Chapter Text
The gravel cracked and popped as Megan pulled her car into the driveway. A brick apartment building cluttered with plant pots and rows of mailboxes loomed above Sophia. Sophia unbuckled her seatbelt, opened the door and climbed out to get a better look. There were 2 cars parked along the street, outside the complex - she assumed they were Manon and Lara’s, and that Yoonchae hitched a ride with either one.
“Welcome to my complex, Soph! I’ll show you how to get in. I live on the 3rd floor, so we have to go up the elevator..,” Dani continued to talk but it faded into the background. Sophia just went through the motions, following Megan and Dani half a beat behind. The elevator clicked as soon as Dani finished her sentence, unlocking a hallway with maybe 5 door on each side, sprawled out in even increments. Dani walked down to the second furthest one, unlocking the door. She heard a scream from the inside. One of the girls must’ve been startled by the door opening.
Sophia found out a few seconds later that it was Lara, the frying pan she was snatching from the kitchen giving it away. Lara turned her gaze to the door, hunger and fear sprawling across it in an emotion that was new to Sophia. When Lara recognised the faces, her stance immediately drooped to her usual slouch and her face turned into one of disappointment.
“Aw, I wanted to live out my fight scene dreams,” Lara said sadly, a fake pout taking over her lips. She walked back to the couch woefully, taking her spot next to Manon but leaving a bit of wiggle room for Dani, Megan and Sophia.
The three walked over to the couch quickly, Dani launching herself onto Lara, tangling her legs with the three already on the couch.
“Well, if that wasn’t a warm welcome, I don’t know what is,” Yoonchae deadpanned sarcastically. She climbed on top of Dani, a wince coming out of her. The group burst out into a ball of giggles, Sophia not being afraid to join in. She felt.. comfortable. She could get used to this.
“So, Soph, how was your first day?,” Lara said casually, thinning down her nail cuticles but glancing up at Sophia for a second to see if she had her full attention. Sophia still wasn’t used to the nickname the group had adopted for her, but slowly throughout the day ‘Soph’ began to emerge out of Sophia. She didn’t mind it, it was just a change. Not a big one, but a change nonetheless.
“Yeah, it’s been..,” She paused. The bright cafeteria lights loomed in her mind, copper spilling into her vision. She bit her tongue and let the iron taste leak into her mouth. “It’s been a lot. I’m so grateful I’ve met,” She gestured to the group with her head, “you guys.”
Lara’s face blossomed into a smile, her eyebrows raised. “I’m so happy that you’re happy.” She shuffled over and helped Sophia climb up onto the couch, squeezing her between Lara and Yoonchae. Yoonchae turned her head around and waved at Sophia, her eyes softening.
Sophia made a mental note of who was close to who, unknown tension wavering within the group. She could see right through it, whether she wanted to or not.
Manon was on the left side of the couch, leaning into the cushions like she wanted them to eat her up and not spit her back out again. Her left arm was on the arm rest, phone in hand leaning against her knees that were propped up on the coffee table. She realised what Manon was hiding on the first day of school. Tattoos dotted her body, black ink etched into her skin in shapes of flowers, names, quotes, you name it. Sophia took in the drawings, just to get a taste of it. Her eyes breathed them in, and let them go back out with the next cycle. She angled her gaze to the next face.
Next to Manon was Dani, her curly hair sprawled across Lara and Manon. She had her feet up on Manon’s stomach, taking up space on the couch that Sophia craved. Her back ached in frustration. She knew that it was too small to house 6 girls, but she couldn’t help but adore the sense of belonging it gave her. It was warm and fuzzy, a cozy candlelit cabin with an open door.
Moving onto the next girl, Lara, already seeming too comfortable with Sophia. Her back rested against Sophia’s, artificially curled brown hair dispersed along Sophia’s back. Lara was like a blanket of warmth against Sophia, smelling like a soft vanilla cupcake on a rainy day. Caught up in her own thoughts, Sophia smiled at such a lovely image.
Maybe Lara wasn’t as intimidating as she thought just this morning.
Her eyes now drifted to the face next to her, Yoonchae. She sat in a ball, keeping her limbs contained to her sides, hands in her lap as she spoke softly to Megan. Her raven black hair cascaded like dominos onto her shoulders, dropping down well below her back. Her earrings glistened under the living room light, reflecting back an image of Sophia.
