Chapter Text

The Big Reveal

Tony wanted to help his Science Bro out. The poor man had been called every single freaking day to SHIELD to “inspect the suspicious eyepatches.” Of course, he was unable to trace them back to Tony in any way – he was careful about that, would hate to be found out early; he had this whole thing planned! But yeah, Bruce was (supposed to be) out of the Tower for another twelve hours, and Tony was finishing his experiment.

If he remembered correctly, Big Green was trying to figure out what the latest bio-engineered attackers had been coated in. The damn giant frogs had bounced their way through the streets of Trenton, New Jersey, and they dissolved pretty much everything they touched. According to JARVIS, it had made for some major property damage – obviously no one had thought to get Alien Destruction Insurance after New York.

It also hadn’t helped that the slimy mucous was a little explosive when it came into contact with large quantities of water. A couple of the mutant amphibians had met their explosive fates when their slime dissolved a fire hydrant, and, well, the rest had been history and bite-size-pieces of poisonous frog flesh.

Ok, the experiment might have involved some slightly explosive elements, and maybe even a strong acid or two, but nothing could hurt him, not anymore. He was stronger, better. But…an acid would wreak havoc with his wiring and that would suck.

He liked being able to walk around normally.

So the Iron Man suit forming around him as he stood, pouring explosive chemicals into a cocktail (something that could not be fucked up, JARVIS knew this!), was a surprise. And not a “I got you a stripper for your birthday” surprise. More like a “the dog shit on the $500 carpet” kind of surprise. So, not fun.

JARVIS spoke to him as soon as the helmet closed up. “Sir, I apologize for not warning you, but Doctor Banner is approaching the lab. He seems tired, but determined.”

Tony growled, “Did you try to get him to leave? Freshly boiled water and some chamomile tea works wonders, J.” He made sure to stop diluting the hydrochloric acid as soon as he had it exact. Bruce would be pissed if he’d fucked this up.

His AI snarked, “Of course, sir. Doctor Banner merely huffed and muttered something about finishing this. I even offered to queue up his meditation soundtrack.”

“Oh. Well, if he passed up his yoga, then he’s serious,” Tony sighed, making sure to tilt the beaker of diluted acid fully upright and set it down gently. Couldn’t have any splatters, here – too much could go horrifically wrong.

He heard footsteps through the audio feed of the helmet, and then Bruce growled, “JARVIS. Why exactly is there an Iron Man suit standing in my lab, trying to perform my experiments?”

Bruce saw the suit put a beaker of what was probably pure HCl onto the table in front of it. The suit straightened, waved at him, and walked out. He blinked. The suit waved at him. The suit waved at him. JARVIS’s voice cut through his surprise, though he sounded…off. “Hey, Doc, sorry about that. Next time, just stay until the time your schedule says to leave, yeah? I would’ve finished that.”

Bruce just walked forward, immersing himself into the science once again. He trusted whoever was in the suit –either JARVIS or…JARVIS – not to ruin his work, but it’s always better to make sure. He forgot about the incident just a few hours later, science-ing away.

-----A-----

Just a day later, Tony had just had it up to here. Tony was done with super-villains. Did they really have to keep cropping up with alien tech or magic or whatever-the-fuck was in on that day? It never failed: he was trying to get something important done, and then some random villain decides to invade Manhattan. Again.

At least this time the dude had some class. Annoying, copycat-ing class, but class. If one would consider some cheap knockoffs of Doom’s robots class.

But these ‘bots were different. Somehow, the kid (and it was so a kid) had managed to give each one a separate purpose and modeled them to fit that. Then he’d unleashed them at their targets and sat back to watch.

The first one was obviously Thor’s. Completely impervious to electricity, with a very high rubber content in its structure and a low-to-the-ground build. Perfect for diffusing Mjolnir’s lightning strikes and its sheer ability to smash things. Tony had watched as it just kept marching forward, ignoring the thunder god’s increasingly powerful voltage output, and hoped against all hope that the Hulk would show.

But no. Bruce had his own ‘bot, one decked out with enough tranquilizers under its permeable skin to knock out even Hulk at his angriest. They had acted extremely quickly, belying their strength, and now Bruce was snoozing it off, figuratively, while in chains that looked suspiciously like adamantium.

