Chapter Text
When I hit the floor, my entire body was aching. Despite being dead, I could still feel every stair and railing that I knocked into on my way down. It felt like I’d been punched a thousand times, as if all of my bones were broken.
But they weren’t. Unfortunately. At least that way I’d actually have an out.
Staggering to my feet, I stared around at the odd scene in front of me. Hell looked like all the pictures and paintings humanity made. Red, jagged rock stretched up as walls, tall enough that I could barely see the ceiling through the fog. Fire was scattered around, burning as if it’d been delegated one spot to turn into charred ash. Chains descended from the ceiling, creaking as they swayed with a few having people hang from them.
There was a sign at the end of the stairs, reading: “Abandon all hope, ye who enter here.” As daunting as that sounded, it still sounded like something some emo would have on a sign outside their room.
I guess Hell also had a line, as there was a small gathering of people leading towards the massive gate that looked like it’d come straight from the devil’s nightmares. It was built into a towering brick wall, and the metal looked like it’d been twisted and warped to barely resemble a gate. Though, the line here seemed to move much faster than Heaven’s line.
Sighing, I gathered my courage and limped over to join the queue.
While waiting, I continued looking around. The people hanging from the chains didn’t seem to be dead, and were instead thrashing around as they were tortured by what looked like sex toys. Their legs shook in pain, and their screams echoed throughout the landscape. I winced. Wouldn’t want to have that type of fate. I tried to peek around the people ahead of me, only seeing that they seemed clustered at the front of the line.
As terrified as I was, I was also just… tired. I’d been run over by a truck, given hope of peace, thrown down stairs, and was now in Hell. I wasn’t sure if it could get worse, and I wasn’t about to test it.
Finally, I was pushed to the very front of the line. There was a demon at the gate who looked the exact opposite of the twink angel. He was rugged, with choppy blonde hair and lots of scars. His arms were crossed, holding a black pitchfork and looking generally unapproachable. Like the type of guy in high school who was held back three years and smoked in the bathroom.
The reason why everyone was crowded here was because they looked… beaten. I realized why when one guy went up and started begging for his life. Almost immediately, the demon picked him up by the collar and threw him to the floor. Then, the blonde took his pitchfork, stabbing it into the man’s chest. The demon lifted his body upward on the tines. Blood poured from the wound, and the man screamed. As soon as it’d started, though, the demon swung the pitchfork, throwing the man’s body into the pile.
If I learned anything from that, it was that pleading your case was not a good idea. But, I figured I could be different. Because I’m just so special according to myself.
The demon cleared his throat, eyes narrowing as he glanced over me.
“Name?” His voice was just as rough as the rest of him, extremely deep and gravelly. He also had a thick accent that sounded something like Russian. I felt a lump forming in my throat, but quickly swallowed it and spoke up.
“A…Augustine. Sinclair.” My voice was a lot less confident than it had been earlier. “B-But you don’t understand. I’m not supposed to be here.”
He sighed, rolling his eyes like he’d dealt with this all day. To be fair, he had. “Yes, you are. Everyone here is meant to be. So either step up or fuck off.”
“Don’t… Don’t you have a file or–or something?!”
The demon paused, observing me for a moment. There was something behind his eyes, an emotion I couldn’t discern. Then he shrugged and seemingly pulled a manilla folder out of thin air. What was it with these people and only using paper? “Augustine, a mediocre guy who never did anything he didn’t have to go out of his way to do. Sounds like you belong here, no?”
“But I never hurt anyone! I should get points for that, right?”
He laughed. He actually laughed at me. “You want brownie points because you weren’t an asshole?”
I bit my lip in frustration. I guess they’re just hiring literally anybody to be at the gates to Heaven and Hell these days. “Pretty sure that’s how it works.”
The demon kept chuckling, and I could feel my face getting warm from embarrassment. “Alright. If you wanna keep arguing, I have to direct you towards my boss.” He pointed me towards an elevator that I hadn’t noticed in the brick wall. It looked rusted and dingy, but it was somehow better than the stairs that the angel bodyguards had shoved me down. I glared at the demon one last time before hesitantly moving towards the elevator. He flashed me a horrifyingly sharp smile before turning back to the line.