And finally, Megan. Sophia knew Megan. She knew her better than everyone here, sitting on this tiny couch made for two people, not six. But Sophia swore when her gaze drifted to her face, Megan looked back. Only for a split second did Sophia see, but she looked away as soon as their eyes locked.
Megan just looked like.. Megan. Her pink bangs were trimmed to perfection, landing just above her eyes. Her limbs were sprawled out on the couch, an anklet on her left foot catching Sophia’s attention. It had an S initial on it, and as much as Sophia desperately wished it was for her, she knew it was for Megan’s mom.
Sophia didn’t let her gaze linger on Megan for more than a couple seconds. She looked at the TV, then back to Yoonchae, then turned her head to Lara - anything to ground herself again. She was famished - her throat was crying out for liquid, her stomach thundering like an uncontrollable storm.
“Hey, can you show me where the kitchen is? I really need some water,” Sophia said softly, not wanting to pop the bubble that the group had curated. Sophia jumped up from her seat, Lara following promptly. Their spots on the couch were immediately taken up, the four remaining girls sighing with relief at the thought of personal space.
Lara waved her hand, a gesture encouraging Sophia to pick up the pace. They briskly walked over to the kitchen, Sophia taking in the little fragments she could remember from Dani’s house. Lara took a turn, and walked into the kitchen, leaning her body against the counter.
“Here’s a cup for you,” she said casually, opening up the cupboard revealing rows of glass cups. She carefully picked one out and handed it to Sophia, not allowing her hands to slip and drop it.
Sophia walked to the sink and filled up her cup, turning her head to look around like a tourist in a foreign country. The kitchen wasn’t as big as she expected. It wasn’t cramped, but she felt as if there just simply wasn’t enough space for everything to fit.
Her and Lara stood across from each other, each leaning on different pieces of furniture in Dani’s kitchen, Lara on the counter and Sophia on the table. Sophia sipped her drink slowly, each drop tingling down her throat and making her voice less croaky. She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, holding her cup in the other.
Lara had already began to raid Dani’s pantry, noises of rustling plastic emerging from the small room. Sophia could hear food dropping to the floor, and couldn’t help but laugh at Lara’s clumsiness. She placed down her drink and walked into behind her, turning on the light.
“BOO!,” Sophia screamed, Lara’s shriek engulfing the small pantry. Sophia winced as the sound echoed through her head, ringing entering her ears. She turned around and ran out, a playful snarl coming out of her. Lara walked out with her hands behind her back, two snacks placed side by side on the table. Sophia didn’t recognise them, but didn’t get a chance to take a good look before Lara pounced like a tiger stalking its prey.
An attack of fingertips on skin suddenly washed over Sophia. Was Lara.. tickling her? She raised her hands to surrender, a genuine snicker of joy coming out of her. Lara’s face curled into a grin, one mixed with hunger and playfulness. Sophia tilted her head down and pursed her lips, trying to stop the laughter coming out of her.
“Lara, stop!,” She said playfully, only just coming out underneath the smile. Lara immediately backed off, slyly grabbing the snacks she got out for them and placing them behind her back.
“So, your snack is..,” Lara paused for dramatic effect, “A granola bar!” Sophia’s eyes drifted over to the bar that Lara was holding. She was ravenous. She lunged towards it, snatched it out of Lara’s hands, and leaned against the counter. The plastic packaging rustled open, the first bite smothering the pit in her stomach that had been sitting there all afternoon.
“Thank you Lara!,” Sophia said gratefully. “I don’t think you know just how hungry I was.” Lara looked up, her eyes crinkling into a smile.
“Don’t worry about it. If anything, thank Dani. We’re the ones who raided her pantry.” Sophia nodded diligently, the chatter drowning out the buzz of her mind.
“Also, why didn’t you and Megan sit with us today? We saw you walk past then sit alone.” Sophia’s face shifted into an emotion of anxiety. Why did Lara have to bring this up now? Sophia had finally relaxed into a flow, and bringing this up was disrupting her first moments of satisfaction.
“Something happened in history and I had to tell Megan. It was nothing.” It wasn’t a direct lie, but Sophia just wanted this topic to fade away into the twilight sky and drift to the stars. Lara’s eyes widened, as if she knew exactly what had happened.
“Was it Iliya?,” She asked gently. Lara knew that this topic was a painful one for Sophia. She wanted to be there for her, not make everything worse. Sophia nodded as hot tears filled her eyes, impairing her vision. Lara’s face was now a blurry blob as she blinked, hoped, prayed that they would just go away.
