Chapter Text
February 19, Wednesday
Kagura woke up way too early for her own good.
The sun wasn’t even up yet, and it was way too cold outside of the bed for her to simply get out and do something else. It wasn’t like Kagura to struggle to fall asleep in a bed that wasn’t necessarily her own, she had never been picky like that. And surely, the bed Sougo had was more comfortable than the futon she had in a closet that she didn’t even fit in properly anymore. Yet she still laid in this bed for hours, wide awake.
Maybe it was the smell. After forcefully taking over his bed three days ago, she had gotten used to the smell to the point that it didn’t feel different anymore, and she found it uncomfortable at best. She needed to feel foreign here.
The more she tried to not think about it, the more she found herself thinking about it.
In the end, after the few hours she spent tossing and turning in the bed, she decided what she needed was a mere scenery change.
The only other place in this apartment that she could sleep on or in was the couch that Sougo himself had taken over. So naturally, she had to kick him out.
The easiest way to do that was to shake him awake, but considering it was only 3 o’clock in the morning, and they were in his house, she decided to be merciful. She poked him in the arm first. He didn’t even appear to have noticed it. She tried again, and again, for a few more times, until she got bored and started shaking him like he had planned to do so in the very beginning.
“What the fuck do you want now?” he groaned without even opening his eyes to check who it was.
“It must be uncomfortable to sleep here,” she said, sitting on the edge of the couch. “Go back to bed.”
“Did you drink?” he asked, suddenly sitting up only to squeeze her cheeks, making her lips part like a fish. He leaned forward, and sniffed around her mouth to check her breath. That also happened to be how Kagura learned he slept at least topless. She quickly pushed him away.
“Isn’t it uncomfortable here? I’m just trying to do you a favor!”
“Just that? You’re sober?”
“Of course I’m sober!”
“Oh.”
“You’re not going?”
“No, no. I’m going,” he replied quickly, squeezing out of the very little space Kagura left. Then, as soon as he was out of her way, she laid down in his place.
It was warmer than she expected it to be, not as comfortable as the bed, of course, but she had more space than the tiny closet she still slept in. She pulled the blanket up until it reached her chin, and smiled at the mild discomfort she put herself in.
“Close the door on your way out,” she murmured, her eyes already closed as the sleepiness came right back in. She took a deep breath, taking in his smell that was all over this blanket and pillow. She would have found it unbearable any other time, yatos could smell much better than a regular human after all, but for her, at that moment, it was just right.
When the sound of footsteps or the door closing never came, she opened her eyes again to check if he was still there.
He was.
Standing in the middle of the room, with his arms crossed over his chest with an annoyed look on his face, he was watching her, waiting for an explanation. Their eyes met, but she didn’t really understand what he wanted from her. So she tilted her head as if to ask what was his problem, and why was he still there.
“You wanted the couch?” he asked, finally. “Just that?”
She nodded. “I always go to Gin-chan’s room when I have trouble sleeping. Change of place helps,” she replied, hugging the blanket tighter. “You can take back your bed for tonight but tomorrow it’s mine.”
“At least give me my pillow,” he held out his hand.
“Nope,” she turned her back to him, mainly because she felt like punching him in the face the more he stood there half naked. But she understood to some degree. Having lived amongst men for the majority of his life caused him to lack certain types of awareness around the opposite gender, Gintoki had explained his dirty mind and behaviour to her years ago. She held onto his pillow tight in case he would try to take it, “There is a pillow on the bed.”
“I like my own pillow.”
“That is also your pillow, idiot. This is your house.”
She heard him sigh. A few footsteps, and the blanket was ripped away from her before she could realise what was happening.
“Damn sadist,” she raised her voice, and turned to face him as he clearly waited for her attention to throw the blanket onto the ground like a kindergarten child. “I’m trying to be merciful here!”
He didn’t say anything. It was difficult to make anything out of the weird expression he had on his face, except for annoyance. He waited for her to get up, and reach for the blanket before he turned his back and left.
The blanket felt much colder now, and the comfortable position she had found was disturbed. Small details, she thought, as long as she could sleep in this new place tonight, surrounded with his unfamiliar smell, nothing else mattered.
It was the doorbell that woke Kagura up the next time. The sun had risen, the day was so bright that Kagura herself was surprised how she hadn’t woken up earlier. The bedroom door was left wide open, the bed was already made properly, and with Sougo nowhere to be seen, she decided to answer the door.
