Chapter Text
Courage was never built enough in Kasper’s heart for him to express it right.
As he grew up, he knew better than to mistake it with something admirable in any way. After all, it had always been something smaller. It was easy to build such a thought of high courage into your brain, show it off, perform it and include it in your facade, although it’s useless if it doesn’t come right from your core.
He never found a reason to hesitate when it really mattered. When something was in its decay just right under his hands, hesitation wasn’t his thing. It wasn’t his thing to be proud of the truth, either.
Even if he was capable of joking around and laughing in the stupidest of times to do so, or going ahead and getting in trouble just because of the fun of it, it wouldn’t be exactly courage or standing up for himself when your sense of self is gone.
He has never felt like feeling that. It wasn’t necessary— Not when such a doubt hasn’t occurred in his head before. But that was before he got infected. He never got to be the main expectation of himself when he acknowledged he didn’t know how to be himself.
Yet, Kasper wasn’t willing to let himself doubt if it was mainly because of how he was, or how the infection fucked him up. Sometimes, he would hear some crazy shit Infected would carelessly do, and Kasper wasn’t sure if he was mad and disconcerted because of pure envy of wanting to do things as freely as he did before, or because the expectations on him changed in a different direction.
Or maybe they were always like this, and he just didn’t feel like listening.
But the most he wanted to do in a good way was commit Lampert’s expectation.
Not because of the base or the plushie or how he enjoyed teasing him, but because he didn’t want to be or feel like a coward under Lampert’s gaze. Despite the blurry gaps in his memories, he knew this indifference was different before.
So that’s why he didn’t want to start running the second the lights went off. Or maybe the second he heard external voices that weren’t Lampert’s. What if he was from his base staring down at him, expecting to see a change and a reaction that would be different to Infected’s?
The problem was he didn’t know how Infected would react.
There was a chance, a small and foolish one, that they could guide him to an exit. After all, that was what they were saying now, their voices sharp and overlapping, telling him that he had to leave, that he couldn’t stay here any longer. Something positive could come out of this, right? An exit should be able for him, then– other than the elevator, or Lampert’s home. Kasper gave one, two steps ahead with a nervous smile as a quiet, desperate prayer looped in his head that this would be enough, that this time he’d read the situation right.
The last– And first time he got here, he did read the situation in the most terrible way possible. And in front of his ex friend, too.
However, whatever prayers placed in his head vanished the second an employee grabbed him from the back of the collar of his jacket, fingers biting into the collar, and he was lifted from the floor without hesitation. From the shock, he realized such an action stole the air from his lungs the second he tried to gulp. He glanced at it, and his eyes widened. This oen was faceless– Why did it have no face?
Sure, he had seen weirder shit inside and outside the elevator, however no one has threatened him like this. Was it because of him? Did Infected already encounter them and make them mad? Mad enough not to be welcomed here? He has never been black listed before!
His legs were squirming and trying to break free as a startled gasp tore out of him. It felt as if his own were betraying him now, even more than the way they have been for the past months. The effort felt useless, but he still kicked his legs. As if his weak body hadn’t given up on him months ago.
As if everyone hadn’t given up on him months ago.
Kasper wasn’t a fighter. He has never been one, aside from the verbal stuff he had done in the past, but his beliefs about how useless violence is betrayed his appearance and facade sometimes. However, as his vision was getting blurrier from the dizziness, he saw through it more workers closing in. Some of their steps were quick and big– some slow, so he had no choice but to betray himself this time. Again. The second he realized whatever squirm of his was useless, he took a deep breath, turning his fear into foolish and impulsive defiance, and he twisted as hard as he could, swinging his fist into the face of the one holding him. The impact jolted up his arm, pain flaring in his knuckles, but the grip loosened just enough for him to finally tear himself away. His body hit the ground as he breathed heavily, a hand placed on the side of his stomach as he felt it burning for no reason.
It usually happened only when he ran, so why now?!
After a few backward steps with a hand in front of his chest and the other on his stomach, the nervous smile on his face immediately vanished. The moment it did, instinct took over, and he turned and ran.
His steps were quick and clumsy at this point, each one barely landing where he meant it to. The lights beside him, supposed to enlighten the path, flickered unevenly with low saturation, having no choice but to change the trail every now and then. He felt his chest tightening as he panted, but still went through.
Lampert’s fortress surfaced in his mind like a lifeline, solid and familiar, the closest thing he could imagine to safety, if only someone there knew what was happening to him. Maybe he, himself knew. Maybe he didn’t. The thought twisted uncomfortably in his gut, because if Lampert did know and hadn’t done anything, then none of this was an accident.
Yet, he couldn’t bring himself to hate him for that. If the thought wasn’t pathetic, he would think that he would do the same thing to himself.
Whenever he would stumble or almost trip, a curse under his breath would slip out from his lips. He didn’t know if it was aimed at Lampert, Dr. Retro, or himself.
He wanted to turn back– Or maybe just stopping seemed like the best option for his sake right now. But whenever he would go, people seemed to be against him. Like those guys chasing him the second the lights went out, despite ignoring him before.
Kasper scoffed. Only if he knew how to. Nothing made sense. Every step just tired him more and more, and not even thrill helped him to man up and escape with success. He gave one last glance at Lampert’s base. The sight of it pulling at him harder than it should have. For a split second, his feet almost slowed down, but he forced himself forward, aiming for anything that even resembled safety.