“Iliya made Megan horrible last year. She was relentless. I don’t know if you know, but Megan was brave enough to come out last year. She was talking to us about it at our usual table,” Lara paused to look at Sophia, ensuring she was listening, “and Iliya overheard everything. Megan was.. She was really bad. I never want to see her like that again.”
Lara moved a bit closer to Sophia, just enough to put an arm over her shoulder and allow Sophia to lean her head on her.
“She stopped eating, stopped laughing. Stopped showing up. Stopped being.. Megan. Everything we adored about her, just disappeared like it was never there.”
“Iliya didn’t just make comments or empty threats. She followed her. Obsessively. Turned people against her. Tried to turn me against her.” Lara paused, taking in a breath. Neither of the girls had dry eyes. “The worst part was, Megan believed it too. “So, if she pulled away today.. It wasn’t because of you.”
The words sat in the silence, Sophia taking it in with every breath. She heard the chatter from the living room, Megan’s voice echoing over to the kitchen. She wiped her eyes on her shirt, her breathing becoming heavier with every cycle. She threw out her granola bar wrapper, and followed Lara out of the room like nothing happened.
***
The two girls entered the living room, Megan looking Sophia in the eyes. Sophia swore for just half a second her face changed to one of concern, but she brushed it off like it was never there. Megan moved over the most that she could, opening up a spot for her on the couch.
As Sophia sat down, she immediately felt Megan’s warm breath against her collarbone. Her hand around her shoulder, just a little too close.
“Hey, you okay? You looked kinda upset when you walked in. Just checking up on you,” Megan whispered, her volume just above the sound of her breathing. Sophia nodded her head, lying between her teeth. A metallic taste flushed through her mouth, flashbacks of Lara’s words replaying in her mind, stinging like a bruise that wouldn’t heal.
“Yeah, just tired. I think.. I think I just need some air.” Megan looked at her, eyes full of concern, like she wanted to argue, put up a fight - but just couldn’t bring herself to. She let Sophia’s warm radiance leave her side, her stomach craving the comfort just a touch gave her.
Sophia gently got up, careful not to disrupt the flow of chatter the group had created. She softly placed her feet on the floor, turning her head to find a place to get air. Get away.
Perfect.
Down the hall, a glass sliding door sat with an entrance to the balcony. She walked over quickly, thinking no one would notice her slip out. She felt so alone she forgot about the five girls surrounding her, their presence fading into background noise.
Dani’s head turned as she walked down the hall, almost about to get up , grab her arm, bring her back, but amidst her conversation with Lara and the almost angry thunder Sophia possessed with every step, she stayed seated. Her eyes wondered to the sliding door, Sophia struggling to open it, but eventually opening it with ease.
Lara watched her stand up, walk beside her, and down the hall, shooting Dani a look, almost as if to say, “should I go with her?”. Dani shook her head, and Lara kept her head down to her feet, not wanting Sophia to notice the concerned stare Lara’s face conjured up.
Yoonchae and Manon both tried to ignore it, let Sophia keep her feelings to herself. Yoonchae bobbed her head down to her feet when Sophia awkwardly shuffled past her, trying not to probe her with apprehension. She winced when she heard the screech of the sliding door, breathing in gently when she saw Sophia on the balcony.
And Megan. Fucking Megan, the girl Sophia couldn’t keep her eyes off of. She sunk into her place on the couch, covering her eyes with her hands. The group looked at Sophia, then at Megan, then back at Sophia, not fully understanding what was going on between them. The tension was like a taut string, about to snap with any light touch. Megan tilted her head into the couch cushion, letting the group resume their chatter.
***
Sophia leaned her body weight against the balcony. She ran her fingers along the tiles, noticing every bump and line of grout. The grey tiling shined against the moonlight, the marbling a new design that Sophia would’ve never noticed. As she watched the constellations form in the sky, she entered a bubble of wavering solitude. The pain in her chest ached, growing just an inch bigger than it was earlier today. Her bubble popped as she heard the sliding door softly creak open.
Sophia turned her head slowly, watching Manon discreetly slide onto the balcony. Three delicate footsteps wandered next to her, another soul joining her alone time. The twilight air breathed and circled around them, silence lingering in the air. It was the best comfort, just knowing someone was there with her.
