Chapter Text
CHAPTER SIX - It’s a Sin
MIKE
The door slams behind Mike as he scurries out of their apartment. He stands outside it for a few minutes, like a lost puppy after being kicked outside. He paces the floor, replaying the interaction in his mind over and over. It gets worse every time.
“Will,” he repeats every few seconds, holding back sobs. Nobody can hear him or see him, but saying Will’s name feels right, even though all it seems Mike can do for him is wrong.
It reminds Mike of when they were younger and had dumb fights over El, or when they would fight about D&D. When they stood in the rain fighting about both, Will was the one who got the last word. It made sense, knowing Mike would always give in to Will so easily. When Will says something is done, it’s done. At least until Mike can think over it for a while and come running back to him. Not this time.
Mike decided it was over, he ruined his one last chance. How could he be so reckless? Will probably hates him now. Probably? How would he not? Mike basically just sucker punched his boyfriend for no reason. Literally no reason at all other than pure deliriousness.
Mike walked away from his spot of self pity, and headed out of the apartment complex, then to the parking lot. He lost. Mike lost Will forever because he’s a self absorbed asshole.
Mike gets to his car and kicks the side of it under the driver seat door. Holy shit. He punches the roof of the car, cursing under his breath. There are no physical signs of damage to the car, luckily. If there was, Nancy would’ve killed him. His aggression wears off quickly. He rests his elbows on the roof of the car and drops his head in his hands. Stupid, stupid, stupid-
He groans loudly, lifting his head out of his hands and yanking the car door open. He sits inside and slams it closed. He's about to drive away, but as soon as his hands make it to the wheel, he gives up; slamming his head against the steering wheel and sobbing.
Mike cries for a good fifteen minutes, or more, before wiping his eyes and finally backing out of the parking lot. He starts his drive home, trying to not lose sight of the road with his teary eyes.
After driving for not even five minutes, he spots a bar. “What's the harm?” Mike thinks to himself. He parks his car outside of it and inspects it for a while. Something about it is familiar, he’s heard about it somewhere.
He realizes quickly, “It's a gay bar.” Something he would’ve never gone into before, but definitely considered. Just because- well there’s really not a good reason to defend himself there. He was- normal. He is normal now, he's the same guy, he’s just… in love with his best friend. Very normal stuff.
Mike parks and just stares at the sign, the parking lot around him was practically empty. A few employees' cars, he guesses. Probably like three customers, including him. Next to the glowing neon sign was a store building for rent, same with the other side of the bar. This place was in the middle of nowhere, how did Mike even see it?
It was so obvious what it was and Mike can’t help but feel just a little ashamed. He's not gay- well not fully. Can he even classify himself as queer when the only person he’s ever really loved was Will? Sure Mike had feelings for El, she was great, but it was never love- never how he felt about Will. So is he really “gay” if he's had feelings for females in the past? Maybe it’s just a fluke, he's never been attracted to another male- so can he even say he’s gay?
Mike doesn’t go into the bar just yet, instead he continues to overthink. “Am I gay if I’ve had romantic feelings towards girls even though I am in love with a guy?” This is so dumb- it sounds so stupid. What is he doing? Mike rests his head on the steering wheel while he searches for an answer somewhere within, he feels so dumb. Can he like both or is that too greedy? At this point he’s collecting sins like they’re candy. Taste good, feel good, but not really good. Candy’s unhealthy. Just like his feelings for Will.
“But how could something as beautiful as love be wrong?” Mike thinks to himself in the back of his mind. Matter of fact, why is it a sin? He’s been taught to be the complete opposite of what he is at the moment. It’s all a lot to think about. Despite the fact that he has been thinking about it for much longer than just now.
Maybe he shouldn’t think too much about liking both. A memory of an interview of David Bowie talking about liking both girls and boys pops into his mind. He remembers his dad hearing it and turning it off before chiding Mike, telling him that David Bowie was mentally unwell and that he should never even think about his own gender in more than a friendly way. Bisexual. That’s what David Bowie called it before the interview was turned off. Mike is a bisexual. At least- that’s what seems most fitting.
“Will loves David Bowie,” Mike thinks absently. He remembers reading about Bowie in articles trying to learn about him for Will. He also remembers reading about how if he feels any romantic connection towards a person of the same gender he should go to the church and pray for forgiveness and cleanse his dirty, sinful thoughts.
