Chapter Text
“Ilya!” Troy was the first to greet Ilya when he entered the Centaurs’ arena shortly after one in the afternoon. He'd texted them in their group chat earlier that he would be bringing Shane along.
He hadn't asked for permission like Shane had wanted him to do. He'd simply informed them. Because these were his friends and Ilya had known that they wouldn't say no to meeting his boyfriend - even if said boyfriend was his former arch rival.
“Barrett,” Ilya didn't think twice about it and pulled Troy into a tight hug. Troy had been the only Centaur Ilya had officially come out to so far. Or well, Troy had kind of figured that out himself.
Ilya let go of him and pointed at Shane, who was awkwardly standing behind him.
“That's my boyfriend Shane.”
Troy's entire face lit up. “Hi!”
“Hi … Barrett,” Shane stuttered back, looking nervously at Ilya's teammate. He knew that Shane wasn't used to being friendly around Troy. Ilya himself had never thought it to be possible that he would one day consider Troy Barrett, the sidekick of the league's biggest homophobe, his friend.
But well, he also hadn't thought that Troy could be gay. And that he would pick Ilya to become his bisexual jedi master.
“Is the team in the conference room?” Ilya asked Troy now as they followed him through the arena.
“Most of them, yes. Young and LaPointe couldn't make it but I'm supposed to tell you that you are a uhm,” Troy was blushing badly and Ilya tried to hold back a laugh.
“That he's what?” Shane chimed in, much to Ilya's surprise. He looked less nervous now, probably because he could sense that Troy was way more scared about meeting him than the other way around.
They would be okay here. Ilya knew that the Centaurs would always have his back.
“Uhm,” Troy kept stammering, his face almost as red as a tomato. “That you are… I swear this is what Young wrote. I have nothing to do with this…”
“Barrett.”
"Yes, yes! He said you are the goat for uhm… for,” Troy scratched the back of his neck, shooting Shane a nervous look. “For hitting … that.”
Ilya let out an almost barking sounding laugh. “You gotta love that kid!”
“Are you guys coming in or not?” Bood poked his head out of the conference room before Shane had time to react to that. “Oh hi, Hollander!”
“Hi,” Shane seemed to be anxious again so Ilya quickly grabbed his hand and dragged him to the room where the Centaurs were waiting for them.
“How bad is it, Bood?” Ilya asked his alternate captain who was leaning against the door frame. Boodram just smiled at him.
“On our side it's all good, Roz. We just have some -”
“Questions,” Dykstra appeared behind Bood, grinning at Ilya and his boyfriend. “We actually have a lot of questions.”
“That's what we are here for,” Shane smiled at them and Ilya could see that the tension was visibly leaving Shane's body. Ilya had not once doubted the Centaurs' reaction but he was still glad that they accepted Shane to be here with them. Not in the role of their opponent, but as Ilya's partner.
“Speak for yourself, Hollander,” Ilya teased him now and shoved himself past Bood to finally enter the conference room. Five pairs of eyes were staring at him. “I'm here for the vodka.”
“Fucking called it!” Hazy jumped out of his chair. “Imma get some cups, don't start without me boys.”
***
“You've been in a relationship for FOURTEEN years?” Zane Boodram looked like his eyes would be popping out of his head at any given second while all of the other Centaurs were staring at them with open mouths.
Shane didn't know which reaction he thought to be funnier. It helped that the vodka had eased his nerves, or his heart like Ilya had promised him, and that he seemed to think everything was funny the Centaurs did or said. On top of that, Boodram had bought him a fucking ginger ale. How was it possible that this team was just so easy to love?
“We haven't been in a relationship,” Ilya explained what seemed to be the tenth time, rolling his eyes at Boodram who was apparently way too romantic to grasp the concept of a … what did you call it nowadays? A situationship?
“Do you guys not get that they are just fucking?” It was Evan Dykstra's voice that came out of Wyatt Hayes' phone. Dykstra had to leave them about an hour ago to pick up his child from kindergarten but didn't want to miss out on anything Ilya and Shane were willing to share with them.
Now he was part of it over speaker phone. It was simply absurd.
“But you look so in love,” a young player named Holmberg stated which made Ilya hysterically laugh next to Shane. Did he also have too much vodka? Shane wasn't sure if that was even a possibility. Ilya always claimed that vodka was part of his DNA.
“Is because we are in love.”
“Now I don't understand anything anymore,” Wyatt Hayes slured, obviously also way too drunk already to be having this conversation.
