Chapter Text
Vaggie had never thought birth would be this exhausting. If she had known, she would have prepared herself better. But at the same time, who could she have talked to? While Lilith was her mother-in-law and should have been someone Vaggie could feel safe around, she often felt distant. Ever since Lilith had returned from her long absence, Vaggie had sometimes felt that the Queen never truly approved of her as part of the family.
That side of Lilith rarely showed when Charlie was around, but when the two of them were alone, Vaggie could not ignore the silent, judging glances or the cold treatment. There had been moments, small and sharp, that still clung to her memory. Lilith questioning the way she handled things in the Hotel, asking why she chose certain routines, why she spoke the way she did. Once the Queen had looked at her training schedule and remarked that a Morningstar would never waste time on such rigid habits.
Other times it was worse. Lilith would ask careful questions about her past, about the exterminations, about how easily an exorcist could really truly change. She had wondered aloud whether Vaggie’s loyalty to Charlie was love or simply guilt looking for a new master. Each word had sounded polite, yet they cut deeper than any open insult.
Vaggie had always answered calmly, swallowing her pride, telling herself it was just concern from a mother. But the doubts Lilith planted never quite left her.
She knew that growing into a family and being accepted was never easy. Just because your partner loves you does not mean their parents will. The King of Hell, at least, seemed genuinely happy to welcome her, which was a relief.
The Queen, however, was almost the complete opposite of the outgoing and bubbly king. She was reserved, held her head high with a serious posture, and showed little emotion. Sometimes that made Vaggie wonder if Charlie had ever been like this, or if most of her personality came from her father. Charlie had at least had her parents back for a while and had been able to ask them for advice about adulthood before becoming a mother.
Of course, Vaggie was happy that her wife had reunited with her family after spending so long alone, forced to figure out life on her own while chasing her dream. The princess had spent years isolated because no one believed in her ideas. It was only when Charlie found Vaggie that she finally felt less alone. And it was probably the same for Vaggie, since in the army you rarely formed real connections with anyone.
But now, in her adult life, she sometimes wished she could see her parents again in Heaven. She wanted to tell them that she was fine, that she had found the love of her life, settled with her, and found her place here in Hell. Especially now, after becoming a mother, she wished she could show them this huge step and ask for their advice. But finding them was likely impossible.
The army had forced everyone to cut off contact with their families in order to protect the secret of the exterminations. Vaggie had spent so much time in Heaven that she had almost forgotten whether she even had a family outside the army. Perhaps Lute and Adam’s manipulation had played a part in that, making her doubt whether her family would still see her as one of their own after all those years of service. She could not even remember their names anymore.
Vaggie sighed deeply and leaned against the doorframe as she watched her wife rock their daughter in her arms while the King and Queen of Hell stood beside them. The new grandparents both wore proud smiles, cooing and talking softly to the newborn.
There was no point in grieving what could not be changed. All she could do was hope they were doing well and living happily now. She hoped that wherever they were, they had stayed strong and carried on despite losing their child. Vaggie could not even imagine how horrible it must have been for them, believing they had lost their daughter the moment she cut contact to join the army.
Just like Charlie, Vaggie had promised herself she would always be there for their daughter and never leave. They both knew too well what it felt like to be left alone in the dark. Charlie had been left by her parents, while Vaggie had been cast out from the family she thought she belonged to in the army.
A faint giggle pulled Vaggie from her thoughts. She glanced at the King of Hell, who had not stopped showing his happiness and pride at becoming a grandfather.
“Ahh, look at my little grand duckie, Cait. You look so much like your moms!” Lucifer beamed as he played with the newborn’s tiny hands, laughing as she made small grabbing motions in the air. Lilith, on the other hand, stood tall behind Charlie with a restrained smile, watching the child.
“She’ll grow as strong as you, my love,” she said, resting a hand on Charlie’s shoulder. “I’m so proud of you.”
“Thanks, mom,” Charlie replied with a warm smile.
Vaggie bit her lip. Maybe she was reading too much into things, but the fact that Lilith had not acknowledged her as Cait’s other parent still hurt. Of course a mother would be proud of her own daughter after such a moment, yet the way the Queen of Hell seemed to see Cait only as Charlie’s child stung deep inside.
