Chapter Text
Jesse wakes up the next morning, and for a moment forgets that he's not at home.
But he doesn't wake up to the usual scents and warmth of living in the south.
Instead he wakes up to the familiar scent of his mothers house, and the cold tinge to the air that is brought on by snow.
Soon the memories come flooding back.
He just lies in bed for a while, staring at the ceiling, letting the scene from last night play out in his head.
Did he imagine it all? Had he been that out of it?
He finally gets up when the scent of food wafts up from the kitchen, making his stomach groan for sustenance.
He quickly dresses in casual jeans and a long-sleeved Henley, assuming from the state of his hair that he at least had ended up showering the night before.
He gives himself a second to collect himself before venturing out of his room and going downstairs.
His mom meets him with a huge smile, and a heartfelt hug as he enters the kitchen.
She'd been cooking by the stove, hair in a bun and apron hanging untied from her neck.
She's covered in flour, and smells like her usual perfume with a hint of melted butter.
»Are you making pancakes?« Jesse asks, mouth watering at the thought.
He can't remember when he last had proper pancakes. No one makes them quite like his mother does.
She pulls out of the hug, a slightly offended look on her face.
»More interested in the food than in your old mom, are we now?« She says mockingly, crossing her arms in what he knows is fake annoyance.
When Jesse’s stomach replies with a loud groan they both burst into laughter, and his mom gestures for him to take a seat.
»Sit, sit! Make yourself at home.« She says, before she turns back to the stove.
Jesse throws himself into his usual chair, leans back and just lets himself take it all in.
His mother is telling him how happy she is that he’s here, while pouring more batter on the pan.
The radio is on, filling the room with the tunes of a cheery Christmas song that mixes well with the soft simmer from the pan on the stove.
It all just screams home to Jesse, and he’s happy to be back.
But then the back door opens and Jesse is snapped right back to reality.
A man steps into the kitchen, and Jesse knows that what he saw last night was not a figment of his imagination.
Even dressed in a fluffy blue winter jacket, snow covering him up to his knees and frost covering his facial hair, Jesse recognizes the sting build and the scarred and rugged face.
»Oh, I must have completely forgotten to tell you!« His mother suddenly exclaims, pulling Jesse's attention away from the man and back to her.
She looks a bit sheepish, a blush creeping up her neck and onto her cheeks, as she gestures to the man.
»Jesse, this is Gabriel Reyes. He and I have been seeing each other for some time now, and I thought it was time for you and him to meet and..-«
»We’ve already met.« Jesse mutters. His body feels tingly and it all seems so unreal.
He’s not exactly sure how to explain just how he knows this man that she has been seeing.
And not only that he knows him, but to what extend.
His mother stops what was turning into nervous rambling, and looks from Reyes to Jesse.
»You have..?« She gasps, clearly taken aback by the whole situation.
»Yeah, we..-« Jesse starts to explain, but Reyes rough voice cuts him off before he can start explaining further:
»We met last night when he arrived, but we didn't have a chance to get properly acquainted.«
He stretches a hand out for Jesse to shake, and out of pure habit Jesse grabs the hand and shakes.
They both know Reyes’ story isn’t the complete truth, but the look in his eyes as he meets Jesse’s gaze warns him to play along, or else.
After the somewhat awkward introduction, they all try to go back to the task at hand.
Breakfast.
But the atmosphere is tense.
Jesse feels disconnected, and his ears are ringing.
He has a hard time focusing on what his mother is saying, and the food tastes like nothing to him.
»I need a smoke.« Jesse says suddenly, cutting off his mothers steady stream of words.
A look of worry flashes over her face, and she grabs his hand as he stands up.
»I know it's a lot, Jesse. Honey, I..« she says softly, clasping his hand in both of hers.
He shrugs.
It's not about her, and he feels sick to his stomach knowing that she’s blaming herself.
He desperately needs some air. He needs to clear his head and figure out how to handle the situation.
And he needs to collect himself, before he breaks.
»I just need a smoke, Mom.« He says as casually as he can manage.
He pulls his hand free from his mothers grasp, and walks out of the room and out of the house, stepping into his boots in the hallway on his way out.
His head is swimming, vision blurry and heart beating fast and hard making his chest hurt.
He stumbles a little as he walks around the house, but he manages to get to the small corner behind the house that has been his designated smoking area for years.
He leans against the cold wall, letting the chill creep onto his skin and into his bones.
It grounds him, and he slowly feels more real again.
He starts regretting not grabbing a coat before fleeing out of the house, but it's too late now.
He still needs to figure out what the hell to do about Reyes.
And he really does need a smoke.
He's just gotten his cigarette lit when he hears the crunch of footsteps in the snow.
Reyes soon walks around the corner, wearing the same dumb blue jacket as before.
Jesse wants to turn around and pretend that he isn't there, but he is cold and shivering, and to his chagrin Reyes has brought a sweater.
He always was good at thinking about everything.
Reyes hands Jesse the sweater, which he reluctantly accepts.
He might be mad, but he hasn't completely lost his mind.
Also he is not mad enough to freeze to death over it.
Neither of them say anything as Jesse pulls on the shirt, and Reyes lights his own cigarette.
The silence stretches, as they both really get a good look at the other.
Gabriel is the one to break the silence: »Damn kid, this sure is a mess.«
His voice is deep and raspy, and it's not the cold sending shivers down his spine this time.
Jesse can't do anything but nod. He’s lost for words. He has so much he wants to say, but he can't string together the words to do so. Gabe is absolutely right.
It's a complete mess.
They fall back into silence. Smoking quietly, eyeing each other. Both afraid that the other one will disappear for good.
»You're going to leave her soon, aren't you?« Jesse asks when he finally gets control over his words. He’s not even looking at Reyes, too afraid to loose what clarity he just gained.
»Yes.« Gabe replies bluntly, and continues: »She’s lovely, but this is not the life for me.«
There’s a touch of sadness in his voice that would break most people's heart.
There's a pause. Jesse finishes his cigarette, and expertly flicks it into a bucket beside Gabe.
»Just like I wasn't the life for you.« Jesse spits, old anger bubbling to the surface, as he turns to leave.
But before he can walk away, Gabriel grabs him by the wrist and pulls.
Jesse is spun back around, and stumbles a bit.
When he gets back his balance he is face to face with Gabe, their breaths mingling in the freezing air.
»Come on, cowboy. You know it's not like that.« Gabriel says softly as he cups Jesse’s cheek carefully with one hand.
There's a moment where time seems to be as frozen their surroundings.
They are locked in each other's gaze, breathing the same air.
Then Gabe’s mouth comes crashing down on Jesse’s, hot and desperate.
Arms wrap around the other, as they taste each other for the first time in years.
The kiss is all tongue and teeth, and Jesse can't keep a soft moan back when Gabe tugs at his hair.
When they finally pull apart, Jesse feels faint.
And as he slowly regains the functionality of his brain, the anger returns.
»We can't just go back to how it was, Gabe.
You broke me. You break everyone and everything you touch.« Jesse snarls, pulling himself free from Gabes grip.
He turns, but not quickly enough to miss the devastated look on Gabe’s face.
And as much as he didn't want it to affect him, he has to blink away tears as he walks away.