Chapter Text
“Eleanor, if you keep circling the room you're going to get dizzy,” Chidi said, getting up from the couch and gently steering Eleanor by the shoulders over to the couch, sitting her down next to him. “I don't want you to get sick again.”
“I'm nervous, babe. I mean, this is the first person we're telling since we found out,” the blonde looked up at him with worry in her eyes. “Tahani has wanted a family for so long, I'm worried she'll compare herself to us and feel like she's lacking in that department, or maybe she'll rush into things with Larry that she's not quite prepared for.”
Chidi took his hands that were still resting on Eleanor and brought them up to cup her worried-filled face and look her into the eyes. “Listen to me, has Tahani ever wanted anything but the best for you before?”
“No, no she hasn't.”
“So, why would she start wanting less for you now? Plus, Larry and Tahani were engaged way longer than we were, it's not like she rushed into that right away. Maybe it's safe to say she's outgrown that behavior.”
“Chidi,” Eleanor pulled her husband's hands off her face and held them out in front of her. “I don't know if you noticed, but Tahani and Larry sent out their wedding invitations three weeks after we sent out ours. They got married five months after we did, and she spent her wedding drunker than she's ever been in her life. It's safe to say sometimes she follows after what she thinks she should be doing, and not what she really wants.”
“You sound slightly insane, Eleanor.”
“Yeah, well, you married this slightly insane bitch. So, get used to it,” Eleanor joked, but her face didn't match her humor.
Chidi noticed, of course, but there wasn't much he could say to reassure her about Tahani. He knew it would go well, Tahani loved Eleanor with all of her heart.
“Did you get the tea prepared? Tahani will be here any moment,” the American got up from the couch and brushed off her jeans, trying to make herself look as decent as possible.
“Yup, it's in the kitchen,” Chidi said, going to the kitchen quickly just as the doorbell rang.
Honestly, it was surprising that Tahani used the doorbell at all this time, seeing as she used to just waltz right in like she owned the place. Although, ever since Chidi and Eleanor got married, that changed. She started coming around less, and normally wasn't the first person to make plans with Eleanor anymore. Perhaps she was enjoying married life with Larry, or just giving Eleanor space. It was hard to tell with Tahani.
Eleanor swung the door open and Tahani practically leaped into her arms, hugging her tightly as she gushed about how long it's been since they've last seen each other, how she's waited all week for these plans, how she ditched tea plans with Adele for this. Eleanor just sat tightly squeezed into Tahani's arms as she listened to the taller girl's rambles.
It wasn't until Chidi re-entered the room with a tray of three cups of tea and a little gift sitting next to it that Tahani finally pulled away from Eleanor.
“Oh, hello there, Chidi!” One thing about Tahani is that she was going to greet her friends with such cheer every time they said hello.
Chidi placed the tray on the coffee table in front of him and then waved hello at Tahani as she practically floated over to the couch, Eleanor shutting the front door and following after her.
Chidi sat on the recliner chair, leaving the couch to the girls. He knew this moment would be important to Eleanor and Tahani, so he wanted to give them space to be excited about it with each other without getting in the way.
“Oh, Eleanor,” Tahani went on as she carefully picked up a cup of tea and claimed it as hers by taking a sip and then gently placing it back down. “There is just so much I couldn't wait to update you about.”
Eleanor laughed with an all-too-familiar nervous smile. “I bet not as much as I have to update you about.”
“Oh?” Tahani practically gasped. Eleanor having updates for Tahani was rare, so of course, it piqued the brunette's interest. “Then I shall not waste anymore of your time. Tell me, what is on your mind?”
“Tahani, you're not my therapist. If you have something to share, I'm here too.”
“Oh, no, it’s quite silly,” the British girl laughed softly. “It was just some drama that happened after my wedding that I'd figure you'd want to hear about. No one that important, just my friend Rihanna shared some unexpected news.”
“Oh no, babe, you definitely have to share that story, but maybe later, yeah?”
Tahani nodded, turned her knees to face Eleanor, and clasped her hands together. “Ah, splendid!” She beamed with happiness. “Go on then, I'm all yours!”
