Chapter Text
[At the Slytherin's table]
Alikiri- CHICKENNN MY LIFEEE *absorbs the tray like kirby*
Clay- u dirty carnivore brooo
Alikiri- leaves eater vegan teacher ahh
Clay- DRACO WILL NEVER LOVE U
Alikiri- AHNNNN U VILE HARLOT WHAT IS THIS UNDERHANDED INSULT
Clay- why u talking in Victorian sister we're at hogwarts rn
Alikiri- u gotta honor our baddie Marie-antoinette obvs
[In the dorm]
Clay- ITS TOO LATE TO APOLOGIZEEEEEEEE
Alikiri- ITS TOO LATEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE *temu ariana grande core*
Snape- SYBAU MFS
[In potions class]
Snape- for today's lesson, you must create an explosive potion!
Clay- okay so following the instructions, we first have to... WHA HUH WHAT THE FUCK HAVE U DONE *points at the pot displaying not very catholic nor family friendly scenes*
Alikiri- idk I just spat in it and put whatever this sticky liquid is in while saying 'YAOIIIIIIII" n this the result
Snape- so how's it going-... I better not ask questions... *whispers* gimme the recipe for a 110/100 grade pls
Clay- DEAL
Alikiri- im proud of my creation sir
[In protection against dark magic class]
Mister i don't remember what- today, you're all going to learn how to summon your patronus, who'll protect you! To do so, use the spell 'expecto patronus'!!
Alikiri- EXPECTO PATRIMONIUS
Clay- um I think you got it wrong cause I doubt your
patronus is that oompa loompa ahh guy
Trump- MY DEAR FELLOW CIS STRAIGHT WHITE MEN,
Clay- stfu we're at London bitch
Alikiri- yea plus what's with the racism I'm yellow personally like uhhhh
Clay- omg just redo ur spell u low intelligence specimen, 'PA-TRO-NUS' ok??
Alikiri- hmmm I see indeed *face card: on* by the power of gayness, EXPECTO PATRONUS!!
Clay- ...why is ur patronus your actual dog.
Alikiri- hehe I'm gonna teach him to eat u
Clay- the fuck he's gonna do with those bent bony ahh legs im already impressed he can walk
Alikiri- I mean he limps a bit but like dont worry bout it
Clay- pet like owner Ig huh
Alikiri- mhm... WAIT WHAT
[In quidditch]
Teacher idfk- you're going to tap the ground with your foot and summon your broom up!
Alikiri- what if I get a different stick up tho hehe...
Clay- I gladly volunteer as spectator of your demonstration
Alikiri- shut it or im shoving the broom up your ass
Clay- sorry ma'am
*after finally getting on the broom*
Alikiri- I belive I can flyyyyYYYAAAAAAH-
Clay- DIBS ON YOUR MONEY IF U DIE
[At the ball]
Alikiri- FUTURE BOYFRIEND OR GIRLFRIEND WHERE ARE YOUUUUUUUU
Clay- I dont know her guys I swear on her life
Alikiri- one dayyyyy my prince will comeeeeeee one day he'll fuck me roughhhhhh
Clay- pls help me