“China-san,” Yamazaki and Tetsunosuke cried out at the same time, both out of breath, they immediately fell onto their knees and started sobbing and begging at the same time, “Please, China-san, you have to come to the station!”
“This is bad, this is horrible, we’re all going to die!”
“China-san, please!”
“One by one,” she groaned. “What happened?”
Yamazaki hiccupped, “Umibozu-san challenged all of Shinsengumi!”
“He is going to kill all of us! We could barely sneak out!” Tetsunosuke wailed.
Kagura hadn’t even woken up properly. It took her a moment to register what they were even saying, and having already forgotten that her marriage was more of an eloping type of a situation than a traditional one, she asked as she rubbed the crust around her eyes, “Why?”
“Because you got married! Why else would he do that?” Yamazaki screamed. “Kondo-san already broke a leg and dislocated a shoulder. Please come, China-san! Your father is destroying Edo’s security all by himself! You have to stop him!”
“Good luck with all that,” she replied sympathetically, trying to shut the door in their faces before Yamazaki stuck his arm in between.
“Please, China-san!” Both of them started begging loudly, though Yamazaki’s pleas turned more into cries as Kagura repeatedly slammed the door on his arm with hopes that he would eventually give up. “Gifts!” He screamed, making her pause for a brief moment. He didn’t pull his arm out, though, instead, he dragged himself closer to the door, “If I give you the wedding gifts, will you come save our commander?”
“What kind of wedding gifts?”
“Fifty thousand yen!”
The corner of her lips turned up even at the mention of it. But she quickly straightened herself up. She had been working under Gintoki for years after all, and all four of them, including Otae, had already perfected the methods needed to scam Shinsengumi, with a special focus on Kondo. This was just another opportunity to test her skills.
“Nah,” she scrunched up her nose, “Not worth it.”
“Seventy?”
“Up.”
He turned to Tetsunosuke without pulling his arm out of the door, and asked with his voice hoarse from all the screaming and crying he had done, “Tetsu, how much do you have on you?”
She waited patiently as Tetsunosuke took out his wallet, and handed all the cash to Yamazaki as he quietly counted, “Fifty.”
“Then a hundred from both of us!” Yamazaki turned back to Kagura, his face lit up with an almost delusional sense of hope.
“Fifty plus seventy is a hundred and twenty, idiot! Do you think you can deceive the queen of Kabukicho, Kagura-sama?”
“But it’s bad luck to give even numbers, China-san!”
“That’s fine,” she opened the door a little bit more to pat his shoulder, then reached for the small stack of money Yamazaki was holding and snatched it from his hands. “I’ll take the rest now or you can deal with Baldy on your own,” she smiled.
Within a minute or so, in her hand she had a hundred and twenty thousand yen, just because she got married. After confirming the amount promised was indeed the amount she had in her hand, she grinned, “Kagura-sama will attend to your request. Though I have to get dressed first.”
Maybe marriage isn’t as bad, she thought as she hid the money between her dirty clothes. She would just need to focus on the main reason why she got married in the first place.
Kondo already looked half-dead when she arrived at the Shinsengumi dojo. There was a small group of medics tending to his wounds in one corner of the room. His leg wasn't broken, unlike what Yamazaki had told her. And she winced as they popped his shoulder back in. Maybe she should have invited Otae on her way here, she would have loved to see this for sure.
Umibozu’s current opponent was both Hijikata and Sougo.
Hijikata had already a cut on his cheek, drenched in sweat, hands covered in some blood she couldn’t even see where it came from. She felt bad for him and Kondo for a moment, they were only trying to save the marriage they refused to believe that it was nothing more than an attempt to extort more money out of their loved ones under the guise of wedding gifts. They had this idea in their head that Sougo and Kagura liked each other, and even at the expense of their own health and the stability of the organization they dedicated their lives for, they refused to let Umibozu separate them. It was honorable, that she couldn’t deny. But at the same time, she found it irritating.
She honestly wouldn’t mind getting some popcorn to watch them fight each other. That was the entertainment she had been missing her whole life. Maybe then Sougo would stop acting so cocky all the time.
“Are you finally having your midlife crisis?” She greeted her father, then continued with fake tears in her voice, “Challenging dojos, beating up the police. Did I raise you to be a rebel like this?”
“Kagura-chan,” Umibozu cried out. “Is this the man you married?” he asked, his umbrella shooting towards Sougo’s feet in the same fashion one would use the laser pointers at a presentation.
“We’re not married,” she said in a nonchalant manner.
“We are married,” Sougo spoke, “Not in the traditional sense, but we are married.”