“It was just … hook ups for nine years and then we confessed our feelings to each other. We've been in a relationship since 2018. And we love each other. That's probably the reason why we look like we love each other.” Everyone was staring at Shane now.
“What?” he asked, he'd explained all of their questions, didn't he? But Boodram just grinned at him.
“We can see why Roz loves you, Hollander.”
The other Centaurs players nodded, even Dykstra shot them an “agreed” over the phone before ending the call to finally pick up his daughter Susie.
“Do you already know what you're gonna do now?” Troy Barrett was sitting next to his boyfriend, the Centaurs’ social media manager Harris Drover. Shane had never met Harris before but knew him from the Ottawa twitter account and all kinds of stories Ilya had told him over the years. Shane liked him immediately.
He was about to say that he and Ilya would probably deny the kiss and therefore their relationship, because it was the smartest thing to do and Shane doubted that his coach would be okay with him being in a relationship with Ilya, when a noise coming from outside drew his attention to the door.
Ilya's coach, Brandon Wiebe, poked his head inside the conference room. “Are you having a party without me? I thought we could discu-”
He cut himself off when he spotted Ilya and Shane sitting with the other Centaurs players.
“Oh.” There was quite a pause and Shane could feel that all of them were looking at him. Again. Wiebe cleared his throat. “I suppose it's true then?”
“It is,” Ilya confirmed and took Shane's hand in his, giving it a firm and reassuring squeeze.
“Cool,” Wiebe shrugged and gave them a smile. “We better come up with a plan then.”
And just like that it was settled. The Ottawa Centaurs had no problem with Ilya being bi or with him and Shane being a couple. They didn't ask why Ilya hadn't told them sooner, they didn't speculate about it.
Most importantly: They didn't judge.
It was crazy to see the difference towards his own team. He would be benched if he admitted his feelings for the Russian. Shane knew that. And while he was incredibly happy about the support Ilya got not only from his team but also from his coach, he was also incredibly sad for himself.
After they had offered Coach Wiebe a cup of vodka (which he'd denied) he had explained that he'd been woken up from a call from the NHL Commissioner, demanding answers and for Ilya to be benched for at least three games.
“I told him to fuck off,” Wiebe grinned and Zane Boodram got out of his chair, looking like he was about to jump into his Coach's arms.
“YOU DID?”
“Well I used different words. But the message was the same.” The coach shrugged and winked at Ilya who simply smiled back at him. “This is my team and I will not stand for the league getting away with homophobia just because they don't know how to deal with it. Rozanov is our captain and he will be on the ice with us. Where he belongs.”
The Centaurs erupted into loud cheers that got even louder when Wyatt Hayes brought out a second bottle of vodka “to celebrate” that they now officially had two letters from the LGBTQ+ community on the team with Troy being gay and Ilya being bisexual.
What a weird bunch of people, Shane thought to himself.
***
“Are you sure you don't want me to come along?” Ilya asked him the next morning when Shane was packing his bag.
Originally Shane was supposed to leave the day before, but today's morning practice had been postponed to the afternoon due to internal discussions (Shane knew exactly what they would be discussing) and on top of that, he hadn't been fit to drive because of all the vodka anyway.
So he had stayed the night, nestled in the comfort of his boyfriend's arms. One last night before he had to face the consequences of his actions. One last night where he could pretend that his life wouldn't change, where his dreams wouldn't shatter and his career wasn't over.
“You said it yourself yesterday, Ilya,” Shane shoved his toiletry bag hard into the backpack he always used when he stayed the night at Ilya's. “The Voyageurs are not like Ottawa. I'm not even sure if they'll let me in.”
“Shane,” Ilya placed a hand on his forearm, stopping him from violating his backpack.
“You are their captain, of course they will let you in.”
Shane looked up at him, tears welling behind his eyes. This time he wouldn't allow them to roll down his face though. It wasn't worth crying about this. He had known for a long time that his team wasn't great.
He should have known what was coming.
On the ice they were incredible and they connected in a way only a few teams were able to. But as individuals they had never clicked the way it was with Ilya's team. They weren't one big family, they were colleagues. And while that had been perfectly fine with Shane for most of the years he'd been on the Montreal team, it hadn't been since his coming out.
“You weren't there when I told them I was gay,” he tried to swallow the lump that had formed in his throat. “You should have seen how they looked at me. None of them said something homophobic but they didn't even have to. I could see it in their faces that they felt uncomfortable to be, like, in the same locker room as me.”