Eleanor couldn't help but smile back, but instead of saying anything, she took the small present that was previously on the tray and placed it on Tahani's lap gently.
“Ooh! For me?” And Tahani looked like she could cry just at the idea of someone thinking of her enough to pick out a gift with her in mind.
“Well, you're going to want this to be a big moment,” Eleanor laughed as the other girl fidgeted with the ribbon on the box.
“May I open it?”
“Please do, the anticipation is kind of killing me.”
Tahani was not slow with opening the gift after that, but somehow she still did it with such elegance and grace that Eleanor couldn't help but still be in awe of her best friend.
Slowly, she lifted up the lid to the box and replaced it to be underneath the box. As she peered inside the container, she was intrigued by a white t-shirt inside. She pulled it out gently and held it up in front of herself to read the text.
It was a pretty basic t-shirt, and definitely not Tahani's style, but in the middle of the shirt, in pink text, 'A u n t T a h a n i’ was written out.
Brown eyes looked up to meet Eleanor's blue ones. Eleanor felt this pit in her gut of nervousness, waiting for Tahani to show some sort of reaction. Seconds felt like hours until it finally dawned onto the brunette what was happening.
“No,” she gasped, tears prickling at her eyes. “Are you…”
Eleanor nodded, and before she could even ask how Tahani felt about that, she was wrapped up in a hug.
“Eleanor, I'm so happy for you,” and all of a sudden, Eleanor was joining Tahani in the tear-fest.
Fuck you, pregnancy hormones.
“Oh my, you're going to be such a great mum. I'm so happy for you, seriously. This baby is going to be so loved.”
“Careful with squeezing her, you might squish my kid,” Chidi joked, but it fell on deaf ears because neither girl could hear him over their own sobs of joy.
Tahani pulled away from the hug a few moments later, but she didn't go far. Her hands stayed clasped onto Eleanor's arms. “I am so gonna spoil that baby,” Tahani grinned proudly. “Wait, how far along are you?”
“Not far at all, so we're still being careful with who we tell. God forbid something were to happen to the baby—”
“Eleanor,” both Chidi and Tahani interrupted at the same time, as if not even wanting to speak that energy into existence. Eleanor took a shaky breath and continued.
“Eight weeks. Still early, but I couldn't keep this from my best friend even if I tried.”
“Well, let me tell you guys one thing,” Tahani smiled, looking in between the couple. “That baby is going to have the best baby shower ever, because it's going to be thrown by the best hostess ever: me! Also, that baby is going to have the best wardrobe ever, and I'm going to buy them the cutest clothes for years to come.”
“We don't need your help, hot stuff.”
“Oh, okay, I totally won't help you guys out,” Tahani winked.
That was a lie.
-
The next day, Tahani showed up to the house again, this time with a huge box of stuff.
“Tahani, I thought you said you weren't going to help,” Eleanor sighed as she tried to take the box from Tahani. Tahani shook her head.
“No heavy lifting for you, Eleanor,” she hummed as she placed the box on the couch. “That wouldn't be good for you or the baby.”
“‘Heavy lifting?’ How much is in that box?”
“Oh, you know…” Tahani hummed suspiciously. “The basics.”
“Tahani,” Eleanor gave a pointed look at her best friend and raised her eyebrow.
“I simply couldn't help myself, darling! I'm going to spoil baby Anagonye.”
With that, Tahani turned around and opened the box, stepping out of the way so Eleanor could see what's inside.
A box of diapers, a baby floral dress that looked like it was made in the 90s, and a pair of baby overalls.
“Might I remind you that we don't know the baby's gender yet, or would that ruin your little shopping spree?”
“Oh, please, Eleanor, I have plenty of enough money to buy both a wardrobe for a girl and a boy.”
Eleanor was going to respond with something snarky, but then her pregnancy caught up to her. She ran to the bathroom quickly and up came her lunch.
Tahani followed after her and watched in the doorway, unsure if she should do anything to help.
“Can you get me a glass of water, please?”
“Of course, dear,” Tahani said and two minutes later she reappeared with a glass of water in her hands. Eleanor was scrubbing her teeth clean. Tahani gave her an awkward side hug. “Oh, darling, is the morning sickness always this bad?”
