Chapter Text
We're on the couch watching a movie.
I make a point of sitting an acceptable distance away. Dean on her other side. Balanced. Safe. Neutral. I keep my arm relaxed, casual, like I'm not hyperaware of exactly where it is in relation to her shoulder.
She shifts.
Leans.
Her head settles against my arm.
My breath stutters.
Don't move.
Don't react.
Don't make this a thing.
My arm feels suddenly too solid. Too present. Her weight is light, warm, devastating. Her hair brushes my shoulder. I can feel the rhythm of her breathing change as sleep starts to win.
She hesitates for half a second. I feel it. That tiny pause where she decides whether to pull back.
She doesn't.
She falls asleep on me.
My heart slams so hard it's almost painful. This, this is worse than the kitchen. This is slow. Prolonged. Impossible to pretend doesn't matter. The warmth of her seeps into my arm, my shoulder, spreading through my chest like I'm catching fire from the inside out.
I love it.
I hate that I love it.
I don't dare shift. My muscles start to ache and I welcome it. This is the price. I'll pay it gladly. I'll sit here all night if it means not waking her. My shoulder will be screaming by morning and I don't care.
But morning exists. Reality exists. Explanations exist.
I need cover.
"Hey, Dean," I murmur quietly, barely moving my mouth. "Can you grab a blanket?"
Dean does not miss a single thing. I feel his look like a weight, sharp and knowing, but I don't care. Let him see. Let him think whatever he wants.
I take the blanket and pull it over her carefully with my free arm. Too carefully. My hand lingers for half a second longer than it should at her shoulder and I force it away before I do something stupid like smooth her hair back.
Then I let my head tip back against the couch. I close my eyes.
Maybe, if I fall asleep too, it can be an accident.
Maybe I can keep this. Just this. For one night.
My heart keeps pounding. My arm keeps burning. She stays asleep, warm and trusting against me.
I don't move.
I won't.