Chapter Text
Ilya was awoken by a series of gentle shakes. He had fallen asleep with his head on Shane's chest. When he opened his eyes he was looking straight at Shane's phone. He was reading some sort of article, and was... crying?
"Whoa, whoa, Hollander, what is wrong?"
Ilya wriggled himself into a position where he could see Shane's face, he looked utterly miserable.
Ilya put his hands on Shane's cheeks and gently wiped away his tears.
”Moya lyubov’ what is going on? Everybody is okay, yes?”
Shane nodded, closed his eyes, and let out a sigh, gently pushing his phone towards Ilya.
Ilya quietly stared at Shane’s phone, taking his time trying to figure out what he was looking at.
"I don't think I understand... what is this au-tism?" Said Ilya, Shane letting out a dry chuckle at what Ilya figured was not the correct pronunciation.
"Autism. It's this disability-"
"Ohhh, something kids have, no?"
"No, I mean, yeah, well... people usually get diagnosed as kids, but some people don't find out until they're adults. Hayden thinks that might be me."
"And what do you think?"
"I don't know... I can't confidently say he's wrong... A lot of what I've been reading really does fit." Shane said, wiping away another tear.
“Give me your phone, I have idea.”
Shane handed his phone to Ilya, who spent the next few minutes scrolling the website Shane had open before finding something that would definitely help.
“Is test, we can go through it together.” Ilya said with a squeeze to Shane’s bicep. “Maybe is not so hard if we talk about the answers.”
Shane nodded and started reading the questions.
They went through them together, carefully thinking about each answer, Ilya giving Shane time to think about each question before weighing in with his own anecdotes, Shane sharing very little of what he thought aside from clicking answers.
I have been told that I have an unusual voice (for example flat, monotone, childish, or high-pitched).
“Your voice gets flat when you are upset, or when everything is too much.”
“It does?”
Ilya smiled at him “Yes.”
“Hm.”
I like things to be exactly the same day after day and even small changes in my routines upset me.
“That one is very true, Has always been this way?”
“Yeah.”
Before they could discuss that one any further Ilya glanced at the next question, letting out a roaring laugh, to which he got an unamused glare from Shane.
I cannot tell when someone is flirting with me.
“Ilya.” Shane scolded
“Shane.” Ilya chuckled again
“I’m fine about that, thank you very much.”
“Hm, oh yes. You pick up on it before they get to the point of jerking off next to you in the showers, I’m sure.”
Ilya couldn’t help but laugh again at Shane’s face. He’d clearly never realized before that Ilya had been trying to flirt with him up to that point, getting increasingly obvious because Shane simply wasn’t getting it.
“Is okay, I thought it was cute.” Ilya said, pressing a soft kiss to the bridge of Shane’s nose.
Ilya lingered there for a moment before he felt something wet. Shane was crying again.
Ilya kissed away the tear that had fallen, gently rubbing a thumb over Shane’s cheek.
“Moy dorogoy. I never thought there was anything wrong with these things. Is just who you are. I love who you are, that doesn't change, even if you do have this, yes? I love you because of these things, not just, um, what do you call..?”
“In spite of?” Shane smiled slightly.
“Yes, that.” Ilya said, a grin on his face, to which he got one of Shane’s beautiful smiles in return.
They sat there for a moment, Ilya stroking Shane’s back to help him calm down before they answered the last few questions.
Shane hesitantly hit the “score” button, and-
163 “Very strong evidence for autism.”
“Fuck.” Shane whispered, tears welling in his eyes again. “I shouted at Hayden, he was totally right and just trying to help and I—”
Just then his phone buzzed.
Hey buddy, I’m sorry for springing that on you
I love you
Autism or not
You know that right?
I know Hayd, love you too.
It’s okay, I think you might be right.
We’ll talk about it when I get back in the morning.
Morning, huh? 👀
Tell Lily I said hi!! 😉
Shane let out a chuckle at that, putting his phone aside and snuggling back up against Ilya.
Eventually Shane would still have to tell Hayden he was gay, but for now he knew that two of his favorite people in the world knew this part of him and still loved him just as he was. Whatever happened next, Shane knew he would be okay.