Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“You know, I didn’t think Naminé was telling the truth when she said Ventus didn’t follow regulations when I first met him,” Axel began, hauling his beat up gym bag over his shoulder like a feathered pillow. “He was a real goodie-two shoes; always making sure to follow the rules and stay in line. He’s really good at what he does too but he’ll do a complete one eighty when it comes to seeing his friends—or a project he doesn’t want anyone to know about.”

Roxas nodded quietly, still feeling rather queasy from the flight despite his decent supply of ginger ale and crackers (courtesy of Ventus and Axel). He could still hear Naminé’s upset voice, complaining that he always left when actual work things came up and this rate he would be fired before he managed to quit the position. Ventus had laughed it off pleasantly, embracing her tightly before dashing off to run his errands. He’d wasted no time fixing the worst of the problems but admitted that the simulator was a different matter entirely without funds and he would look into getting a new one while they were gone.

He snorted back laughter. ‘While we are gone’ sounded less like they had taken a plane to an entirely different country and more like they had gone out to buy milk. Axel looked at him curiously, as if he were worried about something but shrugged it off.

“Anyways,” he continued. “I’m still not sure why exactly he asked us to tag along.”

“He probably didn’t want to travel alone.”

“I don’t think you get it. He’s the kind of person who would up and disappear in the middle of the night because he got some wild idea. If he were visiting his friends then he would have been long gone by now. He’s got to have a reason for bringing us along.”

“Naminé thought it was a good idea,” Roxas admitted apathetically. “I think it was the only reason she didn’t report straight to Eraqus when he said he’d be leaving. She probably thinks it’s good for me—something to distract me.”

“Or me,” Axel muttered under his breath. Roxas somehow felt it was best to not question that statement. Not yet at least.

“Hey, do you two mind coming out into town with me?” Ventus called out, a few feet ahead of them. “You can leave your bags by the lift doors. I already called someone up to pick up our luggage.”

“It’s not that heavy,” Roxas answered. Axel nodded beside him.

“We can carry it; it’s not that big a deal.”

Ventus frowned. “Actually it would be better to leave them behind. I’m not sure how long we’ll be out and I’d rather you not get pit pocketed if we stop somewhere. If you have to, just take out whatever you feel like you need. I have something important to do before night and it looks like it might start snowing.”

Roxas shrugged.

“Suit yourself,” He said quietly, unzipping his backpack to pull out a scarf and a pair of gloves. Axel rummaged through his own pack before yanking out a neatly folded jacket and a small bag filled with brightly wrapped hard candies. When he spotted Roxas eyeing the candy, he smirked.

“What, did you think I never ate?”

“No, I just…haven’t seen candy in a long time.” Roxas admitted slowly. He set his bag down by the lift doors like Ventus had asked, waiting for Axel to drop his own pack. They began following Ventus away from the landing pad towards other elevator at the end of the deck. “We weren’t allowed our own food or snacks while we were in training and we didn’t have the money to splurge on treats like that after the Kaiju attacked San Francisco…”

“I don’t blame you,” Axel replied. “I barely had it even before the Kaiju attacked. I didn’t really get much of it so if I buy it now, I make it last. I do like ice cream though. Want one of these?”

He held out the bag loosely, shaking it a few inches away from Roxas’s nose. “They’re actually not that bad.”

Ventus wrinkled his nose as they approached, eyeing the bag distastefully. “Axel, those are cough drops not candy.”

“What? No way. They taste too good to be cough drops.”

“No, those are definitely cough drops.” Ventus fought to hide a smile as he pressed the button to his left. The smaller elevator could be heard travelling up from the ground floor at a quick rate. “I take those when I’m sick. Where did you get them?”

Axel pressed his lips together firmly. “…Terra did, right before he left.”

Ventus’s shoulders shook with silent laughter.

“I could see that,” he struggled to say without laughing. “He is still upset that you got away with what happened in the Russian dome.”

Roxas frowned. “What happened?”

“You didn’t tell him?”

“Well I thought the drift simulation would clear things up but it didn’t work and I just forgot.” Axel sighed exasperatedly. “Sue me; I have other things on my mind.”

“Aren’t you going to tell him?” Ventus asked seriously. The elevator doors slid open, a small bell announcing its arrival as the three of them stepped aboard.

“I will if you stop talking.”

“Tell me what?”