“But Gintoki–... Do you live together then? I can’t acce–...”
“No one’s asking you to accept anything, Baldy,” Kagura groaned.
“Yeah,” Sougo nodded, straightening his posture, “And it’s already too late,” he continued with an arrogant grin on his face. “We already slept together, did this and that, and some more.”
Well then, he can die, she said to herself, already running at him full speed before he can finish his last sentence. She managed to kick him in the shin and temporarily brought him down on the floor, but of course, she had been too late, and he was able to finish his cursed sentence.
“Oi!” She yelled, stepping on his chest as she ground her heel against his ribs, “I’m trying to save your ass, you idiot chihuahua! Stop. Talking.”
“Your daughter is really insatiable, Umibozu-san,” he coughed, yet he still continued even when Kagura, this time, resorted to kicking him right in the stomach. His voice was loud and clear for everyone else in the dojo to hear, “I’m not in my top form today because she woke me up in the middle of the night last night. I didn't even have time to sleep a wink before work today.”
Maybe it was the kicking, she decided. Her hits weren’t reaching him enough, and she remembered reading about gentle parenting somewhere. She stopped kicking him for a moment, and turned to her father, who was watching the two with his mouth open. Her face and neck were completely red because of the idiot that was not trying to stand up again.
“As if I would ever sleep with him,” she tried to defend herself. Then she added, “It was only one time, but there were other people too, so it doesn’t count.”
“Come now, China,” Sougo stepped between her and Umibozu with a serious expression on his face. “I’m sure your father wouldn’t want to hear about our orgies.”
Silence.
The whole dojo had fallen silent completely, until Hijikata started choking on his own spit, and the several soldiers watching the exchange started running away as if their life depended on it.
Kagura didn’t even know how to react.
She took a deep breath. And she stepped aside.
“Kill him,” she said clearly. “I don’t care if he dies or he lives. Do I still get the life insurance money, Toshi?”
Hijikata, who was clearly hesitating whether or not he should have used his body to shield Sougo from the next attack Umibozu was definitely planning in his head, nodded.
“So you are married!” Umibozu declared.
“I am ready to live the life of a widow, papi! Kill him!”
Sougo really had a talent. Kagura could acknowledge that without shame. He was talented in the sword, for sure, but that was nothing more than a shadow for his real talent to hide. Sougo’s real talent was not torturing people, unlike what she had thought for the longest time. But rather, it was annoying people.
He had to be one of the few people in the whole universe who could do it with such precision. It had taken him less than a few minutes to find all of Umibozu’s weak points, and press every single button of his to cause the maximum amount of discomfort in both Umibozu and Kagura, as well as every single person that simply happened to be there.
Calming her father down after he had a few more minutes to process what he had said was nothing but painful. And they only had Sougo to thank for it. Kagura tried not to care. She was clearly embarrassed, but she was adamant that she had done nothing wrong. So she sat down in one corner of the dojo, her popcorn arrived upon request, and even though Yamazaki made an attempt to ask for at least some of the wedding gift back because that was the only money he had for the rest of the month, she pretended to not hear him. No one here would forget the mention of the orgies, she was aware of that. But once they realised they didn’t stand a chance against Kagura and Umibozu combined, the weird looks and strangled gasps she felt also died down. So for a brief moment, everything was fine.
The problem she had now was much more different.
They were having lunch. Kondo, who had a fractured but not broken leg, was taking them out for lunch in the restaurant where they had the marriage meeting for Yamazaki and Tama. It was close to Shinsengumi, they had said, but she had a feeling that wasn’t the only reason. Particularly because Gintoki had also joined the said lunch.
So she was sitting in between her father and Gintoki on one side of the table, with Sougo and the additional bandages he earned from today’s fight right across from her. Hijikata and Kondo were on either side of him, with Kondo over-apologising for the leg he had to straighten out on the tatami because he couldn’t sit on it, again, for an injury that Umibozu himself had given him.
This didn’t feel like lunch at all.
“It’s finally nice to meet you like this, Umibozu-san,” Kondo tried to laugh, though they came out more like whines, and her face soured immediately. He quickly shut himself up.
“This should have been done before the marriage,” Umibozu replied firmly.
It annoyed Kagura.
The same feeling she had felt on the morning she left Yorozuya started to show itself again. She had no intentions to talk in the beginning. She didn’t care whether or not they thought this was a marriage meeting. They could plan all they want, and once she dragged Sougo to the town hall, this all would be done. Yet the way they were protective of her only made her feel inferior. In the end, neither of these men were any better than her. Yet when it came to making her own decisions, even if it was a drunk marriage, she didn’t like how she was treated.