“Shane,” Ilya tried again, this time his thumb was brushing softly against Shane's cheeks. They were wet again. Of course they were. “I wish I could help you, I wish I could -”
“I know,” Shane leaned into Ilya's touch and closed his eyes. “You already helped me so much. I'll call Hayden on my way there.”
“Okay,” Ilya hummed. “I hate to admit it but I am glad Pike is there with you.”
“And that coming from you,” Shane gave him a small smile and placed a kiss in the inside of Ilya's palm that was still cupping his face.
“Don't tell him.”
“I wouldn't dare.”
Ilya insisted on carrying Shane's backpack as he walked him to his car that was parked in the garage of Ilya's apartment complex. When they reached Shane's car he didn't want to say goodbye.
Why was this so hard? Why couldn't he just love Ilya openly like his teammates loved their partners? Shane loved hockey and for the longest of times he was sure that he'd loved hockey more than anything.
But that wasn't true anymore. How could it be?
If the one thing he loved so much didn't accept him the way he was, was it still deserving of his love?
“Drive carefully, please,” Ilya said before taking a quick look over his shoulders to make sure that they were alone. Did it even matter anymore?
He then placed a soft kiss on Shane's lips. “Text me once you're there. And if you need me to come over, I'm only one call and, well, a two hour drive away.” Shane laughed against Ilya's lips and kissed him again.
They would be okay. They had to.
***
To calm his nerves, Shane decided to put on his favorite sports podcast as he got on the Trans-Canada Highway back to Montreal.
The two podcast hosts were talking about the latest results in the NFL and even briefly talked about Taylor's relationship with Travis Kelce when they suddenly got to an entirely different topic. A topic Shane hadn't thought he would ever hear in a podcast - in his favorite sports podcast.
The male hosts were discussing him. And his secret relationship with Ilya Rozanov.
“Man, if you wanna act like a twink in public - that's on you right?” The host laughed and Shane immediately hit pause.
Fuck.
Fuck fuck fuck fuck.
He knew about the articles, about the tweets and the Instagram posts, where people had even tagged him on the photo of him and Ilya kissing. He'd seen the notifications. He had read some of the comments.
He'd seen the dms.
And being discussed in a sports podcast wasn't new to him. He had heard it before, even in this exact podcast. They had taken his performance apart, judged his failed passes or praised his goals. Shane had always thought them to be very good at their job, only ever criticizing him if they had good reasons to do so.
If Shane would've criticized himself as well. They had never been unnecessarily cruel.
But now something had shifted because discussing his personal life was new. Them being homophobic about it was … god, Shane didn’t have the words to describe the betrayal he felt in his chest. He had spent hours upon hours listening to these guys.
Shane hit hard against the steering wheel. If he reacted this strongly about two podcasts hosts he'd never met, what would his reaction look like when he had to face his team?
How bad would their betrayal hurt him?
He spent the rest of the drive in utter silence, not daring to put anything else on. When he was about ten minutes away from the Voyageurs training centre he got out his phone again, this time to call Hayden.
He picked up within seconds. “Where are you?” Hayden demanded to know without bothering to say hello.
“Almost there,” Shane answered, skipping the greeting as well and put the phone on speaker mode. “How bad is it? Have you talked to the team? And was it you who kicked me out of the team chat? I don't have access to that anymore.”
“I did, I'm sorry. I didn't want you to see that.” Hayden was quiet for a while, before he added. “Theriault wants you on the bench.”
“I know,” Shane sighed. Two more minutes until he would be at the training area. “Brandon Wiebe told me that it's a direct order from the Commissioner.”
“You talked to Wiebe?”
“Yesterday, yes,” Shane pulled on to the parking lot. “I'm here now. Can you meet me outside?”
“Already on my way.” Hayden ended the call and Shane looked out the window. It was almost noon, the sun was shining even though it was getting colder with each passing day. They were approaching December after all.
He started tapping his fingers against the steering wheel to calm his racing mind. He had been somehow okay during the drive but now he was extremely nervous again. What if this was the end now?
What if his career and everything he'd worked for was over now?
Just because he was in love with a man? Because he was in love with Ilya. Because Ilya loved him back.
Because he was happy and had been careless for one single moment in the span of fourteen years. Because the world had discovered them and had found them guilty of betrayal. Of lying.
How was this fair?
A knock against the window pulled him out of his thoughts. Shane looked up and saw Hayden standing next to him. But he wasn't alone - JJ was there with him. What the hell was he doing here?
