Chapter Text
At nine-fifty, Bucky put on his old leather bomber jacket and locked the door behind him. He walked into your bookshop carrying a brown paper bag and a cup of coffee.
“Hey, Bucky!” You called to him, finishing ringing up a customer.
“Hi.” Bucky replied softly, shuffling awkwardly over to the cash register after the customer had left. “Um, I brought you these-” He held out the bag and coffee, and you smiled.
“Oh, you didn’t have to, man! What’s the occasion?” You asked, peering into the bag that contained a warm blueberry muffin.
“Nothing, I was just thinking about you this morning- I mean I was just remembering how you said you liked blueberries, and I was already at the café getting coffee for myself...”
“Well, that’s very sweet of you, Bucky.” You said, taking a sip of the coffee. “And damn, this is really good.”
“I’m glad.” You took your breakfast to the comfy chairs in the corner and collapsed down onto the seat. Bucky followed him and sat down too.
“We’re finally getting a little more business,” You take another sip and set down the paper cup. “I’ve already had a customer and we’ve only been open for ten minutes!” Bucky tried not to show his disappointment. Of course he was happy the bookstore was having good business, but more people coming to the shop meant less time with you.
“That’s great!” Bucky forced a smile. You gave him a look.
“Yeah… But you don’t think so, do you?” Bucky sighed softly. “What’s wrong?”
“I’m happy business is going well, it’s just… the more popular this place gets, the less I’ll get to see you… And you’re…” Bucky looked down at his cup of black coffee. “You’re the first friend I’ve had in a while.”
“Is that all?” You asked, looking worried. Bucky nodded, and his friend exhaled. “Bucky, you know we can like… Go other places, right? Like if you wanna spend time together we can go to the park or something.”
“The… park?” You laughed.
“Yeah, the park. Y’know, with the trees ‘n shit.” Bucky smiled at that.
“I know what a park is… And yeah, that sounds nice.”
“Not too people-y for you?”
“I think I’ll be okay.”
“Good.” You took a bite of your muffin and sunk back into the chair. Bucky took a sip of his coffee.
“Hey, um… I have a question to ask you.”
“Fire away.” You say, somehow slumping even further back into the chair.
“How did you know you…” Bucky gestured at the flag on the table.
“How did I know I… liked guys?” You asked. Bucky nodded.
“Yes, that.” You exhaled, sitting up and thinking for a moment.
“I don’t really know if there was an exact moment I realized. But the time I really came to terms with it was when I actually got my first boyfriend. He was my best friend at the time and we were both drunk as hell at some party. A song he really liked came on and I remember thinking that he looked so beautiful when he was happy, dancing and not caring what anyone thought. So I kissed him and well, it was pretty hard to deny that I was gay after that.”
“Wow… Did he… Was everything okay?” You nodded.
“Yeah, more than okay, actually. We went out on a date like two days later.” Bucky nodded.
“And is he… still around?” Bucky scanned the room like the guy must be waiting in the corner somewhere. You laughed.
“Oh no, this was like in my senior year of high school. I’ve been single for about two years. Dated around a little a couple months ago but it felt so… forced? I dunno, I guess I’d rather just meet people the old fashioned way.”
“Yeah, that makes sense…”
“Why do you ask?” Bucky was not expecting that question.
“Oh, I- Um… I just…” You smiled.
“I’m not gonna kick you out of my store if you tell me you think you might be gay.”
“No, no- I mean… I don’t think I am?”
“You don’t sound super sure about that, bud.”
“Well, I had this friend, his name’s Steve. We grew up together and we were real close.”
“Mhm, and where’s Steve now?”
“It’s complicated but he's married now… I don’t really see him anymore...” You raised an eyebrow and sat forward in his seat.
“Why not?”
“We just… don’t. He chose her.“
“But you said you grew up together! How long did he even know this girl before ‘choosing her’?” Bucky thought it was funny how passionate you were getting.
“About… two years?”
“Two?!” You shouted, leaning forwards in your seat..
“Yes?”
“This is ridiculous! And you say he doesn’t even reach out to talk to you anymore?”
“Well… no, but-”
“No buts, Bucky, you deserve better than that.” You said, holding a finger out between the two of you. “He should’ve at least found a way to keep in touch.” Bucky sighed, staring down at his coffee again.
“Yeah… that would’ve been nice…” You sighed in return.
“I’m sorry… this isn’t really helping, is it?”
“Well… there’s not a lot you can really do to help. Steve is gone, I’ve accepted that… I just…” Bucky let out a sharp exhale. “I wish I knew what I was to him, and what I wanted him to be to me.”
“That’s so valid! You just want closure, and this guy didn’t give it to you.”
“Closure…” Bucky thought for a moment. “Yeah, I guess I would’ve liked that.”
“I’m sorry, Bucky, you don’t deserve to go through this... It’s hard enough when the people we love leave our lives, it’s even harder when they do so without a proper goodbye.” Bucky saw the look on your face, and felt himself starting to get emotional. “Can I give you a hug?” Your offer caught him off guard. When was the last time someone had offered him a hug?
“Oh um… Sure. Yes… Thank you.” You sat down next to Bucky and wrapped your arms around him tight, burying your face in his shoulder, and exhaling. For the first time in a while, Bucky really felt himself exhale too. The kind of exhale that just shudders out of your lungs. The kind of exhale that drops your shoulders down and leaves your body calm. For just a moment, he sat, enveloped in your warmth.
“You… okay, Bucky?” You asked, sitting up. He nodded.
“Yeah I just… I think I really needed that.” You smiled.
“Anytime, Buck.”