Chapter Text
There were times when mama wouldn’t come up for days; during those times Abaddon would worry. His tummy would hurt from hunger, and he would wonder if this was the time that she would never come back.
Sometimes he would cry, out of despair or because some part of him believed it might get through to her, and she’d care enough to come to him. She would hold him close and say sorry for everything; maybe she would place a kiss on his head; he would be okay with her just coming upstairs- even if she started screaming at him.
No matter what, however, he prayed every night like she would want him to; little whispers to himself, never wanting to make his presence known lest he scare her.
He wanted to be good. He could be good, that’s what mama wanted and maybe if he was- she would let him out. He could stop scaring her and making her cry. He had never meant to make her cry.
These thoughts made tears run down his face as he lay on the attic floor on one humid summer night. He had yelled all day, and he had no more energy. Mama wasn’t coming.
He let out a small, hiccupped sob as his eyes spotted something. It flashed brightly once and then again. He sat up, becoming silent. The flashing light came toward him. He backed away hesitantly.
He remembered mama’s words... the devil was tricky.
But this didn’t feel evil.
He held his hand out.
A little bug landed in his palm. It kept glowing and then dimming, and Abaddon was fascinated. He’d never seen anything like it. The attic was always so dark, and he couldn’t see out the window from where he was chained.
He wished the little bug could talk so he could be less lonely, instead he just watched.
He smiled for the first time in two days.
The day that Abaddon was discharged from the hospital moved painfully slow; which was odd since he was also incredibly busy.
It involved another dressing change which Nathan did all on his own, supervised by a singular nurse. Luckily it was with a dayshift nurse that both he and Abaddon happened to like. This one ran a lot smoother. Nathan tried his utmost best to be gentle, repeating the steps in his head- he let Abaddon help where he could (watching to make sure he didn’t put anything into his mouth). When the nurse declared he had done a perfect job, he smiled wide and put his hand up to give Abaddon a high-five. His heart fell when the little boy flinched, as if he was going to be struck.
When he realized his father wasn’t going to hurt him, his expression softened and he looked down at his palm and back at Nathan’s hand.
The man chuckled, gently taking the boy’s hand a pressing his tiny palm against his. “It’s a high-five, bud... You do it when you did a good job at something.”
The little boy smiled and then slapped his hand against Nathan’s harder; it was hard enough to make Nathan flinch, but he didn’t say a word...not wanting to take away the smile on Abaddon’s face.
After that, they were visited by a doctor who set up an appointment in a couple months to make sure that Abaddon was properly growing and getting the nutrients he had been missing (Nathan was sure most of that would be coming from vitamins, since the boy wasn’t much of an eater).
The last person to come in was a physical therapist. She was a short, dark-skinned woman with her curly hair tied up in a high bun. She greeted both Nathan and Abaddon, and the little boy seemed comfortable around her- not glaring at her for too long.
“Abaddon, is there any way you could walk over here to get your stuffed lizard for me?” She asked nicely, placing Nathan the lizard on the chair by the window, a couple feet from the hospital bed.
The four-year-old pouted, furrowing his eyebrows in anger and then looked up at his dad.
“You heard the nice lady, bud.” Nathan answered. “Nathan the lizard needs your help, go over there and save him.”
He let out a grumble but scooched himself to the edge of the bed before getting on his feet; right away, he was unsteady, and Nathan reached out his hands to keep him from falling over.
He hadn’t seen him stand. For most of the hospital stay, Abaddon had been in bed. The little boy didn’t need to get up to use the bathroom; potty training was still something they needed to work on, and the hospital while he wasn’t feeling well hadn’t seemed like a good place to start.
This was Nathan’s first time seeing him stand.
He was so unbelievably small.
He was four, so of course he was small. But Nathan was trying to remember Esther and Ben at that age, and he couldn’t remember them being this size.
He was once again hit by the fact that he was so far behind where he should be. He hadn’t been able to grow while he was chained up, without food for most of the time.
“Good job, friend!” The physical therapist cheered.
Nathan shook his head, bringing himself back to reality. Abaddon had the stuffed lizard in his hand, and he was showing it to the woman proudly.
“He’s very lucky to have a friend like you.” The woman smiled. “Why don’t you turn and show dad your stuffy while I take a look at your back, okay?”
He nodded and turned around, taking careful little steps. Nathan noticed how he walked on his toes and not his actual foot, and he frowned- until Abaddon reached out with his stuffed animal.
“Good job, Abby!” Nathan smiled. “We’re going to have to find a nice place to put him in your room when you get home!”