Cap couldn’t help either. His personalized ‘bot, at first glance, seemed normal enough. Then it started to swing at the super-soldier and it showed its true colors. The damn thing had the strength of the Hulk wrapped into a six-foot, lithe shell that was more than maneuverable enough to avoid Cap’s shield-slinging tactic. Hell, the kid had really gone all out – the ‘bot was painted black with the HYDRA symbol emblazoned on it in red. Poor Steve probably thought he was actually fighting HYDRA again.

Even the Black Widow seemed outmatched by hers – a robot that at first glance seemed more suited to ballet than hand-to-hand. Then Tony looked closer and the shell of the damn ‘bot looked way too thick to be simple steel plating – possibly layered with Kevlar and rubber to repel both bullets and the Widow’s Bite. Adding to the danger, it kept pulling out random knives – kinda like Natasha did, but creepier, since the knives just appeared in its hands. At least the Widow had to take even a millisecond to draw hers.

To round it all out, Hawkeye got the most special one – or, well, ten. Possibly twenty. This ‘bot obviously had holo-projector capabilities and drove the archer nuts with its illusions, making him waste arrow after arrow (and destroy building after building) trying to bring it down. Did he mention it could flit like a butterfly and soar like an eagle? References aside, it was like the Iron Man suit, but still not quite StarkTech (and plus holograms – he’d have to cannibalize that one to figure out how later). Clint was having major problems just managing his, let alone drawing a bead on any of the others’ personal little hellions.

The fight ended way too quickly, and in a bad way. Thor crumpled to his knees, apparently exhausted from summoning as much lightning as he did, just to have it absorbed. Steve took a gargantuan hit to the cheek and was out-cold instantly. Bruce had already been drugged to the gills for the whole shebang (they lasted half an hour, and Tony was actually impressed). Natasha had multiple knife wounds to her arms and legs – none to anywhere vital, but blood loss affected even scary assassins. Clint had taken a monster of a hit when the original robot snuck behind him under the cover of its illusions and whacked him off of his perch; the ‘bot caught him though, so they were wanted alive.

Tony stared at footage he’d hacked into in some warehouse – fortified for a simple storage warehouse, but that’s what it looked like. Bruce was basically cocooned in adamantium chains, as was Thor. Steve had normal shackles, but no slack and what looked to be a micro-injector keeping him woozy. The assassins were also chained, but this kid had taken no chances (good for him): heavy, industrial-grade chain looped around their midsections and a section secured their ankles and wrists to the legs of iron chairs that were bolted to the ground. From the way they were struggling, the pair wouldn’t be getting free anytime soon.

He turned to JARVIS. “Fire up the suit, J. ASAP, come on, chop-chop.”

The AI seemed hesitant, but Tony’s shout of “Now!” forced him into action.

“As you wish, sir,” he deferred. “The Mark X is ready for deployment.” At his word, the armor flew from the alcove and enveloped Tony. The man hit the thrusters and the armor raced toward the exit ramp.

“Where am I going, J?” he asked. “I need estimates: hostiles, weapons, robot activity. Come on, J, buddy. Talk to me.”

The AI seemed to sigh. “Of course, sir. You are headed to the north side of Manhattan, to warehouse number 10. Inside my remote sensors indicate two heat signatures besides the Avengers and only one robotic signature. Judging from its size and makeup, I would hazard to guess that this is Agent Barton’s assailant, staying behind to keep the Avengers in line."

“Perfect,” Tony hissed. “Now I can defeat the bad guy and get new tech, all at once. Two-for-one, huh?”

“It seems so, sir.”

“You know what would be even better, J? If you hacked that fucker and told it to back off. Just saying.”

“I will begin now, sir.”

“J, you are the best.” Tony had to grin at the HUD as lines upon lines of code flew by, marking his AI’s progress into the enemy ‘bot’s processor. It took a scant minute – all that was left of the flight to the warehouse – for his buddy to hack his way in. He had to say, this kid had tons of engineering genius, but no concept of software firewalls to speak of.

The suit blasted its way into the building where the Avengers were chained up, causing a huge cloud of smoke to go billowing up. All the better entrance, in Tony’s opinion. He slowly let the armor drop, turning the exterior eye-lights on high and brightening the repulsors. Whoever said he wasn’t a lover of dramatic entrances had never seen him enter a room before.

