Chapter Text
Xinyu stirred, rays of sunlight peeking through the blinds and hitting her face. Immediately, her head began to throb, the aftereffects of last night’s alcohol already setting in.
She sat up groggily, her hair knotted, her eyes barely opening. She realized she was in her tiny but comfortable bunk bed, her roommate sleeping soundly below her. Truthfully, Xinyu didn’t even remember arriving back at the dorm. Most of the night was a blur, but the last thing she recalled was sitting outside with Sohyun at the party.
Right, Sohyun must have taken her home.
She figured she should send her a text or something. To thank her for driving, to let her know that she was okay, despite the intense hangover.
Xinyu pulled out her phone, tapping her nails onto the screen. Her background photo? A cute picture of her and Sohyun on Xinyu’s last birthday.
xinyu: thanks for driving last night
xinyu: i was super drunk 😅
xinyu: i hope i didn’t say anything weird lol
A few minutes passed before she got a reply.
sohyun: yeah
sohyun: no problem
Xinyu pouted at her phone. Sohyun’s response was a little strange — usually she’d say something a bit sweeter, maybe would have even checked in about how she was feeling. But she didn’t dwell on it too much. She was probably just tired from staying out so late.
Everything was fine.
.
.
.
In Park Sohyun’s mind, everything was not fine.
She saw Xinyu’s text immediately. In fact, she had been anticipating it, hoping that she’d receive some sort of signal from the other girl that she remembered their intimate moment from the night before. But of course, her worst fears had come true.
Xinyu didn’t remember.
Sohyun just stared at her phone, waiting a few minutes to respond. What was she even supposed to say? Yeah, and thanks for the kiss? No, she couldn’t do that.
Of course Xinyu didn’t remember. Sohyun tricked herself into thinking that she would remember as a justification to kiss her. Now she felt guilty, like she had taken advantage of Xinyu. All this, and she knew she’d continue craving her even more. It felt so wrong.
Would it be bad to hide this from Xinyu? Did she need to come clean about what happened? But what if Xinyu did think that she had been taken advantage of? It all seemed too complicated, and Sohyun wasn’t willing to risk her friendship with Xinyu.
They weren’t going to talk about it, Sohyun decided, unless Xinyu magically recalled the moment and brought it up first.
All she could do was sigh and fall back into her bed.
This was not good.
.
.
.
They continued on with their lives as normal.
Xinyu, with no recollection of the events from that night, was always her usual self. Bubbly, confident, and flirty (to everyone). Sohyun, on the other hand, had to fight her inner demons just to appear normal in front of her best friend. Every time they met, she armed herself with a brave face and a mental list of all the acting skills she had learned in her high school drama class.
To her credit, she had been doing a mostly good job throughout the whole week that followed. They had seen each other every day, whether it be for studying, lunches, or just because Xinyu was bored and wanted to meet up. As far as Sohyun was aware, there were no indications that Xinyu saw her behavior as odd. There were also no indications that Xinyu was any closer to remembering the kiss, but that was a separate problem that Sohyun was not willing to deal with.
That Friday, the two of them sat in a local coffee shop after classes. Sohyun sipped on a hot chocolate as she reviewed her computer science notes, while Xinyu polished off an essay for a literature class, half-finished latte discarded to the side. It was not awkward, because Sohyun made sure it wouldn’t be.
Sohyun squinted at her tablet, trying to make sense of the lines of advanced code. Her brain was exhausted from the week. It was challenging to balance advanced engineering coursework with the difficulties of pretending like you hadn’t kissed your best friend just a few days earlier.
Xinyu, who had been remarkably locked in, slammed her laptop shut. She dramatically sank into her chair, tilting her head back. “I am never writing an essay again.”
Sohyun smirked, looking away from her notes. “That’s why I’m an engineer. Haven’t touched an essay in years.”
“Yeah,” Xinyu started, leaning forward to cross her arms on the table, “but you have to write all those weird technical things.”
Sohyun shrugged. “I like them.”
“Nerd.”
Xinyu received a mean side eye at that comment.
“You’re just jealous you don’t know how to put a rocket into space,” Sohyun responded with a smirk on her face.
“Oh, please,” Xinyu said, rolling her eyes playfully. “That doesn’t interest me.”