“I had been assigned a new copilot six months ago—just like you were. I was just told to show up because of an attack and when I got there, someone different was standing in the cockpit. We got through the fight but we started arguing afterwards and almost leveled the town because we lost control.” Axel shrugged. “Eraqus put me on temporary leave but a lot of people—especially Rangers—think that I should have been given a dishonorable discharge instead.”

He smirked. “So what about you?”

“What about me?”

“Do you think I should have been given a dishonorable discharge?”

Roxas didn’t respond. The elevator ride felt long without conversation to fill the space between them. Looking down at his scuffed up shoes, he shrugged weakly. “I don’t have room to judge. We all do dumb things without meaning to.”

“I think we can all agree to that,” Ventus added cheerfully as the doors slid open. Stepping out, he smiled widely at them. “Before we go, do you need anything? We can pick some stuff up while we’re out—I just want to know so we don’t have to go out of our way.”

“No,” Roxas began quietly. “I’ve got everything I need for now.”

“Actually,” Axel interrupted loudly. “I need some new winter boots. Naminé told me we’d be picking up our Jaeger in Russia’s dome in a few months but it’ll still be winter up there by then. A coat would be nice too.”

Ventus looked at him curiously, mouth opened as if to say something before shutting and giving him a quick pleasant nod. “Sure, not a problem! I’ve been here before and know a place around the area. I’ll take you there after we run our errand.”

Roxas struggled to keep up with them. Between Ven’s fast pace and Axel’s steady but long strides, he found it hard to keep a decent conversation with them. Axel took a longer time walking because he seemed to be enjoying the sights while Ventus was allowing his naturally energetic personality to influence his already quick pace. It was a little frustrating to be honest, having to turn his head back and forth every few seconds to properly hear them since Ventus had a naturally soft voice and Axel’s deep voice made it hard to hear him over the waves of crowds. He’d spent so much time swinging back and forth between the two conversations that he almost ran straight into Ventus.

He did however, fall into Ven’s back when Axel walked smack dab into him. Scowling, he looked up. “Watch it.”

Axel grinned. “Not my fault you’re so small.”

“I’m not that short,” Roxas muttered, waiting impatiently as they waited for the crosswalk light to change. “It’s not my fault you don’t look where you’re going.”

“You are really short Roxas; you’re shorter than Ventus and Ven’s the shortest person I know.”

Ven glanced over his shoulder absently, shrugging. “You are kind of on the small side.”

“Either way, you really only reach my shoulder.” Axel stated smoothly. The light changed, Axel reaching up and mussing up Roxas’s hair as he walked by.

“Anyways, do you remember what I said?” Ventus asked sternly as they crossed the street. He took a turn into a narrow alley, following the crowd of tourists and citizens.

“I couldn’t hear you through the noise,” Roxas complained. Ven sighed.

“I said that you should both keep close to me and try not to say anything about what you do. Not everyone here is happy with the Jaeger Pilot system and some don’t take kindly to pilots.”

“Nice to know that people still don’t care if we save their lives, regardless of the times we live in,” Axel muttered bitterly, stooping under a low hung banner. “You didn’t mention where we were headed.”

“One of the Kaiju temples; we won’t be inside the actual temple but we’ll be near it.” Ventus hesitated. “Actually, in its skull would be most precise.”

Roxas froze, taking in the words and sight. He could already see the thick horns peering over the cracked windows of an abandoned building. It would explain why everyone seemed to be heading in a bowed manner and why some people were speaking franticly to the sky as if in erratic prayer. He shifted towards Axel unconsciously, ignoring the strange look it elicited from the older pilot. “What are we doing there?”

“Someone has something I need—I’m here to talk them into returning it and you are here as my body guards,” Ventus chirped happily.

Axel frowned. “Shouldn’t you have told us that before we said yes?”

“Haven’t you ever heard the phrase ‘read the fine print?”

“No.”

“Acquaint yourself with it; it’s useful in our field of work.” Ven smiled. “I doubt you’ll actually have to do anything but if you feel like it’s not worth the effort you are free to return back to base.”

“We couldn’t do that if we tried,” Roxas answered with a huff. They blended into the sea of murmuring people, weaving in and out of the crowd as they approached the brightly lit Kaiju remains. Roxas shuddered as they passed the open maw, its pearly teeth faint red under the lanterns. It felt wrong that so many people were coming to pray the very things he was paid to kill.

