Chapter Text
E-noru silently stares at A-ya's back for what feels like an excessive amount of time, and wonders if it would be appropriate to pretend he's still asleep until an opportunity to escape arises.
He was found by someone. Even worse, he was found by A-ya. A-ya, who he was actively trying to avoid, only to end up right back in his clutches. And honestly, this didn't even feel like something he'd ever anticipate happening— suddenly being taken to someone's home against one's own will seems like something that'd involve C-ta instead.
But, no, C-ta would probably have worse intentions than what A-ya… likely had. Either way, here he was. Stuck in A-ya's bed, wrapped up in his warm blankets, unable to escape…goodness. And all he could do was patiently await his fate like a prisoner being brought to the execution site. Wait for A-ya to decide when he wants to interrogate him.
Well, pretending to be asleep was definitely an option…he could just lay there until A-ya leaves the room and run out while he's gone. A-ya can't wait forever. He'll eventually have to go to the bathroom. It's not like he's trying to actively hold him hostage either, even if E-noru feels like one, so he'd take no precautions to keep him from escaping. Then he could just return to avoiding him like normal, and pretend this never, ever happened.
Either way, he wanted out. Seeing A-ya filled him with such an indescribable emotion. He didn't understand it. All he could comprehend was his brain screaming at him, telling him to run. To not even let him get a word in. To not even say a word to him, either.
In a way, he was almost amused— just what was he thinking, bringing the same person who tried to kill him and the 3 people he's currently closest to into his home? Was he just that bored? Or was he just being foolish, not realizing the dangers of his actions, just how bad of an idea this was...?
…
He felt a bit of a sinking feeling in his stomach. He'd better get out of here. For his sake and A-ya's.
Before he could consider his plan of pretending to be asleep again, A-ya peeked behind him, and the two experienced a moment where A-ya realized E-noru was awake, and E-noru realized he really had no way out of this. Needless to say, it was incredibly tense.
A-ya kept looking back and forth, from the paper he was writing on to E-noru, as if he was trying to find a way to speak to him using it. Maybe he was. It wouldn't be too weird of him to attempt scripting out their interaction. (Or at least E-noru wouldn't be surprised.)
The silence continued stretching on until A-ya finally thought of something to break it with. “...what were you doing outside?”
Okay, so he's going straight to interrogations. E-noru nearly had to bite his tongue so he wouldn't immediately respond with “none of your fucking business”. “I was enjoying the snow.”
“You… didn't really seem dressed appropriately to enjoy the snow.”
“Does that really matter?”
A-ya sighed. “Yes, it does, because you were hardly responsive and were just about to freeze when I found you.”
“Don't tell me C-ta's rubbing off on you and making you too overly concerned for stupid reasons. I'm sure I wasn't.”
A-ya didn't even respond—all he did was slightly uncover E-noru to lift up one of his hands, which E-noru saw was wrapped in some sort of cloth, likely the closest he had to sterile dressings. He unwrapped it, and revealed that at least half of all of E-noru's fingers were a reddish, splotchy color.
“...ah, uh, nevermind then, I guess.” E-noru sighed and slightly lamented that he couldn't make any sort of gesture like crossing his arms in annoyance as A-ya wrapped his hand back up. “Since when did you care about first aid stuff?”
“Since the time you nearly died.”
…okay then.
“Why are you even doing this?” E-noru really didn't understand it. E-noru did terrible, harmful things to A-ya, and then made it incredibly clear that he wanted absolutely nothing to do with him. Why wouldn't he just get the hint and leave him alone?
A-ya looked at him, seemingly confused. “Doing what exactly..?”
“Bringing me here, for one.”
“That's so you wouldn't die.”
“You could've just brought me to the hospital, you know.”
“But you don't like those.”
…
Why'd he remember that?
“You're being stubborn. Don't you realize how stupid it is to keep me here?”
A-ya looked to the side. “I just wanted to talk to you.”
“I don't want to talk to you.”
“...I wanted to ask about that.”
E-noru looked to the side, in the opposite direction. “You're probably just going to ask stupid questions. You know why I don't want to talk to you. It's the same reason I tried to get you killed.”
To A-ya, it was clear E-noru was agitated. And yet, it was really hard to resist pushing further. (The thought of “this could be the last opportunity I get” crossed his mind, and he felt a little worse.) “And what exactly is that?”
“I…” E-noru seemed to hesitate. “It's because I hate you. Really. I think you're disgusting, you and your stupid little friends. You especially are just… lucky. You get through life without having to struggle to survive. All you ever have to worry about is not being bored. You live just fine, even with problems, even if you don't think you're close to anyone or your parents are just constantly not there or just… whatever. I think you should be dead.”
E-noru could hardly look at A-ya's face as he spoke. His expression was clear, though.
…
He spoke again. “Won't you let me leave now?”
A-ya winced a little. “No. I still want to talk to you.”
