Chapter Text
No...
"I'm very sorry, Yuuri..."
No....
"But your leg..."
NO....
"The way the bone was broken, it will never heal properly. You'll never be able to skate again."
NO!!!!!
Viktor sat next to Yuuri in, covering his face in shock. No way. NO WAY. This was all a sick joke, right? This is a terrible nightmare that just won't let Viktor leave, right? But if this was a nightmare to Viktor, then to Yuuri...
It must be hell.
The doctor leaned forward, frowning at the x-ray. "By the looks of the x-ray, the bone would've been able to heal properly if it had been taken care of earlier... Yuuri, how exactly did you break your leg? Or should I ask, when?"
A deep shudder went through Viktor. There was no way Yuuri would hide something so painful, right? No way would Yuuri risk something that could destroy his career, the thing that makes Yuuri himself, right?"
"...a few days after Christmas."
Viktor stared at Yuuri in shock.
"Me and Viktor had went skating together a few days before, and even though it was amazing, it just wasn't enough." Yuuri took a deep breath. "So a couple days after when Yuuko came to visit me, I snagged a spare key to the Ice Castle off her." Tears were now welling in Yuuri's eyes, and for the first time, Viktor didn't give a damn, because the story was the thing that had caught his attention. "I snuck off in the middle of the might, swearing I wouldn't make the same mistake as last time. And when I got there, everything was fine. I landed my quads and toe loops, so I decided to try the quadruple flip, and the next thing I know..." his words were getting shaky now. "...the next thing I knew was that I was on my back on my leg was on fire. Now... I'm here."
The doctor nodded sadly. "And since you never got that leg checked out, it never healed properly."
That's what finally broke Yuuri. He was never going to compete in a Grand Prix ever again. He was never going to win a gold medal. He and Viktor would never be able to skate again.
It's when they returned from the hospital when Viktor snapped.
He grabbed Yuuri's shoulders a little too hard and shook him a little too forcefully. "Why?" He whispered, rage hidden behind the calm tone.
Yuuri wanted to respond, he really did, but Viktor bet him to it. "You-you idiot!" He screamed, and Yuuri flinched. "Y-Yuuri... if had just told one of us...no, if you had just listened to me, to the doctor, you'd be back on the ice!" Viktor was crying now, and Yuuri oh so desperately wanted to brush those tears away, but he was frozen. "Why didn't you tell anyone?!"
"I..." Surprisingly, his voice didn't shake or break. "I didn't want to see that look on your face. That look of disappointment."
Then, Yuuri rushed to his room and locked the door, expecting tears to come. But nothing came.
Because he couldn't feel anything.
Yes, his voice hadn't shook or broke. That's because it was lifeless.
Yuuri hadn't just lost skating; he lost a piece of himself too. And now...
He was just an empty shell.
______________________________________________
Another month had passed, and Viktor, though he didn't want to admit it, was slowly giving up on Yuuri. His attempts to talk had be shaken off, the bedroom door was always locked. It seemed like depression was slowly winning battle.
Viktor just wanted to escape.
So when he heard that Chris was in town, he immediately took the chance and was now downtown, empty shot glasses rolling around in front of him.
"I think I'm losing him, Chris," Viktor sobbed, the burning whiskey only making feel worse. Yet, he downed another shot. "I don't want to lose him; he's MY Yuuri, MY katsudon, MY lover, and yet-" Viktor hiccupped. "He's just drifting further and further away."
Chris gave Viktor a small smile, something absolutely different from his usual knowing grin or smirk. "Viktor, maybe-" the words looked like they were having trouble coming out of his mouth. "Maybe that's what Yuuri wants."
Viktor gave Chris a look of absolute hate, and took all of his might not to run right then and there. The buzzing of crowds talking behind him had disappeared, and the only thing Chris could focus on was: "I don't think Viktor's ever loved anything this much."
Opening his mouth, Viktor was about to say something when a loud buzz came from his pocket. Frowning at the name, he answered. "Mari, what's-"
"Viktor! Are you with Yuuri?" That tone...
"No-"
"Shit! Shit shit shit!!!!!" Mari yelled. "He's not at home, or at the Ice Castle, or at the beach, or anywhere for the matter, and his damn cell phone is turned off-" but Viktor had turned it off, a dizzy feeling threatening too take over.
"Chris, we gotta go, and you have to drive, fast!"
"Viktor~" Yuuri had softly that lovely Christmas night as they were skating, their bodies pressed together tightly. "This place would be a fitting place to die, don't you think?"
The drive had taken too long; FAR too long and soon Viktor was running through the woods and pushing branches aside and then-
Yuuri stood out, poised in the middle of the lake, staring at the sky; the ice was too thin, and cracks were forming under his feet.
"Yuuri-" Viktor's voice cracked as he tried to remain calm, staring at the man he loved. He reached forward, holding his hand out slightly.
"Viktor?" Yuuri murmured, looking over.
"Yeah- yeah it's me. Yuuri, please come here, please take my hand-"
"Viktor." The two made eye contact, and Yuuri smiled so softly and so beautifully that it hurt.
"T-take my hand, Yuuri. Please, my katsudon." Viktor was begging now, and he knew Chris was probably stumbling around lost, but that didn't matter-
"I love you." Yuuri said so forcefully that Viktor's heart cracked and tears were swarming his vision. "Viktor, I love you so much."
"I- I love you t-"
And the ice cracked, and Yuuri was gone.
Viktor stood there, paralyzed for what was only a minute seemed like hours, and then-
"YUURI!!!!!!!" Viktor's screamed ripped out of his throat as ran for the lake, ready to dive in-
"No." Viktor was now struggling against Chris; oh god, why was this so familiar-
"Viktor." Chris tried to ignore the screams and threats because he knew what Viktor didn't know, or refused to know-
"Viktor; he's gone."
"NO!! STOP LYING, YOU BASTARD, STOP!" But the truth was slowly dawning before him, and he sunk to his knees. "I never got to say it back...I never got to say it back..."
__________________________________________
The funeral was held a week later.
Viktor wished he could remember the details, but he couldn't. Everything was just too fuzzy and too loud, and when he saw Yuuri's body-
When they had pulled him out of the pond it was white and lifeless, and bile had risen in Viktor's throat and he threw up right then and there.
And then it was another week later when Viktor was packing up to head home to Russia when he found it.
A letter.
Dear Viktor,
If you found this, I've probably done something very stupid or very reckless; therefore, I apologize.
I hope you can forgive me. After all, what I did was too selfish for my own good.
But right now I'm going to take the chance I have here to say what I've felt for a while.
Viktor Nikiforov, I love you.
I never truly said this to your face before, have I? I don't think I've had the courage, but now I do, and hear me out.
I love you. I love you more than anything. You might understand, you might not, but whenever I look at you my chest gets tight and my cheeks turn red and- god, I love you so much.
You've been many things to me- an idol, a friend, a coach, and now- now I just want you to be my lover.
I know I'm asking for a lot; after all, what I've put you through since the GPF- well, I'm surprised you still stuck around.
I'm sorry. For everything. For failing you, for lying, for keeping secrets, and for what I'm about to do- or what I've already done.
When I found out I couldn't skate, I lost a piece of myself, Viktor, and when I lost that piece something new started to take over.
I just need to tell and ask these few things, so bear with me, okay?
One: I love you.
Two: You've given me everything I've ever asked for.
Three: When I skated with you, I don't think I was ever happier.
And now for the questions:
One: Can you forgive me?
Two: Do you love me?
- Katsuki Yuuri
Smiling with tears running down his cheeks, Viktor looked to the sky. "I forgive you. And, yes Yuuri. I love you. I love you so much."