Chapter Text
True to his role as captain, Kinjou worked with astonishing speed. The next day at school, flyers were already posted all over the bulletin boards, covering up anything that had already been there. As Onoda walked through the hallway, a particularly well-covered bulletin board caught his eye. He made his way to it, and squinted at the flyers through his glasses.
“Win a date with a member of the Cycling Club,” he read out loud. “300 yen a ticket. Don’t miss out!”
“That looks like fun!”
Onoda jolted and jumped, his head hitting the ceiling with a majestic thud. He laughed and rubbed at the growing goose egg on his head. It had already begun to throb rhythmically - not unlike a high pedaling cadence. This analogy was not lost on Kanzaki Miki, who smiled more, like she hadn’t just caused Onoda to nearly die from shock.
Like a trouper, he smiled back. “Yeah, I think it will be! Kinjou-san always has good ideas,”
She leaned over Onoda to read the flyers, and her eyes began to light up. “A date raffle,” she said, and her voice went high - like she, too, might be dreaming of carefree days, spent in the muscular arms of her Prince Charming. And, it would only cost her 300 yen.
Miki felt around for her wallet. “Where can I buy a ticket?”
“Um, ah - Kinjou-san, he’s in charge,” Onoda sputtered, and as Miki walked away with a quick farewell and renewed purpose in her step, he nearly melted into the floor.
“Look at you,” said Naruko, who had appeared from out of nowhere. “Weak over a girl. Pathetic!”
“Look at YOU,” said Imaizumi, who had arrived just as mysteriously. Flanking Onoda like this, they could have been like an angel and a devil on each shoulder. He wasn’t sure who played which role. “You tried to pick up that girl’s pencil case for her, but you ended up staring up her skirt instead,”
Naruko’s mouth began to wobble. “You...you don’t understand!” He cried out, and ran away. Onoda and Imaizumi watched him go, and the latter made no effort to follow.
“NARUKO!” screamed Onoda, and burst off into pursuit of Naruko. It was his specialty, after all. But although the chase left him smiling and pleasantly lightheaded, his heart dropped when he saw Naruko - huddled in a dark corner, shaking and refusing to meet his eyes. The silence between them was a heavy burden.
“What if - what if Hotshot’s right,” Naruko finally said. “What if - I don’t - “
He couldn’t even get the words out. Collapsing into himself more, Naruko’s shoulders heaved in exaggerated motions - he couldn’t be any other way. The meaning of this hit Onoda hard, and for a second, he almost lost his way.
“It won’t - “ he blurted out, catching Naruko’s attention, “It’ll be okay!”
With renewed determination, he beamed down at Naruko. His attitude was infectious.
“We’ll raise the money for the club, we’ll all get dates - and yours will really like you,”
Naruko perked up a little. “She - she will?”
“Of course!”
“OF COURSE!”
He leapt up, and clapped Onoda hard on the back. “Of course she will!” He threw his head back and laughed, his sharp teeth shining under the flourescent lighting. “Who could resist the Speedster of Naniwa, after all?”
“No one!”
“That’s right!”
Naruko strutted off, laughing more. Onoda watched him go, and wept a single tear of joy.
“You’re getting his hopes up again,”
Onoda jumped in place, and almost screamed. But he managed to stifle the worst of it. However, the noise he had made sounded like something between a choked, desperate, shriek and a burp. Thankfully, there was no one else in the hallway besides him and Imaizumi.
“Is - is that bad?”
Imaizumi looked off into the faraway distance - a place where things like Sohoku’s victory, Midousuji’s defeat, and strawberry scented bubble bath resided. “I wouldn’t say it’s good, but…”
He let his voice trail off, leaving Onoda even more confused than before.
“Anyways,” he said, thumbing the stack of date raffle flyers he held. “I’m going to put more of these up,”
Onoda’s eyes lit up. “Can I help?”
Despite himself, Imaizumi smiled. “I thought you’d never ask,”
A week later, the Sohoku cycling team had gathered in their club room, sitting in front of Kinjou. Onoda looked around at them all, his heart pounding in anticipation - this was it. Today, they would find out the results of the raffle.
“Here you go,” said Kinjou, and pressed a clicker. A projector came to life slowly, so they all had to squint at first. And then, everything became clear.
Imaizumi was the first to fall. He seemed to collapse into himself, in his chair - and then he began to sway dangerously from side to side. Onoda caught him just in time, and together, they were forced to face their respective fates.