“Whoever decided to call it morning sickness was a fucking liar.”
“So that's a yes then, huh?” Tahani sighed with sympathy, rubbing Eleanor's back gently. Eleanor rinsed her face and then turned around and hugged Tahani.
“It's kind of scary, T,” Tears began to form in Eleanor's eyes at the words. “I haven't told Chidi because I don't want to worry him, but it's all changing my body so quickly and I am just scared that I'll do something to mess it up.”
Tahani pulled away from the hug only to grab Eleanor by the chin to look her in her eyes. “Listen to me, no matter what happens next, please remember that you are doing your absolute best at it. I really admire you for that. You don't just face your fears, you do your best to absolutely demolish them.”
“Thanks, Tahani,” Eleanor smiled. Tahani slowly let go of the other girl's face.
“Of course, darling,” Tahani smiled back. “But I really would recommend telling Chidi how you're feeling, perhaps it'll make you feel the tiniest bit more prepared for these changes if you're able to express these fears with… your husband.”
“Okayyyyy,” Eleanor groaned. “But if he spirals it is totally your fault.”
“Isn't that just the Chidi response to everything? Just spiral?”
“Hey! Only I'm allowed to make fun of his anxiety!” Eleanor teased. “And it's not like you can say much, Mrs. Hemsworth.”
“That is quite the fair point, I suppose,” the brunette smiled, although on the inside her heart felt like it was splitting into two for some odd reason that she couldn’t quite place. Tahani carefully placed her hand just above the small of Eleanor's back. “C'mon, dear. Why don't we rest on the couch, yeah? I'll stay with you until Chidi comes home, you seem like you can use the distraction.”
Eleanor nodded and let the taller girl guide her out of the bathroom and into the living room.
“Where should I place this box?” Tahani asked, walking away from the blonde and over to the box she had brought over. “Do you guys have a nursery yet?”
Eleanor just nodded and gave a small smile. “Chidi wanted to start one as soon as we found out we were able to even have kids. He's always wanted a little family.”
Tahani smiled back at her and then picked up the box into her arms.
Eleanor motioned for Tahani to follow her upstairs (the brunette, of course, still wouldn't let her carry the box).
Saying that Tahani followed her up the stairs would be incorrect though, because Eleanor let the other woman go up the stairs first and took cautious steps after her, as if she was scared to trip on her own legs.
“Sorry, I just don't wanna fall and hurt the baby,” Eleanor explained, but Tahani didn't seem to mind. She waited patiently at the top of the stairs.
“You're going to be the best mom ever, El, I mean it.”
Eleanor felt her cheeks warm at the compliment. Lately she seemed to love being praised way more than usual.
Eleanor led them to a door at the end of the hallway. One of the guest bedrooms had been stripped of all of its old furniture and now instead had a baby crib inside of it. There wasn't much baby stuff in it yet, and it was still bare and empty.
“I haven't really been in here yet,” Eleanor said softly, watching as Tahani placed the box next to the crib on the floor.
“It would be a lovely room for a child to grow up in,” Tahani beamed, twirling around slowly. “I can already imagine that Chidi's gonna place a bookshelf or two in here though, and that might take up some space.”
“The baby might be outsmarting me by the time they're like two years old,” Eleanor laughed.
“Perhaps the Shellstrop genes will pull through and make the kid slightly uncultured, just like their mother.”
“I am not uncultured,” the blonde insisted, crossing her arms. “It's not my fault you and Chidi are too cultured.”
“Sure, sure, whatever you say, dear,” Tahani smiled with faux innocence. Eleanor stuck her tongue out at the taller girl. “You are so precious, Eleanor, I don't know how I'm going to handle a mini you.”
“It's a good thing they'll probably look like Chidi then.”
“I'll find little pieces of you in them, don't you even worry,” Tahani held back every urge in her body to not ‘boop’ the smaller girl's nose, knowing how much Eleanor absolutely hates being booped. “Although, it would be quite funny if the baby grows up looking like Chidi, but with your height.”
“Keep talking and you won't get to meet the baby. I can't risk them being a bully because of their aunt being a bad influence on them.”