Finally touching down, he surveyed the huge interior. One scrawny kid stood plastered against a deck of computers with code pulled up – JARVIS’s handiwork if he’d ever seen it. Villainous mastermind, check. He turned back to find an older man seated in what seemed to be an armchair. Well. Reevaluation time. The kid had to be under paid or unpaid servitude to this man, who had some sort of grudge on the Avengers.

Time to act accordingly.

“Hey, sorry to bust in on your party. Why wasn’t I invited? Is Iron Man not required? You know, you have those robots over there, maybe you don’t need me for once?” He left the facemask down, but his attitude more than likely oozed out of the cracks.

The armchair man scoffed. “Hardly, Colonel. I was merely trying to get your attention by taking your friends. They are your friends, are they not? If not, then they are most certainly expendable–”

Tony cut him off. He was so done. Super-villains. “Um, no, sorry. See, there’s this thing called an invitation. Or a call. Even a postcard would’ve worked better, because now I’m pissed. You use this kid–” and there was no way he was here under his own power, the hope on his face wasn’t fake “–and beat up my team, and you expect to have a friendly chat? How about fuck you, go home!”

A smirk stopped Tony cold in his tracks. “Oh no, Colonel. This was not a social call. More like…a farewell.”

Well. Radical one-eighty. Just as the old guy shut up, the HUD screamed red at him and JARVIS yelled, true panic in his voice, “Sir, there is an incoming…”

And darkness. He was probably supposed to feel pain, since it felt like something was stuck in his back at a ninety-degree angle. But hey, perk of an android body – no pain, and no physiotherapy. Just some new parts and voila.

Although this felt like something more suited to a new-body kind of scenario. At least he’d already planned for blowing himself to smithereens multiple times. He had spare bodies aplenty (and damn, but did that sound weird).

He could hear the villain monologuing in the background. “You see, Avengers, I have brought down the War Machine and subdued the Earth’s Mightiest Heroes! I will only free you if you swear to accept my terms. You shall hold me, the Evil Mastermind–” too cliché to be true “–as your commander and you shall obey only my directives! As you can see, I have many connections with many people, most of whom could bring you to your knees in minutes! And if I cannot reward them sufficiently, then they are…persuaded accordingly, such as this young man. He is a true genius, a scholar of Stark himself, and I enlisted his efforts once I had obtained proper leverage–”

Clint growled softly, “You mean you bullied him into this. I know the look.” Well, the archer sounded pissed enough to stab this Evil Mastermind weirdo to death. With a blunt spork.

It was good to know that his auditory sensors hadn’t given up the ghost. But if he was going to be subjected to this pompous, idiotic wannabe’s monologue, it would’ve been better for them to be dead. Then the HUD flickered back up, dimly, and he could see again.

“I apologize, sir. The impact temporarily knocked out power to the HUD display. I have re-routed it.” He’d never been more thankful to hear JARVIS’s voice.

“That’s awesome, J. Are the external speakers still online?”

“They are now, sir. May I ask what you are planning?”

“Just a scare for our lovely man, J.”

“Very good, sir.”

At that, Tony heard the minute hissing that signaled the speakers’ status. He started laughing hysterically, and it was completely realistic, because this was too damn much. The Mastermind stopped talking and heads turned to the crumpled suit of technological marvels. He stood up, trusting JARVIS to keep him upright.

“Oh, old man, you’ve gotta do better than that,” he quipped. A bestial smirk graced his features as his visual sensors flickered in and out, trying to keep connection around what was probably shrapnel from the missile in his neck.

“Colonel! This is impossible! My plan was perfect!” the guy gasped, face going white as a sheet. Tony noticed that the poor kid had just fainted dead away when he stood up.

“Ah, ah, ah. See, you were wrong from the start. I’m not Rhodey,” Tony growled, hearing gasps from his audience at the nickname. “I’m Tony fucking Stark–” he raised his facemask to more gasps and one growl “–and I am pissed off that you think you could ever hurt Rhodey with this rinky-dink party trick. War Machine, or Iron Patriot, or whatever he’s calling it now, has armor three times thicker than the Mark X. That’s not counting the huge fucking M-60 I stuck on it. You would be dead if I wasn’t in such a good mood today.”

