Chapter Text
It did not go away eventually, to Nico’s chagrin.
Over the next month, the cycle of anxiety and despising food and not eating continued, to the point that Nico was at his wits end. He was so fucking sick of it. It was taking over his mind, hell, it was taking over his life. He had lost weight. He knew that. He knew that and yet he still couldn’t bring himself to finish a full meal. He was constantly tired and on edge. Every meal, he felt like crying. His anxiety was worse. As well as that, he’d been more irritable, snapping at his friends and having little to no patience for anyone. It was absolutely infuriating.
Nico had considered telling Will a few times. More so recently, as whatever was wrong with him felt like it was getting worse. Or maybe he was just getting worse at coping with it, he didn’t know. Whatever the reason, a small part of his brain kept pressing him to tell his boyfriend, telling him that Will could help him with it. However, that small part of his brain was always quickly drowned out by his other thoughts telling him that he was old enough to handle it himself, that it really wasn't that bad, that he would be burdening Will. So he kept quiet and didn’t tell anyone. It was his problem to deal with, he had it under control. He did. He just needed to remember that.
It was a nice sunny day. Nico was sitting at lunch, picking at the singular piece of bread he had chosen for himself and mentally keeping up a steady stream of you’re fine and it’s just food, not gonna make you sick. It upset him that bread was one of the only foods he could eat anymore without anxiety overtaking his thoughts, but he pushed that down. He broke off a small piece of the crust, slowly chewing it as he listened to the chatter of the Apollo campers along the table. They were eating their meals like normal people, not even focused on their food. Lucky fuckers.
As Nico tore off another tiny chunk of bread, he noticed that Will was being awfully quiet. He wasn’t involved in the lively conversation like normal, nor was he telling Nico about the events of his morning like he so often did. Strange. Nico wondered if something was wrong, if something had happened in the infirmary that morning. He would’ve heard if something had happened though, surely. Or maybe he’d been too lost in his own anxious, self-pitying thoughts.
Before he had the chance to ask his boyfriend if he was alright however, the kids at the tables around him started to get up, indicating the end of lunch. As the Apollo campers started to disperse, Nico stood up, abandoning his half eaten bread and ignoring the way relief washed over him at the meal being over. He turned to his boyfriend, tucking his hands into his pockets. “Do you have another infirmary shift this afternoon? I could come and visit.”
Will shook his head. “No, I don’t have a shift this afternoon.”
Huh. Surprising. Maybe whatever was bothering Will wasn’t infirmary related. ‘Well, we could maybe do something together then? Only if you want to though.”
Will glanced around before looking back at Nico. “Actually, could I talk to you about something?”
Oh. Shit. What did he wanna talk about? Had Nico done something wrong? Was he mad about something? Sad about something? Was it Nico’s fault? You’re fine, you’re fine you’re fine-
Nico pulled himself out of his thoughts to reply with an uncertain “Uh, yeah. Sure.”
They headed towards Cabin 13, Nico’s mind whirling. What could Will possibly want to talk to him about?
When they entered the cabin, Nico sat down on the edge of his bed. Will shut the door behind him, before turning to face Nico with an uncharacteristically serious look on his face.
This was definitely unusual. Will was usually much more… smiley. Nico shifted uncomfortably. “What did you want to talk to me about?”
Will sighed, concern in his eyes, and without warning, asked bluntly “Why haven’t you been eating?”
Ohhhh fuck. He wasn’t supposed to know that. He wasn’t supposed to have noticed! Nico had it under control. He didn’t need his issues to add to all of the stress Will was dealing with already. Will shouldn’t have to deal with his problems. He’d…just have to convince Will that nothing was wrong.
As casually as he could, Nico let some faux confusion slide into his tone. “What do you mean? I’ve been eating.”
Will stared at him, still concerned but looking rather unimpressed now. “I’m not joking.”
“Neither am I?”
Nico felt terrible lying to his boyfriend, but he had to keep the charade up. If he could just bullshit his way out of this. If he could just convince Will that he had it under control. He was fine. He was fine, he was fine he wasfinehewasfine-
Will was still standing in front of him, arms crossed and the worried look back on his face. “Nico, baby, I sit next to you at every meal. I see how much you eat, which is to say, pretty much nothing. What’s going on?”
“Nothing’s going on! I just have a small appetite, honestly. I’m fine.” Nico nervously fidgeted with his hands. He was not coming across as convincingly as he was hoping. He thought he could lie better than that!
Will sighed again. “Nico. I’m serious. I can tell something’s up, and I wanna help. Could you please just tell me what’s wrong and why you haven’t been eating?”
He wasn’t letting it go. He needed to let it go. “Nothing’s wrong! I’m eating a reasonable amount of food.”
Will’s tone was tinged with frustration now. “Nico, seriously. Come on, please?”
Oh my god. “It’s just hard, okay?” Nico snapped, abandoning his attempts to act nonchalant. “I don’t know why! I don’t like it any more than you do! It’s not my fault, I’m not trying to lose weight or something. It’s- I’m trying! But I can’t. I just… I don’t know why.” His voice quietened near the end and he resolutely stared at his fingers, avoiding eye contact.
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Will kneel down in front of him. Warm hands slipped into his own. “Why can’t you? Can you try to explain it to me?” Will’s voice was soft now. Quiet. Concerned. Not mad. Nico felt his throat tighten.
“It’s hard to explain. It’s like, I want to eat. But it makes me anxious and my thoughts spiral and I try but I can’t do it. And I worry it’s gonna make me sick and all of the different foods just- I can’t eat them. I try. I promise I try.”
Will nods. “I believe you baby, I believe you. Why didn’t you tell me earlier though?”
“Didn’t want you to stress over me. You have so many other things to worry about, what with the infirmary and all. I didn’t want to add to that. I thought I had it under control. Didn’t wanna, you know. Be a burden or anything.” He felt tears welling in his eyes and blinked a few times, trying to will them away.
In front of him, Will looked sad. “Sweetheart, you will never be a burden to me. Okay? I love you and I want to help you.”
Nico nodded, unable to speak. He cleared his throat before saying quietly “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.” His voice shook a little.
Will moved to sit next to him on the bed, pulling Nico into a hug. “It’s okay, angel. All that matters is that you told me now. I got you.”
Nico hugged him back, feeling a few of the tears he tried to ignore roll down his face. He buried his face in his boyfriend’s shoulder and felt the tension in his shoulders that had been there for weeks relax, just a little.
He wasn’t alone. It was okay.
Later on, Nico and Will had a discussion, making the beginnings of a plan to help Nico with his food issues. An eating disorder, Will called it. The term felt rather confronting. However, Will promised that they’d figure it out together, and it comforted Nico to know that he had someone on his side. He could do this.
He wasn’t alone.
Bonus:
That night at dinner, Nico was moving food around his plate while his stomach rolled with anxiety. He didn’t wanna eat. His thoughts were racing with what if’s and he was scratching at the skin on his hands. Suddenly, he felt a hand slide into his own. His boyfriend leaned over and whispered in his ear “It’s okay. You’re okay, I’ve got you. Just one bite, alright?”
He wasn’t alone.
Nico gave a murmured, almost silent “Okay”, before taking a small bite of his meal. Will squeezed his hand reassuringly and softly muttered “I’m proud of you angel.”
He could do this.