She had thought about telling Charlie how she felt about the whole family situation, about the tension between her and Lilith. But Vaggie did not know how to put it into words. She did not want to hurt Charlie or steal the happiness of having her mother back. Ruining their bond just because Vaggie felt unwelcome was something she would never do to her wife. Charlie had already been through so much. Perhaps it was better to stay silent and endure her feelings on her own.
Vaggie drew in a slow breath and stepped closer, deciding to join the warmth of the moment instead of standing at the edge of it. The instant she moved beside Charlie, she felt it. Lilith’s expression changed as if a mask had slipped into place. The softness that had been there a second ago cooled into something distant and sharp. Vaggie noticed how the Queen’s fingers tightened around Charlie’s shoulder, just a little, but enough to send a quiet message.
Vaggie cleared her throat and stepped a little closer, trying to sound casual despite the nervous knot in her chest.
“So… how’s she been?” she asked. “Has Cait slept at all, or is she already running the whole house?”
Lucifer let out a bright laugh.
“Oh, she’s got lungs like a proper Morningstar. Woke the entire palace twice already. I’ve never been prouder.”
Charlie grinned, gently rocking the baby.
“She’s actually been pretty calm, considering. She likes it when I hum to her. Or when you talk, Vaggie. I think she recognizes your sweet voice already.”
The warmth in Charlie’s tone made Vaggie relax for a second, enough for a shy smile to reach her lips. But when she glanced to the side, Lilith was still silent. The Queen’s eyes moved over her with that same cool distance, as if measuring whether she even belonged in the room.
Vaggie searched for something else to say, anything to pull Lilith in.
“She’s got your eyes, Charlie,” she added softly.
Not even that made Lilith flinch or react, so Vaggie added, trying to keep her voice light. “Maybe your stubbornness too.”
Charlie laughed, bright and easy. “Oh, she’s definitely getting that from both her moms. We’re doomed.”
She began to list things with playful confidence, counting them on her fingers.
“She’ll get your sweet caring nature, Vaggie, and that serious face you make when you’re thinking. And from me, obviously, the amazing singing voice and the love for theater. Maybe my terrible sense of direction too.”
Lucifer chuckled and leaned closer to the baby.
“I’m betting she gets your determination, Vaggie. That tough spirit of yours. And those protective instincts. I can already tell she’ll be fierce like you.”
For a moment Vaggie almost believed she was part of the circle, her chest warming at his words. Then Lucifer turned to Lilith with an eager smile.
“What do you think, my Queen? What will our little Cait inherit?”
Lilith gave a small shrug, her gaze resting on the child rather than on Vaggie.
“I know exactly what she’ll inherit from my daughter,” she said shortly. “That will be more than enough.”
The way she said it made something twist in Vaggie’s stomach. The unspoken meaning hung in the air. Cait belonged to Charlie. To their blood. Not to her.
The room suddenly felt too small, too warm. Vaggie forced a tight smile and stepped back. “I… need a little air, she murmured. I’ll be right back.”
Vaggie stepped into the hallway and let the door close behind her, muffling the warm voices inside. She heard Charlie call after her, worried, asking if she was all right. But Vaggie pretended not to hear. If she turned back now, she knew her face would give everything away.
Her feet carried her on their own to the place she always went when the Hotel walls felt too tight. When she reached the rooftop, the cold breeze hit her at once. She exhaled slowly, letting it wash over her burning skin.
She leaned against the railing and lifted her eyes to the sky. Above the red clouds, the white glowing dot of Heaven hung bright and unreachable. For a long time she only stared, feeling very small beneath it.
Her fingers curled around the metal.
“I know I left you,” she whispered to the empty air. “But would you still love me if I ever saw you again?”
No one answered, just as she had expected. The silence only made the tightness in her chest grow. Vaggie felt her vision blur as small tears threatened to break free. For some reason all the feelings she had tried so hard to suppress had become too much now. Maybe it was just the aftermath of birth, she told herself. Maybe this storm inside her was only temporary.
She wiped quickly at her eye and forced a steady breath. She had to stay strong. Showing weakness had never helped her before. It was the only way she knew to keep some kind of respect, some kind of place in this family she now belonged to. Perhaps that was what she had to be in order to live up to the Morningstar name, even though she had never felt like part of it to begin with and probably never would fit in completely.