If he was honest, his eyes were mostly on the physical therapist behind his son. Her lips were pursed in a tight, thin line, and her eyes were narrowed as she examined the little boy’s shoulders and back and then down to his legs.
“Okay hon, how about you go and walk to dad for me again?” She asked.
He nodded and quickly walked toward Nathan, once again walking on his toes. Nathan threw his arms out as the little boy walked into his embrace. He helped him get back onto the bed; he handed him Ben the frog, so he had another toy to play with while he and the physical therapist talked.
“Just go ahead and rip the band-aid off.” Nathan sighed. He didn’t need to be told that there was something wrong with the way Abaddon walked; he could already tell by looking at him.
The woman winced but gave him a gentle smile. “I’m going to recommend the doctor order a CT scan, because due to the way his shoulders are slanted it presents a lot like thoracic scoliosis.” She explained quietly. “On top of that, his legs are slightly turned inward, which could be explained by being chained up. This unfortunately happened while he was growing so he wasn’t able to do it properly.”
Nathan closed his eyes and pressed a hand against his eyes.
Only one question rang in his head: why?
He could only describe what he was feeling as anger. At Young-Mi? Sure. At her monster of a boyfriend- definitely. But also, at God himself.
He admittedly hadn’t gone to church in a while, or prayed, and he found himself remembering the exact reason. Because as he looked back at his son who was only four, he couldn’t understand why. There was no good reason to put a child through all this pain. There was no lesson to be learned, or anything to be gained.
He cleared his throat, trying to keep the distress at bay. “He walks on his toes too, can that be fixed?”
She nodded. “That’s most likely idiopathic, we usually find it concerning after the age of three, but he is getting used to being able to walk so- it's most likely something that can be fixed.”
Nathan nodded; it was small, but it was the tiniest bit of good news.
There was a tug on the sleeve of his sweater; he turned to look at Abaddon. The little boy looked up at him with wide, serious eyes. He reached over and set his stuffed lizard, his most prized possession, on Nathan’s lap. He looked away as his small hand reached up and gave two gentle pats on his arm.
“Thank you, buddy.” He whispered, reaching out, and squeezing his son’s shoulder.
Katherine came right when they were discharged; she carried two large bags of clothes in each arm. She let out a gasp as she placed the bags at the end of the bed. Abaddon looked up curiously, and then crawled at the end of the bed, pulling the contents of one bag out, which happened to be an abundance of shoes.
He pulled out a pair of bright blue crocs and brought them to his nose... sniffing them for some reason.
Katherine was hunched over with her hands on her knees, catching her breath. Nathan placed his hand on her shoulder with a big smile. “Wow, Kathy thank you.” Nathan laughed in disbelief. “You really went all out.”
She nodded, wiping some sweat from her brow. “I figured I have four birthdays I’ve missed, and I have that mug from you that says ‘okay-est sister ever’, so what’s a little money on my credit card?” She shrugged. “Esther and Ben helped me.”
Nathan turned to look at Abaddon who had found a shirt with a cartoon dinosaur on it, and he stared at it with fascination. He supposed they had found a winner. He sat down at the edge of the bed and searched for a pair of comfortable shorts; he quickly found some navy-blue ones and showing them to Abaddon, eyebrow raised in question.
The little boy scrunched up his face, growing serious as he inspected the shorts. The pensiveness never failed to be the sweetest thing Nathan had ever seen.
He nodded.
“Okay, I think we have our outfit for the day picked out.” Nathan announced. “Would like me to help you get dressed?”
Abaddon pointed at Katherine; the woman’s eyes widened as she looked at Nathan. It made sense. The person that he had been closest to before Nathan was Young-Mi and the person who had hurt him in the most violent way was her boyfriend. It didn’t hurt Nathan; he found it kind of heartwarming that he trusted Katherine so quickly.
“Aunt Katherine?” He asked. “Do you mind helping him?”
“O-Of course not. Not at all.” Katherine shook her head, holding her hand out. He placed his little hand into hers.
“He’s a little unsteady on his feet.” Nathan explained. “And the bandages are covering the... b-burn so don’t worry about it.”
Katherine’s body relaxed and she nodded. She smiled down at Abaddon as she led him into the bathroom.
Now that he was by himself, he sorted through the discharge folder that was given to him. There were several medications that he would need to make a time chart for, and appointments he would need to make reminders for; CT scans he needed, physical therapists he would need to see, speech therapists, and child therapists.
He wasn’t quite sure if the weight of everything had even settled on his shoulders yet. He was responsible for this tiny little person... But he had never been responsible before.