It felt wrong that he had to be killing them at all.

A ripple of frantic whispering seemed to following the crowd into the temple but Ventus pressed them on before Roxas could raise his question.

“This way,” Ven motioned softly, slipping between the curtains that acted as a wall between the buildings and Kaiju temple. [V1] Beyond the silky fabric was a narrow but long alley. The temple really only existed in the base of the Kaiju’s mouth but its remains extended further out to the beginning of its ribs before burying into the ground. A thick metal door was firmly wedged between the largest of the ribs, heavy remodeling hiding whatever new temple was built inside. A shiver ran up Roxas’s spine and suddenly he had an overwhelming urge to turn back to the Dome.

“So what are we doing here again?” Roxas asked, hopefully not too nervously. Axel was lingering close to him, clearly unnerved by the way he was balling up his hands into the pockets of his jacket. He didn’t seem so nervous as opposed to disgruntled though. “Ventus?”

Ventus grimaced, tugging back at the hood of his coat. “I’d keep your heads down here if I were you.”

“You said that earlier but no one’s around now. Why?”

“Because black market dealers aren’t always that keen on meeting the people they trade with—particularly the Rangers.”

“…What?”

Axel seemed to bristle at the mention of the dealers. He seemed to curl into himself instinctively, as if recoiling from something that he did not want to touch. “Did I hear you right?”

Ventus ignored them, rapping his red knuckles against the metal door once before sliding it open. An eye patched man greeted them with a sly crocodile smile, looking particularly sleazy under the red dim lighting of the temple. He didn’t rise from his chair, instead casually glancing up from his magazine before speaking in a lazy drawl. “Been a while since we’ve seen you around these parts kiddo; have you changed your mind yet?”

“The answer is always no,” Ventus replied curtly. “Is my brother in?”

“No, the brat went out to make sure he gets his orders in mint condition. If you’re too nervous to wait you can always just head up to see the boss.” The man sneered. “I bet he’d love to see you around here again.”

“I’m not stupid Xigbar. If my brother doesn’t want to see me, he could just say so.”

“You think I would waste my time lying to you?”

“He’s throwing a tantrum because I made sure he didn’t get his order. Either you tell my brother to stop throwing a tantrum and let me in or I’ll call Eraqus and force you guys to change home base again.”

Xigbar sighed dramatically, pressing a small button that rested by his chair. The door beside him whirled open tiredly, creaking as it pressed itself to the wall. Roxas and Axel were just about to follow Ventus up the stairs that were settled behind it when Xigbar whined. “When did you turn into such a pain in my ass? Can’t a gun for hire have a little fun sometimes?”

“You aren’t paid for that.” Ventus called back, smirking faintly as the door shut behind Roxas.

“What was that all about?” Roxas hissed at Axel.

Axel shrugged.

“We’re not paid to ask questions, we’re paid to kill Kaiju.” He responded bitterly before turning back to the spiraling stairs. Roxas winced under the amount of distaste behind the tone. He didn’t say anything. The stairs continued spiraling up in an odd slanted direction and his knees were beginning to complain when they finally reached the level. Cool winter air flooded in from the small holes that should have caged the Kaiju’s eyes were left. Barren, only a couple of small heaters seemed to provide any heat the area.

The entire skull had been carved out and reformed to have three outer rimming floors that revolved around the main middle floor. A small buzz of sound travelled through the floor beneath them, where people were praying for the gods to forgive their sins and to take the Kaiju away. Few people paid heed to them as they crossed the pearly floors, too busy examining files and small containers of Kaiju remains to care about their whereabouts. Only one person seemed to instantly absorb their presence and for once, Roxas wasn’t sure that was a good thing.

“You,” seethed the young adult in the middle of the room. His expression went from bored to murderous in an instant and he all but glided across the room to confront Ventus. “I thought I told you I didn’t want to see you here ever again.”

“I had an errand to run,” Ventus answered calmly, shrugging it off as if here simply a snide comment. “I have something you want so I figured I could barter with you.”

“You mean you have my cargo, you disgusting little—“

“I’ll trade you the goods in perfect condition and two more cargo boxes if you’ll hear me out first.”

They hesitated.

“Who are they?” he asked suddenly, jerking his head in their direction as if he had only just noticed them. “Did you finally replace your stupid pilot friends?”

