Chapter Text
Schpood was halfway through a panoramic crossword when he realized Solev had been staring at him for several minutes.
He did not look up.
“If you’re waiting for me to notice,” Schpood said, pencil scratching loudly against the page, “you’ll have to be more threatening about it.”
Solev crossed his arms. “I require advice.”
Schpood hummed, wrote down a few letters, and finally glanced at him. His gaze flicked from Solev’s face to his posture to the very obvious tension radiating off him.
“…Did you threaten someone again?”
“Yes.”
“Was it the desert commander again??”
“...Yes.” He sat down on the nearest chair and sighed. “I mean, I didn't threaten him… I just told him to leave my office.”
Schpood tilted his head, chewing the end of his pencil. “Ah. Told him to leave, you say? Without firing squads or waterboarding?”
Solev exhaled sharply. “No. I simply… instructed him to depart.”
“Did you threaten him with death again, by any chance?”
“Not this time…”
“You are making some progress,” he said. “Coup d'etat?”
“...What?”
“What the fuck is ‘coup d'etat?”
“Putsch? Overthrown?”
“Oh, right.”
Schpood wrote it down with his pencil.
The quiet was long.
“Schpood, are you going to give me any advice?” Solev said after growing even more and more impatient
“Uh… I don't know. Give him a cake, or something.”
“....a cake?”
“Yeah, everyone likes cake. Be nice, smile more. But! Don't say sorry, it would be out of character for you.”
“I mean, bringing him a cake will already be out of character…”
“You also need to leave before things get awkward. Otherwise it will be a weird experience. If it goes well maybe next time you'll get a proper date”
“Are you saying that water boarding him wasn't a nice date?” Solev said while rolling his eyes. He stood up from the chair and straightened his coat.
“Depends on your definition of nice. Some people find terror romantic. Others… cake. You better go now bake your cake, Solev”