His stomach felt sick as he became overwhelmed with anxiety, but then he heard Katherine’s gentle voice from the bathroom and then a tiny giggle.
He wasn’t alone.
The door opened, and they both walked out; Abaddon still holding onto his sister’s hand. He was dressed in comfortable shorts that fell just above the knee, a pair of bright blue crocs, and a shirt with a cartoon dinosaur eating cookies.
The clothes were big on him, and he was still pale- but he looked healthier, and the worries were momentarily gone.
“Look at you!” Nathan smiled. “Are you ready to ditch this popsicle stand?”
Abaddon cocked his head to the side in confusion but nodded, nonetheless.
Apparently, it was hospital policy that everyone left in a wheelchair. So once one was acquired, Abaddon was seated with his lizard stuffed animal on one side, and his frog on the other side. His day shift nurses all said goodbye to him, and he reciprocated with a wave- except for the older nurse who was present for his first dressing change; she got a glare instead.
“What’s up with that?” Katherine asked, leaning over to whisper as they made their way to the elevator.
“Let’s just say... She didn’t make a great impression.” Nathan winced.
“She’s a bitch?” Katherine replied.
“Yeah, she’s a bitch.” He confirmed.
They met Ben and Esther outside the cafeteria and the young girl’s face lit up when she saw her cousin’s face. Abaddon bounced in his wheelchair and lifted his hand to give her a high-five which she automatically returned. He looked at Ben expectantly, hand still up... Ben laughed and gave the little boy a gentle high five.
“He learned that today, so be expecting a lot of high fives in the future.” Nathan explained.
Esther was bouncing on her feet as she looked up at her uncle. “Can I push his wheelchair, Uncle Nathan?”
“Nope.” Katherine said firmly. “I already know you’re going to do a wheelie, or you're going to race down the hall and get him and you into the hospital. He just got out.”
“Laaame...” Esther drawed. She threw her head back and nudged her brother with her shoulder and attempted to get him to agree with her. He sent her a glare and shook his head in disapproval.
She quickly got over it as she raced to keep up with Abaddon. She started rattling off all the things she had listed for them to do during the summer. Some of them were cute and very possible, like discovering every room in the hotel.
Some of them wouldn’t be possible right now- like Esther teaching Abaddon how to swim. But he wasn’t going to interrupt their excitement as Esther listed things off, and his son looked up at her in fascination.
When they got outside to the entrance, Nathan crouched down to Abaddon’s height. “I’m going to go and bring the car around, Abby.” He said gently. “I’ll be right back.”
His reaction was instant, as he threw his arms out with a whine, shaking his head.
“Mmm.” He cried; he scooted to the edge of the wheelchair. Tears started flooding his large eyes.
“I’ll get the car, Nathan.” Katherine said; when Nathan went to argue, she leaned in close, putting her hand on his shoulder. “It’s his first time out of the hospital, I doubt he wants to be without you.”
Nathan thought about it and looked back at the little boy who was still staring up at him, pleadingly. It would be a little while before he could prove to Abaddon he could be trusted to keep his word.
He nodded to Katherine, giving her his car keys.
Nathan squatted down next to Abaddon and took hold of his hand with his own and pushed the boy’s bangs back with the other.
“We’re going to have to cut your bangs, kiddo.” He sighed.
The four-year-old scrunched his nose and shook his head, sticking his tongue out as he did. Nathan laughed, as Esther jumped up and down. “Oh! Uncle Nathan, can I put his hair up?” She asked excitedly. “My hair is too short, and Ben has dumb short boy hair.” She rolled her eyes.
“Why must you hurt me so?” Ben mumbled.
“It’s up to Abaddon.” Nathan answered. “Also, Ben, I don’t think you have dumb boy hair. You have cool boy hair- like you’re in a boy band.” Ben narrowed his eyes at that comment, and Nathan wasn’t sure if the boy band comment helped much.
“Can I put your hair up, Abby?” Esther asked. “We can put it in a bun... or a ponytail! Or TWO buns!”
Abaddon thought about it and then shrugged, nodding. Before Esther could start putting his hair up, Katherine drove up and stopped in the pick-up lane. His niece sighed and slung her backpack over her shoulder, as Nathan picked Abaddon out of the wheelchair.
“Sorry it took so long, some old woman couldn’t remember how to put her car in reverse.” Katherine sighed.
“I hope you’re not like that when you’re old, mom.” Esther replied.
“Thanks, honey.” Katherine deadpanned, as she opened the back door for Nathan. “The car seat is still good, it was Esther’s and she barely used it since she was too busy crawling out of it whenever I wasn’t looking.”