But he still wondered if Lampert did it on purpose. The thought would live free in his head on the run. Literally.
The ache in his stomach didn’t help at all. Not when his body couldn’t resist much— Not when it was at risk. And the thought surfacing again and again didn’t bring much help. He felt exposed this way, fragile even. He was painfully aware of how his body was about to reach its limit, so the thought of just stopping kept getting more endearing every step and breath and sharp pain in his throat.
Dr. Retro would kill him for all the effort he was doing when she advised otherwise– She would if he escaped from the employees on his back. Usually, he would just shrug and chuckle to himself in sign of ignorance. But not now. Not when he didn’t even feel confident enough due to all the choices he made along the whole day turning out to be the stupidest ones.
And definitely not when he missed the vanity table in front of him the second he changed his trail. He felt as if the world lurched violently the second his foot caught it when his mind missed it. Kasper hit the floor with a hiss, pain going through his leg as he curled it against his chest, hugging it. He would be too focused on where to go or blame or on the idea of safety that he paid no attention to his surroundings. In exception of the people chasing him, of course. He had been way too focused on anything else but the desk he just crashed into– he crashed into it hard, sending books, toys, and scattered decorations flying, and the mirror on top shattered on impact, glass exploding across the floor in a sharp, echoing noise.
It would mean nothing to him if the worry about glass nailed into his lower leg wouldn’t ease. It would mean nothing if creepy guys weren’t running after him. And yet, the burning pain bit into his lower leg, sharp and immediate, and his breath stuttered as he realized glass had embedded itself in his skin. The sound of footsteps closing in made his stomach drop, which just made it all worse.
All he wanted was to get better, and yet he was somehow making it all worse.
He had been trying to fix whatever he was– Whatever mess he has turned into, not prove over and over how wrong he was actually doing.
It all echoed faintly, even when he was doing his best to just get up and show a better example of himself. Impulsively, Kasper grabbed the shard of glass lodged in his leg and yanked it free with a sharp gasp, blood welling immediately. Before breaking into another unsteady escape, he uselessly threw the shard and threw it to whoever was near him.
Stopping had never done any good to him before, but the escape kept growing more foolish by every passing second.
He kept giving a few clumsy and wobbly steps, grabbing his own stomach as he panted. However, after a while, he changed his path when he saw a double decked bed against two walls, an idea occurring in his head. Maybe he could finally get to rest. Maybe if he was fast enough, he would have time to try whatever that was available for him now.
Kasper grabbed a wooden plank on the ground, ignoring the painful sound that slipped out his lips the second he slightly bent over, and got himself in the first bed against the wall, panting as he covered the remaining space with the board, staying in silence and staring down at his leg. It was horrible. Everything was. Kasper could just bite his tongue, trying not to let his loud breath slip away.
Seconds dragged in, and he couldn’t help but feel like the walls were stretching in, getting smaller by the second. Eventually, the voices of the workers dulled and started fading out, one of the few sounds remaining being their echo every now and then. And only then did his breathing start to even out the second he stopped biting his tongue and holding his own breath, ragged and loud in the silence. His strength on the wooden plank ceased as he stared down at his bloody leg, wheezing.
“Fuck…” Kasper panted, lightly touching it with the tip of his fingers. He had seen medkits around the place, but even if he waited for the lights to turn back on, he didn’t know how he would handle it.
Even after years of skating, all he did was shrug it off and move on. Those weren’t that deep anyways. And when they were, there was always this distant and faded memory of Lampert taking care if it— Kneeling down, steady hands and a quiet focus he would miss.
Kasper leaned his head back against the wall and gave out a bitter sigh.
And even after years of just being a kid, he never got to learn anything. Or maybe he did— And his memory was cruel once again, cruel enough to withhold it now. But his dad telling him to man up after every injury of his in his childhood didn’t make it any better. If only something useful stayed in his memory, he would be grateful to any god above him.
He wanted to crawl into the bed and cry— The injury wasn’t that bad anyways, but everything has been overwhelming enough for him to handle. Everything else was unbearable, and because crying was much easier than thinking about Lampert, or the rest of the people in the elevator, or Infected or the way everyone seemed to expect something from him he couldn’t name anymore.
He had been through worse before. He went through a whole infection that made him lose consciousness for years. Yet, something else that wasn’t this blind and stumbling escape seemed better than anything else.
The thought barely finished forming before he shoved it away, because wanting safety didn’t mean it was waiting for him.
Kasper was sure that if he poked his head out, he wouldn’t even be able to see the base now. To leave him alone? Please. He has tried his best not to make him uncomfortable with his sole existence, because Gods forbid he wants to recover from a disease that made him lose consciousness of himself!
Then, he heard those metallic steps once again— And Kasper didn’t know if he preferred those to be Lampert’s or from the workers. What could be worse, that it might be Lampert, or the workers returning? He slightly winced as he stretched out his leg. Maybe he got down to look for him? It made no sense— It was senseless when thinking about the same guy who expelled him from his own base when he knew the lights would eventually turn off.
Nothing about Lampert made sense now.