“...are you an idiot? I just told you—”
“I know.”
E-noru sat up. “I think you really are an idiot. I- I just said I think you should die. What if I just.. just killed you now, huh?”
A-ya felt an odd combination of intense concern and worry, slight amounts of pain, as well as… something almost like excitement. After all this time, he got to have an intense conversation with E-noru again. Months of being apart, and he had the chance to speak to him again, even if his life was being threatened here.
He could only hope it ended well, so they'd be able to continue talking. So eventually they'd be able to talk about all those things they used to constantly discuss.
“I.. I don't think you would.”
“I've already tried once. What makes you think I wouldn't try again?”
“You have frostbite on your hands. You wouldn't be able to kill me at this moment.”
E-noru glared at him. “You… you really just don't get it, huh? You brought someone into your home who hates you and wants you dead. Who feels… no love, no care for you at all. You're just bringing something evil here, welcoming it into your home— and you think- you think you'd be able to hold some sort of conversation with me? You're just… you really, really make me sick.”
A-ya looked down. Really, he knew exactly what E-noru was doing. Maybe his distress and anger were preventing him from realizing A-ya wasn't stupid by any means, but it was far too obvious that E-noru didn't fully mean what he was saying. Knowing E-noru, if this was any other moment, he'd likely be able to hide that very well, but he was caught off guard and unprepared. If he truly meant it, he'd hesitate less. If he truly meant it, he wouldn't always be looking away as he said it.
But he'd be lying if he said that meant it didn't even slightly hurt. It also made him wonder just how many other times he had lied and A-ya didn't pick up on it because he was prepared and therefore eliminated the obvious indicators. It almost felt wrong, seeing E-noru like this, for A-ya knew he would normally be much better at arguing with him. Yet their first reunion consisted of messy arguments from a boy who nearly died out in the cold not too long ago (which A-ya suspected was somehow related).
E-noru sat up, and then sat there for a moment—likely dizzy—before staring at A-ya. “I'm leaving.” He stumbled out of bed, taking a moment to feel like he wasn't going to topple over.
“...I saved your life, so I'd like to eventually have at least one conversation where we talk properly. I won't forget this.”
It wasn't until after E-noru stormed out that he sighed and went, “please get home safely.”
A-ya stared at the ground.
Since when was he like this? Since when did he want to chase down another person so badly that he'd try to care for him when he's injured, and be so stubborn to a degree that felt so unfamiliar for himself? He's sure this behavior would disturb the others, so insistent on getting back the traitor from all those months ago, and he was a little disturbed too.
But those feelings wouldn't change a thing, either. He wanted E-noru back. He wanted the E-noru who could lie with ease back instead of struggling to do so, yet he also wanted to see E-noru be capable of honesty. He wanted the E-noru who was so fun to talk to, who brought such… happiness, such light into his life. And he'd chase E-noru to the very ends of the Earth if he wanted to run there.
He sat back on his bed, still slightly warm from E-noru's presence gradually warming itself back up, and stared at the paper in his hands. The questions scribbled on there just aren't that good, limited in quantity and quality with some scratched out.
“why have you been avoiding me?”, “you once said you didn't feel like you had a choice during the demise game. why?”, “why’d you transfer schools?”, “why did you stop talking to me”, “are you going to come back”, “can you please come back”, “what have you been doing during all these months?’
…
Questions he'll certainly eventually find the answer to.
He knows E-noru's still around now. At a few points, he feared the boy had transferred schools again, and that they'd never see each other afterwards. That was clearly not true. If he wanted to find E-noru and speak to him again, he'd likely have to find out either where he lives or what classes he attends. He knew one at one point but doesn't know if he's in that one anymore, and he's a little hesitant to try and find where he lives because that just sounds creepy as hell. (God, is C-ta rubbing off on him?)
He'd probably need the time to adequately prepare first. If he's going to confront E-noru in a situation where he can run, like after classes, he needs to be prepared to literally chase him down. That just gives him another reason to not look for his home address (so as to not corner him). He should also have better questions prepared by then.
He could also probably ask around to figure out his classes. He's still fairly well-known around the school due to the whole “mysterious transfer student” thing, so he's certain at least one person would know. He has to have classmates, after all. He could also always ask teachers instead, though he doesn't know how many would reveal if a student's in their class to some strange random kid. He recalls there being a teacher E-noru had a seemingly-important one-on-one conversation with that he never revealed the details of, and wonders if that would also be a good starting point.
A-ya sighs and lays down, staring at the ceiling. All of these places to start, and yet no idea if they'll end where he wants it to end.
At the same time, he's reminded of how the boredom of E-noru's absence only truly set in once he could no longer chase him down. E-noru’s even lingering presence in his life always brought entertainment into it, in its own way. This was the same. Even if he couldn't say he truly had E-noru back yet, he could continue to pursue him.
That was so much better than the regular monotony that colored the past few months.