Something in Ventus seemed to tick, like a small timer just begging to go off. “New trainees,” he said stiffly. “I’m hazing them.”

“You were never good at lying Ventus,” responded his brother honestly. “It’s the only reason you stayed with them and I got to leave.”

“That’s not how it happened,” Ventus grumbled, annoyed. “Are you going to listen or not?”

“Are you going to tell me the truth or am I going to have to torture it out of you like before?”

Roxas orbited closer towards Axel, gripping at the edge of sleeves to prevent forming a fist. Axel tensed beside him, fighting the impulse to step forward. However, Ventus spoke before defending anyone became an issue.

“You’re a headhunter now; I have a proposition for you.”

Vanitas narrowed his eyes, studying the three of them the same way a wolf would study its prey before leaping in for a kill. It was hard not to feel naked somehow under his glare; Roxas didn’t like it. He paced around them, nodding slowly as he circled around the two pilots. “Keep talking, I’m listening.”

“I need you to provide me with the location of a certain thumb drive—it was taken from me—“

“—which is code for Aqua stole it from you—“

“—and it was given to someone that I don’t know—“

“—over-bearing motherly Aqua strikes again—“

“—it’s important that no one knows I’m looking for this Vanitas.” Ventus finished seriously. “Not just for me but for you too.”

“Why’s this so important?” Vanitas drawled apathetically. He picked under his carefully manicured nails, as if any dirt could possibly find its way under them. “I’m a head hunter, not a detective. I know you don’t want me to kill or torture whoever has these files so there’s no reason to come to me unless…you think it’s something that would affect me too.”

He sighed, rolling his eyes towards Ventus in a condescending manner. “Don’t you ever give up? I already told you I’m not going back. Hell, they won’t take me back either way. Just accept it; there are things you are good at and things I am good at. You’re good at saving the world and building things to save the world. I’m good at corrupting it from under your very nose and ripping up anything in my way to get what I want.”

“Not that you aren’t that different little brother,” he continued sneeringly as he leaned forward. He was right in Ventus’s face, almost as if examining every pore personally. Ventus barely flinched. “If I remember correctly, you have a way of doing anything to get what you want.”

“I have morals.”

“Yeah,” Vanitas scoffed, backing away. “That’s why you’re here, asking for my help and resorting to blackmail.”

“You never said if you’d help me.”

“Depends; are we dealing with the usual terms here or do I actually get something worthwhile out of this?”

Ventus hesitated. “Same as usual.”

“Then a deal is a deal,” Vanitas stated as he searched his pockets. He pulled out a cigarette and a thin lighter. Lighting up the death stick, he inhaled deeply and exhaled loudly. The smoke filled the area like a fifth person, Roxas fighting the urge to cough from the overwhelming smell of foreign tobacco mix. “I’ll give you a report by the end of the day on whatever I’ve got. It better be important if it’s causing precious Kaiju cargo to go bad or Xehanort is going to have my head—“

“Van.”

If Roxas hadn’t been watching carefully, he wouldn’t have seen the flurry or emotions that flitted across Vanitas’s face. It was only for a brief second and they all settled on annoyance in the end but he’d been conflicted for a moment. Like the simple nickname had set off some turmoil inside.

“About my compromise—you know—“

“Miss Naminé?”

Naminé glanced up from the holo-projector attached to Ventus’s hastily discarded desk. Eraqus was standing behind a timid intern, looking like the textbook definition of perplexed. “Ah—pardon Sir. I was just reading some material that Ventus left behind.”

“Left behind?”

She mentally bit her tongue. “He took Axel and Roxas out on an expedition while we wait for the Jaeger repairs. I thought it would be best if they distracted each other.”

Eraqus hummed quietly as he sauntered in, taking a seat beside her at the desk. “I see. Did they mention when they would return? Or where they would be going?”

“No Sir—just out to rent a cabin in the woods. You know how Ventus is; he’s always loved nature.”

“So it seems,” Eraqus answered softly, placing his palm over the holo-projector and slowly bringing up the files to a three dimensional view. He frowned as a picture of the Breach came into view, several notes and calculations shoved all around the image. As he flipped through, the notes became more and more erratic. “What on earth is he researching anyways? His quarterly review was postponed with all this commotion and I never got a chance to ask.”