“You love me,” Tahani smiled, pulling the shorter girl in a hug. Eleanor playfully shoved her away.
“Someone's gotta.”
-
The last thing Chidi expected when he got home from work was finding his wife and her best friend cuddled up on the couch together. Tahani had her arm over the smaller girl's shoulder and Eleanor was tucked up right next to Tahani. Eleanor was sleeping like a baby (ironic) and looked incredibly comfy next to Tahani. The brunette had whispered a soft greeting to him when he got inside, apparently not wanting to wake Eleanor.
“Hi…” Chidi whispered slowly. “What are you doing here..?”
“I stopped by to give some gifts for the baby. Eleanor was feeling a bit ill so I decided to stay and keep her company,” Tahani whispered, a smile on her face as she reminisced on the day like it was the best day ever. “We were watching quite a scary show…I don't know if you've heard about it. It's called ‘Full House’. Chidi, the little girls’ mom died, so the dad is left to raise three daughters with the help of his friends.”
“Yes, I'm familiar with Full House,” Chidi whispered back, an amused expression on his face.
“Oh, so was I, but only because my dear friends Mary-Kate and Ashley were in it when they were kids,” Tahani smiled, before abruptly changing the topic. “That's not important though. The important thing is Eleanor needs to talk to you about a fear of hers and I'm worried that she won't and then you'll never know about it. At least if you know in advance, you can direct her into the conversation.”
“Okay, I'll make sure to talk to her. Thanks for letting me know.”
Tahani smiled, then she looked down at Eleanor and tapped her on the shoulder to try and wake her up. “Eleanor, honey, I'm gonna go back to my house now. Chidi's home.”
Eleanor was still dazed from her sleep when she hugged Tahani goodbye and Chidi hello.
“Hi, El,” Chidi said, kissing Eleanor's forehead when they hugged. “How was your day? Did the baby cause any troubles?”
Tahani smiled, looking back at the couple one more time before leaving the house. She wasn't needed here anymore. Eleanor had Chidi and Chidi was enough for her.
So why wasn't Larry enough for Tahani?
-
“You know I’m not allergic to driving just because I'm pregnant, right?”
Tahani ignored Eleanor’s remarks and kept her eyes on the road. “Are you nervous about your appointment today?”
Eleanor looked out her window then, and Tahani felt her energy shift.
“No, not really,” she said, but the brunette could tell that Eleanor wasn't being a hundred percent truthful then.
“Are you sure, dear?” Tahani inquired.
“Yeah, it’s nothing more than a checkup,” Eleanor said in a tone that sounded more like she was trying to convince herself more than Tahani.
Tahani knew that if it wasn't scary to the smaller woman, then she wouldn't be taking Eleanor to her doctor’s appointment. There must've been a reason she was in the driver’s seat instead of Chidi.
“Can you drive slower, Tahani?”
Tahani smiled. “Not legally, no. This is the fourth time you’ve asked me to slow down since we’ve gotten in the car, darling.”
“Yeah, well I’m not feeling the greatest, and if you don't want vomit all over your fancy car seat, I suggest you slow down.”
“Eleanor, if I go any slower, we’re going to get pulled over.”
“You have a gazillion dollars, you can afford it.”
Of course, Tahani would do whatever Eleanor wanted her to do, even if that meant they were twenty minutes late to Eleanor's doctor’s appointment. Even if that meant Tahani would have to pull over so Eleanor could throw up on the side of the road.
“Do you want me to wait in the car?” Tahani offered, to which Eleanor immediately shook her head no.
“Can you please come in with me?” She tilted her head at the brunette. There was nothing Tahani couldn't resist more than an Eleanor request (or anything Eleanor related, for that matter).
“Of course, anything to make you feel comfortable,” the girls smiled at each other for a moment, before Tahani added onto that. “and I would like to hear about the baby too.”
-
Luckily, the staff at the doctor’s office were super understanding of why the pregnant woman wasn't on time to her appointment, so they found time to squeeze her checkup in between other people's appointments.
That did mean they had to wait longer, so Tahani and Eleanor sat patiently in the waiting room for about an hour and a half. Eleanor had fallen asleep, leaning on Tahani’s shoulder for support.