Sohyun’s eyes widened, her jaw dropping slightly. “Are you kidding me? Putting a rocket into space is arguably one of the coolest things a person can do.”
Xinyu, dramatic as ever, flipped her hair over her shoulder. “I beg to differ.”
“Yeah?” Sohyun asked, cocking an eyebrow curiously. “What qualifies as cool to you?”
“You know my answer. I want to be on the big screen. Maybe less important, but equally as cool in my mind,” Xinyu said.
Sohyun watched as Xinyu’s eyes lit up at the mention of her dreams of being a famous actress. That dull, everyday look disappeared from her face, making room for the warm, electric glow of her pupils. The corners of her lips curved up into a smile, making her happiness even more evident.
God, she was so beautiful.
Lock in, Sohyun, she thought to herself. You can’t give anything away.
“Fair point,” she responded calmly, trying not to give away the fact that she was staring hard.
Xinyu’s smile widened slightly, forming that kind of smirk that made you know she was about to say something witty. “Maybe you’re just jealous that I can act and you can’t.”
Sohyun crossed her arms. “Not true.”
“Really?” Xinyu said in disbelief, taking a sip of her drink. “When have you ever acted?”
Park coughed awkwardly. Little did Xinyu know, she was acting at that very moment. “If only you knew,” she muttered under her breath, looking down to her feet.
“What was that?”
“I said in high school,” Sohyun spoke up. It seemed plausible since the words sounded similar enough. “I was in a few plays.”
That was a half-truth. She had actually been in her school’s theater department. Of course, that was not what she actually said.
Xinyu’s eyebrows raised. “Really? Mysterious Park Sohyun on the stage?”
Sohyun smirked. “You don’t even know the half of it. I was the best wolf in Beauty and the Beast.”
“I can’t believe you’ve never told me about this before! I need pictures!”
And that turned into Sohyun reluctantly showing Xinyu images from her days on the stage. Including the embarrassing ones of her covered in fur as she scurried across the set, chasing after Belle.
Sohyun was too shy to look at Xinyu’s reaction, but if she had looked up, she would have noticed the deep red blush covering Xinyu’s cheeks.
They stayed like that for a while, flipping through old photos on Sohyun’s phone, until a text message came in from Seoyeon in their group chat.
seoyeon: hey losers
seoyeon: ice skating tomorrow?
Once again, Sohyun had very little plans for her weekend, and unlike last weekend’s party, this activity actually sounded fun to her. She hadn’t been ice skating in years. And it would also give her more excuses to spend time with Xinyu.
Why not give it a shot?
.
.
.
Saturday rolled around, and Sohyun was once again the designated driver (no alcohol this time, thankfully). Somehow, she had to find a way to pack six people into her five-seater. Herself, Xinyu, Nien, Seoyeon, Mayu, and yes, Yooyeon was tagging along, too.
It had been, what, a week since Mayu and Yooyeon officially started seeing each other? But they seemed to really like each other, and Mayu looked happier than ever, so the rest of the group decided to let it slide. Yooyeon was nice and they knew she wouldn’t stir up any trouble. The university goddess would never.
Of course, they had not prepared for the car seat situation. With six people, five seats, and one established couple in the car, they agreed on the obvious (?) solution: Mayu could sit on Yooyeon’s lap.
Okay.
It was only a ten minute drive. They could handle ten minutes of excessive PDA. Maybe.
Except for Seoyeon, notoriously averse to physical affection, who was forced into the middle seat by Nien. The taller girl argued that it “built character”, whatever that meant. But no matter. Considering the shenanigans of those two, Seoyeon was certain to be distracted by whatever ridiculous conversation she and Nien held.
And, as expected, Nien spoke up the second Sohyun put her foot on the gas pedal.
“You know,” she started, “if I was a sport, I think I’d be ice skating! Since I’m so graceful!”
Seoyeon rolled her eyes and scoffed. “Graceful? I watched you fall down the stairs ten minutes ago.”
“Gracefully!”
“Ah, yes, Hsu Nientzu, the epitome of grace,” Seoyeon replied, adding sarcastic inflections to her tone.
Nien just huffed and pouted like a puppy. “Whatever. You’d probably be wrestling with all that pent up aggression you have.”