“I’m not sure,” Naminé answered honestly to her relief. “All he would say was that he didn’t want to create a commotion over nothing. Do you think he could he have found a way to close the Breach?”

“As wonderful as that would be,” Eraqus murmured, still examining the work. “I don’t think he’ll be touching that subject for a while. He’s still very guilty about the near death accidents that occurred when we attempted to force it closed and he hadn’t even come up with the theory.”

Naminé nodded solemnly. No one had died but the event had left everyone shaken; most of all, Ventus. He hadn’t spoken of closing the Breach since. She glided her hand over towards the document and circled a selection of vigorously written notes to be highlighted. “Does it seem to you that perhaps…he’s afraid this isn’t good news?”

“I’m beginning to think so,” Eraqus answered worriedly. “The way his research is going, it sounds as if he’s afraid the Breach is getting wider.”

“How could it get worse?” Naminé whispered, heart clenching within her chest. “We’ve already had double events—we’re lucky that we have the technology to keep fighting them. It’s not as if we can time their arrival either. What could possibly be worse?”

“Wider passage ways mean more can get through, correct?” Eraqus began sternly. “According to his estimations and Ienzo’s commentary, we might not be facing a triple event just yet—‘Naminé’s heart shuddered ‘—but something worse.”

She shivered. “Do you mean we might get something worse than a Category 5? We haven’t even encountered those yet, I don’t know if we can handle something that bad.”

“We’re going to need to.” Eraqus closed his eyes. “It sounds like we’re going to get something much larger next time and that might possibly be soon.”

A loud shrill alarm sounded through the metal walls, the lab flushing bright orange under the flood lights. Naminé’s heart sank. “Not this soon, I hope,” she whispered. Clicking the power button for the screen, she slumped into her chair. “Pardon the lack of formalities but may I ask a personal question before the report is sent out to the domes Sir?”

“Permission granted.”

“Do you think…he’s happy where he is right now?”

Eraqus hummed quietly. “I think he is satisfied knowing that his work provides good in the world, but no. I do not think he is happy with simply being a scientist. Regardless of what he’s good at it, I don’t think he will part with his dream quite yet. Why do you ask?”

“Speaking as the Head Technician, I feel as if he is more than qualified to pilot a Jaeger and contribute with the battle as well as in the scientific and technological advances.”

“And as a friend?”

She hesitated. “I think he deserves another chance, don’t you think?”

“What do you think about what Vanitas said?” Roxas said in a hushed tone, catching the heavy parka that was tossed his way. “About Ventus having a debt to repay.”

Axel shrugged, holding up another furred jacket and examining it for a few moments before finally tossing it onto the pile that was slowly accumulating in Roxas’s arms. “Not really our problem, is it?”

“He’s a friend, why shouldn’t it be our problem?”

“You think these people are your friends?”

Roxas flinched. “Well why shouldn’t they be my friends?”

“What do you know about Naminé?” Axel tossed another jacket his way. “From what I caught through our drift, you’ve known her for a little while. All you really know is that she’s some girls’ sister and she’s in charge of you.  She knows more about you than you know about her.”

“She has too—she screens everyone’s information—“

“Who else do you have? Ventus and maybe those other kids in that Canadian Dome you left?”

Roxas scowled. “I get it. I don’t have any friends.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“Well you’re kind of being a dick.”

Axel sighed heavily, reaching past a rack of large jackets to reach the smaller one in the back. “What I meant is that you shouldn’t be so quick to call them your friends. You never know who’s going to try and double cross you. You can’t tell if they’re telling the truth. Just because we’re living in a war against monsters from the deep doesn’t mean that people will suddenly grow a conscious.”

“If that’s the case, then I don’t know anything about you yet.” Roxas replied back, wounded. It was bad enough that the only family he had left was in a coma. He didn’t need another solid reminder that he was more alone than he originally thought. “You don’t know much about me either.”

Axel’s shoulders slumped, the skin around his eyes crinkling faintly as he smiled. “Yeah but at least you aren’t alone anymore. I hated being alone when I got put on probation. Here.”

He extended his arms out, tucking the mountain of jackets under his arm and forcing the smaller one into Roxas’s hands. “Try it on. It looks like it might be your size.”

“I don’t need a jacket.”

“Bull shit. You were turning blue on the way here and eventually we’ll be heading somewhere colder than this. Winter isn’t even here yet.”