“Eleanor Shellstrop?” A nurse had called, but Eleanor hadn't budged until Tahani gently shrugged her shoulder to wake her.
“Darling, it's time,” the brit gently spoke, Eleanor's eyes fluttering open.
Eleanor nodded and stood up slowly and smiled nervously at the nurse. “Sorry, I haven't been sleeping well lately.”
The nurse smiled at her. “Morning sickness?” She asked knowingly. Eleanor nodded grumpily at that.
Tahani couldn't put her finger on why, but she felt like she almost recognized the brunette woman who happened to be the nurse. To be fair, though, Tahani knows a million people, there's no way she could remember everyone she's ever met. So, maybe it would be strange to point out that she looks familiar. She was still new to this "Socializing Like A Normal Person” thing.
-
“Are there any concerns you might have about this pregnancy?” Eleanor's doctor, an older gentleman, asked after the main part of the appointment.
“Uhm.. I'm not sure—” Eleanor had started to say, but was quickly interrupted by her best friend before she could even end the sentence.
“I have some concerns,” Tahani looked over at Eleanor then, “If that's alright with you, dear.”
Eleanor nodded, a little surprised that Tahani had concerns to bring up right away. It was kind of nice to be cared about in that way, not that she wasn't used to that from Chidi, but she wasn't used to that in a platonic sense.
“Is too much morning sickness something to look out for? She's constantly ill and I feel bad that nothing seems to help.”
“I am not constantly sick.”
Tahani rolled her eyes. “She's lying. She threw up multiple times on the way here, she stayed up all night sick last night, she's not doing okay at all. Quite frankly, I'm lucky my car is still clean.”
Eleanor was about to shoot daggers at Tahani for that comment; but then her face went pale. She bolted out the room.
“Morning sickness, I assume?”
The brown eyed woman stared at the door with concern. “Every hour of every day she's like this. I just worry about her.”
-
Week 14
-
The past few weeks were tough to say the least, and it was still only the beginning of Eleanor's pregnancy. It had caused complications during work hours, she had been experiencing dizziness and headaches. So Chidi had opted for her to take some time off, while Chidi himself unfortunately had to continue working. Luckily, Tahani had stepped up to help her, considering the fact that she herself didn't need a typical job like the other two, being a model and philanthropist.
“Tahani, you've been here for like four days, go home,” Eleanor insisted, standing in front of the taller woman, who was sitting on the couch settling on top of a blanket.
Tahani's face fell. “Am I overstaying my welcome, darling?”
The blonde plopped herself right down on the couch next to her best friend. “It's not that your presence is driving me or Chidi insane, we love you… but you're still newly married, Tahani, you should be spending time with Larry, not worrying about me being pregnant.”
A pause. Long. Silent. Tahani avoided eye contact for a moment.
“Well, I just figured… with Chidi being at work a lot and you taking time off of working for a bit for the baby that you'd enjoy a bit of company so you're not alone…” and scared, Tahani wanted to add, but they both knew she was scared, there was no point stating the obvious outloud.
Eleanor leaned her head on Tahani's shoulder. “You don't have to stay to keep me company, I was alone my whole life, I can handle it.”
“But you don't have to be anymore, Eleanor, that's what I'm here for; to be a friend and help support you. Who cares if Larry is at home waiting for me, he's not creating a child from scratch.”
“Tahani, I don't think you should think that about your husband,” Eleanor laughed. “You should want to spend time with him.”
The brunette cleared her throat. “Last time I went home for a few days, I came back and you already had a baby bump. I don't want to miss out on the pregnancy.”
“Please, Tahani,” The blue-eyed-girl batted her eyelashes at the brit, and how was Tahani supposed to say no to that? “Give me like, two days maximum.”
Tahani sighed, pulled away from Eleanor and stood up from the couch, dusting off her dress as she got up. “Alright… but call me if you need anything, okay darling?”
Eleanor smiled up at the girl. “Of course, Tahani. I promise you that you'll get constant updates about me and the baby.”
“You know, we should work on finding out the gender soon, so we can stop calling them ‘the baby’, and practice calling them a proper name.”