The Mastermind stared in shock and silence as Tony lowered the faceplate and clanked his way forward, moves much jerkier than normal due to his lower body’s immobility. (That projectile had definitely pulverized any wiring leading to his quasi-muscular system.) Grabbing a steel pipe, thin but exceedingly strong, he let the suit warp it to form a sort of restraint. There – one villain (he definitely didn’t deserve being called super) all trussed up.

Tony turned to the kid. Well, he’d always tried to treat his disciples well, especially kids who had nothing or had been through more shit than the average child. He reached down with a gauntleted hand, letting JARVIS mitigate the force he used – no bone-crushing needed, and shook the kid a little. He jolted awake, floppy brown hair falling into his startled eyes. “Ohmygod get away from me don’t hurt me he has Aunt May I had to pleaseplaseplease…”

Tony laughed. “Hey, kid, it’s cool. Hostages suck. But…next time, call somebody, huh?”

The kid sighed, “Yeah, but…whatever. Are you…are you really Mr. Stark?”

Tony let go of the kid’s shoulder and lifted the faceplate again. “The one and only.”

Hazel eyes widened as the young man below him gasped, “Oh my God. Tony Stark. I am…I am…honored? I am so honored to meet you. How are you alive, you should be dead, that was an anti-tank missile that the Mastermind had me design specifically for the suits. Didn’t you die? …Are you an android, is that why your eyes are so flat? Oh my God, Mr. Stark, teach me everything.”

Tony chuckled and it came out a little mechanical. “Hey, kid, I need to know your name before I impart all of my smarts unto you. Background checks and whatnot, you know?”

The kid grinned. “Peter. Peter Parker. Did you really die?”

Tony grimaced, muttering, “A little bit? This definitely isn’t flesh and blood anymore. Call me an android if you really must. I prefer…Life Model Decoy. Except I’m not a decoy. Hmm…”

Peter cheered, “That is so cool! How did you get your consciousness into that body? For that matter, how did you build that?” A groan from behind them and a whisper of Tony’s name made both of them tense, Peter more obviously than Tony. “Never mind. You…you go help them, okay? They’re still your team, right?”

Tony sighed, “Yeah. Team.”

He turned and trudged over to where his (only real) friends were chained and melted each chain off, one by one, with a laser he’d decided to install on a whim. Each one, except Bruce because Bruce was still stoned, stared at his face in silence. Whatever. He could disappear again if he really had to.

Then Clint raised his hand and whispered, “I fucking knew it, you bastard. It had to be you.” Apparently someone had a brain.

Just a few seconds later, all five of them were standing – or leaning on Thor, in Bruce’s case – around him. Awkward… “Um. Hi? I’m not really dead but I am? I’m currently in a fucked-over android body, so excuse me while I go download into a new one? Sorry for not saying, but I really wanted to avoid feelings, so…”

Cap spoke up, stopping his ramblings. “Tony. Are you…”

The genius rolled his eyes. “Here? Yes. Myself? Yes. Alive? Eh…not really, unless you count an android body with a human conscience as alive. Then, sure!”

Thor rumbled, “Man of Iron. Are you well?”

“Eh…” Tony mumbled. “Not really. My visual sensors keep cutting out, and JARVIS is the only thing keeping me upright and moving right now. I’m pretty sure that if I was actually a fleshy person again, my spine would be pulverized in multiple places and…yeah. Dead.”

Thor grinned. “And yet you live still! It is heartening, my friend, to see you again after your absence.”

Natasha smiled in that instant, and the genius would’ve shivered if he was able to move. “Your…note. You left us clues. We were so blind, Stark. We could have guessed.”

Tony grunted a yes. “Well, hindsight is always twenty-twenty. But seriously. Major structural damage over here, and JARVIS is draining some serious power keeping me upright. If you don’t hurry up with the heartfelt welcome-back speeches, I’ll have to go into hibernation mode and make you carry me back to my ‘shop. That wouldn’t be fun for anyone.”

Steve smiled a little too. “Okay, Tony. Fly on out. But I’d better see you all fixed up at movie night tonight.”

Tony smiled a little in return. Maybe he could mingle again. “I wouldn’t miss it for the world, Capsicle.”