“It’s not aggression. I’m just competitive.”
“You have given me multiple bruises and permanent scars.”
Now it was Seoyeon’s turn to cross her arms and sulk. “Only because you’re so annoying. You deserve it.”
Sohyun watched the banter quietly from her rearview mirror, smiling to herself. The two of them were certainly a lot to handle, but they were so entertaining. She was very grateful for Xinyu to have given her this group of friends.
“What about the rest of us?” Xinyu asked from the front seat, seeming genuinely curious about her diagnosis.
Seoyeon pressed a finger to her chin, pensive. “Xinyu? Probably basketball, since you’re so tall.”
“You’re so right,” Xinyu said, happy with the answer. “Everyone told me to play basketball when I was younger. I should literally be the Asian Caitlin Clark right now.”
Seoyeon squinted at Xinyu in disbelief. “Nah. Caitlin Clark has aura. You don’t.”
Xinyu gasped dramatically, offended. She stared at Seoyeon comically, her mouth agape. Sohyun just chuckled next to her, and Seoyeon seemed pretty amused, too.
“What about Sohyun?” Xinyu asked after a moment, turning back around and diverting the attention away from herself.
It took no time for Nien to respond. “Ice hockey.”
Sohyun raised an eyebrow. “Why, because of my outfit?” Notably, she was wearing a Washington Capitals jersey, her hometown NHL team. She thought it was fitting, since they were going to skate.
“No, because you’re gay.”
Sohyun had never heard Nien say anything more seriously in her life.
There was literally a girl sitting on another girl’s lap in the back of the car, and Sohyun still managed to be the token lesbian of the friend group. Unbelievable.
Sohyun shook her head. “And here I was thinking you were paying attention to my outfit.”
Nien threw her hands up. “You know I know nothing about sports. We established this last weekend.”
Okay, yeah. Sohyun forgot about that. She chose to block that part of the night out of her memory, and she was not about to explain another sports team to Nien.
Suddenly, Xinyu leaned over, a little closer to Sohyun. “I like your outfit,” she said quietly, looking sweetly at Sohyun as she spoke.
Sohyun gulped nervously, hoping her face wouldn’t turn the same color red as her jersey. Her mind spiraled. She was sure that this was just another one of Xinyu’s casual compliments that she gave to everyone. But after the events from the weekend prior, she couldn’t help but wonder if there was anything more to it.
“Thanks,” she responded, not taking her eyes off the road.
Finally, they pulled into the parking lot of the ice rink. It wasn’t too crowded – it was early March, most of the winter weather was starting to dissipate, and it was the last week the rink was open. Only a few families were present, plus a couple other college students, too.
They got out of Sohyun’s car, and immediately, Mayu and Yooyeon were off on their own, heading in to grab skates without the rest of the group. So much for a friend outing, Sohyun thought. Either way, she was okay with it. As long as Xinyu wasn’t the one running off with some random girlfriend, Sohyun was satisfied.
The cool air smelled faintly of buttered popcorn and hot chocolate. Faint music played through the speakers, and joyful yells from children and adults alike echoed throughout the rink. Unlike last weekend’s party, this was definitely more of Sohyun’s vibe, and she was looking forward to it.
They received their skates from inside a small little room next to the rink. The four of them (sans the couple, who were way ahead of them) wrestled with the long laces of the skates until all of them were ready to go. Seoyeon and Nien stood up first, the latter grabbing the former’s hand before racing off to the rink.
Sohyun always thought those two were suspicious. Their dynamic had always been that of two chaotic best friends, but she wondered if maybe, like with her and Xinyu, there was something underneath that surface. Those two were just as gay as Seoyeon, and eyes didn’t lie. She had seen them staring lovingly at each other on multiple occasions.
Oh well, that wasn’t her problem. She had bigger romantic issues of her own to deal with. Those two had to figure it out on their own, if they hadn’t already.
With the other two pairs having gone off on their own, that left Sohyun and Xinyu together. They stood up, and immediately, Xinyu’s ankles started buckling. She was unstable on the thin blades of the skates, so Sohyun held on to her carefully, leading her to the rink without falling.
“You good?” Sohyun asked as Xinyu took her first step onto the rink.