Shane quickly got out of the car. “Look,” he started, desperately trying to defend himself, but JJ immediately cut him off.
“I was so angry at you, Hollander. I swear when I saw this picture of you and that,” he took a deep breath like he was trying not to spit out an insult. “With that … with Rozanov I mean, I wanted to punch you in the face.”
Great. The feeling was mutual. But instead of telling him that, Shane just nodded. He had expected that. JJ hadn't been thrilled about Shane's coming out but he had eventually come to accept it. This though? Shane was sure that this would be the end of their friendship.
He didn't understand why Hayden had dragged JJ along.
“That was wrong,” JJ suddenly said and for the first time since Shane had gotten out of the car, he actually looked at his friend. Really looked at him. “I'm an asshole, Shane. I know that. And I am sorry I wasn't … I fucked up.”
Shane cleared his throat. He felt the strong urge to tell JJ that it was alright, that he wasn't angry. That there was no reason to apologize. But that wasn't true. Especially now that Shane had seen the reaction of the Centaurs it had become even more obvious to him that his own friend had been in the wrong.
Shane's sexuality had nothing to do with his friendship with JJ. His relationship with Ilya had nothing to do with it. It didn't make him a worse captain nor did it make him a worse friend. He was allowed to be himself. Especially in a friendship he had considered to be genuine. Real.
“You did,” he finally said and JJ let out the breath he'd been holding in. Hayden next to him was … laughing.
“What is so funny about it, man?” JJ wanted to know, which made Hayden laugh even harder.
“Rozanov is really starting to rub off on you. The old Shane would have never said that.”
“True,” JJ added, a small smile on his lips. “Maybe he is good for you.”
Shane was beaming at his friends. Was this really happening? Was it really possible he would have not only Hayden's support, but also JJ's?
“You are not alone in there,” Hayden reached out for Shane, pulling him into an overdue hug. “Jackie and I've been brainstorming all night. We have a plan. It will be alright. I promise." He let go off Shane and shoved his hands into the pockets of his pants like it was no big deal.
“You've been brainstorming with your wife on how to help me?” Shane could feel the tears welling up in his eyes again. When had he become such a cry baby?
“My wife is your biggest fan, man. We both are.”
“Make that three,” JJ placed his hand on Shane's shoulder, giving it a firm squeeze.
Shane let out a deep breath and pushed his shoulders back. He could do it.
“Let's get it done with then.”
***
“You are not benched?” Ilya asked later that day when Shane had finally called him after training to update him about his encounter with his teammates.
“I am not,” Ilya was able to hear the grin in his boyfriend's voice. “I mean my coach definitely wanted to, he was furious but -”
“But what?” Ilya interrupted him, way too eager to find out what had happened. He'd been miserable all afternoon while he had waited for Shane's call. He'd taken his dog Anya on a long walk, he'd cleaned and scrubbed his entire apartment (twice) and had wrung himself out in the gym, desperately trying to stop imagining worst case scenarios.
It hadn't helped.
“I would tell you if you would stop interrupting me,” Shane laughed. God, he was finally laughing again. He sounded giddy and ecstatic.
“Sorry, sweetheart,” he hummed now, pressing his face into Anya's soft fur to calm his nerves. “I will not interrupt again. Continue please.”
So Shane did. He told Ilya how Coach Theriault had immediately started shouting at him but that Hayden and JJ Boiziau had stood up for Shane and actually yelled back at their coach.
“I would have loved to see Theriault's face,” llya admitted, which caused Shane to let out a huff.
“It was the best fucking thing. He looked so stunned. He said that it wasn't his decision to bench me and that it was coming directly from Commissioner Crowell.”
“Just like Wiebe told us.” Ilya fucking hated that man. He had been awful to Troy when he'd publicly spoken out against that scumbag Dallas Kent. He had also been awful about the pride night where they'd all used rainbow tape to show their support for their teammates.
Why did a man like the Commissioner get to keep his job?
“Hayden set him an ultimatum. He said if he would bench me he'd be out too. And so would be JJ. And that they would-,” Shane interrupted himself. He was giggling.
Giggling.
“That they would do what?” Ilya wanted to bathe in the sound of Shane Hollander’s giggles. It made him feel so fucking alive.
“They said that they would be happy to watch Montreal disappear back into insignificance without the three of us.”
“HE DID NOT!”
“He did! Can you believe it? Theriault had claimed he had to take a call and stormed out of his own office. It was ridiculous because then he also ignored me all practice but at least I was allowed to join them, I guess. He sent me an email an hour ago telling me that they had decided to go against the Commissioner's wishes and keep me.”