Katherine was right; the red and black car seat practically looked brand new. There was none of the usual crusted food in the cup holders, or the mysterious liquid stains. Nathan placed Abaddon into the seat; the little boy looked at him, confused as he looked around the car, swinging his legs back and forth.
“Do you think he’ll get car sick?” Katherine asked.
“Hopefully not.” Nathan sighed. “The nurse we had was the best and gave him some nausea medicine, but I’m willing to bet it’s his first time in a car.”
By the way he squinted at the sun shining on his pale face, Nathan was also willing to bet it was his first time outside.
Nathan eased the boy's arms through the harness, and the displeased mumble he let out was the first sign that this wasn’t going to go well. He had never had to deal with a car seat before, and he assumed it would just be a booster seat. He cursed at himself as his hands shaked and the little boy managed to get his arm out of the straps.
Luckily, Katherine was behind him.
“Can I help?” She asked gently.
He stood up and ran a hand through his hair. He was already drenched in sweat, which was embarrassing; it was a humid day, and he was full of anxiety. He looked at his sister and nodded, looking at the ground.
“Nathan, this your first day.” Katherine said gently. “I’ve got those two gremlins, and they still surprise me every day- at least one of them of does.”
She motioned him over to watch. She gently but firmly eased the little boy’s arms back into the harness. “You want to make sure that the chest piece is over the chest, not the stomach.” She instructed. She then buckled in the lower piece with ease. “Also, make sure the shoulder harness is actually at the shoulders.”
“You make it look easy.” He mumbled.
“Like I said... gremlins.” She pointed behind her, earning an offended ‘hey’ from Ben and a cackle from Esther.
It didn’t take that long for Abaddon to realize that he was trapped, as he clawed at the chest clip. He let out a panicked breath and then kicked at the passenger seat. He looked between Katherine and Nathan with an expression that could only be described as betrayal; it broke Nathan’s heart. He shook his head, as tears ran down his cheeks, and he once again threw his arms out toward Nathan.
“You have to be in the car seat, okay?” Nathan said gently, his voice was as thin as a wire. “It’s so we can drive safe...”
This seemed to only make him mad as his face turned red, and he kicked the passenger's seat and let out a sob that turned into a high-pitch screech.
Nathan turned to Katherine in desperation. Only this time... She looked just as lost as he did. Of course she did. This was out of both their leagues. She didn’t know how to deal with a child who had been locked away in an attic for most of their life. A car seat just felt like another chain to him.
“What if I came?” A small voice asked from behind them, and Abaddon’s screeching stopped. “I can come with you Abby... If that’s okay with mom and Uncle Nathan?”
Abaddon’s crying was now sniffling as he wiped the tears from his eyes as he nodded, looking at his dad with pleading eyes. Esther approached him and put a hand on the top of his head. “I won’t let anyone hurt or trap you, I promise.”
He smiled and nodded again with a sweet smile.
Katherine looked like she was going to cry this time. “That’s fine with me, if that’s okay with you.” She said.
“Yay! Road trip!” Esther yelled, running to the other side of the car and hopping in. “I can put your hair up, Abby!”
“And I can read my romance books without you making fun of me!” Ben cheered.
“LAME!” Esther called out the back window.
Nathan chuckled as he eased into the driver's seat. Katherine met him at the window, looking back at Esther. “Be good!” She instructed, and the little girl answered her with a salute. “I’ll see you when you get home.” Nathan nodded and attempted to give her a hug before she walked away.
He was taking his son home.
The car ride was quiet until about thirty minutes in when Esther finally spoke. “And... Done! It looks great, Abby! The right one is a little wonky, but I couldn’t reach it that good.”
Nathan looked at the two kids in the mirror. True to her word, Esther had put Abaddon’s hair up in two buns that were just above his shoulder. He tried to look at them and brought his hands up to feel them. He smiled at the girl in approval.
“You look great, bud!” He said with a chuckle. “We’re still going to have to cut those bangs though.” He mentally added that to his ever-growing list of things to do.
“Oh! I can do that too Uncle Nathan!” Esther scoffed, waving off his comment. “I have LOTS of experience with my barbie dolls.”
Nathan’s eyes widened in horror. He remembered her barbie dolls. He also remembered how she wasn’t a fan of barbie dolls. He could picture their faces with sharpie tattoos, and evil symbols- and the haircuts that were a mixture of mohawks and mullets. The barbie dolls almost got her sent to therapy at one point.
“N-No.” Nathan said quickly, clearing his throat. He didn’t want to be too harsh to his niece, so he continued. “I mean, I’m sure you’re great at it... But- Uh- I would like to try!”