When the footsteps eased, Kasper could swear the tension in his shoulders didn’t at all when he heard the employees’ voices once again. He held the piece of wood tighter now, shutting his eyes tightly while thinking of an answer. It was either just running away, or get his leg fixed to avoid major injuries. Kasper shook his head and got the plank out of the way,
a grimace given on his expression due to the loud sound he got as a consequence. As he hoped he still had time, Kasper glanced for a last time at the blood on the bedsheets– Now dirty and untidy, in contrast to the rest of the beds around, and ran.
Far from the sound behind him, and praying to get into any medkit around.
Slowly, his steps had grown slower, hoping it would help him recover since it almost felt as if his legs stopped being his own.
Has he ever done something so embarrassing? Sure, he had tripped over in front of people, or made an awkward joke or just said way too much about himself. But this wasn’t something he would make by mistake. It wasn’t when mistake after mistake felt like a chore.
To meet up someone’s expectations, or to get better, or to know better. Whatever the reason was, it didn’t make the situation better.
He had thrown every worry away the second he saw medkit on a desk, a hollow laugh slipped out as he limped towards it, gripping the edge of each furniture around for support. He leaned against the table, panting as he took the medkit on his hands and opened it, smiling while trying to restore his breath.
The amount of stuff in it was safe enough to help him heal. “Eugh… I can figure this out later,” Kasper whispered to himself, trying to mentally recognize each thing and its function. “probably.”
Nonetheless, the second he looked up, he caught himself staring like an idiot. The elevator was in front of him, just one corner again. Kasper snapped the medkit close as he kept staring and just pushed himself a little more, dragging his whole weight there, as if those metal doors might just hold him together.
He ran away from everything, and yet here he was— heading towards the one thing that felt like both the solution to the whole problem, while it was the whole problem itself.
And it was the only hope he had left, too.
Because once he reached it, putting his whole weight on the side he was leaning into the elevator, he realized all of it was completely useless.
The only hope left for him, right on a thin line, faded away the moment everything hit him.
He was on his own, in Lampert’s territory and still so far away from him, and with no tickets while creepy workers were after him for no reason.
Even when pressing the elevator button a thousand times in the same second, it just didn’t work, but Kasper kept hoping for something else. Something more. His breath grew ragged as he pressed it over and over, since deep down he was aware there was nothing left to do. And the silence that answered him only suffocated him even more.
With a curse under his breath, he finally stopped and groaned, burying his face in his hands. It wasn’t the best time to get overwhelmed or rest— He’d been through that page already. On the same day, too.
He punched the elevator’s doors with a sharp cry, the impact sending pain through his arm. His scream tore out of him, raw and ugly, before he sagged into the floor, staring at the floor through blurred vision.
“Fuck,” Kasper whimpered, his voice shaking. “if this isn’t pathetic enough…”
_____________
Kasper has eventually lost track of time, and sense.
He was only aware of how he felt. The injury wasn’t even that bad, but he knew that shatters of glass remained in it. And every move of his just made him wince, adding the fact his legs gave up on him— so he had to sit down against the elevator, staring down at his own lower body.
For maybe the next twenty minutes, that was all he could do. To some extent, he was grateful—He wouldn’t have to worry about, well, everything about himself for this short while. If he did, an overwhelming wave of disorientation would hit him. Sometimes, Kasper would swear he heard footsteps or those voices on the back of his neck again, but the second he would turn around, these would be gone.
He missed his apartment.
And not to mention Poptart, because if he had the energy he would just start sobbing on the floor like a pathetic kid.
After all, his last relief was right next to him, but still he wasn’t able to do anything about it. If he heard the employees again, he wouldn’t know what to do. His body gave up on him the second he sat next to the elevator, as if finally being able to rest despite the fact that they were after him everywhere. He could only wonder how much time has passed since the lights went out, because counting until the lights turned on once again could be seen as the only solution enabled at the moment.
And Kasper must have lost sense of hearing too, because he didn’t hear the elevator’s doors opening. And it only made him raise his hand to his eyes when sudden light reflected on his body from behind, making him flinch for a moment.
He leaned his head back, staring at the elevator and its shadow with squinted eyes— After all, he has grown used to the dark now, and new brightness just hurt his eyes.
“…Why are you here?”
“Oh shit.” Kasper let out a soft laugh and looked up at him. “I- I could have sworn you were God for a second.” He put his hand over his eyes, trying not to look away despite the sudden light practically blinding him.
“I’m being serious. Why aren’t you gone yet?”
Kasper blinked and looked down at his body again, his facade quickly decaying into a groan of frustration. “No tickets.” He lowly mumbled.
“What?”
“I got no tickets with me, dude.”
“And why would you come here if you don’t have anything to either call the elevator or get back home in time?!”
“Because I wasted it all to get to Dr. Retro’s place.” Kasper sighed. “Might need more to get back to her.” He mumbled as he raised his injured leg with a sorrowing smile, making an extra effort not to show more reactions through the ache.
Kasper didn’t know what would be Lampert’s reaction– After all, he didn’t even want him near. In spite of hating his indifference, the idea of him just pitying him over that instead of the rest could just make it worse for him.
“…What did you do to get hurt this badly?”
“Oh, eh— Bunch of these employees were following me like, for a looong while and—“
“Straight to the point, Kasper.” Lampert deadpanned, as if in a hurry.
Kasper clicked his tongue. “Right. Tripped over and got glass in my leg.”
Lampert’s gaze fell to Kasper’s leg, and then to the medkit. He sighed and looked up another way, spotting his home with an internal battle in his head.