The pressure on her shoulders had grown heavier lately, even if she knew Charlie never expected her to change. Her wife loved her exactly as she was. Vaggie believed that with all her heart. Yet the need to prove herself still clung to her like an old habit she could not shake.
For some reason she felt she had to meet the expectations of Charlie’s parents. They were the King and Queen of Hell after all, figures of power and pride. Compared to them she was just a fallen former exorcist angel trying to find her place, pretending she was not terrified of losing it.
Vaggie kept staring down at her own hands, her vision still cloudy, when she felt a soft touch on her shoulder. She hesitated before turning around and saw Charlie standing there with a worried gaze, Cait cradled carefully in her arms.
“Hey, are you okay?” Charlie asked.
Vaggie tried to put on a brave face, to shape her expression into something calm, but the moment her eyes met Cait’s, it all crumbled. The baby was looking straight at her with those small, curious eyes, the same eyes as Charlie’s. They reminded her of everything at once. Of Lilith’s words.
Her strength gave out. Without a word Vaggie broke down and sank to her knees, trembling.
Charlie reacted instantly, shifting Cait to one arm so she could catch Vaggie with the other and crouch beside her.
“Hey, hey, Vaggie. Please talk to me. Did something happen? Are you hurt?”
Vaggie tried to answer, but only sobs and shaky gasps escaped her. The feelings she had kept locked away spilled out faster than she could control them. Charlie’s voice softened, trying to guide her back.
“It’s okay. Breathe with me, love. I’m right here.”
She cupped Vaggie’s cheek, gently brushing her thumb across the damp skin.
Vaggie eventually managed to force out a few broken words through her whimpers, her voice small and unsteady. They were not really explanations, more like apologies spilling out without order.
“I’m sorry… I’m so sorry, Charlie. I’m messing everything up. I don’t belong here, I knew it. I’m not enough for you, not for Cait, not for your family…”
Charlie blinked, clearly confused, still holding her close. “What? Vaggie, no. Why would you think that?”
Vaggie shook her head, tears slipping down again. “I don’t know how to be a mom. I don’t even have a family to look back at. I don’t remember them, I don’t know where they are. How can I give Cait something I never had? What if I ruin her? What if I ruin us?”
Charlie stared at her for a moment, then shook her head firmly.
“No. No, Vaggie, listen to me.” She adjusted Cait in her arms and leaned closer so their foreheads almost touched. “You don’t need a perfect past to be a good mother. You already are one. Cait loves you. I love you. That’s what matters, not where you came from or what you lost.”
Vaggie let out another shaky breath, still unconvinced. Her fingers twisted into the fabric of Charlie’s sleeve as she searched for the courage to say what had been sitting in her chest for so long.
“I just… I don’t think your mother approves of me,” she whispered. “Not with who I used to be.”
Charlie frowned at once.
“That’s not true, Vaggie. She cares about you.”
The words only made the knot inside Vaggie tighten. She shook her head and, before she could stop herself, everything spilled out.
“She looks at me like I don’t belong,” Vaggie whispered. “When you’re not there, it’s different. She asks about my past, about the exterminations, like she’s waiting for me to prove I haven’t changed.”
Charlie frowned but remained silent.
“…the way she says things, it’s like she’s testing me. She told me once a Morningstar would never act the way I do. That I still think like a soldier.”
Charlie opened her mouth, then closed it again. The surprise on her face slowly turned into something heavier, and that quiet terrified Vaggie more than any argument could have.
It was as if a valve had broken, and she continued, “I feel so small next to her. Like I’m an intruder pretending to wear a name that isn’t mine. And no matter what I do, she only sees the exorcist I used to be.”
The confession left her breathless, as if she had been holding it in for far too long. And when her wife didn’t reply right away, remaining silent, Vaggie’s heart dropped.
That silence must mean Charlie had finally realized it too. This was the moment she would be pushed away. The moment the Princess of Hell would choose her real family over the broken angel she had tried to love.
Vaggie closed her eye, her shoulders sinking.
“I will never be enough,” she whispered, so faint it was almost lost in the wind.
