Chapter Text
Sunlight slipped through the curtains, casting a warm glow under the apartment. You stirred gently under the covers, a small yawn escaping as sleep slipped away. The air mattress shuffled and squeaked under you as you rolled off the side, the sun-warmed carpet tickling your feet. The scrape of silverware on ceramic alerted you, and you turned to see Kyle enjoying a warm bowl of oatmeal. He smiled warmly at you.
“Good morning, sunshine. Food’s on the stove, if you want fruit, you can help yourself to what’s in the fridge,” he said. You nodded, padding your way into the kitchen to get a bowl as if it was the most normal thing ever. He left the burner on low so it would still be warm for you. How thoughtful. Maybe it was fatigue, but the feeling of embarrassment or anxiety didn’t even cross your mind. There was something so natural and soothing about being around Kyle, the way he exuded an air of self-assuredness was almost contagious. As you sat at the table, Kyle slid a small box your way. It looked relatively unassuming; a hand sized package wrapped in simple white paper and red ribbon. You picked it up, Kyle beaming as you opened it. It was a new pair of earbuds and a dual audio jack.
“I picked them up while I ran errands this morning. Hope they’re similar enough to the old ones,” he said. You stared at the objects for a while, warmth blossoming in your chest. Tears pricked at the corners of your eyes as you looked back up at your gracious host.
“Thank you, Kyle,” you said, voice wavering ever so slightly. He reached out a hand to give yours a quick squeeze, the action grounding you almost immediately.
“Of course. Once you’re done here, I washed your stuff if you wanna freshen up a bit before we head back,” he said.
You hated to admit it, but the thought of leaving Kyle gave you a heavy feeling of sinking dread. You couldn’t stay with him forever, you knew that, but the thought of having to go back to everything was anxiety inducing. Overwhelmingly so. You were so consumed by the approaching end that you basically went into autopilot from then on. You thought that maybe music was the thing that was missing, but really, it was connection. A desire to be close to someone. The hole that had once been paved over by music had turned into a gaping chasm overnight. Eating, getting dressed, and the ride back to base were all a blur. You tried to be present and enjoy the last bit of time with Kyle before you had to go about your way, but the looming isolation drowned nearly everything out.
Eventually, you had to go. He parked right next to your car, but the short distance seemed to stretch infinitely. Every breath seemed laborious, like your chest was caving in. You looked over at Kyle, his expression soft.
“You’re certain you’re ok? You can tell me if you’re not,” he reassured earnestly. You managed a nod.
“Just miss the music is all, didn’t want to seem rude or like I was ignoring you,” you sighed. Kyle’s eyes narrowed, but he didn’t press. Instead, he pulled out his own pair of earbuds.
“We should make sure your stuff works. In case I have to take it back,” he added. His small way of digging his heels in. You smiled, plugging the dual jack in and dawning your new earbuds for the first time. You didn’t even bother to check what song was queued, you just hit play. Even if Ghost was but a treatment for the symptoms instead of the cure you so desperately wanted it to be, you still had faith the stars would align and pick the perfect song.
“It's the same old song that I always sing each year. But just because it's perennial doesn't make it less real…”
Certainly not your first pick. Not bad, but part of you wished for a longer song. Nonetheless, the familiar respite flowed through you like morphine. But something about it felt wrong. The burning in the pit of your stomach still remained, unable to be drowned out by the music. You took a deep breath and closed your eyes, trying to focus on the song.
“You have given me all, and there's nothing left to do…”
Almost as if on cue, Kyle slowly began to intertwine his fingers with yours. And every bit of negative energy dissipated on contact. You cracked an eye open. Kyle was slowly trying to enclose your hands in his, watching your expression like he was approaching a small animal. His grip was gentle yet firm, and for a brief moment, you were at peace.
“I believe you could be what I need to believe, I believe you could be what I need to believe…”
The song came to an eventual end, and as the song faded out, the gloom seeped back in. Reluctantly, Kyle released his hold, and in place of his hand was a small note. He looked at you with fondness in his eyes.
“You know the drill. Need something, anytime, anywhere, I’ll be there,” he said. You forced a smile.
“I can’t thank you enough for everything you’ve done,” you said, trying to keep your voice steady as you forced yourself to get out of the car. Your chest ached, but you tried to steel yourself. Vulnerability was dangerous in your line of work, and with Kyle’s importance to his team was paramount. You couldn’t get in the way of that. Shit, you weren’t even sure it was allowed, you could put both of you at risk. You had to keep this under wraps, even if it felt like it was killing you.