Manon started playing with her pocket, fabric rustling underneath her fingertips. Sophia looked down and saw the indentation of a small box and a lighter. She turned her head away quickly, too quickly, the four simple rules looming in her mind. Manon finally pulled the two items out of her pocket, a cigarette carefully placed in between her ring and middle finger.
She sparked the lighter, failing on the first and second attempt but succeeding on the third, and lit the end of the cigarette. She brought it up to her mouth gently, and stared out into the bustling street. She took a long drag, before smoke blew into the night sky, warmth tingling on Sophia’s skin.
Manon let the cigarette hang in her fingers, elbow on the balcony’s banisters, before reaching her hand out to Sophia, offering her the cigarette. Sophia inspected it carefully. First day, and she was already breaking the first big rule. She took it gently, not wanting to lose the fire that Manon had struggled to light, and just stared at it.
It felt wrong. Too light, too warm, too easy.
Sophia cautiously brought it up to her face, letting it sit just millimetres away from her mouth. Manon’s brown lip gloss coated the end, shining a reflection back at Sophia. Anxiety covered her face, tiredness and hopelessness somewhere in the between.
Sophia inhaled it carefully, letting the smoke go down her throat just a second too long. It was shorter than Manon’s, - a lot shorter - but Manon was used to it. The harshness, the bitterness, how the smoke scraped the back of her throat.
She leaned further against the banister, a cough creeping up on her throat. She closed it off.
“Shit,” She muttered coarsely.
Manon didn’t move, laugh, comment. Her eyes remained on the traffic below, eyes not drifting away.
Sophia exhaled unevenly, smoke spluttering towards the apartment building. It didn’t drift away with purpose like Manon’s did, rather wandered away uncontrollably. Sophia felt like her smoke right now, wandering around tensely without a purpose, without any reason.
“I don’t think that was meant for me,” Sophia whispered, her throat pleading for water.
“Yeah. That tracks,” Manon said sarcastically. Sophia huffed, an indication that she still wanted to be playful in the tension. She handed back the cigarette, guilt beginning to set in her stomach. Her fingertips touched Manon’s for half a second, a spark enlightening. The silence sat for a few seconds, each second the pit growing and growing.
“You know,” Manon started, pausing to take a second inhale of her cigarette, “you don’t have to be perfect all the time.” She paused, looking Sophia in the eyes for the first time today.
“But you don’t have to..” Manon was finding the words. “Almost punish yourself either.” Manon shifted her body weight to her right foot, allowing her to lean into Sophia. She slung her right arm around her shoulder lazily, placing her head on her shoulder as they admired the stars.
“You okay?,” Manon whispered, a sacred phrase that only sounded right when she said it. Sophia nodded, but this time it wasn’t a lie. Manon lightly grabbed her fingertips, asking for permission without saying a word. Sophia promptly slot her hand into Manon’s allowing her to walk inside with Sophia following along. Manon slid open the door with her left hand, Sophia waiting patiently as her non dominant hand struggled to open it up.
“Fuck,” Manon muttered, her fingers just barely gripping the handle. Sophia let go of Manon’s hand, stepped in front of her, and swiftly pulled it open, wind blowing her hair back. Manon looked at her, raising her eyebrows.
“I guess we can tell who the strong one is here,” she joked, moving her hand into a motion allowing Sophia to walk inside. Manon gently took her hand again, letting it go when the group came into vision.
The TV that was playing some generic sitcom flickered to black as Dani clicked a button on the remote. The groups heads’ collectively turned as the pair walked into eyeshot. Yoonchae looked away first, moving closer to Megan to create a spot for Sophia.
Somehow, only Yoonchae could see through the tension unraveling with her and Megan. Despite being the youngest, Sophia could tell that she was always two steps ahead, constantly observing and absorbing the information surrounding her.
“You came back,” Yoonchae whispered, eyes softening to not imply it was a bad thing. Sophia smiled hesitantly, one that wasn’t careful but wasn’t close to full.
Sophia gratefully sat down, placing her head on Lara’s stomach, closing her eyes gently and drifting away into a dream. A cloud came and personally picked her up, dropping her off into the sky. She allowed the - well, eventful to say the least - day to fade into the distance, the hum of the group drowned out by her sleep.
That was the last thing she remembered as she fell asleep, Lara stroking her hair softly like a baby yearning for its mother’s attention.