“Yeah, we'll see about that,” the blonde hummed, not really listening to her friend and instead focusing on laying down on the couch. It was nap time, she had already decided. It would be nice to get some sleep without someone checking her pulse every time her breathing slowed a little bit, which is an actual thing Tahani did at one point. She also woke her up ten minutes into her last nap to say that it had been too long since she last drank water and she needed to hydrate.
“And don't forget to eat properly, even without me here. It's good for the baby to grow,” Tahani spoke again as she walked over to the front door.
“Mhm,” Eleanor hummed, her eyes pried shut. “Bye Tahani, love ya!”
“Goodbye Eleanor, love you—wait, don’t forget to hydrate!”
Eleanor's eyes snapped open. “I know… you set alarms on my phone, it would be hard to forget to hydrate.”
“Knowing you? You'd find a way.” Tahani laughed before waving one more time and then closed the door behind her.
Finally, silence, Eleanor thought to herself, prying her eyes shut. She had been exhausted all day because of the lack of sleep from the night before. She told Chidi and Tahani she didn't know why she couldn’t sleep, but that wasn't true. The truth was she couldn't sleep because of anxiety, the idea of being a mother was so terrifying to her. She couldn't sleep because the idea of turning out like Donna Shellstrop had plagued her mind.
And now, here she was, alone, prying her eyes shut so tight, hoping for any hint of sleep to sneak up on her.
Nothing.
How was it that she had been so exhausted she almost fell asleep while her British friend yapped her ear off about some actress that she recognized in the movie they were watching, but now she couldn't sleep with actual silence?
Well, if we could even call it silence at the moment. There was no crappy reality tv show playing in the background, nor were there any voices echoing through the house. Except for her own, inside of her head.
They didn't seem to care about her tiredness. On and on and on. What if she wasn't made to be a mom? What if she's nothing more than a Shellstrop: a trashbag from Arizona, whose only concern is herself?
As the thoughts pounded a headache into her brain, her breathing sped up. It felt like her chest was going to cave in. Eleanor sat up on the couch and carefully held onto her stomach. How could she ever think she would ever be capable of being a mother? How could she ever think she would be able to care and raise a child— from the time they were a newborn, all the way up until they were old enough to resent her? How could she deceive Chidi into believing she was ready for this?
Has she been lying to him about wanting a kid? Deluding herself into wanting to become a family of three? She couldn't quite see reason through all of the scenarios passing by. She was sure that her heart was going at a solid 160.
A part of her regretted shoving her friend out the door. Tahani would probably know how to calm her down. She could just take one look into her gentle brown eyes, and maybe for a split second, believe it would be okay. And one second is kind of all she wanted right now.
She felt the tears slip down her face before she even realized she was crying, but it was too late to do anything about the baby now, she just had to suck it up and prepare for the future child to hate her. She could just see it now, the future baby was going to have Chidi's eyes and Eleanor's resentment for her mother.
It didn't take long before the slow tears turned into a full on waterfall. Eleanor wasn't much of a crier. It was simply how she had learned to make her way through life, tears only made her weaker.
"Suck it up! Don't be such a baby, Eleanor,” She had spoken with a shaky breath, and the word baby rang throughout her head and only made her sob harder, also making her breathing more unpredictable. How was she supposed to be expected to raise a child when she was acting like one?
The panicking must've made her lose track of time, because suddenly it was six P.M. and Chidi walked through the door. “Eleanor, are you okay?” His familiar and concerned voice echoed through the living room as her husband rushed to her side, wrapping his arms around her shoulders after sitting down on the couch next to her. “Breathe, El, breathe. It's okay, you're safe, I'm here.”
Eleanor pushed him away. “I'm fine,” she very obviously lied through sobs. “Don't worry about me.”
“You don't have to play tough anymore, Eleanor, I'm here for you. You can talk to me, I promise.”
The thoughts just continued in Eleanor's head: he's too good for me. He's going to divorce me. Our kid will want to live with him and I'll be alone again. I hope Tahani will still visit me when I go back to my Shellstrop ways.
