Chapter Text
James hadn't interacted with anyone for weeks. Not even his own boyfriend, the one person who meant the absolute world to him.
His depression had gotten so much worse, and he had fallen into alchoholism again.
He wasn't proud of himself. He knew this was wrong, and he knew he shouldn't be doing this.
But it felt right, as much as it felt wrong.
He hated himself. For doing this. For not contacting anyone.
But his emotions swallowed him whole, he couldn't help it.
James was laying in bed, wearing a thick hoodie to hide the scars all across his arms, knowing nobody but him could see them anyway; staring at the ceiling.
His phone buzzed on his bedside table, an incoming call coming from 'Will<333'.
James sighed. He usually wouldn't answer it, considering this depressive episode has gone on for about 2 weeks now. But his boyfriend worried for him. James loved him. A lot. He couldnt let his favorite person ever worry about him.
He answers the phone.
"James??? Are you okay?? Ye haven't answered my calls in fuckin' weeks! I thought you died!!!"
James instantly bursts into tears. "I'm- I'm sorry Will... I- My emotions became too much and I caved, I started drinking again and I- I started doing it again and I couldn't-"
"James. I want you to listen to me, alright? It's all going to be okay, you don't have to be sorry. 'M not mad at you. I love you, and I'm here for you."
James listened to his words, soft sobs still escaping his mouth. "I love you too..."
"Good. I'll be over in about an hour, alright? Don't move and don't do anything you know you shouldn't."
"Mhm. I love you Will, I'll see you soon."
"Love you too darling, see you soon." Will replies, before hanging up the call.
James breaks into tears again. Will hates him. He hates him and he's just coming over to break up with him. He's mad at him because of what he's done and he wants him to die.
James sat on the bathroom floor, the door locked, holding the blade up to his wrist as his endless thoughts repeated in his head.
He hates you.
Everyone hates you.
They all want you to die.
Nobody loves you, they never will.
A slice.
Another.
He flipped his arm over, finding more space to make fresh cuts.
Fuck.
Fuck fuck fuck.
What was he doing?
Shit.
Shit shit shit shit.
No- please..
A slice.
Another.
He sliced his left arm so many times there was barely any skin left.
Blood dripped from his arm onto the grey tiles.
He was sobbing so hard his body was vibrating and his head was pounding.
An urgent knock.
There was a soft but panicked recognisable voice coming from outside, in which James couldn't hear very well.
His head was pounding too hard.
"James- James- Let me in please..."
Will says, urgency prominent in his voice as he pounds on the door.
No response.
Fuck it.
Will kicks the door just near the handle with full force, slinging it open.
James was cowered into the corner, still holding a blade with one wrist.
Blood everywhere.
He looks up at Will, his expression unreadable but weak.
Will looks at him from the doorway, shocked and concerned.
James digs his face into his hands, dropping his blade near where he's sitting.
"I'm sorry Will I'm so sorry- I know you must hate me and I'm sorry please just-"
Will grabs the blade and flushes it down the toilet, before quickly sitting down next to him, bandaging up his arm. "It's alright, James. I'm not mad at you and I don't hate yous."
Will finishes bandaging up his arm, and looks James in the eyes as he wipes a tear from his face.
His eyebags were prominent, and his skin was nowhere near as clear as before. He had alot of stubble, it was clear he wasn't taking care of himself.
"I love you so much, don't forget that, yeah?"
A weak smile spreads on James' face. "Yeah. I love you just as much." James says, inbetween small sobs and sniffles.
Will gives him a soft smile, pulling James into a hug.
"I need you to take care of yourself, yeah? For me, for everyone. I hate seeing you like this." Will says, still hugging James, using one of his hands to play with James' messy and dirty hair, clearly haven't had been washed for a while.
"I'll try. Can you help me?"
"Of course I can." Will pulls away, helping James get up. "Have a shower please? After that I'll feed you and help you feel better."
James nods, getting undressed as Will leaves the bathroom and shuts the door behind him.
He loved him.
He had a gorgeous boyfriend who loved and cared for him, even when hes behaving like this.
James gets in the shower, keeping the bandage on to avoid the hot water seeping through his fresh scars.
Will, on the other hand, is putting all of James' alchohol bottles in his flats bins, changing his bedsheets, finding him a fresh pair of clothes.
James walks out of the bathroom, towel wrapped around his waist as he looks at his boyfriend, who is currently laying a fresh pair of clothes on his bed.
"Will... I love you so much. I'd hug you right now if I wasn't wet." James says, giving Will a genunine smile for the first time in what feels like weeks.
Will smiles back, looking up at James. Lots of the colour has already returned to his face, and his hair looked alot nicer.
Will left the room, closing the door behind him and going to the kitchen, making James Nutella on toast from what he already had in the pantry.
James left the room a couple minutes later, wearing the oversized t-shirt and trackpants that Will had prepared for him.
Will looked up at him, passing him the plate of Nutella toast.
James smiles, taking the plate and dragging Will along to the couch to eat it with him.