Chapter Text
Svetlana was vaguely listening to the conversation going on in front of her, vaguely because there was a dazzling woman in front of her, Winona, she’d said.
She admired her from the distance, herself on the couch, Winona leaning against the wall. She was calm and cool, collected, confident as she was sweet and kind, patient and beautiful.
She held herself in a way she’d always longed to, like a women, like women who people respected, people talked about not in hushed whispers of her misfortune but admiration:
That was the point of her tangent, admiration.
For this woman, this girl, her age but so much more than she had been, so much more than she’d been allowed… until now.
She stood, she needed a moment, she went to the bathroom and splashed some water on her face, taking deep breaths, she was flushed because that’s what happens when you never get the chance to drink, when your a wife and mother by twenty to a man far older than you, a famous man who constantly has to travel so you go from work to home everyday.
Not to say she regretted it, maybe if they didn’t have the children, maybe if it had just been her and Anatoly she would've left him cleanly but if she had?… oddly enough she was happy to be here, even if him not loving her was deeply painful, even if it was hard she… she was happy, in a sense.
There was a knock at the door.
“Hello?” It was Winona’s voice.
She opened the door, fiddling with her hair “sorry I…”
“It’s fine! I don’t need it, I was just worried. You got up really suddenly” she explained.
“Oh…” she didn’t know what to say, that was nice.
“Are you alright?” She asked with a kind smile.
“Yes, just… not used to scenes like this” she was probably tangling her hair with how she was twirling it.
“I’m incredibly used to it but I get it… wanna go on the balcony? No one else is out there, never are” she held her hand out.
“Yes, I think I’d like that” she took Winona’s hand trying to ignore the feelings she felt at that, adoring the long, bright red nails she wore, she dragged her out to the balcony, leading her through the crowd and swiping drinks for the two of them.
They sat on a little wicker couch, big windows looking into the apartment.
“Best view in the city” Winona sighed, crossing one leg over the other. Svetlana looked behind, out to the cityscape, but Winona caught her and turned her to look back at the windows “that views nice but the real view is this one, it’s fun to see what i live in from the outside"
“You’re a partier?” She asked.
“I’m a social person, in a big city who’s twenty five, I kind of have to be” she shrugged, sipping her drink.
“I’ve been to a lot of parties with Anatoly but… they’re nothing like this”
“Is this bad?” Winona held herself so casually, it was so disarming.
“No, it’s just different… everything’s very different” she hummed.
“Is it scary?” Winona leaned her elbow against the back of the couch and her head against her hand, asking with genuine interest.
Everything was “is what scary?”
“Being in this new city, living with new people that aren’t just your husband?” She elaborated
“I miss Moscow but I never loved it, I loved my family and my family is here-“ she gestured with her drink before taking a sip. “-and it’s not odd living with people besides my husband because we never really lived together”
“What do you mean?”
“He wasn’t ever really home and when he was he was never really home, I’ve always seen it as my home and he just lived their” Svetlana pushed her hair back, she was not going to cry, there was no reason to cry.
“Sounds like my dad”
She whipped her head around to Winona “and now I ask what do you mean?”
“He was just that kind of guy, swoops in and swoops out everyday, I barely know the guy, he’s a good guy though, just only cares about the bleeding crowd” there was a sadness behind her eyes, it shouldn’t have broken her heart like that.
“I know Anatoly, I know him well. It's awful, really, to know a man like that so well because you understand why he hurts you so” she explained so plainly.
“You’re really poetic” Winona smiled, amused slightly.
“I blame my ballerina past” she pointed her foot for emphasis.
“You’re a ballerina?! That’s so cool!” She leaned up fully.
Svetlana laughed “technically, not so much anymore because its been decided that I need a break”
“Oh, how long have you been taking a break?” Winona took a drink.
“Since we got here and I slept for an entire day” she said with a laugh behind her voice.
“Must’ve been a great sleep” Winona laughed too.
“I only woke up because it felt like my breasts were going to explode and I had to feed Natalya” she admitted.
“So you went right back to sleep?” She leaned forward.
“I fell asleep with her on me, luckily Florence was there to take her off”
“You two are friends?” Winona cocked her head to the side.
“Yes! She’s wonderful! her and Freddie are both absolutely wonderful!” she exclaimed.
“I just thought it might be weird, to be in the middle of your husband's lovers” she assured, no judgement.
“I like them, they didn’t hurt me, he did-” she took another drink. “-but enough about me, what do you do?”
“I work at a clothing store called, uh, Dazzel, It’s all new and hip, on top of all the fashion trends. I’m just a cashier, though” Winona tried to keep her casual air.