Xinyu nodded. “I think so. Don’t wait for me, go have fun!”
Sohyun was a little worried about Xinyu and her inexperience, but she was hoping that she’d be a fast learner. And if Xinyu was going to tell her to go off and skate on her own for a bit, she wasn’t going to be the one to refuse.
At first, she was a little wobbly. Forgetting the proper technique, her feet began to slide back and forth, not propelling her any further. Soon enough, though, she was able to regain her balance and start skating forward. It was slow at first, and she held onto the wall from time to time, but soon enough, she was racing forward like she had been doing this her whole life.
Her blades scraped the ice, legs and arms pumping back and forth. Something about skating was so relaxing yet so exhilarating. The combination of her hair blowing and her heart pumping felt freeing to Sohyun, and it was a nice break from all of her brutal studying.
As she skated, Sohyun took the time to appreciate her surroundings. The orange glow of the sky as the sun set. The brisk night air nipping at her face. The cheerful giggles of all the little kids with their parents and friends.
Yeah, this was nice.
After a few laps, she started to take note of her friends. Mayu appeared to be struggling, but luckily, Yooyeon was there to help. She skated slowly behind her, one hand on the small of Mayu’s back, the other holding her wrist carefully. Any doubts that Sohyun had about Yooyeon vanished immediately, seeing how she was treating her friend so gently.
Then she spotted Nien and Seoyeon… racing? Typical. They sped in circles around the rink, seemingly not worried about hitting a random child or disturbing the peace. Their laughter echoed, smiles beaming at each other. As chaotic as they were, they were pretty cute together. Even Sohyun could agree to that.
And then there was Xinyu. Who was standing in nearly the exact same place Sohyun left her, clinging to the wall for dear life.
Sohyun smiled to herself. She should have known better than to leave Xinyu alone to try something new. But it was, admittedly, a little funny to watch.
Without hesitation, she skated over to Xinyu as quickly as she could. “You look like you could use my help.”
Xinyu looked up to Sohyun apologetically, still doubled over on the edge of the rink. “I’m sorry. I wanted you to be able to have fun.”
Sohyun frowned slightly. “Don’t apologize. I’m going to have fun as long as you’re here.”
“Are you sure?” Xinyu was pouting now, perhaps feeling guilty about making Park help her so much.
“Positive.”
Xinyu nodded, her slight pout dissipating. Really, Sohyun didn’t mind helping her. She wanted to. She wanted to show Xinyu what she could be for her, even if Xinyu didn’t see it that way. Plus, she wanted Xinyu to have a good time. It seemed a little difficult to enjoy ice skating with her current method.
So, Sohyun reached out her right hand to Xinyu. “Here, let me help.”
Xinyu grabbed her hand reluctantly, allowing their fingers to intertwine. As soon as she did, her brows furrowed at the touch. She stared blankly at Sohyun’s hand for a moment, like she was recognizing the feeling.
Like she was beginning to remember.
Sohyun gulped. Her eyes widened, wondering if the touch was finally pushing Xinyu across that bridge of memory. She looked at Xinyu expectantly, but was only met with a continued empty gaze.
“You okay?” Sohyun decided to ask, hoping that whatever Xinyu was remembering wasn’t making her uncomfortable.
At Sohyun’s words, Xinyu came back to her senses, snapping her eyes away from their clasped hands. “Yeah, I’m fine. We can go now.”
Sohyun nodded back reluctantly, trying to shake the feeling of unease away. Was her touch enough to trigger the memory? How much, if anything, had Xinyu remembered? And, most importantly, how did Xinyu feel about it?
Either way, that wasn’t the time to think too hard about it. She wanted to focus on having fun, Xinyu included.
“Okay, make sure you always have your knees bent. That way, you won’t fall over,” Sohyun started. Xinyu immediately followed suit, bending her knees while holding onto her hand.
“Now just try walking forward,” Sohyun then said.
Sohyun recounted the steps she remembered helped her learn how to ice skate, hoping the same techniques would prove beneficial to Xinyu. Once again, Xinyu followed Sohyun’s instructions, carefully picking up one foot after another. She was still a little shaky on the ice, but she was making forward progress, which was what mattered.