Kasper noticed, and his eyes didn’t miss the bag the other held, too. He wouldn’t consider Lampert as the shopping type guy.
“What have you got there, Lamps?”
“Not your business… I think.” Lampert muttered. Then, after a beat. “Why haven’t you used the medkit?”
Kasper shrugged, clutching it closer to him. “I dunno how to properly take care of wounds. Usually I wouldn’t mind but,” He huffed. “I think there’s glass in there, so…”
Part of Kasper knew it actually was a big deal– More than he would like to admit. And he would usually not point it out, shrug it off and let it heal on its own. But this was Lampert in front of him– The same ex best friend who doesn’t even know how human anatomy works. Maybe. He hoped so.
Has he even interacted with another human in the past… what? Two years? Three?
But his pain must have been apparent, since when he doggedly lifted his leg as a display to his gash, a wince would escape under his breath– So Lampert’s reaction was almost immediate.
“...Yeesh. And still you haven’t tried to even learn how to use it?”
Kasper shook his head. “I didn't have time. Your coworkers were chasing me all the time, I just got to rest a bit. Do they get normal again? Cuz they're creepy as hell, man…”
“Not like they have never been or anything. But they weren't chasing me nor talking before.” Kasper continued, unaware he was just babbling. At this point, every sound remaining in the background was starting to get muffled. Kasper wondered if this was normal– The pain in his leg was so overwhelming that it got to the point where it literally stopped hurting. It felt numb. If it hadn’t been for Lampert’s bright bulb, he wouldn’t have noticed he was already gone.
Kasper slowly blinked, his vision was still a little blurry, so trying to differentiate Lampert from the other lamps was quite the task, and even if he squinted his eyes, his eyes couldn’t catch him. Maybe he ran to his base– He was looking for it, after all. And it’s not like Kasper could blame him.
As if to make sure this whole day happened, and it just wasn’t a regret that ran through his core as if it was an old resemblance of his, Kasper brushed his finger over the injury while biting his lower lip, trying to ignore any minus shatter of glass that would endure in it. When he pulled his hand back, relief almost followed.
Almost.
When he lifted his hands to the closest light around, his fingers were slick with blood—mostly red, but streaked with an unmistakable pink.
“...Shit.” He whispered.
Usually Kasper wouldn’t mind, but Lampert’s presence did uneasy him. Of course, there was more red blood than pink– But he didn’t even want to know Lampert’s reaction. He was supposed to be recovering, and someone else being a witness of this, especially Lampert, just made him feel like it was a withdrawal of the whole process. If he had to wait months until everything about the infection gets out of his system, it would be torture.
He could just hope for now that the lights off would make it go unnoticeable.
He licked his thumb and quickly cleaned the little of the pink stains around the wounds, silently praying that once he got the glass pieces out of the cut, just normal blood would come out of it.
The sound of the dragging of a fabric along a heavy material made him raise his head, staring at Lampert as if he had gone crazy.
“...May I ask what the fuck are you doing with a whole bathtub?” Kasper chuckled, staring at it as it was tied with a rope too. “What is even the cloth for?”
“Get in here.”
“...What?”
Lampert sighed and tried his best not to throw his head back with a groan. “Just get in.”
“Damn,” Kasper let out a sound between a laugh and a huff. “If I knew I was this disgusting or smelly before getting here, I wouldn’t have gotten in ROKEA in the first place.” He mumbled with a snarky smile as he got in the bathtub as told.
“You shouldn’t have ever got here, for star–” Lampert cut himself off the instant he heard the workers' voice approaching, repeatedly telling them to leave. And he must have noticed Kasper’s immediate tension in his shoulders, because his reaction didn’t last a second until it had been apparent. “Hold on tight.” Before Kasper could even react, Lampert had already grabbed the rope with a determined expression.
Lampert huffed and threw his bag into the bathtub too, and Kasper could tell he immediately regretted it the second he winced after hearing the sound it did when it hit the porcelain. The sudden tug jolted the bathtub forward, porcelain scraping loudly against the floor as it slid, Kasper still inside it. He let out a startled gasp, fingers digging into the verge of it.
“Hey—!” His protest caught in his throat as Lampert pulled again, harder this time.
The movement sent a sharp flare of pain through Kasper’s leg, and he hissed, instinctively curling around the injury. Lampert held the rope tightly as his steps got even faster, expression set with the kind of grim focus Kasper could have sworn he saw somewhere else.
“Hold still,” Lampert said, breath tight.
The bathtub lurched once more before finally settling a constant and fast pace. Kasper’s heart was pounding now, adrenaline washing over the annoying numbness over him. He shot Lampert a disconcerted look, equal parts of both irritation and disbelief.
“You couldn’t have warned me?!”
Lampert didn’t look at him, looking forward as he continued running while pulling the rope. “You would’ve argued.”
Kasper had no response to that. Mostly because Lampert wasn’t wrong.
Kasper tightened his grip on the tub’s edge, knuckles pale, and closed his eyes during the whole trip.
Why didn’t just Lampert send him back to the elevator? He had tickets– Usually. He glanced back at the elevator, and gulped when his eyes caught the few workers following them, despite the darkness and numbness.
It took shorter than expected when finally, and just finally, the sudden stumbleness stopped. Kasper opened his eyes, looking around as he ran a hand through his hair, watching Lampert pull out some gloves from the medkit. He wouldn’t expect Lampert to bring him back to the base. After all, just a few moments ago he was literally pushed away.