With that behind me, I pushed the button and watched the elevator doors creak open. It was an extremely cramped little room, but I got inside. Honestly, I felt like one of those people that used to ask me for my manager at the… where did I work again?
The panel of buttons only had two. One with a “G” that I assumed was for the Gate, and the other, which was for floor 666. How subtle.
When I pressed the button for floor 666, the machine slowly started upward, a haunting and broken melody beginning to chime through the speaker. I tuned it out, trying to straighten out my legs so that I wouldn’t limp anymore. But by the time I’d finally gotten back to normal, the elevator was still going. Below the notes of the music, I could hear the droning sound of the elevator being pulled upward. The constant mechanical whirr rang in my ears, even as it stuttered and halted a few times.
While I waited for the ride to be over, I glanced at the walls. They were completely metal and covered in rust, and the carpet was a gross, dirty brown. When I stepped back to lean on the wall, I heard a crunch. Turns out, the carpet was only that color because it was caked in dirt.
I tilted my head back, resting it against the wall. While trying to remember any exceptionally good deeds I’d done in my life, I came up short. Great. Most of what I’d done was small, and even then, I was losing my memory. Not that I cared much about my previous life anymore, I just needed justification.
Finally, the music began to fade out and the droning stopped. The elevator chimed once, and the doors slowly creaked open. I stepped out, the elevator doors closing behind me loudly.
Before me was a long hallway, at the end of which was a throne made out of black jagged rock. Atop said throne was another twink. This one was less feminine, though. Curly, rusty brown hair and piercing blue eyes. He looked like the spitting image of that one painting of Lucifer.
And then it clicked that that’s who this was.
He was wearing a neat, dark red suit, his legs crossed as he looked lost in thought. His eyes slowly fixed on me, and he tilted his head.
“You weren’t scheduled,” He said quietly, almost to himself.
“Yes–I’m here because your guards can’t do their job. I’m not supposed to be here.”
“Oh,” He drew out the word, sitting up straight as if intrigued.. “You’re one of those. I get one of you at least twice a week, what’s your reasoning now? Did you let someone drown so that you could save someone else? Push someone into the street so that you could help someone? Did you just have an unfair life?”
I blinked at him. “N…No, I… I just didn’t do anything wrong.”
Lucifer’s eyebrows knitted together, eyes narrowing. “Then you didn’t do anything right either.”
“I did!” My hands were shaking at this point. “I swear, I did. I… I always went to church, and I tried to use eco-friendly stuff, and I was nice to everyone, and…” At this point I was rambling. The fact that I was in Hell was finally setting in.
“Yeah, but you did all that for the compliments right?” He grinned when I went silent. He wasn’t entirely wrong. “Exactly. So why would Heaven let you in?”
“Because I’m not a horrible person! Literally what are they losing to let someone who didn’t do that much good in? Do they have a quota or something?! Because that’s not fair to anyone on Earth!”
“What does fairness have to do with anything?”
“It’s–! Oh my god.”
“He’s not listening…”
I buried my head in my hands. “Please–I… I don’t want to go to Hell.”
“I don’t think anyone does.”
“Yeah, but they deserve it! I don’t!”
The moment I said that, he seemed to already have decided what was going to happen. I wanted to kick myself. I didn’t know what I’d said, but it was clear it was decided.
“What, so you’re special?” He asked, seemingly extremely sincere.
“...Yes?”
“Well, damn. I guess you’re right.” He crossed his arms, and I felt shocked. Literal Satan himself could not be agreeing with me. “You’re so much better than everyone else. You don’t deserve their treatment.”
I opened my mouth only to choke on my words. “Uh… yeah! Yeah, I don’t… um…”
Lucifer smiled, and finally stood from his throne. I realized then that he was much taller than me–at least 6’5”. He walked towards me, the soft footsteps echoing throughout the empty room. I couldn’t believe my luck. He was actually taking my side. When he finally reached me, he placed his hand on my shoulder. For some reason, I heard the elevator doors open again, but when I looked back I only saw an empty shaft.
“You ready for your punishment?”
“Ye– wait, what?”
In the blink of an eye his hand was on my forehead, and he was pushing me backward with all of his strength.