“Good! Now we’re going to try to skate,” Sohyun continued. “Try to push off with your front foot and glide with your back foot.”
She demonstrated the precise technique first before letting Xinyu try it on her own. And actually, Xinyu was getting it pretty quickly! In small increments, she skated her way forward, still keeping a hold on Sohyun’s hand. Eventually, having accumulated enough practice distance to feel comfortable, she decided it was time to let go.
That was… a mistake.
At the instant their hands lost contact, Xinyu slipped. Her feet, no longer in control on the ice, began to slide in different directions. She lost her balance quickly, and her body started to fall backward.
And, like a scene straight out of a movie, Sohyun caught her.
She dug her blades into the ice, and Xinyu fell straight into her arms. They wobbled and swayed until finally, steadiness. She ended up half curled into Sohyun’s chest, face tucked underneath her chin, her hands balled up at the front of Sohyun’s jacket. Sohyun’s arms wrapped firmly around Xinyu, calming her.
It was like they were frozen in time. Dramatic? Maybe, but to them, it felt real. The world around them faded. The music drowned out. All Sohyun could focus on was the racing of her heartbeat and the faint sound of Xinyu’s breathing.
Xinyu, for a moment, just stared at Sohyun. There was something in her eyes — maybe confusion? Then her gaze shifted to something different — possibly recognition. Xinyu was almost searching Sohyun’s eyes for an answer, one that Sohyun couldn’t give her unless she knew what Xinyu was thinking.
Of course, a big part of her was wondering if Xinyu had remembered everything.
Sohyun decided to speak up to give Xinyu some comfort and reassurance. “Hey, I’ve got you,” she said softly, her voice hardly above a whisper.
“Thank you,” Xinyu replied, slowly trying to stand up from Sohyun’s grasp.
Xinyu moved back to the wall, but Sohyun kept her hands lightly holding on to Xinyu’s waist, just in case. “You okay?”
“A little startled,” Xinyu said, “but yeah, I’m okay.”
“Just take a second. No rush.”
They paused there for a moment, Xinyu steadying herself while Sohyun just stood there, grounding her with her touch. But Xinyu’s gaze was far off. She was looking out into the distance, at nothing in particular. Sohyun could almost see that she was thinking.
It was possible that she had remembered something. Sohyun could only hope that the memory was positive.
After a moment, Xinyu turned back to Sohyun with a smile. “Okay, I’m good.”
“Ready to try again?”
Xinyu gave Sohyun a playful glare. “Only if you promise not to let go.”
Sohyun smiled, immediately offering her hand again. “I promise.”
So they skated off, holding hands.
They started slow while Xinyu was still trying to get used to the skates. But it wasn’t long before Sohyun started to pull them even faster, eliciting joyful laughs from the taller girl.
Sohyun could listen to that laughter all the time. It was such a sweet, addictive sound.
They skated countless laps around the rink. Their smiles and laughter were never ending. Pure joy was radiating off of each girl. They passed by their friends; Mayu and Yooyeon were paying them no mind, caught up in each other, while Seoyeon and Nien were giving Sohyun knowing looks.
Hmm.
Sohyun decided to shrug it off.
After a while, they were both exhausted. Sohyun had been pushing them around for at least half an hour, and Xinyu was constantly fighting just to stay upright. So, they decided to head off the rink for a break, while the other two pairs, apparently still full of energy, remained on the ice.
Sohyun kept holding onto Xinyu’s hand as they stepped off the ice, making sure she didn’t lose her balance, and they hobbled over to the nearest bench together so they could take off their skates. Once they were off, Xinyu stretched out her legs, sighing dramatically.
“I am never doing that again.”
Sohyun laughed. “Why not? It was fun!”
“That’s easy for you to say!” Xinyu threw her hands up in defeat. “You were flying around like Alex Ovechkin out there.”
At the mention of the star player of her favorite hockey team, Sohyun paused.
“You know the Capitals?”
Xinyu’s eyes widened. She avoided Sohyun’s gaze and started to fidget nervously. “Uh… not really. He’s the only player I’ve heard of.”
What Xinyu was not going to admit: she did know the Capitals. After Sohyun first told her about them, she had spent weeks learning all the rules of hockey and all the players on the team. And Xinyu knew Ovechkin was the best — he had the most goals all time of any NHL player ever.