“How...how did this happen,” Imaizumi said weakly. As the moment went on, a new fire seemed to burn in him. He leapt to his feet, nearly screaming. “HOW DID I GET MIDOUSUJI AS MY DATE??”
“Oh, YOU think you’ve got it bad,” Naruko shot back. “I got Dickless Mick! That homeless guy that lives under a bridge!”
“I got...my mom…” said Onoda, and it looked like he wanted to smile. But it didn’t come out properly. His mouth wobbled while he looked on at his fellow first years - men with such terrible luck.
Meanwhile, Makishima had already died.
“MAKISHIMA!” Tadokoro cried, and tried to revive his friend. He almost resorted to mouth to mouth resuscitation - but Makishima woke up just in time.
“Why,” he moaned weakly, and almost died again - however, Tadokoro and Kinjou wouldn’t let him. Taking turns, they slapped away the Grim Reaper’s hold on him, until he was forced to accept the truth. “How did that guy even buy tickets?”
“According to my statistics, Toudou bought all of your tickets,” said Kinjou, consulting his official clipboard. “In fact, you raised the most money for us!” He clapped Makishima on the back. “Good job. And your prize - “ He took a half wrinkled chocolate bar out of his pocket, and put it on the floor. Makishima took it in his hands, and his expression fell more.
“I’m allergic to peanuts,” he said, and began to cry more.
“How…” said Imaizumi, who seemed to be on the verge of tears as well, “How many tickets - how many did Midousuji buy?”
Kinjou ran a finger down his clipboard. “He bought one,” he said. “And Kanzaki Miki bought the other,”
“Sucks to be you,” cackled Naruko. But his voice was tainted with sorrow, and it was impossible to keep up his facade. Within seconds, he had resorted to gross sobbing. The two of them fell into each other’s arms, shaking and crying up a storm.
Onoda watched them, and his own heart panged. He reached out and patted Imaizumi on the back, but it didn’t seem to be very helpful. “Um, I’m sorry,” he said, his voice shaky. He didn’t know how to comfort them, and they knew it too.
He turned to Tadokoro and Kinjou. “Um, who did you get?”
The two of them exchanged a look.
“Girls from our classes,” said Tadokoro. “No one you would know,”
Onoda was about to challenge him - but then he thought better of it. It would have be a losing battle, anyways, and Onoda was not a fighter - no, he was a lover. The thought made him smile, despite the circumstances.
“So that’s settled,” said Kinjou. “I’ve given all your dates your contact information. They should contact you shortly - “
But he was interrupted by a loud buzzing noise. Everyone in the club room froze, especially Kinjou. In fact, he appeared nothing short of mortally petrified.
“Sorry,” murmured Makishima, and pulled his phone out of his pocket. He flipped it open, and blanched. His scream came high pitched and inhuman. “HE’S ALREADY TRYING TO CALL ME!”
He forcefully threw his phone to the floor, and it shattered into pieces. As it were something poisoned, Makishima recoiled from the remains, panting hard.
“...anyways,” Kinjou continued, “I’ve told them all that this Friday at five will be the best time to hold the date. We won’t have practice that day, so you all can gussy up,”
“I’M NOT - GUSSYING UP - FOR MIDOUSUJI!!”
Naruko laughed again. “At least Dickless Mick won’t care!”
Suddenly, Imaizumi towered over him. It was like their earlier display of mutual empathy had never occurred. “Listen here, Naruko, if you do that one more time - “
“Do what?”
“Stop it, you two,” Kinjou said flatly. “The next person to interrupt me, will get the crotch cut out of their racing shorts,”
The club room fell silent.
“Good,” he said, and flipped through his clipboard more. “Oh, that was the last thing. See you all tomorrow!”
As they packed up and got ready to leave, uncertain murmuring persisted. The mood had dampened considerably. This was not lost on Onoda, and he wrung his hands, trying to think of a solution.
“Don’t think so hard,” said Imaizumi. “It’s hopeless,”
“Completely,” added Naruko.
Makishima might have said something, but he had died again, for the third time that afternoon. As they rushed to save him, more thoughts ran through Onoda’s head. Would the others be okay? What exactly did a date with one’s mother entail? And, had they raised enough money to save the club?
He shook his head - shaking off any and all distractions with it - and ran to help save Makishima, whose skin had gone unearthly pale.