Chidi just continued speaking to her, though. “I need you to listen to me, do you hear me?” He was so gentle, even when concerned. He didn't freak out on her, he just sat there and gently rubbed her back; as if it was a silent reminder that he wasn't going anywhere. “Eleanor, I need you to at least nod if you're listening, okay? I want to help but I can't if you refuse to listen.”
Eleanor nodded slowly, because she wanted to calm down as quickly as possible.
“Okay, good, I'm proud of you,” he said before softly kissing her on her tear-stained cheek. “Do you wanna breathe in and out with me? You look like you could use it.”
Fuck off, the old Eleanor would've wanted to say—but the improved Eleanor wanted him as close to her as possible, his body bringing her warmth and comfort she had never gotten from anyone ever before him. What would be the harm in humoring his coping mechanisms? She nodded, and then the next two minutes revolved around Chidi coaching her breathing until it had actually dropped to a normal speed.
“Now, you wanna tell me what's going on?” He asked in that stupidly soft voice that Eleanor had really grown to love over the years.
“Do I have to?” She smiled, her first smile since before Tahani had left. Chidi wasn't going to fall for the classic Eleanor ways of using humor to deflect, though. He gave a pointed look until Eleanor caved.
“Okay, fine,” Eleanor said, defeated. She stared down at her lap, not being able to make eye contact with her husband as she spoke. “I've just been a bit worried that I won't be a good mother, and maybe I tricked you into thinking I will be one.”
Chidi's face fell with sympathy. Eleanor didn't even have to look over at him to know this, she could feel the way he was looking at her. “Why didn't you tell me this, honey? We could've talked about how you were feeling.”
“I didn't want to worry you,” Eleanor finally looked over at Chidi then. “You're so excited about being a dad, and trust me, I'm excited we're having a kid too… but… what if I'm not enough? Not enough for you or the baby…? What if this changes everything?”
The man's eyes didn't change the whole time, still so full of love no matter what came out of the blonde's mouth. “No matter what, I'm sticking by your side, you got that? It's both of our first times being parents, neither of us are going to be perfect right away. Unlike your mother, though, we're going to learn how to be the parents that our baby deserves,” Chidi pulled Eleanor into a hug and kissed her on the top of her head. “I trust you.”
“Thank you, Chidi,” Eleanor said, voice soft and barely above a whisper. “I love you.”
“I love you too.”
Eleanor closed her eyes as the first sign of peace she's felt all day washed over her. There was still that lingering anxious thought in the back of her head, but besides that, there was finally silence.
“Why don't you take a nap before dinner?” He suggested, breaking the silence, but Eleanor kept her eyes shut.
“If I wasn't pregnant, I'd say let's skip dinner and cuddle in bed—” Eleanor's eyes flickered open and she pulled away from him. “Oh my God, do you hear me? I just offered to cuddle with you! This is your fault, you made me soft and mushy with your stupid feelings that you make me feel. I think I might hate you.”
Chidi flashed his goofy and in love smile. “I'll tell you what,” he said, holding out his hand for her to hold. She accepted. “I'll bring you dinner in bed if you let me talk to the baby bump for a bit afterwards. If you're up to it, of course.”
“You always talk to them, why would today be any different?” the blonde smiled as the two stood up from the couch, hand in hand.
“I just didn't want you to think I'm spoiling you so that was my attempt to trick you into thinking you had to actually earn dinner in bed.”
“We both know you'd walk to the other side of the country to deliver me a home-cooked meal and a kiss,” Eleanor laughed, her cheeks a light shade of pink. “You're down bad, mister.”
As they walked over to the stairs, Eleanor looked down as she walked up each step cautiously, a new nervous habit she had formed since finding out she was pregnant.
“Slowly, please,” her voice came out shaky, as if embarrassed.
Chidi nodded, his hand holding onto hers, still firm and gentle, as he waited for her to take each step.
“Y'know, I was thinking today that we should give the baby a nickname, just something gender neutral we can refer to them as, instead of ‘the baby,’” she said as they finally reached the top of the stairs.
“Oh yeah?” He asked, leading them to their bedroom down the hall. “What made you think about this?”
The woman laughed. “I think Tahani was trying to name our kid today, saying she wanted a proper name to refer to them as.”