“I don’t have a payment system up yet—“

“I’ve got money. Consider it a reward for being a body guard for the day.”

Terra was the sense to hear the alarm, his body somehow already filling up with a sensation of terror. Straightening up beside Aqua in the bed, he stiffened as he identified the emotion. Aqua snapped her book shut, recognizing his behavior almost instantly. The Kaiju alert system sounded off like a car alarm in their room.

“It’s only been two weeks since we last had an attack,” Aqua said rapidly, already on her feet and pulling out her outfit from her drawer. Terra was tearing off his lounge wear at top speed. “It’s too soon for another attack—does Ventus know about this? He’s always studying the Breach, looking for a way to close it. What if this is why he suddenly brought up getting into a Jaeger again—“

“He’s always been on that, you just don’t want to listen,” Terra interjected calmly while forcing his thinnest t-shirt on. He ignored her stripping behind him as he searched wildly for socks. “It is troubling though. What does our mission log say?”

Aqua peered over her shoulder to the luminescent screen that was blinking orange and drooped quietly. Terra turned around, pants half buckled and one sock in hand. It was unlike her to stop moving when they had an alert. When he caught her befuddled expression, he turned the screen instead.

“It’s a Category Four but our orders are to stay put.” she stated dumbly.

Terra frowned, dropping the sock. “What—who’s in charge? Why did we get this?”

“The one who relays all the information is Naminé—regardless of where she is—but if we got an order then it would have to be from Ansem right? He’s in the Dome now—otherwise we’d get orders from whoever is Head Technician here.”

“Why would Ansem give us a Kaiju file but tell us to stay on the mainland?”

 Aqua shook her head, rushing to completely dress herself before slipping on her shoes and heading out the door. Terra followed suit, adjusting smaller things to his attire as they walked. Luckily, LOCCENT wasn’t that far of a walk; they lived down the hall from the Command Center. They marched straight up to Ansem, the distinguished man barely giving them a sideways glance while he observed the team at work.

“Why are we grounded?” Terra demanded, failing to hide how upset he was with the situation. “We haven’t done anything wrong.”

“It is not that you have done something wrong but rather that your help is unnecessary for the time being,” Ansem answered passively. “Did you not look at the file?”

“We did but it’s a Category Four. Shouldn’t we at least be ready in case they need back up?”

“We will not be assisting today.”

Aqua hesitated, glancing over at monitors. A Kaiju sonogram image was on screen, the little dot that marked its travel path on the naval maps slowly gliding towards the remains of the Hawaiian Islands. “Permission to speak freely, Sir.”

“Permission granted.”

“There are only two Jaegers left protecting what’s left of those islands—shouldn’t we at least offer assistance, regardless of the distance?”

“They demanded assistance—I’ve ordered all Domes to refuse.”

A chill ran down their spines, horror giving birth to a chilly hole in their hearts.

“B-But why—“

“I know a losing battle when I see one. I will not risk the lives of another Jaeger for the sake of preserving an island that has already been battered by the tsunamis caused through fighting. I refuse to continue this depravity—those two Jaegers refuse to leave their posts and other Domes have been repairing them without my permission. I will not permit anyone to go to their aid, nor risk unnecessary lives.”

“Sir, they have come to our aid before—not two weeks ago, the Zanarkand answered a distress call to those new pilots in Canada.” Terra interjected in frustration. “How can we refuse to help those who have come to our aid so many times before?”

Ansem’s eyes darted towards her, narrow in warning. “Do not try my patience Ranger. My word is final. No one will leave their posts. Disregard my orders and I will see to it personally that neither of you never pilot the Brightcrest again.”

Aqua’s hand travelled up to Terra’s shoulder, griping him tightly once before nodding at Ansem. “Permission to be dismissed.”

“Permission granted; go do something useful while we see to it that the problem is maintained to those islands.”

Terra wheeled past Aqua furiously, brushing off her hand and storming out of the Command Center. Aqua followed him out much more quietly, smiling at a few subdued people who looked just as upset as she felt. She walked much more slowly; already certain Terra would be heading to their Jaeger pit. He was always very helpful and grateful to their team and he tended to migrate there whenever something was on his mind. It felt peaceful to him, she mused, recalling his memories of car grease and electrical circuits as if they were her own. Sometimes she wondered what he would have done if the Kaiju hadn’t arrived, if he would have stuck to his hobbies of building cars and never have met her or if everything would have turned out the same anyways.