“Uh- Are you sure we are saf—“
Lampert spoke up, stretching the gloves before putting them fully, looking down at his now covered hands with a hum. “Can you get up?”
Kasper hesitated, and after a beat he nodded, biting his lower lip as he got up, muffling any wince. He stood up in front of the path going to Lampert’s fortress, an exhausted look on his face as he made a face.
Lampert got beside him, internally debating what should have been an agreement with himself now. He sighed and held Kasper by the side, glad to be covered up the second he interacted with him.
“C’mon, up we go.”
“Right.” Kasper mumbled, but weakly smiled when he noticed Lampert turned his bulb off. Perhaps its purpose was to avoid blinding his eyes, which Kasper would be grateful of, but the relief over Lampert not being able to see the faint stains of pink blood was bigger.
He didn’t want to imagine his reaction. Kasper knew that Lampert was aware of the old symptoms of the disease– After all, he had seen him sneeze and with a messy speech more than once in the elevator. But now he would face it directly.
Maybe Lampert wouldn’t even mind that much… he cleaned a few of the stains. And Kasper was grateful that the only hurt limb was his lower leg, instead of an upper part, such as his arm. His body was fragile in ways he hated. Sometimes, doing the simplest things alone, he’d hurt himself on the stupidest objects—paper, scissors, even knives while cooking. The closer the injury was to his head, the pinker the blood seemed to get. For reasons he still didn’t understand.
But this time, at least, he’d been lucky.
And for now, that was enough.
This resulted to be uncharacteristic for Lampert. He wouldn’t just leave the bath there or anything, so Kasper rolled his eyes at the thought of him, himself having to get it back into its place just for Lampert's sake to save him.
“What’s with that?” Lampert spoke up.
“What’s with what?”
“That eye roll. I am willing to help you and you roll your eyes.”
“Nothing. Just thinking.” And Lampert just hummed in response, as if holding back another answer.
After a while of silence, they got to the top of the base. It would be an understatement for Lampert to be this… distant while literally beside him. Kasper didn’t think he even had the right to complain about anything, but, well. He was brought here in a bathtub. He wasn’t even infected anymore!
If this is how Kasper was treated in recovery, he couldn’t imagine what it would be like in Infected’s position.
Yet he couldn’t help noticing that, despite the darkness surrounding them, Lampert kept his own light turned off. The thought that Lampert might be sparing his eyes after the earlier brightness made things feel… a little better. Maybe that wasn’t even the reason– On the run, he had forgotten how Lampert usually acted. But in times like these, anything that was slightly hopeful for Kasper was useful to hold onto.
Lampert leaned Kasper against the wall, rushing to the drawer and bending down, silently looking for something. He let out a breathy chuckle and raised his eyebrow despite the pain going through his leg and throat.
“Hah. I sicken you that much that you are going to put, what, plastic everywhere I'm gonna touch, now? If that was really the reason why you got me out of here, then I would have come in a rain suit or anything.”
“Ah. Almost.”
“…What?” Kasper mumbled when Lampert quickly pulled out a big, blank sheet. He took a look at it before placing it on the couch in front of the TV. “You can’t be serious.”
“I am. And you should be grateful, so just sit and let me check that injury because you don’t know how to do it.”
Kasper narrowed his eyes. “I am! But you brought me here with a bathtub! That’s like, so fucked up, dude!”
“Well, it was that, or leaving you there. You can’t be petty.”
“You can’t be for real.” Kasper repeated
Lampert scoffed, adjusted the blanket and patted it, glancing at Kasper. The man just sighed and stumbled to the couch, suppressing a groan and wince due to the pain in his leg. Lampert made a face before he crouched down.
“Eugh…”
“I know. Badass, right?”
“No.” Lampert shortly responded, leaning over to grab the already-opened medkit and get some items, such as bandages, alcohol and tweezers beside him. After a few seconds of inspecting the wound further, he picked up the latter.
Kasper knew Lampert was aware of the pinkish around the wound, especially since he bothered to turn on his bulb for a better look. Kasper knew he would make a face, so he didn’t look down. As long as he didn’t say anything about it, it should be just fine.
“Have you ever healed an injury like this before?” Kasper tried to introduce a new subject. And when Lampert looked up with a twitched eye, he fastly backed up. “N-Nevermind.”
Along darkness, silence surrounded the base. Kasper wasn’t sure if it was even comfortable anymore. A few hours ago, he wasn’t even welcomed here.
He looked down, searching for his eyes— For anything to say. And he instantly regretted it, because Lampert most definitely saw the evidence of Infected’s previous existence in his wound. In his own skin.
Would he ever be free?
Lampert sighed. “I know how it goes, I guess. I have helped you… or- Infected. The first days, I mean, thinking you were acting weird due to the amount of new wounds or cuts,”
“I blamed Poptart for that at first.” Lampert continued, and before Kasper could speak up, the other interrupted. “This one’s gonna hurt a little. I have to get into this part already because the bleeding’s already stopped.”
The second Lampert started picking up a few of the glass pieces in it, Kasper had to bite his lip to hold back a wince. Lampert looked up at him for a few seconds, and as quickly as the movement ceased, he continued on getting every glass out of his skin.