Vaggie felt the silence stretch on and on, each second pressing heavier against her chest. She braced herself for the worst, for gentle rejection or careful excuses. Her hands trembled in her lap, and she wished she had never spoken at all.
Then, finally, Charlie broke the quiet.
“Why haven’t you told me before?” she asked, carefully.
Vaggie swallowed and looked down at the cold stone beneath them. “I didn’t want to ruin it. You waited so long for your mom to come back, for your family to be together again. I couldn’t be the reason that fell apart.”
She kept her gaze away, afraid of what she might see in Charlie’s eyes if she looked. Saying it out loud made it feel even more real, like she had just confessed something unforgivable.
Charlie gently placed a hand under her chin and guided her to look up. “Vaggie, you are part of this family too. My reunion wouldn’t be complete without you.”
Then Charlie added softly, “My family wouldn’t be complete without you. Neither her’s.”
She brought Cait closer, and the baby’s tiny hand instinctively reached out, brushing against Vaggie’s skin. The touch was warm and clumsy, and Cait let out a small sound, almost as if she agreed with her mother.
The simple gesture made Vaggie’s breath hitch.
Charlie leaned closer, her voice gentle but firm, “I don’t care what my mother says,” she said quietly. “I love you just the way you are. Not the version someone else thinks you should be. Not even my mom’s.”
She brushed a strand of hair from Vaggie’s face.
“We’re going to shape our family the way we want. You, me, and Cait. Who cares about customs or how the Morningstars are supposed to look? That’s not the world I want our daughter to grow up in.”
A weak smile finally touched Vaggie’s lips.
“Here,” Charlie said after a moment. “Do you want to hold her for a bit?”
Vaggie hesitated.
“I don’t know… what if—”
“It’ll make you feel better,” Charlie insisted softly. “Trust me.”
With careful hands Vaggie took Cait into her arms, holding her as if she were something made of glass. The baby blinked up at her, then broke into a tiny smile and let out a happy coo.
Something warm loosened inside Vaggie’s chest.
“See?” Charlie beamed. “She loves you just as much as me.”
Vaggie stayed still for a moment, simply enjoying the feeling of Cait against her chest, the warmth of her tiny, living form. It was hard to believe this miracle was something she and Charlie had created together. The baby’s small breaths tickled her skin, grounding her in a way nothing else could.
After a while Charlie spoke again, softer now.
“I’ll talk with my mother.”
Vaggie froze.
As if sensing her spiraling thoughts, Charlie quickly added, “I promise nothing will change between me and Mom. But it’s not fair how she treats you. I care about all my family, and everyone deserves to feel loved.”
Vaggie let out a relieved exhale and nodded slowly.
“Okay… thanks, babe.”
Charlie leaned closer and kissed her gently. “I love you, Vaggie Morningstar. No matter what anyone thinks, you’ll always be a Morningstar to me, and you’re going to do an amazing job raising our newest member.”
Cait answered with a happy squeal, making both of her mothers laugh.
“Well, looks like our little star agrees, am I right?” Charlie smiled down at her.
The baby cooed, then reached up and pinched Charlie’s nose before almost poking her in the eye. The princess gasped in surprise. “Oh no, she’s already got her mother’s finger strength!”
Vaggie blinked. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
Charlie rubbed her nose dramatically. “It means your hands are weapons, babe. I’ve survived your shoulder squeezes, your training grips, and all those times we’re in bed doing those things, you know?”
The last part made Vaggie blush deeply. She let out a groan.
“Charlie, please…”
Charlie finished with a grin, “So yes, she’ll definitely have your finger strength.”
Vaggie snorted, teasing back, “Yeah… and she’ll probably have her mother’s bad taste in musicals.”
Charlie pouted dramatically.
“Hey! Rude. I was at least nice about the finger strength thing.”
Vaggie leaned closer to Cait and whispered, “Your mom is just a little weak and sensitive.”
“Ugh, I heard that, you know?” Charlie huffed. “And I am not weak or sensitive, I just—”
“Did you hear anything, mi estrella?” Vaggie asked the baby. Cait made a wobbly little head movement and let out a sound.
Vaggie giggled.
“Nope. Neither did I.”