“Fuck that bullshit media propaganda,” Mike whispers harshly, climbing out of his car and walking towards the bar doors.
Just one drink- that's all.
He walks in and is met with maybe four other people there with him. It is a little early in the night after all. He’s immediately greeted by a host and is given a seat at the bar. He feels like prey. He thinks about someone he knows seeing him here. He shivers. That would be horrific. He orders a simple beer and thinks about what happened earlier with Will, how could he fix this?
“Hey, I'm Gabe.” Says a voice from somewhere behind him. Mike is pulled out of his thoughts and glances up at the man who is now moving to sit next to him.
He kinda looks like Will, oddly enough. Or not. Maybe Mike's just thinking about him too much- maybe this guy actually looks nothing like Will.
“I’m Mike, er-”
Mike was going to politely tell this stranger to go away, but before he even gets another word out, Gabe cuts him off.
“Well Mike, are you taken?” He asks in a flirtatious tone.
Mike won’t deny it, this guy is attractive- but he feels like he's cheating on Will. The same Will who has a boyfriend. That boyfriend being Carlton. Not Mike.
“Er- yeah. Yeah, I am.”
Mike lies, again, the third big lie of the day. Slow down dude, holy shit.
Well, technically in his heart he's taken by Will. If that’s a thing. Not that Will is taken by Mike, obviously- but it still feels odd. He thinks about telling Gabe to go away again when he very inconveniently opens his mouth again.
“Ah, so who’s the lucky guy?”
Mike hesitates, debating if he should tell him it's Will or make something up. It’s not like this guy knows him personally, right? Plus, Mike doesn’t have the energy to keep lying.
“His name is er- Will, and he’s perfect.” Mike probably has never stuttered or lied in a conversation more than he has in the past five minutes.
Gabe smiles and nods. Mike feels less like prey now, maybe this isn’t all that bad. He’s warming up to the idea of being in a place surrounded by people who understand him. Will always understood him so well, if things were better maybe he’d understand this part of Mike too- no. He absolutely cannot tell Will about this now. No matter how much he wants to. He has to fix things first.
“Well, Will is certainly a lucky guy if he gets- all that every night” Gabe says as he looks Mike up and down, checking him out. Mike takes back his previous statement. He feels like prey again. This is such an odd and out of place feeling for him. He tries to force a smile and awkward laugh but it was definitely weak.
“Let me buy you a beer for bothering you, then I'll leave” Gabe says, giving Mike mixed feelings. He feels like prey but he also feels understood. This is so weird.
—
Gabe buys Mike a beer and walks away, Mike's second beer of the night. Shouldn’t be too much of a difference from one. As he slowly sips the beer, he thinks about Will and how he would apologize. When an idea starts to form, another stranger comes up to him. It’s as if the universe is trying to give him other options. “No thank you, Universe.” he thinks to himself.
“You here alone, cutie?”
This random guy says, placing a hand on Mike’s shoulder and sending him a smirk. At least Gabe had the generosity to introduce himself. This guy just went straight- well not straight- to flirting.
“I-er, I’m taken.”
Mike lies again, fourth of the day. The count just keeps going up. Mike isn’t used to people being so- direct. He kinda set himself up for that by walking into the bar by himself though. What kind of taken man goes to a gay bar without his man?
“Well, why don’t we do some shots and see if I can change that.”
The nameless guy says persuasively, slipping into the seat next to Mike where Gabe previously sat. He orders the round of shots and it feels rude to decline. After taking the shots however, the man asks if Mike is still taken.
“Yes, thanks for the shots though” Mike laughs, smiling apologetically. It’s not his fault the man's plan didn’t work. He was the one who offered the shots to try and change his mind, that didn’t mean it had to.
Mike is four lies, two beers, and four shots in. He may or may not be a little tipsy now.
—
The later it gets the more Mike drinks, people keep buying him drinks and Mike is too kind to decline. Eventually he starts to buy them for himself. He’s now five beers and eight shots in. Once he started drinking, it was too fun to stop.
The door chimes as more people walk in. Mike glances back from his chair, a wide grin spread across his face. His stomach and face drop simultaneously as Carlton walks into the bar, Will following closely behind him. Mike’s stomach churns.
He scrambles off his chair and haphazardly runs through the now large crowd of people, pointedly avoiding Carlton and Will. Mike crashes through the bathroom door and rushes into a stall, doubling over and promptly emptying his stomach into the toilet.