Chapter Text
He feels cold, he groans as he wakes up in bed.
Wait, in bed?
He pushes himself with his hands and sees that he is in his dorm room.
Which is weird because just a moment ago he was in the common room sofa. They must've brought him in. 'so much for a two minute nap' Yi han is left alone with his thoughts as he flops back down on his bed.
He starts to think about what he should do next, if he should get up or just rest for a little bit more?. While he was making his decision to get up, he suddenly realised he never got his dream job or even a proper job.
He sat on the side of his bed, his hand softly gripping the sheets.
All the hardwork he did for himself and his parents was gone. Erased and never to get it back since it was a different world now and no matter how other jobs or gigs there are in this world it would never be the real one he wanted.
He knows he's being childish to want things from his past life, how he'll never get to go travel the world, he couldn't even see any wonders of the world.
He regrets the days he missed so many holidays and birthdays he could've celebrated with his family and have fond memories of the most random things. He regrets that on his birthdays that he had exams he wouldn't even call his parents and just send a quick 'thank you' to them for their wishes. He regrets that he probably is the only person in this world that knows korean.
He's the only one who knows about his past world.
His dreams, his family, his friends, the rich history, the countries he promised his parents he would take them to, the songs he heard and the ones he didn't bother to listen.
He remembers the day his middle school teacher asked the class what they wanted to be when they grew up and he said he wanted to be a marine biologist because of the alien world in the ocean, he remembers his classmates own dreams, a teacher, a doctor, a cowboy, a runway model, Samsung's next ceo. He missed it. He really missed it all, and he wishes he could've seen his parents in front of world landmarks taking photos of them or even just celebrating chuseok while eating songpyeon together.
Goodness, his eyes were watery again.
He wipes them with his hands and he couldn't stop the sob comming out of his mouth.
He buries his face on his pillow, reminding himself that his peers might be outside his room door.
His eyes sting. He knows that there are probably many things in this world which his very similar to his previous world since the east of this world also had similar dishes, the classes he takes, everything is so similar yet so different. He knows that there's not much differences if he really looked into it, after all history repeats it's self right?
Everytime he thinks of his past life, he can't help but wonder if he'll be able to live this life for himself or will he just become another person who follows others dreams and goals.
His goals... In his previous world, he studied for becoming a financial manager , or an engineer, or even just an accountant. Did he really have a goal or did he just study for others? He probably studied for others, he never really did anything other then study and some small activities he never finished.
He wasted his time to impress others and gain stability when he could've just taken risks and be happy.
He swears to himself that in this life he will achive his dreams... But first he had to have one.
Dream.... A dream.... Hmm
'what do I want to do?' he asked himself over and over again.
He wanted to lay back and just live his life with money but at the same time he wanted to explore and experience magic, he wanted to fly, he wanted to have stability.
This is a new world goddamit, he shouldn't just want stability. Freedom... Freedom... Hmmm...
He didn't want to teach, he didn't want to work hard- which probably will be impossible, he wanted to do whatever he wanted but he didn't want to risk his life for trill, he didn't want to just be a supporting pillar in other people's goals, he wanted more, he wanted to strive for more, he wanted-
At this point it's more of what he didn't want to do. But that's okay. Everything starts somewhere.
Yi han thought of his parents. He never really get to talk to them properly, only ever through the phone with him wanted to end the call as soon as it started..
Yi han wished to the world. If there was any chance of his words being heard by his parents, any miracle to let him see them once more.
His voice was barely above a whisper, shaking as he clasped his hands together tight to stop himself from wailing.
"mom...where ever you are, please, please be proud of me."
"Dad? I'm sorry I couldn't help you when I left home, I want to come back, I really really want to come back... I'm scared... Everything's new, I have new parents, new friends, new school... I know-" his voice breaks as new tears drip down his face. "I know I'm supposed to move on and be grateful but I can't. It's too much- I don't want to forget you dad.. I don't want to just pretend that my life I spent with everyone was just old memories." Yi han crouches on his bed, biting his knuckles to stop himself from crying out to his parents who don't exist in this world for him.
He wants to let go of his past and yet he can't live without knowing that he'll never seen his parents and will be the only one who remembers them.
He needs to move on, he wants to move on but it hurts him so much that he can't bare the warmth that this life shows him.
His voice shakes as he closes his eyes to imagine his parents once more, " umma... Appa... I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry that I died. I miss you, I'm scared that I'll never be able to move on but I'm so scared that I'll move on and forget you guys. i want to come back and eat together again, I want to see you hit and nag me again.. umma... I'll never be able to see you again. Appa... Will you forgive your son for not being able to move on? I never thought it would end like this. Umma, Appa... I'll do anything, I'll do anything to see you again. I don't care how" his voice cracks "where or when. Please, please would you love me all the same even if I'm not the same son?" Yi han's hands hold his body from falling on the bed right then and there as he let's himself coven in, gripping his sheets as tears soak his bed. He prays and prays to any God existing in this new world to let his parents hear his voice, let his parents receive his message, let him talk just once more to his parents.
The blue dragon tower members are worried about Wardanaz, they saw him cry! cry! While cutting potatoes. Now he had been carried by Asan to his room and was resting for a while nowm
Were they ask too much from him? Did they annoy him? Did he feels bad? Is he sick? Did the white tiger tower do something? Did Gonadaltes do something to him or blackmailed him?
All these questions in their mind stop when they could hear very quiet muffled cries from...Yihan's room.
The walls weren't exactly thick and Yihan's room was the closest to the lounge.
He never got sick or even exhausted.. right? He was a Wardanaz! He was always their guiding light through the evil hands of the teachers and their principal.
He did do everything for them. Clean the tower, help in assignments, they go to him for help, he feeds them, cooks, teaches to the ones struggling, he was always very nobel-like and had such a righteous honor, he was the best student as well.
They should've been better to him, look now he's crying in his room probably hating them all.
They had to get better, not for themselves but for him.