kiss. Kaidan cannot resist. “I promise.”
Kaidan can do nothing, say nothing, to stop him as Shepard releases him and turns to walk away. Shepard pauses at the doorway, greeting a shape just outside with a nod. Kaidan catches a hint of a shape, one that he recognizes, through tears he refuses to let fall. Joelle. At least Shepard won't be going alone.
Minutes pass, hours, Kaidan has no idea. He's still in the room when a soft voice calls from the doorway. “K?”
He doesn’t move, and his twin walks over. She’s quick to figure things out, he’ll give her that, though Shepard’s dog tags in his hand are a pretty obvious clue. Her head snaps back up to his. “Why aren’t we going after him? He needs our help!”
Kaidan wraps his arms around her, pulling his twin close and holding tight. At the same time, the truth seeps in through the cracks of his fear. The knowledge doesn’t make it any easier or acceptable, it just is. “We are protecting him in the best way that we can right now,” he whispers. “If we go after him, he has to worry about us, not what he has to face.”
“Do you really believe that?”
Releasing her, their eyes meet again and he nods. “I have to…”