She saw something in her eyes that made her say “what else do you do? What makes your heart sing” she was definitely a little tipsy, at the very least.
“… I like to make clothes, design them” she admitted, face flushing slightly though it was hard to tell if it was because of the booze or embarrassment.
“Really? Did you make anything you’re wearing?” She leaned forward in excitement.
“The, uh, the shirt I sewed it from a pattern years ago” she pulled on the hem of her shirt, blue and purple stripes.
“I love it!” She exclaimed.
“Thank you, but I’m sure it’s nothing compared to the beautiful costumes you’ve worn in your shows” she tried to wave it off but that simply wouldn’t do.
“Oh, I’m sure you would make the most beautiful costumes!” It was her turn to assure Winona.
“Do you have a favorite you’ve worn?”
She thought for a moment, taking a drink “yes, when I played Aurora in the sleeping beauty, it was one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever worn”
Winona blinked “Wait, stand up”
She raised a brow but did “what now?”
“Just… imaging what costume I would make for that” Winona’s eyes raked over her, not in a way that made her feel like prey but a beautiful thing to be admired… but she was probably reading too far into a look. She was probably just drunk too.
“Sleeping beauty?”
“Yeah, I’ve only ever seen the Disney movie but I can imagine the most beautiful costume” her tone was wistful and distant.
“What are you imagining?” She felt compelled to make her voice just as soft.
“A white dress, flowing despite the structure needed to dance, a bodice laced with, well, lace and encrusted with diamonds at the top and bottom, and long gloves, long and white, accentuating every step, made to emphasize the light and delicate and royal aspect of her character… like a dove, a beautiful, fragile dove” Winona was lost in words, in her vision, looking at her with such wonder it was almost as if they could both see the fabric,
“I- that sounds beautiful…” she could almost feel the fabric and the weight of it on her as she danced and moved, the vision so clear.
Winona seemed to snap back into reality “I’m glad you think so” she smiled softly.
“I do, it really does” she moved to sit back down.
“I- it’s easy with someone like you, you’re suited for it”
“For what?” Svetlana asked, almost desperate.
“To dance” she wished she could be so fervent and confident.
She laughed softly, feeling her face flush “you’ve never even seen me dance”
“I can tell you’re amazing and delicate, soft and fragile” the words were so ernest,
She couldn’t help but turn away, back to the glass she could see Freddie and Anatoly standing close, looking at each other with adoring eyes, Freddie moved even closer to him first, before taking his hand and making him look at him, Anatoly took his face in his hands, brushing Freddie's hair out of his face with a soft smile before meeting their lips in a sweet and passionate kiss.
Her heart panged with a feeling she couldn’t identify as she watched them embrace, sweet wide smiles on their faces as they celebrated the new years before kissing again.
“I guess it’s midnight” Winona mused.
“I guess so” she hummed, looking back at her.
Winona leaned forward, looking at her intently “could I kiss you, dove… In honor of the new year?”
She felt her face flush, her eyes go wide, her mouth go dry, this beautiful amazing women she admired so deeply wanted to kiss her and, whether better or worse yet, she wanted to kiss her back, she didn’t know what to do, what to say, she’d never felt so overwhelmed with emotions she didn’t know how to name, her heart soared, she felt a pit in her stomach,
she’d swore she wouldn’t do this,
didn’t want to do this, that she’d silently hold a torch for Anatoly her entire life, that she’d never step out on their marriage but… she wanted to, they weren’t married in spirit, only in law, but married nonetheless and she hadn’t a clue how to kiss anyone but him… but she wanted to kiss her, she needed to kiss her, in her bones she needed to, she needed to feel those lips against her own, to know what that calm and cool, collected, confident as she was sweet and kind, patient and beautiful felt like… she had always wanted to be that woman, she had thought but she didn’t know anymore, maybe that admiration was…
--she didn’t want to kiss her, she didn’t want the guilt but still she nodded after a few quick seconds of deliberation because she longed to kiss her, guilt be damned.
Winona placed a hand on her arm and kissed her, soft lips on hers, so gentle and sweet and like nothing she had ever experienced before and she pulled Winona closer, not wanting to let go, not wanting this to stop, she’d never kissed like this, never been kissed like this, she knew what Anatoly was talking about now, how she was missing out because she was missing out on this.
…she was understanding all Anatoly said about his needing to love someone now, to be allowed to love who he wanted, to not be tied down to her,
When she finally pulled away, both of them panting, Svetlana’s lipstick smudged on her face in a display that made her itch with possession, Winona smiled “happy new year, dove”
“…happy new year” she breathed, head spinning.
The end.