“…Just- Leave it, man. I don’t want it to be a bother. Not like I hadn’t gotten through muuch worse when I skated tons.”
“If you didn’t want it to be a burden you should have learned how to use a medkit and get proper treatment at your age.” Lampert deadpanned, still focused and not looking up once.
Kasper could just sigh in defeat. He wouldn’t turn this into an argument when this was the second proper talk he finally got with Lampert, and as his injury was being treated, too.
If it wasn’t from the few and little pieces of glass, no other sound rather than silence would surround them. “You ar— were a skater. How is it that you don’t know how to take care of yourself and wounds?” Lampert mumbled, paying extra attention to every move of his own.
“I- Fuck. I dunno, man– You done with that one?” Kasper breathed out.
“...Yeah. You won’t like the next step, though.” Lampert mumbled as he pulled up an alcohol bottle, trying his best not to spare any disgusting expression towards the other’s injury. “Although I suppose it won’t hurt much– It’s meant to be sprayed around the wound only.”
Kasper bit his lip once again when the liquid was sprayed a few centimetres above it. “Can’t you just put the bandage over it and call it a d– Shit!” He hissed the second it reached his cut, his nails pressing into the couch.
Lampert quickly patted the area with a dry gauze as he frowned, not even bothering to look up at Kasper as he did so. “Don’t be tense,” He mumbled, grabbing and extending the bandage beside him.
“You have to change these daily, so once you are gone take some of the medkits with you.” He continued and brought the bandages up to his face, in reference to what he was talking about. Kasper just nodded and relaxed his grip.
“Uh. Would you lend me a ticket for that, then?” But only silence was given. Kasper sighed and looked to a side, contemplating the darkness encompassed all over ROKEA. If Lampert hadn’t shown up, he would still be panting next to the elevator or just trapped between some furniture. The floor’s great width just made it even worse, because he couldn’t even see the corners of the area around.
He glanced down, seeing how Lampert carefully tied the bandage around him. The blood barely making it apparent over it was enough proof that it shouldn’t be another worry of his now.
“Okay. It’s settled.” Lampert stood up and put the medkit back in the draw beside them.
“What about the bathtub?”
Lampert frowned. “...What about the bathtub?”
“I mean,” Kasper shrugged. “You have left it on the bottom of your house. It doesn’t belong there, I guess? Not like I care, but it’s, you know.”
“Messy?”
“Out of character?” Kasper chuckled. “What, you also tore out a random curtain to put it below the bathtub? What’s next, touching me without gloves?”
“Why is that your first worry? Your leg is practically fucked up.”
“I dunno. This place seems to be like, so clean. Besides the mess when I broke that mirror or plank,”
“You broke what?”
“Aaand your plushie.”
Like, yeah, okay. That was the less important thing— But not for Kasper. It brought him comfort and, pfft, Lampert surely didn’t even pay attention to it. He could do that for him! That’s why he doggedly kept it on hold until it, well, unpicked.
“The reason why the seal was unpicked was insignificant. And totally yours to blame. The rest was an accident— I hope. Because you will clean it all after.” Lampert sneered.
“You know, Lamps, just because something broke or bothers you doesn’t mean it’s instantly because of me.” Kasper rolled his eyes. “But-! I am the one to blame. Maybe. It was to protect the seal. It’s not like you are above petty messes.”
“The mess I made was not petty. I could have left you there.”
“You could have just— I dunno, dude, carry me?” And Kasper decided to ignore Lampert’s stare to continue. “Also, I dunno, man, but I am not coming back, ticketless, to clean stuff that wasn’t even intentional. I was literally being chased.”
“Then you come back with tickets.”
“I just told you. I have none.” Lampert brought a hand to his head and groaned. “I mean. I would come back ticketless only for the silly seal…” Kasper retorted, holding back a smile as he glanced at the plushie on the desk beside him.
“No. You broke it. And it’s mine.”
“Bah, I only unpicked an eye if not anything else, dude!” Kasper pointed out, not being able to lean in and snitch the plushie due to Lampert’s eyes being nailed on him. “Or let me fix it?”
“And what about the rest?”
“Pfft. What about the other stuff?” Kasper chuckled. “Your coworkers can take care of it. Probably. Once they stop being creeps and rude.”
“They are not my—!“ Lampert sighed and looked to the side. The other wasted no time in getting the seal back to his hands despite the pain from stretching over the other side of the couch. “Nevermind. No, they won’t, Kasper.”
Then, Lampert gasped and immediately turned to the stairs, eyes widened. Kasper let go of the plushie when he heard such a sound, thinking he would get beaten for picking the seal up.
“I left my stuff…” Lampert whispered. “They are downstairs.”
“Ah… Your mysterious bag, yay. I can get it for you.”
Lampert spared a glare at his leg, as if that was enough for an answer. “...No.”
“Whatever, dude. What do you have in there, anyway?”
“You don’t get to ask. You shouldn’t–”
“‘Even be here.’ Yeah, blah, blah. I know. I’m supposed to be gone when the lights come back. How long does this usually take?”
“They should come back in less than an hour. And you too. Go back to your home.” Lampert headed to his desk, carefully opening its drawer. “I’ll lend you a ticket, and then you go and we pretend nothing happened.”
“What?” But Lampert was already handing out his hand with a ticket. Kasper didn’t grab it.
“And you don’t come back.”