“Mm, okay!” Esther shrugged.
They fell back into a comfortable silence. Esther spoke to Abaddon about random things, pointing out cows as they passed by farmlands- making ‘moo-ing’ sounds and making him giggle. She was natural at introducing him to things he had most likely never even heard of before.
Eventually, however, the car ride got to be too much and Abaddon got overwhelmed again. It started with a sniffle, and a grumble. Next, he started kicking the passenger’s seat. Before he knew it, his son was crying again.
“Come on, buddy we’re almost home.” Nathan tried to soothe him.
He was met with another cry.
“Uh- Uncle Nathan.” Esther started. “Maybe some music? It’s pretty quiet in here.”
“Great idea!” He agreed. He had to really go out on Esther’s birthday present this year; he had to buy her a damn pony if she wanted it. “Oh, this is a good playlist!”
He pressed play on his phone, and the Beach Boy’s Surfin’ U.S.A started playing through the speakers. The kids had two different reactions; Abaddon stopped crying and stared at Nathan in amazement, and Esther tried to hold back her laugh with a snort.
“What?” Nathan asked his niece.
“What is this, dude?” Esther laughed.
“It’s the beach boys, dude!” Nathan said, imitating her.
“We live in New York, Uncle Nathan.” She rolled her eyes.
“It’s surf pop, young one.” He explained. “Also, I’ll have you know, I lived in California for three months where I attempted to surf.”
“No way!” Esther yelled. “You’ve lived a crazy life. Were you good? Did you go pro?”
Nathan looked at her through the mirror. “I lived there for three months Esther, do you think I went pro?”
“True.” She agreed; she looked at Abaddon and laughed. “Hey, you really love the beach music, don’t you, Abby?”
He looked at the kids in the dashboard mirror. Abaddon had his eyes closed, a sense of calm on his face as he kicked his feet and moved his head back and forth. Esther joined him in dancing, as she started to vogue.
They got to the hotel just at sunset. By the time they got there, Katherine and Ben were waiting for them, and Abaddon and Esther were asleep in the back. Esther had a comic book lying on her lap and when he put the car in park she jumped up like she wasn’t sleeping at all.
“About time, man.” She slurred. “I almost fell asleep.” She rubbed her eyes with the palm of her hand.
Nathan narrowed his eyes at her and nodded at her. “Uh-huh... Was that you or Abby snoring in the back?”
“Prolly’ the lil’ guy.” She said through a yawn. Before he could respond, she jumped out of the car; although she was clearly in a hurry, she still took the time to gently shut the door, so she didn’t startle her cousin who was still asleep.
Nathan got out of the car and did the same thing. He opened the back door and sighed; he really didn’t want to wake him. He looked so peaceful. His head rested toward his chest, and drool ran down his chin. But he also knew that this was the quintessential childhood experience; falling asleep in your car seat and then waking up to your parent's safe embrace- he was so happy he could provide that for him.
He unlocked the chest piece as gently as he could and then undid the other seatbelt; he gently lifted him into his arms. The little boy made a small noise but snuggled into his arms, and he couldn’t help but smile.
He made his way around the car and met Katherine’s eyes, and she looked proud.
The little boy made another noise, and he looked down to see Abaddon staring up at him, confused. He smiled at him. “Hey little guy, we’re home. Do you wanna look around?” He asked.
Abaddon nodded, so Nathan put him on his feet, holding onto him until he could find his footing. The preschooler looked up at the massive hotel with wide eyes and then looked back at Nathan.
He wondered what was going on in the little boy’s mind. Was it too much? Before all of this, the only thing that had existed was the attic. Now he had the whole world and an entire hotel. Despite all of this, he looked amazed.
“Abby, come look!” Ben called.
Nathan and Abaddon turned around.
Esther and Ben were surrounded by fireflies, dozens of them. They were blinking in and out of existence, and Esther was giggling as she tried to catch some with her hands. Before Nathan could say anything, Abaddon was letting out a gasp and running toward the two kids.
He tripped briefly, and fell on his knees, catching himself with his hands. Nathan gasped and almost ran toward him- but Katherine stopped him before he could.
“Sometimes they fall, but you have to let them get back up.” She whispered.
He attempted to catch the fireflies as he squatted and jumped, laughing as he did so. Nathan got closer- as he snapped a few pictures with his phone.
Ben asked the boy if he could lift him up, and Abaddon nodded. The older boy lifted him, and the four-year old grabbed one and stared at it in amazement.
Another one landed on his nose, and he tried to stare at it... going cross-eyed.
That was Nathan’s favorite picture...
And his new phone background.