Sometimes, she thought to herself as she approached the small break tent a couple hundred feet from their Jaeger; she couldn’t help but wonder if they would have all met had the Breach not opened.

Terra was sitting at the edge of his chair, fiddling with a can of soda and staring at the radio transmitter. Not many teams had one but most preferred to build a transmitter of their own, so they wouldn’t need to rely on LOCCENT to know what exactly would need repairs once a Jaeger returned from a fight. No one else was in the tent—everyone else was hanging around the foot of Brightcrest, taking a short lunch break before resuming the endless list of work. She took a seat beside him, leaning into his shoulder. He didn’t move.

“You know, we can be great pilots but they can still punish us for insubordination.”

“I know it’s just—“Terra sighed angrily, running his fingers through his still messy hair. “What’s the point of becoming a Ranger if you need permission to so much as move a toe? We signed on to protect people—regardless of whether they can defend themselves or not. I have a duty to protect those who matter to me and those who cannot protect themselves and now I’m being told that a couple of lives are too insignificant to bother saving.”

“That’s not what he meant Terra.” She replied softly. “I agree; we have a duty. However, he isn’t wrong. We cannot risk the safety of others because two rogue Jaegers are defending something they lost long ago.”

“That’s the thing that bothers me the most though,” Terra muttered furiously. “Think about it. If you had the chance to save one piece of where you came from, wouldn’t you do everything to preserve it?”

Aqua smiled sadly. “I was from Spain Terra. Everything from my home is still intact.”

“My home is still in one piece too—but there are so many people here who don’t have a home anymore. Can you blame them for trying to keep whatever is left of those islands safe?”

“No,” Aqua whispered softly. She closed her eyes and pressed her face into his neck. Wrapping an arm around his, she gripped his wrist between both her hands. Almost in immediate response, he placed his other hand above hers. His hands were shaking.

Ventus would have understood, she mused silently. Ventus had nowhere to go once this was over. She could always return home and go back to studying—all the pilots were given funding once they retired and had full rights to study again if they wanted to. Terra could go home and finally decide what he would do. But Ventus and many others would never see their homes again. Her chest constricted painfully and she felt Terra bury his face into her hair in response.

“No I don’t.”

Roxas wasn’t sure how he knew something went wrong in the time that they were gone—it was like a chill that run up his spine, as if someone where trying to startle him. His heart seemed to pound suddenly out of nowhere and his breathing grew a little more erratic. Looking to Axel and Ventus, he felt foreign between the two of them laughing as the rode the elevator down to the main Jaeger floor. It was just in his mind, he thought. Perhaps a mild panic attack—Naminé said those happened to pilots sometimes. He’d get over it.

He never expected to hear the heart wrenched wailing that echoed through the Dome like a lament to a soul long gone. Ventus froze, immediately shoving his small pile of winter clothes into the hands of the nearest person before rushing out of the lift. Roxas hesitated at the edge of the lift doors, his own winter clothes pressed firmly to his chest. Axel didn’t seem happy with Ventus’s stuff crammed into his arms, vaguely motioning for Roxas to follow him off the lift. “Might as well see what the commotion is about.”

They didn’t have to walk far to see what was going on—Ventus had already shoved his way through the slow moving crowd and pummeled straight into a taller girl with blue hair. The boy beside her embraced both of them tightly; no one seemed to want to separate them. Inside their crew’s break tent were three pilots still in uniform—dirty, exhausted, and somber. The girl wailed again, head buried between her arms as the man beside her made no attempt to console her. He seemed to be in shock. A third pilot was standing stiffly against the metal support pole, detached from the situation around him.

It was then that Roxas realized that he recognized the drive suit. Taking a step towards the tent, he could feel the pounding in his chest intensify. Axel followed him out of habit, concerned. “We should stay out of this—“

“I know him,” Roxas interrupted, quickening his pace. “He was one of the pilots who backed us up in my first fight.”

Axel froze. “One of the pilots?”

“Yeah, they were a father son pilot team—“

“Stop—this can’t be good—“

Roxas ignored him. Ventus had detached himself from his friends and drifted over to the tent, sitting across from the girl. Her wailing had been reduced to silent violent sobs and Ventus was doing his best to console her through her arms.