“Well. It isn’t practically yours.” Kasper shrugged. “I can if my ass wants to, man.”
Lampert groaned, closing his eyes for a moment before speaking up again. “Dude. Just accept the ticket and go away as soon as possible.”
Kasper raised an eyebrow, the motion slow and deliberate, as he reached out and reclaimed the plushie. His thumb brushed over the unpicked eye again, lingering there as if he were testing the texture, or maybe just giving himself something to do with his hands. Then, the corner of his lips slightly cracked into a smile. “Hmm. When you tell me what’s in the bag.”
Actually, Kasper couldn’t give less of a fuck what Lampert had in his bag or not. Whenever if it was more boring clothes, or cleaning supplies– It made no difference to him. It wasn’t about his curiosity or whatsoever, as long as annoying Lampert was enough for him to say a bit longer, anything counted. Mainly because the idea of going back to his boring apartment just sounded depressing in every sense of the word, and it’s not like he owed much to the same guy who brought him to his home in a bathtub while it was practically an urgency.
So Kasper just stayed there, caressing the plushie with his casual smile, pretending interest when there was none.
“...Why are you this insufferable? I’m giving you shelter. I’ve decided to be kind enough to do so.” Lampert deadpanned. “Don’t you have anywhere else to stay? What’s with your apartment?”
Kasper felt like sinking in the couch, his smile dropping. His own apartment felt sickening. Not only because of the mess he didn’t even dare to clean– Or the smell, or just how tense he felt there, but also because of the tons of posters about his missing cat.
He hadn’t seen him in two years, and who knows if he, while being sick, was the one to blame for her absence? Because if he hadn’t gotten infected, Poptart would surely still be here, and seeing every poster in every part of his apartment felt horrible enough only by looking at it– But the ache in his chest would worsen every time he would try to take them off. Maybe he was the one to blame for this.
However, he shook his head and put up with usual smile, trying to keep his tone in check. “If I could, I would just take the seal with me. Far from you and your neglectful ass, Lamps.” And before Lampert could speak up, Kasper continued. “Dude… What have you got there for you to change the subject?”
Lampert just stared at Kasper, as if holding back any emotion. He just huffed and headed downstairs, not sparing any other final glance at the other.
After a short while, he came back and threw it over Kasper with a frown. “Needles. And strings.”
“What for?”
“You broke my seal.”
“I didn’t break it.”
“Whatever. Now you can leave in peace without your curiosity keeping you here?”
“...I could fix it? I mean, I unpicked its eye.”
“I mean, sure, you are responsible for it. But I told you I don’t want you touching it, so can you just STOP caressing it?!”
Kasper stuck out his tongue and squeezed the seal’s belly. “Just go for the bag, bro.” Lampert groaned and turned around, loud steps echoing as he mumbled nonsense while walking downstairs. “Be careful about bringing your coworkers up here!”
As he waited, he slightly raised his leg with a wince. There was nothing more to examine, but the stains of pink still lingered, as if it was just a cruel reminder of what he has never been, but couldn’t avoid being a has been in everyone’s eyes.
At this point, everything felt like a reminder of everything he couldn’t help to be before.
Lampert’s approach didn’t wake him up from his train of thought, but the bag thrown to his chest did. “Wha…?”
“I had to buy the needles and strings myself for it. Hope you are proud of yourself.” Lampert squinted his eyes. “Now hand me the seal.”
“…No?”
“…What do you mean ‘no’?” Lampert glared.
“Just let me fix it!”
“Before you ‘fix’ it, you would pinch yourself with the needle a hundred times.”
Kasper shrugged. “That’s okay. Lights aren’t coming back soon for a while.” He started diving into the bag, getting the strings with a smile. “I can get the hang of it.”
“Why are you THIS insistent on doing it yourself?”
“Because that’s like, my baby. Let me take care of her.” Kasper remarked, giving the plushie one or two kisses on his head.
“…What are you doing? You- You are being DISGUSTING. I have to wash it now! And- And what do you mean ‘of her ‘?!”
“Yeah. Woah. Being this possessive over her? Wow.”
Lampert’s face morphed into a mix of confusion and frustration, his eyes turning between the plushie and Kasper.
“…You know what. Do whatever you want. I’ll just wash it the second you are gone, so stop putting your grossy MOUTH over it.”
“Pfft. Good luck with that.” Kasper mumbled as he took out the strings, trying to test which would set the best for the plushie’s color.
Instead of grabbing a gray, he decided to get the worst red tone possible as a proud smile cracked into his lips.
“…With what, Kasper?”
“Like, getting my ass out of this base for a second time.” He stuck his tongue out, now checking the needles. “Huh… how do you know which of these fits best to fix a plushie eye?”
“Ah, good. For a second I thought you meant not leaving the sea— WHAT.” Lampert immediately turned to Kasper, his eyes widened.
“Yeah, I mean… you bought a whole pack of five needles for just an eye. How do you know which I have to choose?”
“Not THAT! What good luck in getting you—“ Lampert sighed, closing his eyes as his tail swayed and thumped the ground like crazy. “You better be gone the second this place lights up.”
“Yeah, yeah…” Kasper lowly mumbled, trying to stick and fit the red string into the needle as his tongue still slightly stuck out. “Fuck… this seemed much easier…”
To be honest? Kasper has never tried sewing before, let alone consider it. And if he had, he would have probably forgotten by now.