“Ah,” Sohyun responded, a little disappointed. She would have loved it if Xinyu could talk with her about her team. “But really, I’m not that good.”
Xinyu gave an uncomfortable smile, hoping Sohyun hadn’t seen through her lie. “Well, you’re a lot better than me.”
They both let out awkward laughs. The two of them sat in silence for a moment, hearing the maniacal screeches of Nien and Seoyeon and the lovesick giggles of Mayu and Yooyeon. Suddenly, Xinyu exhaled deeply.
“Mind if I vent about something?”
Sohyun tilted her head, curious. “Of course.”
Xinyu dropped her head down, still fidgeting. “When you caught me, I was really embarrassed.”
“Why?” Sohyun asked worriedly. “Did I do something wrong?”
“No,” Xinyu shook her head. “It’s just that I’ve always hated feeling like I need help. It makes me feel weak.”
“You’re not weak,” Sohyun said, trying to comfort Xinyu by placing a hand gently on the small of her back.
Xinyu leaned into her hand, seeking out the touch. “I know, it’s just the feeling.”
It was silent for a moment. Sohyun traced small circles on Xinyu’s back, and Xinyu just closed her eyes at the feeling. Truthfully, Sohyun wasn’t sure what Xinyu needed in that moment, if anything, but she just wanted to be there for her.
“When I slipped,” Xinyu started again, “I was less worried about getting hurt and more about what it would look like if I fell. Worried about what you would think.”
Sohyun pulled her lips back into a thin line. “I wouldn’t care, you know that.”
“I know, but… it’s hard,” Xinyu said. “Feeling like I can’t do anything without help.”
Sohyun knew this wasn’t true. Xinyu was one of the smartest, most capable people she knew. She hated to see her in such a sad state, and she wished she could take it away from her.
She sighed. “I can stop helping if you want.”
Sohyun thought back to that night from a week ago. When that creepy man tried to hurt Xinyu. Had Xinyu been sober, would she have been mad at Sohyun for helping? God, she was so worried that she had been unknowingly crossing lines.
Too many lines.
“No,” Xinyu said decidedly. “I think I like it when it’s you who is helping. It makes me feel safe and cared for, I guess.”
“Oh, okay,” Sohyun replied, secretly smiling to herself. “Good to know.”
Silence fell between them again, but this time, there was a palpable tension present. Unspoken words were lingering in the air, and both of them knew it.
“Speaking of,” Xinyu spoke up, “I wanted to ask you something.”
Sohyun didn’t miss how Xinyu’s voice shook ever so slightly. How her tone lacked her usual confidence.
“What is it?”
Xinyu paused. She pursed her lips, fiddling with her thumbs. She let out a few deep breaths before she finally spoke.
“Did something happen at the party?”
The question was innocent, but Sohyun knew exactly what it implied.
Xinyu had remembered something. As to what, Sohyun wasn’t sure. It could have been the kiss, but it also could have been when she protected her from the man. Either way, Sohyun was nervous.
She gritted her teeth. Without realizing, her eyes had widened conspicuously, and her heart began racing with anxiety. She had to tell the truth now, but how would Xinyu react?
“Xinyu…”
Sohyun didn’t even know what to say. She kept hesitating. Should she apologize? Ask what she meant? Just admit to everything? She should have seen this coming when she kissed her back in the first place.
All of a sudden, footsteps came racing towards them.
Nien, Seoyeon, Mayu, and Yooyeon.
“Damn, that was fun! We have to come back next year!” Nien exclaimed, full of energy as if she hadn’t been skating for hours.
Seoyeon collapsed onto the bench next to Sohyun, leaning her head on her shoulder. “I am exhausted, Nien. You’re so tiring.”
“Me? Tiring?” Nien gasped. “You just can’t keep up.”
At Nien’s snarky comment, Seoyeon just rolled her eyes. “Shut up.”
Now it was Mayu’s turn to pipe up. “I think we’re all pretty tired. Should we head back?”
Everyone nodded at Mayu’s request. They all took off their skates, exchanged more laughter and smiles, and bounded back over to Sohyun’s car.
Sohyun did not even look at Xinyu.