“How generous of Theriault,” Ilya mocked. “What did the team say?”
Shane was quiet for a bit and Ilya would have suspected that he'd ended the call, if it weren't for Shane's even breathing.
“They didn't really take it that well,” he finally confessed. “I mean I had already assumed it would happen but … it still hurts.”
“What did they say?”
“I do not really want to repeat it.”
“Shane,” Ilya pleaded. He couldn't fathom the thought his boyfriend had to deal with all of this on his own. “I'm here, yes? You can tell me.”
“It's not worth it. I'm a free agent next season and so is Hayden. I already told him that I am not planning to resign with Montreal. I never thought the day would come but…” Shane paused and Ilya could hear that he was crying. God. He was so much closer to him now that he was living in Ottawa instead of Boston. And yet it was still way too far away in moments like these. Ilya wanted to hold Shane, stroke his hair and tell him that everything would be alright again. But he couldn't. He could just sit here and listen.
“Meeting the Centaurs made me realise that I never had this with Montreal,” Shane said after a while. “They aren’t my family. You are.”
“Oh, Hollander,” Ilya sniffed. “I love you so fucking much.”
“I love you too.”
“Good,” Ilya was smiling into the dark. He couldn't believe how lucky he was that Shane Hollander was his boyfriend. That he got to love him. And that Shane loved him back.
“Good luck on your game tomorrow.”
“Thank you. Do you think they're gonna, like, boo me?”
“I honestly don't know.” Ilya rubbed his hands over his face and watched as Anya raised her head to look at him. “They can't be all assholes, da?”
“I guess we'll find out.”
“I guess we will.”
***
They were, in fact, not booing Shane. But the Montreal fans weren't particularly excited to see him either.
Usually their fans went wild in the stands when the announcer called out Shane's name at the beginning of the game. He was the Voyageurs’ captain, their best player. At least half of the crowd was wearing his jersey.
He had worked for it. So fucking hard. And now they were treating him with deafening silence. Shane couldn't remember if he had ever witnessed that before. Not during phenomenal losses. Not when Shane had been hit by Marleau a couple of years ago and went completely still on the ice. Not ever.
And now they just stared at him. Like he had betrayed them. Like he had personally lied to them. Like he had done something wrong.
Which he knew he hadn't.
Shane skated towards center ice to bend down for the first face off against Tampa Bay's captain Johnson. He was almost expecting the Gold Star's captain to say something homophobic to him. He was trying to prepare himself for the worst, the news about him and Ilya was only three days old after all. Surely someone would openly give him a hard time for it.
But Luke Johnson surprised him. “Rozanov is a fucking babe. Good for you, Hollander.”
And then Johnson won the face off.
Shortly after the beginning of the second third, Hayden shot a great pass over to Shane who, in return, slammed it hard into the Gold Star's net. The stadium burst into loud cheers, slamming their hands against the plastic panels. Some of them were still looking a bit sceptical but Shane had just scored them a fucking goal. They had to set their priorities straight, right?
They either wanted this team to win or wanted Shane out of the league for being gay. They couldn't get both.
Hayden glided over to him, pulling Shane into a tight hug that almost sent them into the boards. JJ was right behind, jumping on top of them.
“Have you seen the poster?”, JJ asked after they'd high-fived.
“What poster?”
“Oh yes!” Hayden nodded in agreement. “There are two girls with a poster a couple of seats next to our penalty bench. You should take a look at it.”
***
It took him almost until the end of the second period to spot it. It wasn't the biggest poster but it was the prettiest he'd ever seen.
On a white background rainbow colored letters read: Shade never made anybody less gay.
A Taylor Swift lyric, Shane realised. In a smaller font the Montreal fans had written underneath:
Lesbians support Hollanov.
Hollanov. As in Hollander plus Rozanov. Shane's brain was battling with the two thoughts that a) Ilya was never allowed to find out about this mashup version of their names and b) that he wanted to get off the ice and hug these girls.
Both of these things weren't possible but the poster gave him the energy to continue to give his all in this game. Not for the Voyageurs or to prove his haters wrong.
He wanted to win this game for them. The lesbians with the poster.
ceceloveshockey 
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ceceloveshockey Thank you so much for gifting us the game winning puck @shanehollander24. 🌈🏒❤️🔥 Lesbians support Hollanov!(Purple Heart ) View all 81 comments Nov 24, 2024