“I’m serious.” Lampert insisted.
Kasper only answered because the pinching in his index finger caused him to lock out. Lampert would usually mumble a snarky ‘I told you.’ but confusion and repulsion were more present in his head than anything else.
“…Lampy.” Kasper put up a smile, still holding the needle and string as the plushie stuck on his lap.
“What?” He snapped.
“C’moon Lampert. I don’t wanna go back, man.”
“I couldn’t care less.”
“Be kind enough to let a man in recovery sleep comfortably?” Kasper pouted and blinked a few times.
“I’ve been kind ENOUGH to save you and take care of your foolish wound.” He hissed the last part. “Don’t take it for granted.”
After a while of silence, Kasper pouted and raised the seal up to the level of his face. “For her?”
“Dude…Can you stop?” Lampert begged. “This is practically breaking in. I don’t know what your intentions are, but this is temporal.”
“Is it?”
“Yes, it IS.”
“Man… keep your morals away from me, yeah?” Kasper clicked his tongue, laying down the seal back to his lap. “It will be just for a few days… till my apartment gets comfortable or missed by me. I’m pretty sure letting people stay over every once in a while has been a thing for people now.”
“…Did the glass get stuck in your brain, too?” Lampert crossed his arms, the movement of his tail not slowing down.
Kasper shrugged, playing with the unpicked eye of the soft toy. No matter what, the idea of going back to his own apartment felt sickening. It didn’t felt his anymore— It hasn’t for a while now.
Although he had to go through Lampert’s frustration, whatever that was available felt and sounded happier than going back by his own.
After a while of silence, he sighed and put up his snarky smile again. “…Laaaampeert.”
“What? What did I miss now?” Lampert snapped. “Now you want to claim the whole floor too?”
Kasper chuckled and shook his head. “Laaampy. Lamps. My guy—“
“I am NOT your guy.”
“Whatever. C’mon, dude… this way I make you company. Like- You won’t be alone with those creepy guys you work with…” Kasper tilted his head to the darkness around them, since not being able to singularly point at a worker. His point still stood. “Oh,”
Kasper looked back around the base, his eyes lightened up when his eyes caught the single yellow small couch over the corner. “See? I can already set up cool stuff- Like, I would put another couch besides that one, and way cooler.”
Lampert tensed up. “…No.”
“C’mon. Your base would be more… uh. Red? And less boring? It looks as if you are surviving here instead of living.” Kasper insisted. “I mean… with these employees near you I can’t judge much. Pleaseeee, Lamps… You won’t be alone.”
“I want to be, though.”
“Lamps.”
“I don’t trust you around with that pink blood of yours.” Lampert argued.
Okay. Kasper took that personally and more than expected. A literal guy named Lampert getting through his skin? He can do that too.
Of course eventually he would make a comment about it— And he couldn’t blame him for it. But apparently it seemed as if he was being blamed for something that wasn’t his fault either.
“It’s barely pink. See? Petty.”
“I told you I’m not—! Eugh...” Lampert gave up on his speech, looking up at the ceiling for a few seconds.
“You are. You don’t want me on this whole floor as if it isn’t big enough for everyone. Yet you keep living in the smallest house ever…”
“Is that your whole point? About me being petty because I don’t want you near?”
“Nah…” Kasper kicked one leg over the injured one. “Just- You are financially… Uh… How do I say this… Are you poor? My father can lend you a few coins…”
Lampert just stared at Kasper for a few seconds, his eyes visibly twitching as his leg hit the ground more times than before. Then, he groaned and, with lighter steps this time, he effortlessly grabbed an extra wooden plank against a wall— Why would Lampert keep extra planks? And approached Kasper once again, holding it tight by his side.
Kasper’s eyes widened, his mouth opening and closing a few times before spitting out. “WOAH WAIT- Wait. I’m sorry, dude! I’ll go and—“ Then, his nonsense stopped when the plank was placed next to the corner of the couch, now setting a space between it and Lampert’s bed just around the corner.
It wasn’t enough to set a whole wall and split the base in two, but it was enough for such a small area. Lampert wouldn’t be willing to get any closer to him and, well, Kasper’s leg made it a task for him to do so. Kasper blinked, staring at the wood. “…The fuck are you doing? If I may ask, I mean.”
“Your babblering and loudness gets me exhausted. I’ll lay down for a while. When the lights are back, you go or I’ll get you out myself.” Lampert mumbled with a sigh as he laid down on his bed, turning off his bulb. “Remember to put my stuff back in the bag, Kasper.”
“You rest?” Kasper raised his head, but only silence was given. “Pfft. Get out, my ass.” he then whispered, as if the single plank was thick enough to avoid eavesdropping.
Yet, Kasper had enough consideration to stretch the blanket over most of the couch, laying down with the seal as he smiled to himself, the bag and the sewing material already forgotten as they had probably already gotten to the floor the second he stretched his legs.
It was nice. Talking to someone who doesn’t pity every word or gesture of his could, but the fluffiness of the seal was enough. More than anything else.
Whatever. He was determined to keep the toy for himself. He could love her more than Lampert could! And the red string would just set the bond between them even more and show Lampert how much of a better babysitter he was.
Kasper was attached to the plushie already, and he wasn’t going anywhere without it, even if it had to turn into Lampert’s problem.