“I know that this is a tragedy for you but we need to make a solid report,” he whispered gently. “I need to know what happened.”

“There was movement in the Breach,” began the man who had stood silently the entire time. “All the Domes got the movement readings but we were the only ones who responded.”

“Where was it headed?” Ventus pressed softly. Aqua had found a place behind him, unable to lift her gaze from his shoulders while she kneaded them methodically. Terra seemed to be preoccupied with flexing his fingers.

“O-Our home,” whispered the girl.

“Yuna, you don’t need to talk,” grumbled her copilot.

“It’s alright Sir Auron,” she responded tiredly. Her voice was hoarse and gritty but she cleaned her face free of tears and faced Ventus as professionally as she could with red eyes. “We were the only Jaegers commissioned for the Hawaiian Islands. No one wanted to fund us because we were more at risk to die from tsunami than an actual attack so it was a private effort. Everyone was evacuated from our islands when the tsunamis began to hit but we hopped from Dome to Dome for repairs so we could keep fighting.”

She straightened up and exhaled lowly. For an instant, Roxas could almost see what she was behind her tears. She was kind but dutiful; they had to be. Everyone found a different way to deal with their situation. Some ran and other buried it under a sense of duty. She was just one of them.

“We didn’t have much left to fight for but we couldn’t just leave—even if it was just the tip of a volcano or a drowned tree we couldn’t abandon our home. So we stayed to fight even though Zanarkand wasn’t completely repaired yet and we—“Her voice caught in her throat and she froze.

“We called for backup and no one came,” Auron completed. “Orders were given to keep all Jaegers on mainland unless situation became dangerous to neighboring countries. Not even the country that invaded us to claim it theirs backed us up. They disowned us.”

Roxas’s heart sank. “How could they do that?”

“Orders are orders,” Auron answered with a shrug. “If they say to chop off your arm, you’re expected to chop it off. They don’t pay you to ask questions, they pay you to put yourself on the frontline because you can’t afford to live any other way. Not unless you’re off to build that damn wall.”

“A-Anyways,” Yuna continued shakily, hands wringing together. “We called for backup but when no one responded, we had to deal with the situation ourselves. The cleanup crew arrived to clear up the Kaiju blue b-but—“

“But I was a damned idiot and went in for a suicide kill,” finished Jecht painfully. His drive suit was half off and for the first time, Roxas noticed he had a large bottle of alcohol in hand. Jecht smiled darkly, waving his hands wildly and laughing. Roxas cringed under the laugh—it sounded so hollow and dark, nothing compared to Jecht’s first impression.

“How big was the Kaiju—“

“We called it Sin—it was a massive Category Four.” Aqua answered guiltily. “Apparently it’s still at least half alive so they’ve taken what they can to any available labs.”

“Sin, hah!” Jecht cackled with laughter. “What a joke. It’s supposed to be a sin to commit suicide but here I went on a suicide mission, trying to save my damn islands and what happens? My son gets ripped out of the drift and I lose the Jaeger; how ironic.”

His heart seemed to stop. Slowly sinking into a chair, Roxas struggled to find his mental footing in the real world. “W-what?”

“You heard me son—I tried to go kamikaze and winded up getting my son killed instead.”

“Sir Jecht it wasn’t your fault,” Yuna insisted, her voice barely above a whisper and already cracking. “Tidus knew what he was doing—“

“So did I,” Jecht answered seriously. “But look where that got me.”

Axel leaned down towards Roxas. “You need to breathe,” he murmured.

“I-I am,” Roxas mumbled feebly.

“No you aren’t—you’re starting to have a panic attack. We need to go.”

“I-I’m fine—“

“Roxas—“

“I’ll be fine Axel—“

“Roxas I’m serious, you look really pale and you’re breathing really hard.”

“Get off my case—“

“I really think you should go lie down—“

“Cut it out Xion.”

“…I’m not Xion.”

That was it. That was the final snap it took to break him. Axel’s befuddled and concerned expression looking down at him, his green eyes struggling to find something physically wrong with him externally. It was his green eyes that were trying to find the source of his panic, not Xion’s sky blue eyes. Xion was not his pilot anymore. Xion was still in a coma because he made a decision that would ultimately and always affect their lives forever. She may never wake up and if she did, she may never be the same.

It was entirely his fault.