“This is nothing more than a lunch,” she reminded them, still holding onto a tiny bit of control she had left. “And you have no right to talk. You had a shotgun wedding yourself.”
Umibozu gasped, “Is this what it is?” His eyes started tearing up as Kagura frowned, trying to make sense of his reaction. “Are you pregnant, Kagura-chan?”
Gintoki spurted out the water he had been drinking right onto Kondo’s face, Hijikata dropped his cigarette. She was afraid to glance at Sougo for help, because she knew, whatever she had done to him, he was only trying to get his revenge through digging a deeper grave for her in front of her father.
“No,” she screamed as if she was disciplining a dog. “No. No. There is no way I’m pregnant.”
Her answer was as clear as one could give, yet it went through one ear of her father, and left through another.
“If it’s for my grandchild’s sake, I can overlook the excuse of a man you chose as your groom.”
“Aww, congratulations, Sougo!” Kondo patted Sougo’s back softly, and immediately reached for the pitcher to pour a drink for both Sougo and Umibozu. Kagura was sure she was about to go mad. “So that’s why–...”
“I’m not pregnant,” she screamed. “There is not a baby in here,” she continued, pointing towards her stomach.
“Because there are two?” Kondo asked, as Kagura attempted to jump over the table to beat the shit out of him properly this time, but she was easily held back by Gintoki. “Are you having twins?” Kondo’s eyes lit up.
“Fucking die, Gorilla!” she screamed, pushing Gintoki away as she tried to catch her breath from all the screaming she had done. “This is not a marriage meeting,” she repeated. “I’m divorcing him. I don’t want to do anything with him!”
“It must be the hormones,” she heard Kondo say quietly. Sougo had quickly covered his mouth, but it was too late. It was loud enough to be heard. And Kagura was sure now. She had finally gone mad.
She didn’t even have it in her to fight back anymore. Whatever it was, for whatever reason they would want to torture her like this, she didn’t want to deal with any of them.
Ignoring the explanations or apologies everyone but Kondo and Sougo are trying to give, she walked out. If they really wanted a marriage meeting, they could marry Sougo themselves. Kagura couldn’t care any less.
Sougo caught up with Kagura before she could even turn the corner of the street. She sighed when she noticed it was him who had started to walk beside her. “You’re only making it worse,” she said, eyes fixated on the ground, her face still red and her voice weak from all the screaming she had done, along with the dry, cold weather. “You shouldn’t have followed me. Now they’re going to think there’s something between us.”
“It’s my fault,” he said as plainly as possible. She looked up to him. Sougo wasn’t expecting to confess to this any time soon, he would have rather watched Kondo embarrass himself more just for his stupid revenge, but he figured there was no point in hiding it from Kagura. “Remember the black tea I made for them the other day?”
She nodded.
“There was a type of truth serum in that. It’s actually amanto medicine, but on humans it works like a truth serum, and makes them say the first thing that comes to their mind. He can’t control what he says.”
“But–... How long–...”
“He drank both Hijikata’s and his own portion, and I had put Hijikata’s cup a lot more than what should be given to a regular human. It should last for a few more days.”
“If you hadn’t implied stuff there would be no misunderstanding to begin with.”
“I’m sorry,” he said. It was an honest apology, regardless of how Kagura might have taken it. It was fun to tease Kagura like that, he would be lying if he had said it wasn’t. He had lost himself in it for a little bit, and he had gone too far, he also recognised that. But it was too late now. And there was nothing he could do but to apologize.
“Whatever,” she murmured. “Any news on the protests yet?”
Huh?
What protests? He thought for a few seconds before he remembered they were supposed to be getting their marriage annulled as soon as possible. He had honestly forgotten.
“Um–” he started, hands patting through his pockets to find his phone, so that he could at least check it online. Then he remembered, his phone was also one of the casualties of today’s sparring with Umibozu. “I didn’t have time to check today.”
“Then what were you doing the whole day?” she whined.
“Trying to hold off your father from killing Kondo-san,” he replied under his breath. “Even if the protests ended, they would be on their lunch break now. We can go check in an hour.”
She got closer to him, holding onto his arm as she fluttered her eyelashes as if she was trying to seduce him, “Then take me to lunch,” she said.
Sougo laughed, “I heard how much you swindled Yamazaki, and you are still trying to leech off?”
“It's the husband's duty to take care of the wife, no?”
He couldn’t say no.