Eleanor shut the bedroom door behind them and she slowly sat down on the bed after letting go of Chidi's hand.
“I don't hate the idea,” he said, smiling at his wife as she tucked herself under a blanket and got real cozy. She's so adorable.
“Maybe we can come up with something,” Eleanor closed her eyes, so incredibly exhausted. “Later though, I'm exhausted.”
Chidi chuckled softly, kissed her on the forehead and left the bedroom to go cook dinner for the blonde.
-
“Alright, baby” Chidi spoke softly to the baby bump, rubbing Eleanor's stomach gently. “Look at you, you're getting so big. I do have a lot to thank you for, though. First off, as of right now your mom is nice to me because you make her emotional and clingy.”
Chidi felt a playful smack on his shoulder for that comment.
“I'm always nice to you, nerd,” she said, a playful smile on her face and love in her eyes.
“Sure you are, El,” Chidi smiled and turned to the bump. “See?” He whispered, as if keeping a secret with the unborn baby that Eleanor couldn't hear. “She's scary. Don't worry though, I know how to make her less mean. I just threaten her with moral philosophy lessons—”
“I swear to God, Chidi, if our child's first words are ‘Immanuel Kant’, you will never see sunlight again.”
-
Week 17
-
“Hey Eleanor, look at this!” Tahani said, plopping down next to Eleanor on the couch, holding out her phone that had some sort of pregnancy article on it. “Today, the baby is the size of a pear!”
“Yeah, well my stomach is a lot larger than the size of a pear, so clearly someone's lying here.”
“Did you know their little ears are almost fully developed now? The baby can almost hear you, which means you have to start watching your language around them.”
Eleanor rolled her eyes. She was getting kind of sick of being constantly reminded that she was pregnant.
Tahani dropped her phone and held out her arms for Eleanor to hug. Eleanor just waved her off.
Eleanor almost never waved off Tahani's hugs, so clearly something was wrong.
“Are you alright, dear?”
“I don't think I should have a kid ever again after this one,” she said, letting out a dry attempt of a laugh. “I hate being pregnant. I try telling myself it'll be worth it, to have a kid of my own, to give Chidi a family of his own, to love something unconditionally—but… what if I can't give the kid the life they deserve. What if I can't be the person they deserve?”
Tears began to roll down Eleanor's cheeks before she could stop them, and Tahani froze for a millisecond, before pulling her into a hug. Eleanor accepted the hug this time.
“Eleanor, you’re going to be an excellent mom, I promise,” Tahani said, putting her head on top of Eleanor's. “This baby is going to be so incredibly lucky, you have no idea.”
“I want to believe you.”
“You should believe me, I've never lied to you before, why would I start now?” Tahani rubbed Eleanor's arm gently. “I have an immense amount of faith in you, I promise, love.”
“Thanks, Tahani,” the blonde responded, voice only a bit higher than a whisper. She raised her hand up and wiped the tears from underneath her eyes and pulled away from the brit.
“I meant every word I said, El. Seriously. You're gonna be a great mom.”
Eleanor smiled. “You'd be a great mom too, when you and Larry are ready, of course.”
Tahani went silent and for a split second her smile fell. She fixed her face to a happier one and said a soft “thank you,” and then continued on, changing the subject. “Have you talked to Chidi yet?”
“No, no, what was that?” The blonde pressed, giving a weird look to her friend. “Why did you go silent when I brought up kids?” Her blue eyes widened. “Are you… able to have them?”
Tahani's eyes went as wide as her friend's. “Oh, no, Larry just doesn't want them. He's not very passionate about it.”
“Oh…” Eleanor's face dropped. “But you've always wanted kids, or you did the last time we talked. Doesn't that affect your relationship?”
“Oh no,” Tahani fake laughed. “It's something we compromise on, I guess.”
“Oh, well that's good I guess,” Eleanor had said in response, but inside, she had one thought: she's hiding something.
Luckily for Eleanor, though, Larry was supposed to come over after work so they could eat dinner with the four of them together.
I'm gonna find out what that sexy skyscraper is hiding sooner or later.
And boy, was she right.